The Stick of Truth: The Great Journey
by John-117sp
Summary: A Stick of Truth story with an alternate storyline of the Stick of Truth universe, and much more. Join Dragonborn and friends as they embark on a journey they'll never forget. Has a little bit of everything T-rated, with friendship, adventure, action, humor, and also features Stendy.
1. Chapter 1: Another Typical Morning

**Hello, after four years of being gone I am finally back. I will not continue my other story as I stopped liking it. You can read it if you want, but don't expect it to be any good. This story is going to be much cleaner anyways (in terms of South Park standards I mean, so that's not really saying much :P).**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"Yo, get up. We're gonna be late for school."

"Shut up Isaac." I could feel my head spinning as Isaac, my twin brother, was shaking my entire body. "I swear to God, Isaac, I'm gonna punch you." I was actually about to wake up and punch him in the stomach until I saw the clock on the nightstand that read 7:30.

"Ah shit. Alright, Isaac, I'm coming."

I jolted out of bed with a start as the morning sun. I looked out the window and it's a beautiful Wednesday morning. Putting on a black buttonless jacket with a hood, gray ski pants, and gray ski gloves, I went over to the restroom to comb my blonde-brown hair. It's cropped, went down a little past my ears, and while others thought it was a bit unkempt, I didn't care less. I then went downstairs to the kitchen to see a plate of sunny-side-egg, two pieces of toast, and a note beside the plate which read:

 _I'm going to be away for the day to do work, I won't be back until really late this evening, no earlier than midnight. Dinner is in the red bowl in the refrigerator. Don't stay up too late and be safe. Remember to look out for each other.  
_

 _Love,_

 _Dad._

I smiled. If there was one thing that my dad beats everyone in South Park in, it's being an actual competent parent. Despite the predicament of leaving a child like myself at home by myself, at least he taught me to take care of myself if things ever happened to him. I can't rely on him all the time. Ever since mom died years ago, I've distanced myself a bit from peers and worked on myself to be a stronger person so I don't fall to things like she did when dealing with her colon cancer. While Isaac has become the opposite, I felt like he's become more and more emotionally fragile, all the more reason I had to stand up to be the strong one. We finished up my breakfast, took my purple backpack full of everything I need, then went off to school.

We don't take the bus to school. First, I already live pretty close to the elementary school, just about two blocks or so east. Second, I don't really like the people who ride the bus anyways. They're often loud, annoying, and rude. They do things like pull each other's hair, pull stupid and malicious pranks like wet willies, sticking gum on each other, and stealing. And then there's Eric Cartman who preaches anti-Semitic shit and whose farts stink up the whole bus. Not to mention, the bus driver was a nasty person who yelled all the time, but she was murdered some time ago. I don't know who drives the school bus since.

The kids like to find someone to pick on to alleviate their boredom. Usually it's Butters Stotch because his demeanor is similar to Isaac's; he's shy, sensitive, and kind-of annoying. Unlike my brother, he'll join along in bullying as well, that prick. Periodically, they'll try to pick on Isaac,

When I got to school I saw a giant commotion at the street; about a hundred or so kids were standing out. They were waiting for something. I don't know why they were standing around. As I got closer, my wonders must've solved themselves because I heard Butters Stotch open his mouth. "Man it's almost time for school to start an' Wendy still isn't here."

"What's going on?" I asked my brother.

"Haven't you heard? Cartman pissed off Wendy Testaburger." Isaac has blonde hair, like I do, but his is always messy, unlike mine which is striaght and kinda like a surfer, but straight. His is comparable to Kenny McCormick's even, if you're lucky enough to catch him out of the hood. He's got the light blue jacket with navy blue pants with a yellow scarf. That yellow scarf has been passed down from Dad. What I've been told many times is that Isaac older than I am by about ten minutes or so.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I do, I don't live under a rock."

Another voice could be heard, one I'm too familiar with. "Yeah, I don't know what's going on. I mean, I showed up." Eric and Wendy were supposed to fight each other yesterday because Eric said some offensive things about Breast cancer, which I didn't really find surprising at all, he is a sexist asshole after all. However, Eric got into detention by literally taking a dump on Mr. Garrison's desk. There's conspiracy theories going on that Eric only crapped on Garrison's desk to get out of the fight. Personally, I found the part where he took a dump pretty hilarious.

"Where is she? How come Wendy's not showing up for the fight?" This one must be the shrill voice of Bebe Stevens. I bit my lower lip. I never really liked the popular girls in my class. They're all too shallow who enjoy talking shit behind others' backs. One time they made a list that almost made Kyle Broflovski burn the whole school down, although I'd be happy if he did. I don't like school to be honest. Right now I'm learning useless stuff like who Beyonce is, where instead I could actually learn how to get a job or something. Then again, I'm only 10 years old.

"Here she comes!" We all turned. Wendy must've come from the west, and she didn't seem cheerful like her usual self today, since her eyes were glued to the ground as she walked.

Eric begins to strike some gang poses. He's doing all this weird shit with his hands, trying to act all gangster-like. "What's up, Wendy? I thought we were meeting early to fight."

Now Wendy finally takes her eyes off the ground as she looks at Eric. "You know I can't fight you!"

"Why not? You chicken?" Eric just struts around an clucking like a chicken. Wasn't calling someone a chicken an insult when I was like...5 years old?

"I can't fight you because you came crying to my house last night with your mom!" Wendy retorted.

"Pfffft. Aw, that's a doozie, Wendy!" He sneered at Wendy. "You come up with that one on your own?!"

"Hehehe yeah, did you come up with that one on your own?!" Butters often likes to parrot Eric. Ironically, for the amount of times he complains about his "friends" (being Eric and others) being mean to him, Butters can be equally vicious, if not more. One time, he and Stan Marsh made a bullying song and then went on some show and beat up the host out of rage. Not that I actually hate Butters, no, but he's a bit of a hypocrite.

"I ain't frontin' dawg! Let's do this! Let's do it right now, yo." Eric was throwing up some more gangster poses.

"Come on Wendy, kick his ass!" Bebe yelled.

"I can't!" As the words left Wendy's mouth, the school bell rung. "God damn it!" I sighed. Another day to be wasted at school.

"She chickened out!" Butters said. Well not really, since we kinda have to go to class and all right? I heard a few people from the crowd say "Aw man" and similar.

We both just left at that point. We went over into the building to head to class. I put my backpack in my locker, shut the locker door shut. Of course, we ran into our good old friends Garet Jerra and Jenna Stoley. Garet is pretty strong and he's got red hair that sticking up to the sky, with brown eyes, he's got a brown jacket and green pants, while Jenna has purple hair and brown eyes. Her hair is in a single ponytail, and she has a red-pink jacket with purple pants.

I know that Isaac has a "secret" crush on Jenna, as he stammered as he laid eyes on Jenna. "H-hey Jen."

Jenna smiled at Isaac. "Hey Isaac." She turned to me and nodded. "Hey to you too."

I looked to where I came from then turned back to Jenna and Garet. "Man I can't believe Wendy chickened out, Cartman would have totally beat her," Garet complained.

Jenna glared at Garet. "What? Garet what the hell is wrong with you, why are you cheering on a guy to beat up a girl?"

The two of them began to argue while they walked to their classroom. Isaac then turned to me and sighed. I can tell he's still thinking about Jenna, the way he's smiling and blushing and shit. "She's so amazing man."

"You told me this many times, why don't you just ask her out or something?" I suggested.

"Because, I'm just nervous, you know." I hate talking about love. It's kinda cheesy.

"Well Isaac, I gotta go to class now, Mr. Garrison's gonna be mad at me if I'm late one more time."

"Alright, later skater."

"Uh, thanks. You too...skater."

* * *

It was more speeches of political problems, and today is the last day of presentations. I was the second one to go, which I went Monday, and my speech was on lack of fundings of prostate cancer, but everyone in the class (especially Wendy) thought I was being misogynistic even though I worked really hard on it, and I made sure there was nothing offensive in it. Mr. Garrison wanted to give me a B+, but the whole class was complaining about my speech, so Mr. Garrison told them to "fuck off," as a responsible teacher should be. That being said, the class probably only hates it because I'm doing the speech; if someone like Kyle were, then there'd be no problems.

I fell a sleep for a bit, then I woke up about an hour or so later to hear that Clyde was wrapping up his speech. "And so, we must all recycle. Every day. Recycling is important, and it will save our planet, Earth. The End." The class applauded politely as Clyde took his seat.

Mr. Garrison clapped as well. "Very nice, Clyde. Okay, we have time for one more report before recess. Who'd like to go?" From the corner of my eye, I saw Eric Cartman raise his hand. Weird. I don't recall Eric ever volunteering to do reports or whatever. And didn't Eric already go? Huh, maybe I was remembering wrong. Perhaps it's just another odd day today. Whatever, that doesn't bother me. "Ok Eric."

Eric walked _happily_ to the front. That is actually weird. I don't recall Eric ever happy to do a report. Except this one time when he made fun of ginger people, but that was more directed at Kyle than anything. Normally I'd be sleeping again, but something was definitely off about Eric, like that speech about ginger people I mentioned before.

Eric smiled and bowed as he cleared his throat. "Thank you. My report today is on breast cancer awareness." That's weird. Didn't Wendy do her report on breast cancer already? And since when did Mr. Garrison ever allow two people to do the same topic? Perhaps I missed the memo. "I do not believe enough is being done, and, like the victims of breast cancer, there's something I'd like to get off my chest." He stifles a laugh. "We all must fight, and hopefully one day, titty cancer will be a distant mammary." He stifles another laugh.

I heard Wendy say something to herself, but it was inaudible. I couldn't hear what she was saying. Irregardless, Eric continued on, this time a poorly-timed joke. "What did the breast cancer say to the Polish monkey?" It wasn't fair really, why is it that my report everyone complains yet Eric's...actually, not many people are really laughing right now.

Mr. Garrison sat up angrily from his chair. "Okay Eric, that's enough you smartass!"

"Why?!" Wendy leaves her chair and she walked up to Eric. "Why are you doing this to me?!" She took him by the collar and began to shake him. "Why won't you just stop?!"

"Wendy, Wendy," Eric said.

Suddenly, the PA system turned on and through the intercom Principal Victoria's voice could be heard. "Wendy Testaburger to the principal's office please? Wendy Testaburger to the principal's office."

"God!" Wendy yelled as she marched out of the classroom. No more than a minute later, the recess bell rang and all of us filed out.

* * *

At recess we all sat around at the merry-go-round. It was me, my brother Isaac, Garet, and Jenna, and we were just chatting away about World of Warcraft. It's the game that we still play. Most of the school still plays the game periodically, but let's be honest: the four of us are probably the best players at the school. I'm usually the dedicated healer playing the Druid class because I'm actually really good at healing and my friends for whatever reason aren't willing to heal, but we usually play 3v3s, and the other three like to switch out periodically.

"That was a pretty baller wind shear you did, Isaac," I mentioned. He plays the Shaman class, usually the Enhancement spec. Garet plays a warrior while Jenna plays a mage.

"Hey, come on," Garet said, "I still did top DPS."

"Yeah, after I cycloned everything, ok," I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you know what's bullshit though?"

"What?" Jenna asked.

"My class got super mad at my speech and they asked Mr. Garrison to drop my grade."

"Then what happened," Jenna asked, "And why were they mad, I mean you rehearsed it to me, I thought your speech was pretty good."

"I mean I think I did alright," I reasoned, "but they only hate it because it was me. If it were someone else like Kyle, they'd be all over him. It's all a stupid favoritism game, it doesn't even matter what I say in that class or how good of a job, it's bullshit."

"Wait, what grade did you get?" Garet asked.

"B+." I replied.

"That's not that bad at all," Jenna reassured.

Suddenly I could hear a commotion in the school yard and I could hear Butters yell, "She's coming! She's coming!" I quickly turned my head to the center of the school yard, and sure enough, shit's about to go down.

"Butters, get out of here!" Eric yelled.

"But Wendy's coming to fight you," Butters argued.

"...Huh?" Eric turned towards the school building, and so did I. The side doors fly open and Wendy walks down the steps spoiling for a fight. The students cheer her on as she turns left and heads for the playground. Some girls trail behind her, Bebe being the first among them.

As crowds of students gathered around the fighting couple, I situated ourselves on the merry-go-round. I put my phone away to enjoy the show. Then the playground fell silent. Wendy walks up to Eric and they face off. Eric begins wavering while striking different poses. I can see fear in his eyes; he's panicking, he's afraid of losing to Wendy and being called a fag. That thought actually struck me in my heart, and I shuddered and closed my eyes a bit; it kinda sickens me how sexist my generation can be. I could remember the many times that I was called a fag as Clyde and his friends beat me up. Not that I was homosexual myself, but they call me that because I'm not that strong, you know? Hell, Wendy can probably beat me up. "What- what's up? What what's up?" Eric then leaned over to whisper to Wendy, but we could all hear it. "Wendy, don't forget: I'll tell my mom on you."

"I don't care!" Wendy yelled. Eric looks around. Butters gleefully dances in place waiting for the fight to start

"Um, recess is almost over," Eric tried, "I don't I don't know if there's really time." That's weird. Didn't recess start five minutes ago or something?

I could hear some yelling while Wendy ties her hair in a bun behind her head. "All right, fine Wendy!" Eric took off his jacket and raised his fists. "I'll fight ya you big bully!"

The fighters dance around each other until Wendy lands a right cross. Cartman spins around and falls on his back. Wendy dances around and Cartman stands up, pulling up his pants in the process. Wendy lands two left jabs on Cartman's face, and Cartman finally responds with a right punch. It's strong enough to make Wendy stagger backwards.

"Ohhhhh!" the kids exclaimed. Eric might win this fight if he lays out the punches right. Not like I really care who could win, I don't like either of them.

Eric lands another punch on Wendy's face, then continues with a series of alternating punches, forcing Wendy backwards and into the crowd. Eric lands a punch strong enough to send Wendy into the jungle gym, then continues punching her there. Wendy switches to wrestling, throwing Eric into the jungle gym, then driving his face into one of the bars at least twice, and Eric begins to bleed. The crowd is loving it, cheering them on. Wendy now delivers a long series of alternating punches, forcing Eric back across the playground and into a hobby elephant. Eric puts his arms up to deflect the punches, but it's ineffective.

"Fuck him up, Wendy!" Butters yelled.

Eric finally tosses Wendy off him and throws a punch at her, but she punches faster, making him miss. She then punches him on the right temple, and Eric wobbles a bit. As he recovers, Wendy delivers the finishing blow: a fierce right cross that turns Eric head around and sends his body flying. Eric falls to the ground, losing a tooth. Wendy kicks him a few times for good measure. She runs out of strength, staggers backwards, and drops down on her ass, exhausted. Of course Wendy won, how could it be otherwise?

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed it. Yes, this is a Stick of Truth story. No, it's not going to follow the plot exactly, in fact, it's going to veer off into an entirely different direction, in terms of plot and mood. You'll see. I have played the game though and I really enjoy it. Anyways, updates aren't going to be very quick, gonna warn you ahead of time. Until next time.**


	2. Chapter 2: Drama and Things

**Chapter 2**

We didn't really do much during the hours of between morning recess and lunchtime. The last person to give a speech was Bebe and I don't even remember what she talked about. We had a grammar quiz and I think I did alright. Then we had more math lessons. Notably, Eric was absent (understandably) so there were no interruptions so class ran more-or-less smoothly. And then it was lunchtime.

At a lunch table I met Jenna and Garet, and once again, they were arguing. I had two slices of combination pizza and a box of apple juice on my lunchtray. "That's bullshit and you know it, Garet!" I could see Jenna roll her eyes.

"What's bullshit?" I asked.

Jenna turned to me. "Didn't you see the fight? Like how Wendy smashed Cartman's face in?"

I could feel Garet's hand on my shoulder. "Dude, just tell Jenna that it's bullshit. Boys are supposed to be stronger than girls, right?"

I raised my eyebrow at both of them. And then laughed. "Haha what? That's what you two have been arguing about?"

"Well?" Jenna said.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I guess Garet is right?" Garet started laughing.

"Ugh, boys." I could see Jenna roll her eyes. "I swear you're almost as ignorant as my brother."

"Who, Felix?" I asked.

"No, Kevin," Jenna responded.

"I mean, most guys end up stronger than girls," I reasoned, "it's not sexist, it's just the way it is...I...guess..." Jenna groaned again and her eyes wandered the cafeteria while Garet laughed, almost spilling his food.

The neat thing about Jenna is that she's actually one of four quadruplets. Kevin, Esther, and Felix are the other three. I chuckled to myself as I could hear her say, "Hey, where's Isaac?"

I looked around. She's right, I couldn't find Isaac anywhere. "I'm not sure. He's in your class."

"I haven't seen him, have you Garet?"

"No," Garet shook his head.

Isaac never came to us during the entire lunch period. Then during lunch recess, I went over to use the restrooms. Afterward, I went outside to see Isaac pushed off the merry-go-round by none other than Craig Tucker, backed up by Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Tweek Tweak, Butters Stotch, Kenny McCormick, Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovsky, and Jimmy Valmer. They were all laughing. Watching this, blood shot straight to my forehead. I could not believe the same kids would pick on my twin brother again, especially when I'm not around to protect him.

"C-c-c-c-c-c-careful" Jimmy stuttered, "you don't want to get a p-p-p-p-p-p-period in your b-brain!"

At that point, my heart is burning and I'm filled with rage. I can't believe they have the nerve to jump Isaac like that then gloat on and on about it. They do it all the time and I'm sick of it. I proceed to come forward to this but a hand grabbed my right shoulder. "Cole, comeon, don't do this again."

"Jenna, get off me!" I couldn't believe I was hearing that out of Jenna as I pushed her arm away from me.

"Cole, don't be stupid, we'll get in trouble again!" Garet exclaimed.

As I walked toward the group, I could clearly hear Isaac shout, "Oh shut up and kill yourself you autist!" Big mistake. I stopped midway to the group. I cringed and looked around as the playground began to grow silent. Everyone gave Isaac deathly stares and I immediately knew why. For an introvert, he was never able to hide his emotions properly. That being said, I suddenly remembered what happened to the last guy that insulted (or attempted to insult) an actually handicapped person. One time this one kid named Jake called Jimmy a retard. Jake didn't mean it though, and probably said that out of frustration rather than trying to make Jimmy mad, but everyone took offense to it and beat him up anyways. No he didn't actually die, but now he just skirts at the sides of the school everyday in fear of being beaten up again. And now so will Isaac.

"You think it's actually cool to make fun of handicapped people?" Token clenched his fists and cracked his knuckles.

"You're a douchebag you know that?" Craig? Calling Isaac the douchebag? When he and his friends bullied us for over a year?

But it didn't matter now as Craig pushed Isaac down to the ground again, face up. Now was the time for me to spring into action, and in I went. Running forth, I immediately uppercutted Craig in his jaw with the force of my right arm, and I could feel it tear a little. But as Craig flew into the ground, I stomped on his face once with my right foot. "Fuck you!"

But I could feel myself be pulled off. I flew backwards, spun around, and landed face first into the snow. As I crawled up, I felt a swift kick in my rips, and I rolled right again. I let out a groan as the jolt delivered into my heard. I saw that my kicker was Clyde. As he tried to injure me again, Mr. Mackey's voice rang out. "YOU KIDS IN MY OFFICE! NOW!"

Shit.

* * *

Mr. Mackey's office was fairly small, so it was crowded at first. But he then determined that Stan, Kyle Tweek, Butters, and Kenny had no part in the fight so he soon let them off the hook. Same couldn't be said for the rest of us however. Mr. Mackey seemed to be far less sympathetic about Isaac's...condition. He gave a death glare at Isaac, and no one else. Then walked past me were Clyde, Craig, Token, Tweek, and Jimmy. Clyde spammed my ribs with his left shoulder leaving me gripping it in pain as I almost groaned. "Sit down you two!" Still clenching my ribs, Isaac and I both pulled up an empty chair and faced Mr. Mackey dead on. "Cole and Isaac Dimmons, I can't believe you called Jimmy Valmer an 'autist'! What makes you think it's ok to make fun of handicapped people?"

"What?" I was shocked. Why am I being the one thrown under the bus here?

"Cole wasn't the one who told Jimmy that, I was!" Isaac immediately confessed. "But all those guys ever do is push me around! In fact, they pushed me to the ground today! If my brother didn't-"

"Using a mental disorder as an insult is never ok, young man, there is no excuse to making fun of handicapped people! It's not right, do you even know how it feels to be physically disadvantaged?" Mr. Mackey then turned to me. "And Cole, if you defend someone who makes fun of handicapped people, you yourself are just as bad, mmkay?"

I've seriously had it with Mr. Mackey. He is such an incompetent counselor. "If I didn't step in, Isaac could be seriously hurt!"

"Don't you change the topic on me young man!" Mr. Mackey stood up, trying to act like the big man in charge. However, being sickly thin with an inflated head, the attempt was rather laughable. "My job is to keep this campus safe and tolerant from toxic people like you. I also cannot believe you told Jimmy to kill himself. Suicide isn't nice, mkay?"

I was about to go on, but I could hear tears well up from Isaac as he began to say his piece. "You're a bad counselor! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! I hate this school! You're shit, fuck off already!" Wow, I've never seen Isaac speak that much before, usually I do the talking. Then Isaac started crying.

"Enough crying!" Mr. Mackey stood up. "Just for that, you're getting detention for today!" I was about to say something, but Mr. Mackey interrupted me quickly. "Nah nah nah, shut your mouth or you're getting the same punishment!"

He then actually grabs us both by our collar, lifts us up, opens the door, and tosses us out. We got up easily, but not before he slammed the door. Isaac was still crying and I rubbed his shoulder. "It's not fair I have to be punished! I don't want to go to detention today!"

"It's alright, Isaac," I sighed, "at least it's over now. Where were you the whole lunch?"

"Oh I had to see the teacher to talk to him because he graded my test wrong."

"Oh. Ok, I'll see you back at home, then we can think from there, ok?"

"Yeah, I guess." Isaac then went left. I felt bad, he didn't deserve his punishment for being a victim, these counselors are retarded. Either they're fundamentally backwards, or they're extremely biased. I'm more inclined to think the second one because the popular kids rarely get into trouble, except for Eric Cartman, but he's only with the popular kids because Stan, Kyle, and Kenny feel bad for him.

I looked to my right and, sure enough, there was Eric Cartman and Wendy Testaburger sitting on the bench, presumably waiting to see the counselor, probably because of that nasty fight earlier today. Eric said no words. Wendy however said, "I still can't believe what Isaac said to Jimmy." I gritted my teeth. If it weren't for the fact that she were dating Stan Marsh I'd yell at her too.

I walked back to class and all the children stared at me as I entered Mr. Garrison's class. I gave a worried look back. To say the least, I felt rather threatened. Mr. Garrison paid no mind to me entering the classroom, he was going on about the discussion of quantum mechanics. For the rest of the class I sat there bored. However, I've been hearing whispers and rumors of a new kid who's supposed to move into town today. Whatever, I could care less. When school was released at 2:30 pm, I grabbed my things from my locker and walked out of school rather quickly. I didn't say hi to Garet, or Jenna, or anyone else from the other 4th grade class (I get along quite well with some of those 4th graders).

I was walking to my house, my phone in my hand as I was just surfing the internet. However, after half and hour I looked around. My house wasn't in sight. Huh, where was I? I then got the sudden realization that I passed my house because I wasn't paying any attention to where I was walking. Shit. Now probably another twenty minutes of walking for me. I groaned. Then I heard a voice behind me. "Jesus Christ, just get out there and make friends like a normal kid!"

I spun around. There was a pink-haired boy who just had the door slammed shut in his face. He wore a green jacket and brown pants and looked to be about my age. Near him was a sign that said that the red house that the door was slammed on the kid was sold, so I'm assuming he moved in recently. I wonder why his hair is dyed like that. Pink. Not like I have anything against them, but that kind of color struck me as odd. "Hello there." The pink-haired kid smiled widely and waved at me.

My eyes were opened wide. Didn't think he'd say hi to me. He didn't look very threatening at all. Just very weird, like an anime prince to be honest. "Hi. New in town?"

"Yeah, I just moved in today, my dad really wants me to make lots of friends and to be super popular." As the kid replied, I rolled my eyes. For some reason, every new kid wants to be with the popular kids. And, as per usual, they come to fin out the popular kids aren't what they say they are, then the new kids get all cynical. "So...wanna be friends, I guess?"

"Sure," I nodded, "um..."

"Name's Ray," the pink-haired kid finished for me. "I moved here from Nebraska."

"Cole," I replied. "So this is it, I guess."

"I was here since this morning," Ray started, "but for a Friday, this place is like a ghost town."

"It's Wednesday, actually, and we just got out of school," I corrected.

"Ah. Shall we head down the street? Find some more kids to play with?"

I shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

Nevertheless, I didn't realize what I would eventually get myself into.

* * *

 **For those that don't know, this is the starting point of the acutal game. Like I said previously however, this story won't follow the exact storyline of the Stick of Truth game. Also, in case you're wondering about the Stendy shipping that is advertised in the description of this story, that will come way later.**


	3. Chapter 3: Keep What You Steal

**I'm gonna post this chapter now since I'm gonna be busy over the weekend.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

It was 3 pm, and Ray and I were walking east on the southern part of town. This happened to be the side where all the 4th graders lived on, and thus I decided it was imperative that we walked quickly. That being said, the clouds parted and the sun shone brightly down on the town without any weather resistance and I could feel the air heat up steadily.

"How do you like this town so far?" I asked.

"It's alot like my hometown," Ray replied. "It's quiet. Which is fine enough for me."

"Why move?" I asked. I might have come off a bit rude there, so I continued. "I mean, because of job reasons?"

"I'm...not sure?" I raised an eyebrow at Ray and he explained further. "I don't remember. I just know that something happened...I don't know what it was. If I knew, I'd tell you. Sorry."

"It's alright," I reassured. "I kinda came off mean there."

"So Cole," Ray said, "got any brother's or sisters?"

"I have a twin actually," I replied, "Isaac."

"Oh, where is he right now?"

"He's in detention."

"Why?"

I sighed. I didn't want to tell the guy the truth. "It's just some stupid fight. That's it."

"Oh. Sorry about that," Ray replied. "So what do you do?"

"I used to be on the soccer team," I said. I was decent but nothing spectacular. Did pretty mediocre as a midfielder to be honest during the latest season. "And I play a few video games. I sometimes play stuff like Counter-Strike, Dota 2, maybe a little bit of random games like Terraria or something here and there, and also World of Warcraft, and-"

"World of Warcraft?" I looked at Ray and he seemed pretty excited. I snickered under my breath, he does seem to act a little bit like an anime prince. "I play that game too! I'm a great mage player!" As he does some weird motion with his hands, all of a sudden, ice comes out of his hands. A shard of ice pierced my left hand and I jumped back and grasped it in pain.

"Ah! Shit!" I could almost cry. There was a giant hold through the palm of my left hand that exited the other side and blood was gushing out. "What the hell did you do?!"

"Oh my god, I'm sorry!" Ray tried to come towards me but I pushed him away. "I don't know what I did!"

"You shot a giant fuckin' hole through my hand! What the fuck?" I could almost cry. It's not having a giant hole through your left hand.

"I'm sorry, ok?"

As I grabbed my left hand with my right, all of a sudden, a green glow overtook my right hand, and I looked closely. Taking away my right hand, I saw that the hole that was previously present in my left hand no longer existed. "No way," I gasped underneath by breath. I looked at Ray. "You said you played mage, right?"

"Frost," Ray replied.

I stood straight, and still. I roared as loudly as I could and all of a sudden, I found myself consumed in fog for a split second. When the fog dispersed, I found that my field of vision was lower. "You're a druid!" I could hear Ray say.

I picked up my right hand and looked down, and instead of seeing a regular human hand what I saw was a bear paw. "Woah."

I then roared again and fog took me. I felt myself morph back into a regular human. "Wow. What happened to us? Why do we suddenly have powers our WoW characters do?"

"This has happened before, I know it, but I can't remember why," Ray shrugged.

"What?" I asked.

As the two of us walked further on, I could make out two people from many yards away. It was Butters Stotch in armor colored green and cyan. He had in his hands a mallet that one would use to nail down nails, and he was apparently doing some pretend fighting with another kid, who was dressed in green overalls and wearing plastic elf ears. The "elf" also carried a wodden sword.

"You shall die by my warhammer, drow elf!" Butters said as he tried to swing his hammer at the elf, but missed.

"Nuh-uh!" The Elf retorted.

"I banish thee to the forest realm!" Butters tried to take another swing at the elf, but once again missed.

"No way, I banished you first!" The elf slides to the side and behind Butters. He put his arms around his entire body and brought it towards himself, as if choking out Butters. "AHA! You can't hold out much longer!"

Butters frantically struggled. "Help! Somebody! I can't hold out much longer! Heeeeelp!" Meanwhile, the elf let Butters go and starts punching him.

I turned to Ray. "Should we help? What are they doing?" It was clear they were trying to play some Lord of the Rings game or something given how they act.

Ray said nothing, but walked up to the elf and punched him in the back of the head. The elf staggered for a bit, but restored balance. He turned to Ray and angrily glared at him. "Hey, no fair. That's cheating. I'm gonna tell my mom." He then walked off.

Butters turned to Ray and bowed. "Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion. Muh- my name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you. We should be friends!"

Ray pulled out his iPhone to check something, then he put it back in his pocket and smiled. "Uh, thanks."

"Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival." Butters started walked, and Ray began to follow him. I did too, even though I KNOW that Butters was referring to Ray and not me. I know Butters would never be friends with me. I'm far too much of a cynic for that. "The Wizard lives this way. In the green house, over there." As we walked, I could hear Butters say, "Hey, where are you from? ... Where'd you live before moving here? ... Do you like Colorado? ... Why are you wearing your hair like that? ... You don't talk much, do ya? That's ok, I can talk for both of us!" To every question, Ray gave no response. I couldn't see Ray's face visibly, but I could tell Ray was at least somewhat annoyed.

After about a few minutes or so, we came by the green house, which is what Butters was referring to when he mentioned Cartman. Butters first walked up to knock three times on the front door. As Cartman emerged, Butters yelled "All hail the Grand Wizard!"

Cartman looked at Ray and smiled. "So, you are the New Kid. Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King. But the time for talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom."

"Can my friend join also?" Ray pointed at me and I waved.

Cartman glared at me. "Fuck no! That guy's a fag. Trust me, New Kid. You don't want to be around the likes of him!" Comeon quickly.

As Ray and Butters slid in, I quickly ran up to Cartman. "Dude, I'm with Ray you fucking jackass!" But Cartman's body was too fat so he gave me a slight push and I fell down back first onto the ground.

As I got up, I could see Cartman stick his tongue out. "You're an asshole Cole. Get out of here." He then slammed the door and locked it. I can't believe him. Cartman, of all people, calling me an asshole? It was time for me to teach that fatass a lesson.

I walked around for a bit thinking. Then I remembered. If I had my Druid abilities, and I can turn into a bear, I can also turn into a cat, or a bird. I tried to turn into a bird, but instead, I became a stag. What? So apparently, I can't fly in South Park. That's stupid. Then I decided to become a cat. In my cat form, I became a blonde mountain lion, likely to represent my natural blonde hair. My bear form, as I figured out, was also blonde.

That being said, I dropped into Prowl, which lets me walk around invisibly, and I won't be detected as long as I'm not directly in front of someone. The reason is that Prowl, like most Stealth, isn't perfect, and light will bend around the shape of my body, so if someone is close enough they can faintly see unnatural lines in the light with the shape of my body (in this case, a mountain lion). Also, if I get injured, I immediately get taken out of stealth.

Of course, because I'm a cat, I have better movement. I jumped onto a branch of a nearby pine tree, then onto the roof. Of course, as I made the jump, my paws couldn't grip the snow on the roof quite well. And thus I began to slip, but my right paw hung onto the roof. Lots of snow fell onto my face, and if anyone was watching, they'd see a pile of snow dodging an area which makes out to be the shape of a large cat. I managed to get myself up though, and I walked on the roof and towards the backyard.

There I could see what Cartman was doing. He had a sickly gray tent on the back, with four towers, two on each side. The two towers closest to the tent hung the sign "Kupa Keep". In the center of Cartman's backyard, Clyde was on the ground, gripping his arm in pain, while Cartman and Ray were around Clyde. Scott Malkinson and Kenny McCormick were watching.

"HAHA, HAHAHA!" I can assume from here that someone beat up Clyde, as Cartman is gloating around. "Dude that was awesome! You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like 'aaghghg, noo'! Hahahaha! Okay, okay. You've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic." Douchebag? What the hell kind of friend calls his friend "Douchebag"?

Cartman and Ray both went inside the tent. I looked around. If I jumped down now, they could hear me coming, and they'd grow suspicious. I needed some sort of distraction. With that thought in mind, conveniently, the west fence broke down and suddenly a small band of kids, no more than ten or so, dressed like that elf I saw showed up where the fence broke. "Alright my elven brethren," one elf said, "Remember the mission. Whoever controls the stick controls the universe!" What stick? I'm assuming that some stick was inside the tent. I thought of a second. Someone who controls the stick controls the universe. Could that stick be the reason why I have Druid powers? They think that their in the game, but I'm not sure if they realize what they're getting themselves into. But first, I had to see this "stick" for myself.

But I stalled no longer, as the elves showing up was the opening I needed. As the elves rushed to attack, I immediately lept off the roof as Cartman and Ray went out the tent. "Fuck you, drow elf! Come and get it! CLYDE! Guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!"

"Aye, aye!" Clyde then ran into the tent.

"'Aye, aye'? We're not playing PIRATES, Clyde! Douchebag, this is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!"

So why am I doing this? Because I want Cartman to pay for being an asshole to me. Plus, he seems to be valuing that stick for whatever reason, and Cartman likes to whine and cry alot over the smallest things, as demonstrated many times in the classroom. Wasting no more time, I snuck into the tent only to see Clyde slowly reaching out to grab a stick that was no more than the length of a 12-inch ruler. The stick seemed to be glowing in white light. Since I had my Druid abilities, I could bash cCyde. So that's what I did. While in cat form, I invoked the power of the bear spirit to bash Clyde, stunning him out. That would put me out of stealth. Knowing that, I dropped cat form and turned back into human and waved my hands around. Glowing green, I prepared a Cyclone incantation and no more than a second a small cyclone overtook Clyde, banishing him in the fierce winds. I took the stick for myself, placed it in my pocket, then dropped into cat form and went back into stealth. I snuck out from the side the elves came in the thick of battle, never to be seen again.

* * *

I returned home to my room. Isaac was still not home because he was in detention. And thus I sat on my bed. I took the stick out of my pocket and examined it. It was still glowing with that same white light.

"That can't be right," I said to myself, "am I seeing things? Why is it glowing? Does it really have power?" I had to go find answers about this stick. Perhaps the school library has a resource.

I put on a black trenchcoat and from my closet I found a stick that was about as tall as I. I saved this one because for some reason it has an emerald on it's tip. I sheathed the staff on my back, put the glowing stick in the pocket of my trenchcoat, and prepared to walk out the door.

I went west towards the school with two things in my mind: to get Isaac and to find what the glowing stick is all about.

At the front of the school I saw Ray and Kenny at the front of school. Ray had a green robe and an iron staff with a sapphire on the top. Kenny was in his blonde wig with a white dress. I don't know why Kenny is dressed like an anime princess but he doesn't seem to mind as all.

"Cole!" Ray gasped. "Uh I didn't expect you-"

"It's fine, Ray," I grumbled. He seemed to be having fun. "I'm just here to get Isaac."

"Well we're here to get Craig," Ray replied.

"Wonderful." I rolled my eyes. I'd rather not see Craig leave detention, but that wasn't the important thing right now.

"You can't play with us," Kenny said.

"Shut up Kenny," I replied. "As you can see, I actually have Druid powers-"

"Well so do I." Kenny threw down a trap beneath my feet and immediately, solid ice covered the snow and I could feel myself getting chilled and slowed down. Dang. I forgot Kenny plays a hunter in WoW. "You're a healer right?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Good, that makes three of us."

That being said, I still haven't figured out why we're inheriting WoW abilities. I guess that question will be answered soon.

* * *

 **Well there it is. I hope it was alright. Chapter four will be about the fight to break Craig out so if you played the game you'll know what's coming.**


	4. Chapter 4: School Fight

**I know I've said before that this fanfic will veer off in a different direction. For this specific chapter, I had to follow the game script as straight as possible, and honestly, the way I outlined this story, there was no other way around it. Because of that, this chapter was fairly time-consuming. So for those who played the game before, just bear with me for this chapter, since it will be fairly predictable.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

This was a rather unexpected situation that I landed myself into, and this could be potentially awful for me. Knowing that Kenny works for Cartman with Cartman's "kingdom", I'm assuming that Kenny's goal is to get the Stick of Truth as well. Fortunately, Kenny doesn't know I have the Stick in my trenchcoat, but my goal is to get to the library to find answers and get Isaac out of detention. I knew this because I've been in detention before. However, Kenny also needs to get to the library too. Therefore, I decided to just wait around a little longer after Kenny and Craig leave before I could search for answers about the stick. And if I get caught, there's little I could do because unfortunately for me, my powers are more tuned into healing injuries rather than dishing out damage or taking it, and I'm assuming Kenny and Craig will have powers too, of the Hunter and Rogue respectively. That being said, I'll have to play along with Kenny's little game for now.

"Alright, ready Cole?" Kenny asked, unsheathing his pink bow from his back.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Douchebag?" Kenny asked. When Ray nodded yes, Kenny put his right hand on the door handle of the front school door. "Alright. Let's do this."

When we entered the school, we were immediately met by the hallway monitor. He looked like a rather stereotypical ginger kid, with pasty white skin, blood-red hair, and bright freckles. This guy had his hair parted to the side and he was no more than a year older than us. "Excuse me, but school is OUT and no students allowed on the premises until tomorrow at 7:30 am."

I looked around. All the doors in the center room were chained and locked, save the one we just went through. I honestly didn't feel like making someone mad, I'd rather just sneak around. "Come on guys, there's probably another way."

As I turned around to open the door we just came through, I the ginger kid's voice behind me. "You are in breach of school law and must be punished!"

I turned around. Having said that I turned around. He pulled his sleeves up and brought his fists out. "You jackass," I complained, "I was just gonna leave and now you want to fight us?"

Ray summoned up a water elemental, that was shaped more or less a big blob of water with two arms and bracers on each arm. Kenny notched a pink arrow on her bow. The ginger kid immediately charged at me to punch me in the face. My reaction was solid, however, and thus I immediately dropped into the form of a blonde bear. Thus, I could still feel the ginger kid smack my jaw with his fist, but it hurt me less because bears are (naturally) more resilient than humans are. I'm about as big as a baby bear since I'm only nine years old.

I smacked the kid in the face with my right paw. Kenny shot and arrow at the ginger kid, hitting the ginger in the abdomen. Ray shot forth a frostbolt which nailed the ginger kid in his right ear. The kid fell down to the ground face first. His abdomen was bleeding, claw marks could be found on his face, and ice formed out of right ear. He took out a walkie-talkie and struggled it to hold it up to his right ear. "Officer down, officer down! Send backup! I repeat, officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallway!" Aw shit, not again.

I shifted out of bear form to heal the bruises in my face. Any damage I take in an animal form will normally correspond with damage in that general area in my human form, which is why I held my glowing green hand to my face to heal my bruises. The ginger kid then fell silent. I looked around again, and apparently the east door was never chained up at all.

"If there was one hallway monitor, then there will likely be more," Kenny warned, "we should tread carefully."

When we opened the east door we found a barricade a few yards down the hallway. It was one table on the left side and on the right side an assortment of student chairs all in a pile. In front of the table was a pile of newspapers that were apparently catching on fire. For a split second I wondered why the hallway looked like such a mess. Then I remembered - the ginger kid who we had just mutilated just a minute ago must've been referring to _this_ as his backup. And this is actually the thing that worries me about the school. They're putting this much effort to try as hard to prevent us from ruining detention for the day - to the point where the hall monitors literally sanctioned to try to beat us up. I'm certain that we'll have to fight all the hallway monitors to get to the Library. Then again, they will be no match for the three of us.

There were two hallway monitors behind the barricade and they were the same - ginger males wielding an assortment of school supplies and toys (such as scissors, clipboards, and dodgeballs) as weapons. Is every single male ginger kid an armed hallway monitor at this school? I don't even remember seeing this many ginger kids before.

I turned back to Kenny and Ray. "So what do we do now?"

Kenny scanned his surroundings for a little bit. His gaze fell first on the sprinkler attached to the ceiling that was positioned directly above the two ginger kids. "I think I know how to deal with this. See the sprinkler above the gingers, Douchebag?" Ray nodded in response and Kenny continued. "Throw something at the sprinkler. A frostbolt, ice lance, anything. Or even a baseball if you have to." Ray threw out an Ice Lace at the sprinkler head and it instantly shattered, recycled water drizzling on the ginger kids, forming a puddle underneath.

"Ah, fuck you," one of the gingers said.

Kenny's eyes gazes slightly left to the large speaker phone located above a locker perpendicular to the flipped over table. "Throw an Ice Lance onto the wiring on that speakerphone." Ray did as told, and predictably, the wiring that held the speaker phone shattered, the speaker falling ontop of a locker, onto the edge of the table, and into the puddle. What happened next was a bright burst of light, then then smell of burnt toast that overtook the ginger kids as they lied in the puddle face up towards the ceiling.

I have to admit, Kenny is pretty observant. Probably the perks of being a hunter, although I'm not sure, I don't know Kenny real well. "Alright, see the flames?" Kenny pointed at the burning paper pile placed conveniently in front of the table. "Use your Dragonshout on the flames to blast the table apart."

Dragonshout? What the fuck is a "Dragonshout"? Is he referring to the Dragonshouts from Skyrim? With that in mind, I saw Ray walk up to the fire. He turned around so his back was facing the fire and he was facing us. He clenched his fists, closed his eyes, and looked like his abdomen was shaking. Then he bent down and a large fart came from his ass, and suddenly the fire dispersed onto the table in a breath of fire, instantly obliterating the left half.

I had my mouth open the whole time. "What the fuck."

As we walked around the table and the ginger kids, Kenny said, "Cole, take notes. Douchebag is the epitome of a real hero here." He let out a girly sigh.

I groaned. What the fuck is wrong with Kenny? "His name is Ray! And you're not a hunter or an anime princess, you're a nine...ten year old school kid like him and I!"

"Then you're not a druid," Kenny retorted.

Well, he had a point. I shouldn't even be having druid powers either. I scoffed. Best universal rule to arguing: when losing an argument, always change the subject. "And farting? Like who does that?" I rolled my eyes. "I mean it's fucking gross, but since it's that powerful, might as well fart on all your enemies all day, like on their balls or something-"

I felt a sudden slap to my left cheek. My head jerked right. and I turned to see that Kenny slapped me. I was furious. What gave him the incentive to slap me? I was about to talk him down, but he started before could. "NEVER FART ON A MAN'S BALLS!"

"Well, you didn't have to slap me!" I shouted back. He really didn't need to slap me.

But Kenny kept on talking, making no apology. "I have to! It is a code of honor, everyone knows this! To fart on a man's balls is a symbolic offense to the male genitalia, and is dishonorable! You will do well to remember that, mmkay?"

I rolled my eyes again. Since when did Kenny start talking like Mr. Mackey? "Fine, whatever gets you to shut up."

The three of us rounded a left-turn corner into another hallway, this one just as long. At the far end would be another left-turn corner. Halfway down the hall is are double-doors with a sign up above that said "Cafeteria".

"So this is where you guys eat lunch?" Ray asked. "I'm kinda wanting to take some food."

"The food is probably all gone by now," I replied, "probably because of fatass Eric Cartman."

As we walked near the cafeteria doors, I could hear Mr. Mackey shout from behind the doors. "You're not going through this door. Mkay." Hearing that struck me dumbfounded. Detention was generally held in the library. Why is it held in the cafeteria this time?

"Kenny," I said, "isn't detention always in the Library?"

"That's what I thought too," he replied, "I guess today is an exception? I'm not sure."

Mr. Mackey kept talking. "You might as well give up because I have hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office. Aw, dammit... mkay." Well, that says it all. To get into the Cafeteria to break out Craig and Isaac we had to get the key, but to do that we need to go into Mr. Mackey's office.

"To the councelor's office?" I asked.

"Swiftly," Kenny replied.

Luckily Mr. Mackey's office was nearby. So we around the corner, into the next hall. The first door on the right was his office, but unfortunately, that had a lock on the door. Up ahead was another ginger kid. This one had a wooden clipboard as a shield and wielded large scissors like a sword. The kid immediately rushes forth to Kenny to slash his arm with his scissors. "This is a restricted hallway!"

Kenny coughed. "Ew, gross! I could feel the ginger on me!" I immediately casted Rejuvenation, a healing-over-time spell, on Kenny. "Thanks, Cole!"

"I can't dispel diseases!" I complained. Druids don't have that power.

"It's alright, man!" Kenny lined up an arcane arrow on his bow and released it, the magic arrow nailing the kid in the leg. "You're up, Douchebag!"

"On it!" Ray closed his eyes to concentrate, then icy comets appeared out of nowhere above the ginger kid, falling down on him. The kid should be able to feel the chill, as serrated shards of ice cut apart his body. But he was still standing, that resilient bastard.

"Finish him, Cole!" Kenny yelled. I stanced myself to charge up Wrath, a bolt of solar energy which when I released it, cauterized the ginger kid's skin when it came into contact. He lied down and started crying.

Honestly, I felt bad using my powers to hurt ginger kids. Then again, they are against us, and I'm not sure how many ginger kids there even are or where they all came from. We rounded another left-turn corner, and up ahead was a sheet-metal fence that blocked us off from rounding another corner. Behind me I could hear a voice, which came from a "FACULTY ONLY" door. "Search him!" This was probably another ginger kid hallway monitor.

"No...NO! Get away from me you freaks!" I'm not sure what poor kid got himself into this mess, but it's probably no good at all.

"We gotta help him!" I tried to open the door but there was a lock on it.

"We need the brass key first," Kenny explained.

"Damnit. We need a key to get a key, to get another key, to get to the Cafeteria?" I stomped my right foot on the ground angrily. "What the hell is this, is this real life or are we secretly in a Skyrim-slash-World-of-Warcraft-slash-Japanese-RPG mixup?"

Before Kenny or Ray could reply, there was another voice, this one coming from behind the fence. "The protector of the brass key will never surrender!" Two ginger kids were behind the fence, one of them holding up what looked like a giant brass key (predictably). The kid with the key ran around the corner. The kid not carrying the key was instead holding a music stand like a polearm standing there.

"Now what?" I complained.

Ray rubbed his chin for a moment, faced his water elemental, then turned to Kenny. "Kenny, what if you used your maidenly charms?"

I began to laugh. Kenny is not a girl. "'Maidenly charms'? Wow, holy shit, that's a good one! Hahahahaha!" I was laughing, and Kenny just glared at me.

"Watch and learn you cuntwagon."

I know Kenny's sexist insult was directed at me, but whatever, and there I saw Kenny walk over to the fence. He must have put his hands on his chest. I could hear some of his clothes rustle. And the next thing I knew, the ginger kid drops his musical stand and goes over to the right side of the fence. "Oh wow! Boobies..." Then it hit me on the head. Kenny. Showed his chest, and the ginger kid took it as actual female boobs.

What the fuck.

So the idiots actually slides open the fence so that the frames fold on themselves. Then he sticks his arms out to try to grab Kenny's chest (presumably his "boobs"). "Must have...must touch...boooobies..." I hear more rustling from Kenny's clothes, then Kenny smacks the ginger kid in the face. The kid lies face down on the ground.

"See what I mean, Cole?" Kenny blows me a kiss, probably to mock me.

I narrowed my eyes at Kenny. "I hate you all. That is all."

Around the corner, three more ginger kids were waiting for us. The kid with the brass key had a lunch tray as a shield and used the key like a sword. Another kid wielded a music stand like a polearm. The third had a dodgeball. "So what now?" Ray asked.

"I've done PvP before," I said, "and this is what we do. Ray, you polymorph one person. I'll cyclone the other. Kenny will pick off the third. Each time they escape their crowd control, we alternate, so I'll cyclone your previous target, you polymorph mine. That way we get the most effectiveness."

And we did just that. Ray polymorphed the kid with the key. I cycloned the kid with the musical stand. Then Ray, his water elemental, and Kenny began to fire arrows and frostbolts at the dodgeball kid. The kid threw his dodgeball at my face. It hurt quite a bit, but I was able to heal myself out of the damage. After that kid was taken care of, I cycloned the key kid, while the polearm kid dropped down from his cyclone. Once again, we slung frostbolts, arrows, and sun bolts at the stand kid, and he dropped before he reached us. Then we walked over to the kid with the key, who fell from his cyclone.

"Key, kid." Ray stuck out his palm, expecting the key. When the ginger kid obeyed and gave over the key, Ray punched him in the face, and the kid fell to the floor. "That was pretty genius, Cole! Can we do it again?"

"Ray, we have a whole lot of control to irritate these ginger kids on," I smiled.

The kid who had the key reached over for his radio. "More officers down! We're taking heavy casualties out here!" Pause for two seconds. "He's got the brass key! He's some kind of Dragonborn!" Then the kid passed out.

Kenny nodded to us. "Come on guys, to the faculty room!"

* * *

When we got inside the faculty room, we found ourselves situated in the back left corner of the room. There is a wooden table in the room whose length ran perpendicular to the wall closest to us. A pile of black chairs followed the length to our wall as well. At our side of those black chairs were convincingly placed fireworks inside a cardboard box. They were likely confiscated from Cartman or Stan. A bookcase ran one width of the table to the wall left of us such that it is parallel to our wall, and another table the other, also parallel to our wall.

Behind the black chair wall was two ginger kids, one with a musical stand and another with a broom. Behind the bookcase and to the back wall were two more ginger kids, one with scissors, and another unarmed. In the far left corner was a brown haired kid sitting in the corner. He had arrows stuck inside him. His face was bruised and he was crying.

The sight touched my heart, and I almost gave a little tear too. He was probably the kid crying earlier, but also it was pretty disheartening to see that even "hallway monitors" were imposing their power to abuse and boss around kids. I don't know what the kid's story is, but I'm fairly certain a defenseless kid like him did not deserve to have arrows stuck inside his body. That's just wrong.

"There's lit cigarettes on the table." I turned to Kenny and he pointed at the pile of cigarettes conveniently on the edge of the table as close to the fireworks as possible.

"Wow, somehow there's always convenient stupidity for us 'heroes' to take advantage of, just like a video game," I snickered.

"Funny, right?" Kenny chuckled for a bit. "Douchebag, do your thing." As expected, Ray fired an Ice Lance onto the cigarettes. It fell off and into the fireworks box. Flame overtook the fireworks. That being said, three rockets lit up and flew out of the box flying all around the room. One exploded on the table next to the ginger kid with the musical stand. Another hit the ceiling. The third went in direct contact with the unarmed ginger kid in the back. Ouch. "Nice. You know what to do next." Ray let loose another large "Dragonshout" and thus another cone of flame blew down the black chairs and burnt the two ginger kids to the point where they got knocked out.

"Pretty good," Ray said.

We went up to the table that took the blow of a rocket. I smashed it into pieces with my staff. Then we went around the large table and to the crying kid. There was one ginger kid still left alive, but Ray's water elemental froze it in place. Then Ray summoned up another comet storm to shatter the ginger kid. After that was done, we all sighed in relief. "Well that's that," Ray said.

I nodded. I walked over to the crying kid. "Hey, are you aright?" I placed my right hand on the kid's back. My hand glowed green with nature's power. "I'm not sure how you got here, but you're safe now."

The kid stood up and smiled, handing over a silver key to me. "Thanks, I thought I was a goner! There were too many of them. They were too strong, their hair too red...Maybe you can take this silver key and find the gold key. You can succeed where I have failed! Free Mackey's prisoners!" The kid then walked off.

We went out of the faculty room to go back the way we came from and towards Mackey's office. I placed the key inside the lock and twisted, and indeed the silver key worked. We went inside and Mackey's office was the same as usual.

"The key is somewhere," Kenny said.

On the far back wall was a wooden board nailed perpendicular to the wall high above. On the far left of the board was a golden key on a black pedestal. "I see the key," I said, "but we can't reach it for here."

"Douchebag, get on it," Kenny said.

Ray fired another ice lance at the key and it fell down into my hands. "Nice," Kenny said, "now lets get out of here and head on over to the cafeteria."

The three of us did just that. We went out the office, rounded a corner right, and found the cafeteria door. I took out the gold key to unlock the cafeteria door, but a voice rang out from behind me. "That's far enough, intruders!" I turned around, putting the golden key back into my pocket. It was another ginger kid, but this one looking more edgy. He's likely in the 6th grade, and he's got a black T-shirt, black shorts, and what looks like brown wooden plates all around him. Aw shit, not again. "Where's your hall pass?" I didn't know what to say, this is getting more and more silly by the minute. I peered to Kenny and to Ray and his water elemental, and they said nothing. "No hall pass? Then it's time to write you a referral." Now the fucking ginger pulls out a metal bar with a chain on one end. At the end of that chain is a basketball, it's like a flail with a mace-head. The ginger swung it around, and the basketball end hit the floor.

I could hear Mackey's voice behind me from behind the cafeteria doors. "Oh, yeah, that's the boss. Good luck fighting the boss, mkay. You still think this is a game, young man?" Game or not, Mackey is intending to kill us and whatever respect I had for him previously is now lost. What a jackass.

The ginger kid pulls out his walkie talkie and spoke, "Deadly force is authorized." Two more smaller ginger kids came in, one with a music stand and another with a dodgeball.

"R-Ray, you k-know the plan right?" My voice quavered. We were outmatched, and we had to play this smartly if we were to win.

"Cross crowd control with polymorph and cyclone?" Ray answered.

"Yep, I'll start on the dodgeball kid, then we switch off." I began to cast cyclone. From the corner of my right eye I could see the big ginger charge at me, and I almost screamed, but the next thing I knew he found himself encased in a frozen block of ice. Therefore, dodgeball kid got cycloned, musical stand kid got polymorphed. "Nice freezing trap, Kenny, let's take him down now."

Kenny started off with an aimed shot to the big ginger's face. A critical hit, I'd say. But big ginger smacked Kenny with the flail, and Kenny flies back down the hall. "Kenny!" I began to stack two rejuvenations to get him up. Meanwhile, Ray's water elemental froze the big ginger in place. "Let's go for more control!"

Ray began to target the cycloned kid while I began to cyclone the sheep. But I got smacked in the back of the head, presumably by the big ginger. I staggered forth, realizing the fucker interrupted my cyclone cast. What happened next was that the sheep was no longer a sheep, but the ginger kid with the musical stand. "Oh shit!" I said. I dropped into bear form immediately as both the polearm kid and the big ginger began to attack me. "Guys, I need help!" I screamed. The damage was less due to me being in bear form, but it was still fairly substantial. If I don't get help within a few seconds I could wind up dead, and you never want your healer dead.

Ray and his elemental shot exchanged projectiles with the dodgeball kid, but Ray overwhelmed the dodgeball kid, and he fell down. Kenny threw an ice trap below me, and the big ginger triggered it, and both him and the polearm kid got slowed down. I came out of bear form to heal myself up while still running from my enemies.

Kenny landed a Kill Shot onto the polearm kid, and it pierced his heart, and he went down. It was just the big ginger. I dropped into cat form to charge at the big ginger and clawed at his chest. The big ginger began to bleed out, but he grabbed my throat, and threw me onto the floor behind himself, and I went out of cat form. As the ginger kid began to swing his flail down on me, I could see a blast of ice shattering the back of the ginger's head, and he staggered, then tripped on me. "To us, Cole!" I could hear Ray's voice. I rolled right to my allies, and as I stood up, I saw that the big ginger was being ripped apart by a Comet Storm. The ginger kid fell on his knees, then face down on the ground.

It was over. I placed a Wild Mushroom on the ground in front myself, and Ray and Kenny stepped near it. The mushroom radiated nature's power, healing us. "That was a good fight, Douchebag," Kenny said. "Cole, I was wrong about you, you'd make a valuable healer in Cartman's army. Unlike most healers I've seen, you got nerves of steel."

Pretty nice compliment, yeah. "Uh, thanks. You're a pretty good shot, Kenny. And Ray too."

Maybe I should tell Kenny I still have the stick. I felt my heart and I could still feel the stick in me. But what if Kenny doesn't approve of me having the stick? And how will I explain to Kenny and Ray how I'm planning to head over to the library? It was too much.

"Still got the key?" Kenny asked. I pulled out the golden key from my pants pocket. "Nice. Alright. Let's do this." I turned to the cafeteria door and unlocked it, then opened the door, and the three of us piled in.

* * *

 **Cole's reaction to the getting the keys definitely portrayed my thoughts when playing Stick of Truth. I thought it was funny that you had to get so many keys, it felt akin to the old JRPGs where you had to go through many artifacts to finally get to the boss.**

 **For those waiting for the Stendy, it will be soon.**


	5. Chapter 5: Hitting the Books

**This chapter is much shorter than the last one.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

Ray, Kenny, and I kicked the cafeteria door open, and I saw what I expected. There were various students writing sentences on pieces of paper on the lunch tables. When the students heard and saw us, they immediately hopped off the tables and cheered, Craig and my brother Isaac included. "Yay!" Most of them walked away, except for Craig and Isaac, who stopped by us.

"Damn you!" Mr. Mackey then walked by us then walked out of the school. Well that was that.

"Thanks for busting me out," Craig said. He then turned to me. "Cole, you did this?"

"Well to be honest, I was coming to get Isaac," I replied.

"Oh. Well..." Craig couldn't find his words.

"Cole's a great healer," Kenny said, "probably even better than Butters. If he were to join up with Cartman I'd vouch for him." But I don't want to join up with Cartman though, he's the one who rejected me.

"Thanks," I said, "but there's something Isaac and I gotta do in the Library."

"We do?" Isaac asked.

"Well count me out, I'm gonna go home and get my stuff." Craig began to walk off, but before he walked out of sight, he turned around and faced us. "Cole, thanks for breaking me out, and I'm sorry what happened earlier today."

"It's alright," Isaac reassured. My brother is fairly forgiving.

"Hey, Kenny, why don't we go with Cole?" Ray asked. "I mean Cole, you have something important you want to share, right?"

"Well..." I couldn't do it. I could share the Stick of Truth with Isaac, but not the other two. Frankly, I don't trust Ray enough.

"Yeah," Kenny added.

I closed my eyes, reluctant to respond, "Sure." So it was Isaac, Kenny, Ray, and me who would go over to the Library.

Luckily, the Library remained unlocked, but no one was monitoring it at the time, which meant that I had time for research all to myself. I had to tell them. I sat down onto a computer to search the library catalog on it. I typed in "Stick of Truth" and already, it gave me only one book. Then Kenny's voice made me jump. "Why are you searching up the Stick of Truth?"

"I - uh - no reason!" I stammered, and Kenny's eyes narrowed at me.

"I know you're lying."

I sighed. It was no used, there was no way around it. "Alright, fine." I reached into my trenchcoat and pulled out the Stick of Truth. "I took the Stick of Truth, not Kyle. While you were training Ray to fight, and then the elves attacked, it was me who snuck into the tent and took the stick."

"So you took the stick for yourself and ruined our game!" Kenny crossed his arms. "I thought you were better than this!"

"Wait what's going on?" Isaac asked.

I stood up. "Ray! Kenny! Don't you see why we have magical powers in the first place? There's something wrong with this stick! Something evil, and I have to get to the bottom of this!"

"You're just jealous of us that we never invited you in the first place!" Kenny retorted.

"Because no kid should have the kind of power we have currently! It's not right! It's irresponsible, and it's ignorant, and you know why?"

"Why?" Ray asked.

"Because kids like you and me can't control themselves! We don't have the morals like normal adults do! See what the ginger kids did to that poor little boy, how they imposed their power? That's more-or-less a testament of what little kids can do! Because they don't know right or wrong! And a normal kid shouldn't be able to shapeshift into animals, or shoot fire and ice from their fingertips!"

"So if you don't train their kid to use their powers normally, then when will they learn?" Kenny retorted.

"Have any of you actually told your parents about your powers?" The other three stood silent. "Kenny? Ray?"

When no one said anything, I took it as a fact that they don't know what else to say. So I went over to the computer to check out the book I was searching for. It was in the very back, so that's where I went. "I'm going to find answers, and nothing will stop me." I found the book in the non-fiction section in the very back left corner. When I took the book down from the shelf, I wiped away all the dust. It was an old book, with a wooden protective cover and old pages. It was as big as a regular fantasy novel. _The Truth of the Stick of Truth_ was the title, but it had no author. This has to be the book. So I went back to the front of the library and sat down at a table.

Kenny and Isaac sat down with me, but Ray was gone. "Ray?" I looked around. Ray was nowhere in sight, and I went to the hallway door to peer out into the hallways. Shit. Why did Ray leave? And why didn't he say anything? I went back to the table and flipped open the book to start reading. It wasn't a very long book.

So the basic summary is that the Stick of Truth is acutally an cosmic iconoclast that belongs in Sovngarde, like in Skyrim. It was forged in the Hall of Valor and was to be given to the humans on Earth in a time of great crisis to fight off whatever evil that exists. To get to Sovngarde one has to go to the Aerie of the Sol Lighthouse located north of North Park. However, there was a great argument on who should have the Stick of Truth. Then one day, Satan invaded Sovngarde and took the Stick of Truth for himself.

But we read on. There was a prophecy that one day, the world will face terrors from outer space and a Dovahkiin, or Dragonborn in the English language, will find four friends, and the five together will rise up and wield the power of the Dragonshouts to stop the Demon Marauder because the Demon Marauder stole the Stick from Satan himself, and went to Earth's surface to spread terror. However, the Demon Marauder lost the Stick. And so, we must have gotten our hands on it.

But Dragonborn? The kids often referred to Ray as "Dragonborn" and he can certainly do silly things with his farts. Is he fated to be the chosen one? And who will be Ray's four friends?

"Well, we're nearing the end," Kenny said, "come on, let's get this over with."

I turned to the very last page, and it was actually a profile of the stick thief. His name was Terrorblade, like the hero from Dota. And so I read out loud.

"Terrorblade is the Soul Keeper - the Demon Marauder - an outlaw hellion whom even other demons fear. A cosmic iconoclast, he stole from the Demon Lords, ignored the codified rites that should have bound his behavior, and broke every law of the seven Infernal Regions. For his crimes, he was taught a lesson: even Hell has a hell. A short, brutal trial ensued, with many dead on all sides, and he was finally incarcerated in Foulfell, a hidden dimension where demonkind imprison their own.

"But Foulfell is no normal prison. In this dark mirror of reality, demons are sentenced to gaze eternally into the twisted reflection of their own souls. But instead of suffering, Terrorblade made himself master of his own reflected worst self - a raging, thieving demon of unimaginable power. With his inner beast under sway, he destroyed the fractal prison walls, took the iconoclast for his own, and burst free to turn his terror loose upon all creation."

We were silent for a few moments. The gravity of this situation was pretty serious. Some connections could be made: first, the "cosmic iconoclast" could be referring to the Stick of Truth. Second, it remarked Terrorblade as "The Demon Marauder," and the previous pages also mentioned "a demon marauder that stole the stick from Satan". As the elves had said in Eric Cartman's back yard "whoever controls the Stick controls the universe." That means if Terrorblade gets the Stick, he gets all the power he wants...My heart felt like someone was constantly pressing on it. "So if I have the Stick," I said, "that means that Terrorblade is coming for me."

"Which means that we have to get ready for him, right?" Isaac said.

I turned to Isaac. "Yeah." I took out the Stick of Truth from my own trenchcoat. "Isaac, we have to go home and get our stuff. We have to leave here by tonight."

A voice came from the Library entrance. The voice of a certain fatass. "I'm afraid you're not going anywhere."

I turned towards the entrance to see Eric Cartman, Butters Stotch, Tweek Tweak, Token Black, Craig Tucker, and Ray all pile to the front of the Library, all dressed in their fighting outfits. Ray? Wow, that douchebag, he must have ratted me out. I'm going to get it now...

* * *

 **That's it for this chapter. What happens next? Will Eric Cartman get the Stick of Truth, or will Cole keep it for himself? Find out what happens next chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6: Conflict

**I've made a change to the description of my other story. I'm not going to revive my other story, and I'm not going to continue it. I didn't like it after rereading everything, and there are various people who were able to write futurefics better than I could (that said, I highly recommend reading the Everything Changes series if you haven't come across it yet). I'll just keep it there as a relic for myself, but other than that, it is what it is. If I ever do decide to revive A New Generation again (and I might not), I'm just going to completely rewrite everything from scratch.  
**

 **Nevertheless, this story is here to stay, and the sixth chapter of this story is here boys and girls.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

So Ray, the douchebag, sold me out. But why? Why would he even do this? Does he not believe me? Especially when he's the Dragonborn, and he's likely the chosen one to destroy the Terrorblade? Here I am, me and Cartman's army staring each othe down. "Ray! You fucking douchebag!" My face was red and I was steaming with anger. "Why the fuck would you sell me out like that? Sell me out to the likes of him?" I pointed straight at the fatass with my left index finger.

But Cartman put his left hand on Ray's right shoulder, as if motioning him to not do anything. "It's ok, Douchebag. There's nothing to explain to this bitch here. You did the right thing. Let me handle it from here." Cartman stepped forward, his right hand out as if demanding something. Probably the Stick. "Now, Cole, you're surrounded now. Hand over the stick, and no one will get hurt."

Before I could say anything else, Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh, and Jimmy Valmer conveniently piled into the library. Kyle has on red robes, a twig crown, and a golf club, Stan with iron plates on his poofball hat and an iron claymore, and jimmy with a ranger hat. I couldn't tell Kyle's or Jimmy's class, but I can see that Stan is a Warrior, like his Warrior in WoW. "Sorry fatass, but it's end of the line for you," Kyle said, "the Stick belong to us now."

It was Cartman's turn to steam with anger now. "You stupid, motherfucking Jew!"

But then more people piled in. Girls. Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and Red Tucker. Wendy has an iron sword and a pink shield, denoting her to be a tanky Warrior or Paladin. Bebe has a spear in her hands so she's probably some front-line soldier, or even a Monk, and Red has a wand in her hand. The fact that she has a Felhunter next to her - an eyeless, red demonic-like hound with two white tusks, back hair, spikes on its tails, and hooves - denotes that she is a Warlock.

"I can't believe it," Token said in aw, "Kyle even got the girls to play with him." Kenny stifled a laugh, and I wasn't sure why he did so.

"Oh you motherfucker!" Cartman was raging once again. "You brought the girls to play? They're such fags!" A sexist remark that's also effective at making the girls mad, predictably. I'm not sure if that's Cartman's game plan, or maybe he's just a huge troll all along, but I'm better off just rolling with it.

"You sexist prick!" Wendy was seething with rage as well. "I'll beat your ass in like I did in the playground earlier today if you don't shut up!" That should shut up Cartman for good. "Sorry, Kyle, continue." I quickly hid he Stick inside my trenchcoat.

But Butters didn't let Kyle continue. "Oh hamburgers! How did you get the girls to play with you?" Kenny laughed, for reasons I'm not so sure about.

"Well you see," Bebe explained, "unlike Cartman who's a sexist asshole, Kyle lets us play. And he's got a sweet ass."

"...what?" Tweek said.

"Because unlike you guys, Kyle and Stan are actually nice people. They helped us with dealing with two-faced bitches," Red added, "ones like Cartman over here."

"Yes," Kyle said, turning to Cartman now, "alright fatass, where's the stick?"

"...what?" Cartman had a look of disgust, and the rest of his team shrugged.

"I know you hid the Stick somewhere when we invaded you!" Kyle paced around the floor impatiently. "I know you'd break the rules to try to win! Give us the stick NOW!"

"I don't have it, Kahl!" Cartman facepalmed. "If I did, I'd tell you, but I'm not a cheating bastard like you! Cole has it!" He pointed straight at me. "He's the one who ruined the game, he's the one who took the Stick when he wasn't invited to play, don't blame it on me you frickin' Jew!"

"Stop making fun of my religion you asswipe!" Kyle was face-to-face with Cartman. "I've been spying on you, I know you'd ruin the game somehow!" The tension was so great, I could sneak away if it weren't for the girls watching me intently. If I drop into stealth, they'll know immediately.

"You were spying on me?" Cartman said angrily.

"I'm the fucking High Jew Elf, retard, I get to spectate battles!"

"But you didn't say anything?! That's fucking spying, Kyle!"

"How is that spying?"

"Now this is just silly," Stan said.

"You were listening, but we didn't know you were there?!" Cartman cried. "How is that _not_ spying?! You'r a dick! You're a spying dick! And now you wanna lecture me about spying?! Fuck you, hypocrite dick spy!"

"You're retarded, Cartman!" Kyle turned to me, and I could literally feel the fire in his eyes as he glared me down. I heart lept. "Wendy, search Cole!"

As Wendy went over around the tables to me, I immediately dropped into bear form. From behind me came Isaac's surprised voice as he made out a gasp. "What? You're a - you're a -"

"Druid," I quickly finished for him. I stared Wendy down as she drew out her shield and sword at me. I didn't need to say anything to Wendy, she should already know that my actions basically speak that I wasn't here to mess around.

"Get out of bear form and give me the Stick," Wendy threatened, "or you're gonna get it."

I peered to Isaac out of the corner of my eye. "Isaac, back me up here..."

"I will use force if I have to," Wendy threatened again.

Maybe I could talk them out of it. "Wait, please Wendy, let me explain." Silence. "The Stick is a demonic force. You guys may think this is a game, but you're wrong. Think for a second, why do we have these powers? The stick needs to be-"

"Three. Two. One." I still didn't budge from Wendy's threats. She wouldn't have it.

Then, she charged at me. Out of instinct, I immediately smacked her in the face with my right paw while making a bear roar. Wendy staggered backwards, and I can see I left quite a mark on her face - a red, bloody gash revealing three red scar lines that ran diagonally up-left on her face. She fell onto a long table, landing on her back. Stan's not going to be very happy. But I didn't care. I never liked Wendy anyways, she was a bitch to my brother earlier today, and now the bitch tried to gut me open. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT, LISTEN! THIS STICK IS EVIL!" If I weren't in bear form, people would see my face red in anger. These people are ignorant and they won't listen today. I'm just some loser-kid, who cares what I have to say, right?

"You fucking asshole, that's my girl! Go hit on your own girl!" Stan came charging at me with his sword. Bebe and Red's felhunter followed up as well. I tried to swipe my left paw at them, but they just began to wail on me, with sword slashes, fists, and demon bites. I tried to fight back again, but I was blinded by light from Wendy's body. It was pretty clear Wendy is a Paladin.

I grabbed my eyes in pain. I went out of bear form to place healing-over-time nature spells on myself. Big mistake. A jab in the gut, a demon bite to the back, a sword slash in the legs, and I was down for the count. The healing spells kept me alive - just barely. I curled up into a ball on the floor and started crying from the pain. It hurt too much.

"Enough!" I heard Kyle say. I could feel someone unfold my body like someone unfolding a closed flower. I opened my eyes to see Kyle take the Stick from my trenchcoat - but left the book with me. I was half-hoping I could pass the torch and the job of returning the Stick to Kyle - even if I couldn't reap the glory, I could still live on knowing the world would be ok. But Kyle was ignorant and an asshole. And for that, I'm going to have to pull double duty - and maybe get revenge later. But that wasn't the important thing. If I can't get the word out, I'll have to take the stick back myself. "You're a dick for ruining our game, Cole. This is why no one likes you, and - wait where's Cartman?"

"An elven patrol happened to stop by," Stan replied, "and well, Cartman ran like a coward. So did the new kid. They were outnumbered."

"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-perfect timing," Jimmy remarked.

Then I felt a stomp on my chest. I spat out blood. The pain was awful. "So you hit girls, what a great boyfriend you'd be," I heard Wendy say. Bitch. I'll kill her and Stan later.

I could hear footsteps walking away. I'm assuming Cartman's forces left earlier as well, I'm not sure. I could see another figure over me - my eyesight blurry. With all the strength I could muster, I put both my hands on myself and, with nature's power, healed myself. It took quite a while to heal my condition - at least ten minutes or so.

"I'm sorry I didn't do anything," I heard Isaac say, "I didn't know what to do."

"It's...not your...fault," I reassured, gasping for air quite often, "that douchebag...Ray...he's the one...who caused this mess...sold me out, that douchebag...sold us out to the fatass...then Kyle...must've been stalking the fatass..." That was literally the only possible explanation I could find for why Kyle even showed up.

"This is awful," Isaac cried, "The way they treat you, they just treat you like a huge target sign...I could have done something..."

"No!" I almost nearly yelled at Isaac and he almost screamed. "Sorry...they would have hurt you too...I'd never allow it..." Isaac doesn't really know how to handle these stressful situations, that's why I do all the fighting. "Look...let's just go back home...shower and eat...think things over. Sound alright?"

"Yeah." Isaac picked me up, but I could stand on my own again. I had my left hand glowing green with power on my stomach steadily healing myself. "Let's go home."

* * *

 **Well that's a sad ending for this chapter - getting beaten down and misunderstood and taunted. See what happens next chapter.  
**


	7. Chapter 7: Free to Play

**I'd get this chapter done earlier, but Comcast keeps messing up on me, unfortunately.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

Isaac and I went back home to shower and change clothing. I put on my usual - a black buttonless jacket with a hood, gray ski pants, and gray ski gloves. It was 7:00 pm, and Dad was still not home. True to his word, when I peered into our refrigerator and took out the red bowl as he instructed, it was spaghetti with zucchini and ground beef that would be our dinner. Fairly standard for a White family in South Park, maybe on the healthier side to be honest. There was just enough for the two of us. I stuck the bowl in the microwave for four minutes on power level two. After that was done, we both sat down at the round wooden dinner table to enjoy our quiet dinner in the kitchen.

Our kitchen is the same layout as most other kitchens, in fact, our house is exactly the same layout as most of the other houses in South Park (some houses are mirrored). Your standard living room in the front with a stairwell there, then you have a kitchen big enough for you guys to eat there, but there is also a dining room if you so wish.

Isaac was the first to break the silence. "So where did you get your powers?"

I shrugged. I really don't have good answers, just plausible theories. "I'm not sure...my best guess is the Stick."

"Stick?" Isaac answered.

"The Stick of Truth. It looks like a regular Stick but it glows with power." I replied.

"The same stick Terrorblade is hunting?"

"Yes."

"And when is he coming?"

I shrugged. I don't know what to say. I'm not sure what kind of disaster is supposed to happen. The book didn't describe much, it was rather vague. "I'm not sure, to be honest." I ate a bit of my meal.

"How'd you come across the stick anyways?" Isaac asked.

"It was Eric Cartman's." Isaac cringed when I said the name. "I stole it from his backyard just to see it for myself."

"When you stole it, did you know that it was evil?" Isaac asked.

"No," I responded, "I gained my powers before I even touched the stick." I began to tell him the whole story. "So Ray is the new kid who moved into town earlier this afternoon. I don't know his last name by the way. But yeah, we chatted, we walked and talked around for a bit, but then we ran into Butters. Butters was playing that Lord-of-the-Rings game again. You know what I'm saying right?"

"Yes," Isaac said, "continue."

"So Butters invited Ray to play the game with Cartman. I followed both. Cartman talked about knowing that Ray would come and so he invited Ray, but not me. So I got mad, I snuck into Cartman's backyard to find some elf-looking kids fight Cartman's friends, so I snuck into the backyard and took the Stick."

"And why did you do that?" Isaac asked.

"To make Cartman pay for being a dickbag to me," I replied. I still hate that fat asshole, "I mean come on, if someone's going to be a huge ass like that I'm going to make them pay. I might be a thief, but I keep what I steal, and at least I deliver."

"But you don't have the Stick though," Isaac said.

"I didn't see Kyle coming," I admitted. It was sorta true.

"What made you suddenly try to go find answers?" Isaac asked.

"Because, like I said back in the school library, no normal child should have magical powers. I heard those elf-roleplayers say that 'whoever controls the Stick controls the universe', and I too thought it was silly, but they are right...in a way. I just didn't have the knowledge of how to wield the stick to its true potential. I don't think the book explains fully, there's alot of missing detail." I rested my head on the palm of my left hand, with my left elbow leaning on the table.

"What I don't understand," Isaac said, "is why you'd go out of your way to cause all this trouble when we could just do regular things - and don't use the excuse of going off to save the world. Because I know you Cole." Isaac was always calm, but I can tell I was already getting on his nerves a little. "You'd use any tool you can get. I don't think you'd abandon your powers that easily."

"I know..." I paused for a second. I wasn't sure if I wanted to say this, but Isaac was looking at me intently, waiting for me to explain myself. I took a deep breath again and closed my eyes. "I hate to admit this, I know you tell me I shouldn't be jealous of them, but yeah. I'm jealous of the popular kids. I really am because most of them have properly functioning families with parents and siblings that are always there for them. While our mom dies of colon cancer when we're like three. Well I guess Kenny McCormick doesn't, but he's the exception, not the rule. Back to what I'm saying, dad doesn't see us all the time, but I can't blame him because he has to work his ass off to feed both of us while most other kids get what they want." Tears ran down my cheeks, and to avoid Isaac from looking at me, I stood up and walked over to the kitchen window that gave view of our back yard and the sunset. "It's not fair, I have to look out for the both of us, because of assholes that will try to take advantage of us. And the worst part is that I don't have any friends in my 4th grade class, while you get to talk all the time with Garet, Jenna, I know Doug and Bill and Fosse and a few others are pretty chill, but I don't get that luxury, I'm constantly stuck in stupidass high school drama in my 4th grade class from the likes of people like Stan and Wendy. Like when everyone fucking freaked out over some list on who was the hottest guy in our class, or that list of penis sizes, or something similarly petty - I'm just tired of being compared to everyone else over stupid petty girl shit - because I really feel like shit inside."

I closed my eyes as more tears welled town my eyes, and Isaac spoke. "Cole I'm sorry...I'm selfish, I took your guidance for granted, I didn't consider your own feelings-"

I interrupted him and continued on. I opened my eyes and looked at the sunset. "But rebelling from all this is what makes me feel great inside. I'm not talking about being a part of that stupid goth shit. But when I took the stick, and I used - and abused - my powers, I felt like I was free. When I fought those Ginger Kids earlier today, like I was worth something. Even if I was just sitting back and healing, I felt like I was contributing to a greater scheme of things - whatever that would be." I didn't realize that at the time, but now, I can see how it helped me.

"To be fair," Isaac said, "the ginger kids attacked first, they did try to kill you, from what I heard."

"True." I chuckled. "I'm not a perfect guy, I have flaws, and I can be an asshole just as much as Cartman, or anyone can, really, but I just hate being obedient to the people I don't get along with, and I just wished that people took notice when I did good - Kenny did. With that in mind, we shouldn't be slaving over stupid boy-girl or gender drama, we should go out there, and create shit with whatever tools and powers God decides to give us. I know dad's not around all the time, but he's a great teacher regardless. He's the one who taught us to be independent and brave and to not be afraid to push ourselves. I know I said otherwise back at the library, but that's...really how I feel now Isaac."

"Wow." I KNOW that lower-pitched voice did not come from Isaac. I quickly jumped and turned around while wiping my tears away with the left sleeve of my shirt. It was Ray, the douchebag. Dressed in his green robe and his metal staff. I gritted my teeth, but he went on. "Look, I know your mad, but-"

"What are you doing here?" Isaac asked before I could say anything at all. "Normal people knock, you know."

"You sold me out!" I yelled. I couldn't believe Ray had the nerve to come to me, after all he did. "I trusted you, I thought we were friends! And you were spying on us?!"

"Well I heard everything, but that's not important. What is important was that I was stupid, let me explain." Ray cleared his throat. "Cartman was texting me all day, worrying about us. I went over to tell him that you had the stick. He was down the hall when I found him - I tried to explain the situation with...the Demon Marauder, I heard from outside while I was texting Cartman because I didn't want to distract you, but..." He sighed. "My point is that it was stupid of me to expect Cartman to care about anyone else other than himself. I should have taken Butters' warning. I'm sorry." We were silent for a few minutes, then Ray spoke up. "There is one way I can make it up to you. I know where the Stick is. But getting it won't be easy."

"How?" I asked.

"Well there's something you should know about me," Ray said. "Honestly, I like to spy on people's business alot. You probably figured out by now. I know it's rude, but I'm just...a curious guy, you know?" I was dumbstruck by Ray's comment. I wasn't sure where he was going. "That said, I did see Kyle give the Stick to Stan. Followed him back to his own house. You know where that is, right?"

"Yes," I replied.

Ray grinned. "He hid the Stick in his house. I think in his own bedroom."

"So I just need to sneak into Stan's house and get the stick right?" I nodded. "That doesn't sound too hard."

"Problem." Ray continued. "Is that Wendy is at Stan's house. Did I ever tell you they're boyfriend-girlfriend material? Because from the looks of it, when I last saw them, they seemed awfully close to each other to be 'just friends'." Ray rubbed his chin. "Um...I think."

I laughed. For a guy who likes to spy on people, he seemed pretty clueless about dating. "They've been dating for...a long time now. I guess."

Ray's mouth was agape. It was pretty clear he didn't grasp the concept of relationships. He seemed pretty innocent. "They're dating? No one back in my town dated, like seriously dated, asides from kids developing minor crushes from time-to-time. But we just made fun of them. But here...here...it's like..."

"High school," I finished.

"Yeah." Ray walked up to me. "Listen. Point is, Stan has the stick but you're gonna have to contend with Wendy also."

I nodded. "That's good enough for me. Let's go." I quickly went upstairs to get my trenchcoat and my staff. On my desk was a crown made of twigs I made one time in art. I put that on my head. I wanted them to make sure I meant business. I went downstairs and head outside, and I turned to Isaac. "Alright, Isaac, your turn to do the dishes, I'll be back shortly. Hopefully."

"Good luck," Isaac said.

I began to head east, but I noticed a lack of footsteps. I turned around and Ray just stood there. "Aren't you coming with me?"

"Uh, I forgot to tell you," Ray said, "I need to go home soon or else I'll be grounded." Drat.

I nodded. "Right. I'll see you tomorrow then." We waved goodbye to each other, then I head off towards Stan's direction.

Well I'm about to do it again. Steal something valuable. Maybe get into a fight also. But I didn't care. Even if there's demons and evil in my wake, this is still treated as a game, and in a real game like this, there's no cheaters, there's just winners and losers. And despite what anyone else says, I'm free to play.

* * *

 **Well that's it for now. I might change the description of the story. Other than that, see you next time.**


	8. Chapter 8: Date Night

**I made some additions to this chapter, so if you read this again, you'll see a little bit of extra dialogue. Also, I deleted my other story permanently. Don't ask me to restore it back to its original version. I won't. I might make a remake one day, not sure.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

At 8 pm I was already on my way to Stan Marsh's house. I had to hurry, it was getting darker, and the air was getting cooler and thinner. There was a limited amount of sunlight, due to being Spring. I knew where Stan lived because I went to his house one time to write a report on great white sharks in first grade. The house I knew that was Stan's was the same color as it has always been. It's a dark, sickly green color, and the structure and layout is akin to most other houses. It's a middle-class two-story house with a single garage. I knew this was it. Through the front window I could see Stan and Wendy on the couch at the TV. I'm not sure why they were still dressed in their fighting outfits. I'm not particularly interested in what they are watching (if they are even watching TV at all). I'm only here for one job - to get the Stick.

I know that going directly through the front door would be suicide. As I went to open the garage, it opened by itself, likely remotely from the inside. Seeing and hearing that, I immediately dropped into Prowl via cat form. As the garage opened, a sickly red-brown sedan backed out of the garage. I lept to the left to avoid being run over. As the car backed out, I could see Stan's parents and a brown-haired girl in the car, presumably Stan's sister. Perfect timing for Stan's parents to leave. That means that I would only have to contend with two people, instead of five. The garage began to close, probably remotely. While stealthed, I quickly jumped in, and in the nick of time, it closed.

I sighed with relief. Finding the door that leads to the main house structure, I, slowly and quietly as I could, nudged the door open with my snout. The door didn't creak, thankfully, and as I entered, I used my front-left paw to guide the door to close as quietly as possible. I could hear Stan and Wendy, but I couldn't hear the TV, so I'm assuming they aren't actually watching TV, but are just at the TV.

"I know I messed up in the past few weeks," Stan said.

"Stan, please," Wendy interrupted, "I want to help you, I really care about you, I really just you were less...you know."

I heard footsteps and some rustling. "Deceitful? A - a liar? Or..." Stan lost his wording, and I heard his statement in a different part of the house now.

"Well you've changed, and not for the better, I feel like we're separating again. Like when the gluten disaster happened, or when you were more focused on 'Cock Magic' than my volleyball games." Wendy sounded more frustrated. This is very, very awkward to listen to, me being a third-person spectator and having no relationship with either party. Like Ray, I might have degenerated myself into a dirty eavesdropper - an asshole, per se. Still in stealth, I snuck into the living room, only to find Stan and Wendy no longer at the couch in front of the TV.

I heard Stan's voice behind me, the kitchen. "Both of those occasions, I was worried about looking like an idiot in front of my friends." I turned around to see Stan and Wendy at the kitchen.

"Like that time you tried to fit in by singing High School Musical songs and got jealous when you thought Bridon Guermo tried to steal me away." Wendy's voice was somewhat threatening. Or maybe that's just me with my cynicism. Part of me wanted to stay and listen and the other part wanted me to just get the Stick and get going. But the curious side of me took over. With that predicament, I actually do remember alot of the kids constantly breaking out into singing that week. Bridon was the male leader and all the girls were swooning over him. That was the most obnoxious week in my life and I myself was tempted to punch Bridon in the face because he was just that annoying, so condolences to Stan there. "For a guy who gets jealous, you don't seem interested in ever wanting to hang out with me."

"It's because I'm worried of looking like an idiot!" The emotional fear in Stan's eyes was so obvious even a sociopath could detect it. Wendy looked like she was going to say something, but Stan quickly stepped in. "Don't tell me you're right. You're right. I don't want to embarrass myself. Everytime I vomit, I feel like I want to kill myself."

I expected Wendy to throw another insult about Stan's needs of positive attention, maybe it's because of those TV shows I've seen where the wife/girlfriend seems all high-and-mighty while the husband/boyfriend is akin to a deadbeat whenever relationship discussions happen, and the guy seems to be the one with flaws. But this conversation went down a path I did not foresee, and that thought came to me the moment Wendy opened her mouth. "You and I...we're both the same." Wendy pulled a chair from the dining table and sat down. "Sit," Wendy commanded. Stan did as told.

I snuck closer to the two. Not too close, or they will see light bend around my body, and I will be detected instantly. I sat in the corner, listening intently. "We've been dating for how long?" Wendy asked.

"Beginning of 3rd grade, I think," Stan replied, "but we broke up for about a month or so." I remember that, but only because everyone was furiously gossiping about it during class.

"Irregardless, there's something you should know about me." Irregardless isn't even a real word, I think, odd for Wendy to say that. "I'm like you, I get jealous when you like other girls."

Stan chuckled. "Oh comeon, Wendy, I doubt Bebe's boobs situation was any worse than the High School Musical fad. Or when I was jealous when you were paired with Kyle during that egg project."

"Wait, you told me you 'didn't give two shits about what I think'." Wendy raised an eyebrow.

"Well I was wrong," Stan replied, "I was jealous, but I tried to be all cool and stuff."

"Oh. I get it. Well I wasn't referring to any that," Wendy countered.

"Oh..." Stan rubbed his chin. "What were you referring to then?

Wendy sighed. "Remember back in 3rd grade, that substitute teacher? Some young woman with black hair?"

"Oh Ms. Ellen?" Stan shrugged. "I've always wondered what happened after those Arabs took her. I haven't heard from her again since."

"Well, I may have had something to do with it," Wendy said slowly. Stan narrowed his eyes Wendy, as if to have Wendy explain. She sighed. "I have a problem. I'm really clingy, possibly more so than you are. I'm sensitive about my own looks, as demonstrated back with Bebe's boobs. When you were swooning all over Ms. Ellen, I thought I lost you. I dressed like a whore, but that didn't help. So I thought of doing one thing."

"That is..." Stan said this knowingly. I don't know any of this, having not been in their 3rd grade class. But this is pretty juicy.

"I was the one who was responsible for the Arabs. She...was shot into the sun." I could see the tears come out of Wendy.

Holy shit. She's basically implying that she was responsible for the evaporation a substitute teacher. I can feel for Wendy's devotion to her relationship with Stan. And I thought I was an asshole, but this...this is some next level shit. And I couldn't believe a "perfect" girl like her could have the capacity of committing murder. I could tell the authorities, but Wendy and Stan will just deny everything, so no point. If I gossip about it, they'll both come after me, and I too might be inevitably shot into the sun. But damn, this is crazy. I need to keep this as a reminder, a fair warning - to never fuck with Stan or Wendy. Never again.

"H-h-holy shit!" Stan's back was towards me, but I could hear the horror from his voice. Anyone can, really.

Wendy started crying. "I know what you're thinking Stan. I'm a crazy bitch. But I did it all for you!"

Listening to all this felt awkward and fluffy. I hate that feeling. Stan exhaled. "I'm not as good as I say I am. Do you remember Trent Boyette?"

"Barely..." Wendy rubbed her chin. "Preschool right?" When Stan nodded, Wendy continued. "He was kinda an asshole. That's all I can really say. Why?"

"Remember when the classroom caught on fire and Miss Claridge was nearly burnt to death?" Stan asked.

Wendy shrugged. "I do. I always thought Trent did that," Oh fuck no. I see where this is going. I don't know Miss Claridge myself, but this is going to be repulsive to hear.

"Well technically Trent did start the fire," Stan said, "but it was my friends' ideas. Me, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman."

"I think I know where this is going..." Wendy said.

"We tried to play fireman, and we thought we could put out the fire," Stan said, "so we had Trent start he fire."

"...do I want to know what 'Fireman' is?" Wendy asked. She had a knowing, smug look on her face. I don't think I want to know what that is.

"Well it's when we start a fire and guys pee on it." Stan replied. I regret listening. "But you know, that failed and she was nearly burnt to death."

"You framed Trent for that?" Wendy asked.

"Yeah," Stan continued, "then Trent came back and tried to kill us a few months ago, remember that?"

"Yeah," Wendy replied, "and let me guess: you framed Trent again?"

"Yeah," Stan replied. "I...I guess we really deserve each other." Damn right you do.

"Yeah," Wendy replied, "well, it's not much better than getting a substitute teacher shot into the sun, I'll admit."

"Wendy," Stan said, "I'm - I'm glad we had this talk actually. It felt really great just having small talks like this. Even if this kind of talk is uh...horrifying. At best. No offense or anything, but we shouldn't tell anyone about this."

Wendy beamed. "Not a word, Stan. And playing Dungeons and Dragons with you is fun, even if it's nerdy." Stan laughed nervously. "You, I've been wondering why I have Paladin powers." Yeah Wendy, why do you have paladin powers? Gee, I wonder...

Alright, enough with this nonsense. I came here for one reason: to get the Stick. As I snuck away from the kitchen and headed up the stairs, I could hear footsteps, and the TV turn on.

"Hello, Terrance, I am the doctor. Let me check inside your asshole."

Hm, didn't know Wendy watched Terrance and Phillip too, I knew Stan did. The show's alright. Funny sometimes, other times mediocre. In the upstairs hallway, there were four doors on the side and one at the end of the hall. I took the first door to the right, and immediately came into a bedroom. Going out of prowl and back to human form, I closed the door quietly and turned on the lights. There was a single bed by the window. There was a closet to my left. To my right was a desk, by the right wall were drawers, and next to me on the right was a chest. This was Stan's bedroom.

I checked the chest first. Nothing but junk. I went over to the drawers. I opened the top one first, and the Stick was on top of some underwear. Perfect. But my ears perked as I hood footsteps getting louder and louder. Shit. I quickly took the Stick, stuffed it into my trenchcoat, closed the drawer, opened the closet, and stuffed myself in. Just in the nick of time too, as I heard the door open. I heard more footsteps get into the room. "Alright, Wendy, just let me check something." I heard a drawer open. I really hope it was the drawer that I took the Stick from. My heart was beating from fear. If they find me I'm dead. I put my hands over my mouth so they don't hear me breathe. I heard whispering for a minute or so. Then footsteps getting softer. Then I heard the door closed. Then more footsteps, descending in tone.

I exhaled. Good. They won't get me today. I opened the closet door...only to find Stan and Wendy still in the bedroom. Four red, bulged eyes of hate glared me down, but neither of them were armed. Both Stan and Wendy charged at me. I screamed, panicked, stuck both my hands out, and furious winds were discharged from my hands, and the next thing I knew, Stan and Wendy were both caught in it and were knocked back, their bodies banging against the wall. I booked it. I tried to run, I went to the door but it was locked! Damn bastards, locking the door to slow me down. I unlocked the bedroom door, and tried to open it and tried to run, but a flash of light blinded me briefly.

"Augh!"

When my vision restored, I felt two cold hands around my neck. I gagged. It was Wendy's, I tried to pull her hands off, but I underestimated how strong she is. She gripped my neck harder, and I was hacking, struggling to make a sound.

"Alright Wendy, let him go, don't kill him, we don't want to be charged for murder." Stan said.

I was thrown against a wall and landed in Stan's bed. My neck was sore. My vision blurred again, and I felt a smack to my face. "Alright, give me the Stick!" Stan yelled.

"Did Cartman send this druid?" Wendy asked.

"Probably, fatass is probably..." My vision came back to me, and Stan looked at me closely. "Wait a minute, it's that Cole kid."

"Yeah," Wendy replied, "he was never sided with Cartman if I recall."

I tried to heal the hurting sensation on my face, but Wendy punched me in the rib, interrupting me. I bent forward and gripped my ribs. "No more..."

"What the fuck are you doing here kid? Breaking into my bedroom? Give me the Stick!" Stan held his hands out.

"No!" I lept off of Stan's bed and the couple backed up a little. I struggled to stand. My left arm gripped my chest. "L-let me. Let me explain." They were silent this time, but they looked at me, expecting to explain my piece quickly, and that's what I intended to do. "Have you ever wondered why we have magical powers? Or powers that let us fight like badasses? I swear it's the Stick. I think the Stick has something to do with it."

Stan and Wendy looked at each other, then around. "Hey, yeah, you're right," Stan said, "all of a sudden, I feel like I'm just really good at swordfighting. This has happened when we started to play with the Stick today."

"Also, you know, ever since the new kid showed up to town," Wendy said, "I'm also getting powers, but I haven't figured out why. Who's the weird kid with the pink hair? Who is he again?"

"I don't know," Stan replied, "everyone just calls him 'Douchebag'."

"His name is Ray," I said, "and he's really skilled with his farts."

"Ew." Wendy's face contorted with disgust.

"Well the book I have here describes someone skilled at farts who will save us from the terrors of outer space," I replied.

"What kind of terrors?" Stan asked. "And do you think Ray has something to do with that?"

"I'm not sure," I replied, "but there's also something else: a demon who's hunting the Stick, and the only way for us to stop it is for us to get to North Park."

"How do we know this is true, and not some stupid fairy tale?" Wendy asked. "There can be other explanations for us suddenly getting cool tricks and powers. Let me see the book."

Before I could get the book out, I heard a sudden explosion, crash, and lots of material breaking. The ground shook and shuddered and I fell to the ground. As I picked myself up, I saw Stan and Wendy at the bed peering out the window. I came up behind them to see what they were looking at. But there was nothing but dark hills of snow. "Maybe it's the North side of town," Stan said. "Let's get to my sister's bedroom."

We went out the bedroom and directly across the hall and opened the door, turning on the lights. It had a pink carpet and white walls. We went over to the window far in the back, and sure enough, in the distance, slightly west of north was a crashed steel, circular ship with bright lights of many colors. It was located where the South Park Mall once stood. It was a huge fireball. There were sirens in the distance, so the Fire Departman was already on its way to respond. "Oh my God," Wendy said.

"Isn't that - isn't that one of the Visitor ships?" Stan said. "Remember back in 3rd grade when Eric Cartman got an anal probe?"

"Yeah," Wendy replied. "This looks familiar." The two of them turned to me. "Cole, was this what you were talking about?"

I looked at my feet. There was no way this could be happening. I was half hoping this was just some legend. This could be it. It begins. "I...um...maybe...uhh..."

Shit.

* * *

 **Here's some things you should know about me: I don't mind reading romance fluff, I just don't like writing it, and I don't think I'm particularly good at writing it, so I found this chapter particularly difficult to write. That being said, I know that romance isn't always about fluff, and I'm going to find ways to incorporate Stendy into this story without so much fluff in the future. With the way I wrote my storyboard, I knew this was inevitably going to happen.**

 **Alot of the Stendy dialogue is based on what I've observed throughout Season 18. I felt like there were some disagreements in what Stan and Wendy wanted, and it seemed like they were separating again.**

 **This is a confusing timeline, but I will explain the process once I end this story. Also, Cole's thoughts about things (particularly about other canon characters) don't necessarily reflect my own. Except for Wendy shooting a substitute teacher in the sun. That's just fucked up.**


	9. Chapter 9: This Is The End

**Long chapter. By the way, don't be confused at the chapter title. This is NOT the end, but only the beginning.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

I looked over at the clock on the nightstand besides Stan's sister's bed. Holy shit, it's already 10:39? I must've been out of the house for a long-ass time, and I must have seriously lost track of time. I'm still in Stan's sister's bedroom, along with Stan and Wendy, and while I had quite a verbal confrontation, a UFO just crashed into the South Park Mall. It was a mess outside.

"So what do we do now?" Stan asked. He grabbed Wendy's left hand with his right hand, and I wasn't sure why.

"I think we need to see that book of Cole's," Wendy replied. I nodded. I took the book out of my trenchcoat and handed it over to Wendy. "We'll also need the Stick too." I'm not sure why they needed the Stick, but now's not the time to argue. I complied, giving the Stick to Wendy.

My throat and lips were feeling a bit dry however, I think now might be a good time for a small drink of water. "Hey Stan, mind if I get some water? I'm a bit thirsty."

"Sure, go ahead," Stan replied.

I walked out the door of Stan's sister's bedroom, took a right and down the stairs I went, and I went over to the kitchen. I could still hear Wendy and Stan talk, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Some clean glass cups no more than about a few inches tall and about three inches in radius were found on top of a white dish tray, along with several other dishes, and the tray was found on the right side of the kitchen sink. I grabbed one of the cups and went on over to Stan's refrigerator. There was a slot where I could get some ice and water. I placed the cup in the slot, pressed the button for ice, and four ice cubes the shape of orange slices poured on out. I then held down the water button and filled my cup nearly full. It didn't take me long to consume the cold liquid. Refreshing. After I was done, I placed the cup inside the sink.

All of a sudden, I heard a door creak. This was _not_ from the upstairs, but rather from the garage. My heart skipped a beat. The volume of Stan's and Wendy's voices have remained constant through my shenanigans downstairs, so I'm certain something unwanted just entered the house. "Hello?" I could hear low groaning. I could feel my heart beating faster. I don't know what the fuck entered the house, but I have a feeling this wouldn't be good. It doesn't sound like Stan's relatives, and it certainly doesn't seem very friendly from what I can tell. I unsheathed my staff from my back and gripped it with both hands. I slowly walked over toward the living room and peaked my head around a left corner.

It was the shape of a human male, but his skin was a sickly green-gray color. Blood was all over his mouth, and his clothes were ragged, torn, and bloodied. On his left arm was an armband with the Nazi Party symbol - a Swastika. "Es ist Zeit für Säuberung!"

I immediately screamed. I jumped back into the kitchen and quickly the zombie came to the entrance. "Help! Stan! Wendy, please! Help!"

"Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!" the zombie screamed. He charged at me with both hands out. I blocked it with my staff, but the zombie gripped it also. The zombie was slowly overpowering my block, and as it inched closer, I backed myself at Stan's sink and the zombie breathed into my face. It smelled like a fucking corpse, and I wanted to vomit.

I heard footsteps. "Oh shit, what is that?" I could hear Wendy from the living room.

"Kill it quick!" Stan said. All of a sudden, the zombie let go of my staff and his legs crumpled, and the zombie fell down. I could then see Stan with his greatsword standing over the zombie. He impaled its skill with his own sword. "Eat this!" Stan pulled his sword out of the zombie. "Cole are you ok?"

"How did the the...zombie get in?" Wendy asked.

"Through the garage, I think." I was breathing heavily. "We should...we should get out of here."

"But where will we go? We can't go anywhere!" Wendy asked. She was armed with a pink metal shield and a metallic longsword of her own. Then the thought must have struck her. "Oh God, I don't think I'm ready to head north."

"We don't have a choice now," Stan said. "Comeon!"

As the three of us ran out the front door I turned to the other two. "So what have we learned?"

"I think it's happening," Stan replied, "but I know a place where we can get supplies! You know where Jimbo's Guns is?"

"Yeah I know where it is!" I know of that place because that's where I once found Isaac being extorted of his lunch money a few months back. "Just let me get my brother!"

"Why?" Stan asked.

"Well I can't leave him there while zombies are crawling around!" I replied.

"Stan, what about our friends? What are they going to do?" Wendy asked.

Stan scratched his head for a moment. "We don't have time! And besides, they've gotten in these situations before! We have to trust that they'll be fine!"

"We should at least take them with us!" Wendy will likely think twice about her statement because all of a sudden, people were crawling out in the streets screaming. They were knocking each other over as more Nazi Zombies began to chase some stragglers down. It was dark outside, and a nearly-full moon shone down the sky, coupled with streetlights, it made a well lit street for me to see. "Uh, on second thought, let's just get to Jimbo's guns. Cole, we'll meet you there."

"Do you two still have the book and the stick?" I asked.

Stan took out the book and the stick from his belt. "Yeah. Hurry!"

* * *

Running past civillians, law enforcement, and zombies was a chore, and it took me a while to get back to my house due to me sneaking around stealthed in Cat Form. I couldn't travel at full speed, but I least it was very easy to sneak past Nazi Zombies since I'm virtually invisible in the dark. But when I finally got to my house, I was horrified at the sight. The left half of the front door was broken apart and lying on the ground inside and the right half was still intact. I heard a scream. _A very distinct scream_ , one I'm too familiar with. The sound of that certain screaming for help sent chills down my spine. Then it hit me.

Did I ever tell you Isaac has a very distinct scream?

I quickly went inside the house. It was dark, and barely any light shone through the house. I quickly, but quietly as I could, walked up the stairs, and rounded a right corner. "Es ist Zeit für Säuberung!" I heard. I saw another zombie break down the door and head into my bedroom. "Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!"

"Help!" Isaac cried. "Please! Someone! Don't leave me here!"

I had to act very quickly or else Isaac will be completely eviscerated. Lumbering the staff from my back and into my hands again, I charged towards the direction which the zombie went. Turning into my room, I saw the zombie's back towards me, the zombie himself inching closer to my twin. My twin held his blanket over most of his body except for his head, and tears were running down his eyes. "Help!"

"Sie werden die Führer anzuschließen!" The zombie shouted.

It was time to act immediately. I lept in and swung my staff sideways from right to left. It nailed the zombie in the legs, and it staggered, and then knelt down. What happened next was that when the zombie bent over to kneel on his right knee, he twisted his torso to his right such that he would be able to land a punch on my ribs with his left hand. I flew out of the room, and my back banged against the wall. "Ouch!" I said. I fell down to the ground, and saw the zombie turn his attention towards me. As the zombie tried to grab me, I did what I have done with Clyde previously in Cartman's backyard - I invoked the power of the bear to smack the zombie in the face with my staff. The zombie was stunned out as he grabbed his face in pain. Taking a casting stance, I casted two Wraths - a bolt of sunfire - onto the zombie, and after the second made contact with the zombie, he was completely cauterized. He let out a final scream and fell down in front of the bed where my brother sat in fear.

I was breathing heavily. Being punched into the wall hurt me quite a bit. I slung my staff over my shoulder and placed both hands over my chest to heal my fractures. While doing so, I looked up at my brother, who was still crying, but was unharmed. Pieces of wood from the broken door were in our bedroom. It was a messy sight. "Isaac, you alright?"

"Y-y-yes," Isaac slowly said, still sniffling.

"Listen to me, we're going to be fine! But we need to get out of here!"

"But where will we go? Dad's not going to be happy!"

"I don't think dad may ever come back." I shook my head. As much as I'd like to see dad again, it wouldn't be prudent for us to stick around and risk getting ourselves torn apart by Nazi Zombies. He'll understand.

"No! Please! I can't leave here!" Isaac began crying again.

I grabbed Isaac by his shoulders and shook him. "Isaac! You have powers! You're a Shaman!"

"Why would I have Shaman powers?" Isaac asked.

"We're given powers for a reason I'm not sure, but I bet it's because of that new kid. Think about it - we have powers based on our WoW mains, for some reason. I'm a Druid who heals. Ray tells me he plays a Mage, and so he got Mage powers. I know Stan plays a Warrior."

Suddenly, Isaac dropped a totem - a small cross that stood straight up. Light-blue water seemed to be leaking out of it, and I could _literally feel_ the power of water restoring my bruises. Isaac gasped. "Oh...my..."

I nodded. "Yep. Get dressed, we gotta go. I'll watch the doorway." I stood out at the upstairs hall to make sure nothing else was going to come in. I could hear clothing rustle, but then Isaac came out. He has a red chestplate strapped around his jacket, and his yellow scarf was tied around his neck loosely. "Nice. We gotta go downstairs to get you two weapons. I know dad should have two fire axes in the garage."

Both of us went down stairs. I looked around to make sure no Nazi Zombies were nearby. Our house layout was exactly the same as Stan's, and when we got into the garage, we tried to turn on the light but the power was out. "Damnit!" I said.

A fire erupted from behind me. I was scared for a moment, I thought our house lit on fire, so I turned around to see Isaac sticking out his left hand with flames on it. "Need a light?"

I chuckled. I often forget how resourceful Isaac can really be. Shamans are masters of the elements of Earth, Fire, Wind and Water, and as such, Isaac has control over fire. "Uh, they should be somewhere..." I went over to check the shoe stands first.

And already, I heard "Found them." I turned to the right where Isaac's voice must have come from to see his hands still on fire, and him holding the two fire axes, one in each hand.

"Where'd you find them?" I asked.

"By the water heater," Isaac pointed.

"Oh...odd place to put them. Alright, let's get outta here." I shuffled over to the garage to try to lift the garage by the handle. Trying to push the button to open the garage door electronically is useless since the power is likely out. I groaned as I tried to lift. The door was too heavy. "Grr...Isaac...help...me..." Isaac immediately came to my side to try to lift the door open, but to no avail. After a few seconds, I let go and staggered back, breathing heavily. It was tiresome trying to lift something, but not having enough force to resist the pull of gravity. "Fuck." I exhaled. "Um. Ok, let's just go out the front door."

"Agreed," Isaac said.

As the two of us went out of the garage, through the living room, and towards the broken front door, the other half of the front door finally broke down and landed next to its other piece. In the doorway stood another Nazi Zombie. "Du gehörst mir jetzt, Kinder!"

"No! Please!" Isaac staggered back and cowered behind me, holding both my shoulders. "Leave me and my brother alone!"

I turned around and grabbed Isaac's shoulders. "Isaac, you're a Shaman who's skilled in melee combat! You can kill the zombie! You have to kill the zombie!"

"But what if I die?" Isaac cried. "What if you die?"

I sighed. I'm about to say something I might regret later. "I'm a healer, I promise you I won't let either of us die."

"But I never won a fist fight at school before, how am I going to kill a zombie with two axes and magic I've never used?" Isaac cried again.

I sighed. I can understand where Isaac is coming from. Like for example, someone is just an average civilian living his everyday life and doesn't really have anything special about him, and one day his friend comes to the guy and tells him that he has superpowers he never knew and has to use them to defeat the ultimate evil. It can feel pretty daunting to have so much responsibility fall on your shoulders when you were never prepared for it nor prepared to wield such power. That's how I first felt when I discovered the truth about the Stick of Truth.

All of a sudden I heard rapid footsteps. I quickly turned around to see the Nazi Zombie charge straight for me with his hands out. I pulled out my staff to block the charge, and he grabbed it. The zombie is putting his entire weight on me. I staggered back and I could literally feel my back against the wall. The stench was thick with rotten meat. "Isaac...please...do...something..."

"I - I don't know!" Isaac's response is panicked, and that's the last thing I needed right now. If I try to cast magic or shapeshift, the zombie will eat me. I'm at the mercy of Isaac

"Please!" I tried to push the zombie back, but of to no avail. It was much heavier than I.

All of a sudden, a bright orange spark erupted from the zombie, and the zombie let go of my staff, staggering back and screaming. The next think I knew was that Isaac charged in. "Get away from my brother!" Both of his axes were in his hands. He rushed forward with his left axe back. The axe ignited on fire, and Isaac made a sideways slash onto the zombie, a trail of flame following the motion of the axe. A burst of flame struck the zombie and the zombie staggered back again, screaming. "Die, you racist zombie!" Isaac lept a bit into the air, drawing his axes behind his back. He made a downward swipe with both of his axes, lightning trailing both, and dual strike of Lightning struck as the axes did, obliterating the zombie, the zombie falling back and into the TV, the screen breaking and glass spraying everywhere. "Fuck! Off!" Isaac was huffing.

He was probably still shell-shocked at the situation, so I went over to pat him softly on the back. "It's alright. It's over for now."

"That felt...that felt great." Isaac sheathed his axes on his hips. "I killed a monster, and I feel like no one will stop me!"

I nervously laughed at the idiocy coming from Isaac's mouth. "Alright, let's not get carried away. We still gotta get outta here."

The two of us exited the house and the two of us immediately head west, dodging law enforcement and panicked citizens. I saw Isaac turn into a ghost wolf, and I myself turned into a stag. The two of us trotted west towards the next intersection where at the intersection would be the Park County Community Center. "From here we go right and trot to the end of the road!" I shouted to Isaac. And that's what we did.

Flame, moonbeams, and streetlights made the road well-lit for us. For now, this street was empty, so nothing really stopped us. The first intersection was a four-way intersection - to our left was the Park County Police Station and to our right the South Park City Hall. "Straight!" I yelled. It's normally a bad idea to walk directly in the middle of the road, but the town's full of chaos, and cars where everywhere.

As the two of us crossed the intersection, two more zombies blocked us off. We both immediately shifted back to our human forms and drew out our weapons. "You'll have me covered, right Cole?" Isaac asked.

I did not respond, for I heard low groaning behind me. I turned around and two more zombies approached from where we came from. "Tötet den Druiden!"

My heart lept in panick. "Oh shit! Isaac we're surrounded!"

"What do we do?" Isaac asked.

"Well we gotta take them on individually!" I replied. "I'll take on the two from behind us!"

The two zombies charged at me. I casted a Cyclone spell for about 2 seconds, and one of the zombies was lifted up in high winds. The other came charging at me still. I bashed the zombie in the face to stun him out. I then raised roots from the ground to entangle the zombie, and casted down a beam of moonlight to burn the zombie. I jumped to the Cycloned zombie, and right as the winds faded, I Cycloned him again. I turned to the other zombie to cast two Wraths at him and he was incinerated. I heard my Cyclone fade away. As the zombie rushed forth, I entanged that one in roots, casted Moonfire, then two Wraths, and he too was down for the count.

I heard Isaac's scream behind me. "Cole! Get it off me! Augh!"

I turned around. A zombie was fried by fire and lightning. The one still alive had Isaac in his grip, and had sunk his teeth into Isaac's neck on the right side. I had to act now or else Isaac will be torn apart. I immediately shifted into cat form and jumped to the zombie. I swiped my left paw at the zombie to bash it in the face and make it let go of Isaac. He dropped Isaac to the ground. I swiped again with my right paw and it staggered back. I shifted out of cat form, casted another wrath, and the zombie was cauterized. When I was sure he was dead, I ran over to Isaac. "Oh God, no!"

"It hurts so much!" Tears ran off Isaac's eyes like a waterfall as he was crying loudly. He was likely in so much pain right now. "I'm gonna die! I don't wanna be a Nazi Zombie!"

"You're not gonna die!" I looked around to see if there's any more zombies. There wasn't, thank God. I stuck my left hand out to heal Isaac's chewed up neck with nature's power. "Does that feel better?"

"A little..." Isaac's tears were beginning to cease.

I let out a deep sigh as I was healing him more. "Do you feel...woozy...infected or something?"

"I am," Isaac admitted, "but I read somewhere that it won't be fatal if you're in healthy condition."

I was taken back, shocked. "Where'd you read that?"

"My teacher taught us that the Nazi Zombie epidemic has happened ago a few years back in a small town in Nebraska," Isaac replied, "the infection only lasts for a few hours, and a healthy person won't die, he'll shrug it off after it's over with. But getting there is painful."

"I thought we're supposed to be come zombies if we got bit by one," I asked.

"No, that's usually because the victim is bleed to death while the infection is inside them, then it takes over," Isaac replied.

"Um...I guess that makes sense," I lied. I really don't think that makes sense. But what do I know? I haven't had any experience with zombies before.

"Oh god," Isaac complained, "my head hurts and I almost want to vomit."

"Don't vomit," I said. I sighed again. "Ok, seriously, why the fuck doesn't Mr. Garrison teach us this stuff - stuff that could save our lives one day? I'm actually really mad right now because I wish I knew that." Had I known that, I would have been much more aggressive in my fighting. I was only conservative because I didn't want to risk getting infected and becoming a zombie.

"I'm sorry," Isaac replied.

"It's not your fault, I guess luck just hates me," I shrugged. There wasn't any other explanation other than me ending up with a string of unluckiness. Then I remembered what Isaac just said, and it clicked in my brain. "Isaac, where did the Nazi Zombie epidemic happen?"

"Somewhere in Nebraska, why?"

"Because Ray is from Nebraska and I might be on to something. I'm not sure, but I'll need to find out."

"Where are we going?"

"Jimbo's Guns."

"Why?"

"I have some...uh, friends...that can help out. Ready to go?" When Isaac nodded, I took my hand off him. "Alright."

"Cole, I need help standing, I can't walk by myself, my body is numb and shaking." I took Isaac by the arm and wrapped his left arm around the back of me. "Alright, let's get out of here."

* * *

Luckily, we were met with no other opposition. We turned left and headed straight for Jimbo's Guns. I still to carry Isaac. He was tempted to vomit at times, but I told him not to. When we both reached the building I noticed the glass door was covered with black paper, and I wasn't sure why. I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again, only this time, louder. I could hear Ray's voice. "Who is this?"

"It's Cole and Isaac!" I replied.

The right door opened, but only at around an 8 degree angle. I looked into the door, and I saw Ray, still dressed in his green robes. "Are you sure you two are alone?"

"Yes!" I fiercely said. "Is Wendy in there? Isaac needs medical attention and she can cure diseases! I can't!"

"Well she's...busy." Ray wore a cringe on his face.

"Busy doing what?" I opened the door wider, and took myself and Isaac inside the building.

The main part of the store is rather small. There was one single large display case that also acted as a counter for the cashier. On the back were various guns and weaponry. To my left were sleeping bags, backpacks, and clothing. To my right were camping food and water bottles. "There's rations in the back," Ray said. "Come."

"Wait, there's something I need to know, Ray." I said.

"What?" Ray replied.

"Has a Nazi Zombie disaster like this happened before?" I asked.

"...I don't remember. Why?" Ray just rubbed his chin.

"I need to know, that way we can determine how to handle this," I replied.

"Look, Cole, I don't remember, if I did, then I'd tell you alright?" Ray sighed. "I'm sorry. I can't remember right now. I feel like I have a hole in my memory. That's what my parents said to." Weird. It's like either he really doesn't remember or his parents don't want him to.

As I carried Isaac to the back of the store, I could hear argument between two familar voices. Stan's and Wendy's, to be more specific. In the back, the shelves were lined up in ammunition of all types as well as actual rations - dried food, canned food, and bottles filled with pure water. As we head as far back as possible, Stan and Wendy faced each other in front of a safe vault.

"Stan, we can't leave our friends behind, it's wrong! What if something happens to them?" The couple didn't even notice us come in. If this is the "Busy" that Ray was referring to, I'm rather appalled. Now isn't the time for relationship drama, especially when Isaac can barely feel his own body.

"They'll be fine, trust me!" Stan replied.

"Fine?! You call zombies running around tearing shit up 'fine'?!"

"Wendy, listen! You really underestimate how smart our friends are and how well they can keep themselves out of trouble, we took down countless bad guys before! We managed to survive Cthulhu's Dark Dimension for Christs sake, at least give them a little credit!"

"Sorry to interrupt the discussion, but Isaac needs medical attention!" I said.

"I'm not sure what's going on, honestly," Ray said.

"It's just relationship problems, nothing more." I looked at Ray and he just shrugged.

But neither Wendy nor Stan listened to us. They just went on, and I swear both have severe tunnel vision. "But I can't sleep at night knowing that they'll get town apart, I need to see my friends and family again!"

Stan gripped Wendy's shoulders. "And you know exactly why we can't do that."

"Because we have a quest, and this town is a total disaster," Wendy answered.

Stan sighed. "Wendy, I know you miss your friends and family, I do too. But we can't do anything about them right now, all we can do is trust and pray that they'll make it out alive."

"But there's always that possibility that they won't make it." Wendy is trying her best to resist crying. "At least I still have you." Wow that sounded really cheesy.

Stan nodded. "I was just gonna say that." The couple drew into a hug. I looked to my left to see Ray's face contorted with disgust.

All of a sudden, I could feel myself tilt. My right shoulder got suddenly heaver, and Isaac slipped off me. He was on the ground but holding himself in all fours, and all of a sudden, a fair amount of vomit came from his mouth. "Aughuffhudisbfg!"

"Ew!" Stan, Wendy, and Ray said in unison, jumping towards the safe.

"Yeah, well I was just gonna say Isaac is infected." I rolled my eyes.

"Is he alright?" Stan asked. "Is he gonna die?"

"Thankfully, no," I replied, "the infection will go away after a while, and he'll be fine after, according to Isaac himself, that is. It's just better to have him healthy as soon as possible, given our situation, ya know? I just think it's the smarter thing to do."

"So aren't you going to cure him?" Stan asked.

I raised an eyebrow at Stan. "Uh, I can't cure any diseases. Which is why I need Wendy."

Isaac lied on his back next to the vomit puddle, and Wendy went over to Isaac. "Alright, I'll take care of it."

I looked at Stan, who motioned to Ray. "Ray, you know how to open this safe?"

"How should I know?" Ray asked. "I've never been here before!"

I looked at the safe again. It's about no taller than a toddler. There was a digital keypad where one would punch their number in. Then it hit me. If it's digital, then it's electronic, and water, being a great conductor, will short circuit the system. This safe looked like it relies completely on electronic triggers. "Ray, what if you sprayed water on the keypad with a water elemental?"

Ray summoned up a water elemental. He pointed at his water elemental, then pointed at the keypad on the safe. The water elemental shot out a stream of water from its mouth" and suddenly, the keypad short-circuited. Sparks flew, the keypad shut down, and the safe door flew open. There was tons of money inside. "Woah," Ray said.

"So what are we doing with the money?" I asked.

"We might need it, duh," Stan replied.

"Isn't that stealing?" Ray asked.

"Well Jimbo's not gonna use it, the town's a disaster," Stan replied, "besides, we might need it. I mean we're not going to take _all_ the money, probably only two-thousand. I'll pay him back some other time."

"Two thousand dollars?" I gasped. "That's alot of money to 'borrow', you know."

"Relax." Stan handed me four hundred dollars in $50 bills. "We'll divide up the money evenly." I put the money in my trenchcoat as Stan then handed the others money, and when I turned to see what Isaac was up to, Isaac was already standing as he took the money from Stan. I'm assuming Wendy already cured him, based on how he's standing just fine.

"So what are we doing here?" Isaac asked.

"We got some supplies." Wendy threw me a dark green backpack. "Here, I already packed what we needed. Food, water, sleeping bags, firestarters, all that other stuff."

"Where'd you find Ray?" I asked.

"Well, um..." Wendy turned to Ray. "Remember that spaceship the crashed into the mall?"

"That was a spaceship?" Isaac gasped. "I was wondering why the mall was on fire!"

"Yeah, well, when me and Wendy passed by the spaceship, we saw Ray walk out," Stan added.

I turned to Ray, my eyebrow raised at him. He sighed, taking the cue for him having some explaining to do. "I was kidnapped by aliens and taken onto the space ship. The aliens took me to some medical room of some sorts and...um...probed me." Ray had a sheepish look on his face and he blushed a little. Odd.

I narrowed my eyes at Ray. I don't think this is going to sound very good, given that Stan and Wendy were both snickering now. But I'm still a bit curious. "Probed you...how?" I looked at Isaac and Isaac just shrugged, not knowing what to say. "Like they made you swallow something, like a pill or-"

"Who said anything about swallowing?" When I heard that from Stan, Isaac and I cringed.

"Have you ever had something shoved up your ass?" Ray asked. "Like a flu pill or-"

"Um, Ray," I said. This is rather sickening. "Now's not the time to-"

"Well they injected something up my ass," Ray replied, "it's some kind of anal probe-"

"Anal...probe?" I asked.

Wendy snickered again. "Hey, at least Ray is willing to admit it, unlike Cartman." Her tone was rather snarky, and obviously there's some inside joke about "anal probes" between Stan and Wendy, and I don't want to know.

"I can show you." Ray turned around and was about to pull down his pants.

"No!" Isaac stuck his hands out. "Don't...show us. Don't."

"Thank you, Isaac," I nodded.

"What should we do now?" Wendy asked.

"We should get going," Stan replied.

"What?" Wendy said. "That's crazy, shouldn't we barricade ourselves here from the zombies or something?"

"Statistically speaking, it's better to be on the move rather than staying in one place," Isaac said.

"See? Isaac agrees with me!" Stan added.

Wendy rolled her eyes, putting on her backpack. "This is crazy, I swear."

She went over to the front door first, and the rest of us put on our backpacks and followed suit. As we went out a door, we saw something straight out on the road in front of us that would immediately make us regret ever leaving the building. It was a reddish-brownish humanoid-looking being. Its skin looked scaled and plated with armor. It had upside down angel wings, and it had two horns. The humanoid wielded two spiky glaives that glowed with cyan light. Its feet were on fire with the same color, its eyes were lighted up with that same color, and when the humanoid began to speak, its throat had the same light color and its voice was male and deep. I could literally feel the terror. When I looked closely, I suddenly realized that this is Terrorblade, like from that one video game. "So I've heard you have the stick." Shit. Terrorblade is already here.

This is the end.

* * *

 **For some wondering, this is the German translations. If I recall correctly, Nazi Zombies in The Stick of Truth always repeat the first two lines. The rest are just flavor text.**

 **"Es ist Zeit für Säuberung!" = "It's time for cleaning!"**

 **"Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!" = "We must exterminate the Jews!"**

 **"Sie werden die Führer anzuschließen!" = "You will join the leader!"**

 **"Du gehörst mir jetzt, Kinder!" = "You're mine now, children!"**

 **"Tötet den Druiden!" = "Kill the druid!"**

 **Reviewer: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far, I'm glad the Stendy wasn't as bad as I originally thought it would be, and I hope I can keep pushing quality material.**

 **Until next time.**


	10. Chapter 10: Terror

**And so it begins.**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

This is pretty much everything you don't want to happen. Someone asshole suddenly appearing with the intent to ruin your day, and possibly your life. It sucks, but what can we do? We have virtually no way to stop Terrorblade right now, given he found us here in this situation and how we're all exhausted from earlier, and I have a sneaking suspicion he knows we know something about the Stick. Which is likely why he's here at the moment, despite all the chaos that has happened in South Park within the last hour. And not to mention, Terrorblade isn't a human being, but he's a demon. A demon feared and hated by other demons, as the book said. Having played Dota, I know what Terrorblade is capable of, but what I'm confused is why we have WoW powers, but there's a Dota character here, and the Ginger Kids acted like they were playing Dungeons and Dragons, not to mention Ray being "Dragonborn" is fairly reminiscent to Skyrim. It's really confusing, so many video game stuff lumped into the real world, I just hope someone comes by to explain the situation to us soon. I remember some joke being thrown around about how everytime Morgan Freeman has to explain something about a plotline, he gains a freckle. That being said, we are in quite the shitpickle.

"Is that...is that..that can't be..." Ray stammered, his voice shaking nervously. I looked at him and his eyes looked like a deer's in headlights.

The demon brought his arms out, as if telling us to challenge him, to bring it on. "I...am Terrorblade!"

"Uh oh," Stan said in response. I didn't say anything in response. Like his name, I could feel the terror, and I knew what Terrorblade is potentially capable of. I looked to my left and both Ray and Isaac stuttered in their place nervously. To my right Stan held Wendy close to him. I looked into Terrorblade's eyes - the glowing eyes of doom that instilled fear and terror into me, and I could feel my heart beat. Maybe that's why they call him "Terrorblade", because right now, I can literally feel the terror.

Terrorblade's sneer turned quickly into a scowl, his face tilting downward but eyes still facing at us, as if glaring at us like he's a predator and we're his prey. "I came here for one thing, and I precisely know you kids have it."

"...have what?" Wendy is probably trying to play Terrorblade and would probably try to outsmart him. Unfortunately for her, a demon who is feared by other demons is probably the last person Wendy should fuck with.

"You foul miscreants, I know you have the Stick. The Stick of Truth!" Terrorblade walked back and forth. "And I didn't wait this long only to have five snotty little kids try to play stupid with me! Though...I'll admit I haven't seen the UFO crash and the zombies coming."

"That's how you got to us?" Stan asked.

"I mean what do you think I can do?" Terrorblade let out a chuckle. "I can do many things, but conjuring up aliens and zombies aren't my specialty. No, it was just convenient timing, and I used the cover of the chaos to get through the town. I mean, if I tried to walk into South Park on a normal day, I'll be spotted immediately."

"What makes you think we have whatever 'Stick' you're talking about?" Wendy said.

Terrorblade pointed at Wendy. "You should be the last one to act like a snark, Wendy Testaburger-" Terrorblade turned his gaze to Stan, "-and you, Stanley Marsh, are carrying the Stick. And I precisely know who here is Dovahkiin!" Terrorblade turned his glare to Ray. "Wanna know how I know all this - you guys having the Stick and your names?"

"...how?" I'm going to regret saying this, and this probably isn't going to be good.

Terrorblade grinned wickedly at me. "Thought you'd never ask, Cole Dimmons, brother of Isaac Dimmons." Terrorblade stepped back to the sidewalk directly across from where we were standing. To his left was a mailbox and a newspaper stand illuminated by a lightpost. He raised his left foot to kick them both down. Papers and letters flew everywhere, and what we saw in the streetlight were two kids our age tied up with their backs together sitting down. Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick to be exact. They were bruised and beaten badly.

We all gasped. "Kyle...Kenny...you - you bastard..." Stan choked.

"I've been scouting the town for days, had my eyes and ears on you kids." Terrorblade let out another laugh. "Kids these days are so fucking stupid, them just rotting their brains away with social media, brainless literature like Terrance and Phillip, and idiotic video games." He pointed at Kyle and Kenny. "Hell, these two idiots actually thought I was playing some kind of game with them when I came to capture him. And speaking of social media-" Terrorblade turned to Ray again "-did you know, Raymond Irvington, that what makes a Dragonborn's - or Dovahkiin's - power is not his farts, but his ability to make lots of friends? The farts are just tools, but the power of friendship is what makes you." Terrorblade laughed again. "Well good luck making lots of friends when I rip the Stick out of Stanley while watching your town burn down to the ground." Terrorblade is a fucking douchebag. He has us beat by a longshot, and he's taunting us. We're little kids while he's a demon feared by other demons, and he gloats about it because he knows that he's better than us.

"Um...I...that may explain the way everyone acted to me..." Ray said.

"What, your parents fed you lies, Raymond? A little amnesiac we have here, but don't worry, you'll feel the truth soon enough." Terrorblade walked back and forth again while Kyle and Kenny sat silently. "Have you ever wondered why I wanted the Stick?"

"...why?" I asked.

"Well they say whoever controls the Stick controls the universe," Terrorblade educated, "but you kids missed one important part."

"And that is?" Wendy asked.

Terrorblade looked to his left. "Morgan Freeman? Get over here and explain it to these meddling kids!"

Out of the darkness, Morgan Freeman popped from next to Kyle and Kenny and stood by Terrorblade's side. "You see," Morgan said, "when humans and orcs lived together in the forests of Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar. They loved in secret and had a child, for interracial marriage was taboo at the time. When everyone suspected the elven queen and plotted for her conviction, she prayed to God, and thus the Stick of Truth was forged in the fires of Sovngarde - the realm of heroes past - and would be passed down. The stick projects great power to begin with beyond one's imagination, but whoever controlled the Stick controlled power one can possibly imagine. But the Stick doesn't give immortality, and so the elf queen was felled to an assassin's blade who took the Stick for his own. But each time someone new gets a Stick, the Stick must be repowered by the holy flames in order to 'control it'. So far, no one has successfully breached Sovngarde."

"Wow, that...is super nerdy," Wendy said.

"Just one thing, Morgan Freeman," Stan asked. "How come every time something convoluted needs explaining you show up?"

Morgan Freeman smiled as a freckle appears as a flash of light below his left eye. "Because everytime I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle."

"Alright, shoo, get the fuck outta here." Terrorblade pushed Morgan Freeman away. "Now I'll give you kids a choice: give me the Stick, or your friends die. And if you dare try to attack me, I'll kill you all, your friends, and take the Stick for myself! Starting with Kenneth over here." Terrorblade unwrapped Kyle and Kenny as his blades suddenly disappeared. He picked up Kenny by his collar with his left hand. "I'll separate this white trash head from the rest of his body if I have to!"

"No!" Stan shrieked with fear in his voice. "Don't kill Kenny!"

"You...bastard..." Kyle muttered.

"Then do as I command you and give me the Stick! Or this little rat gets it!" Terrorblade screamed.

As the words left Terrorblade's mouth, another voice came from our left. I turned left to see a stray Nazi Zombie charging straight for Terrorblade. "Es ist Zeit für Säuberung! Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!"

Terrorblade growled. "Oh get the fuck outta here, you!" As the zombie reached Terrorblade, Terrorblade picked up the zombie by its head and tossed the zombie at a nearby car whence it came. The zombie's head must have crashed into the car's gas tank since the car and the zombie immediately exploded in flames.

"Oh...my..." Isaac said in awe.

"Now give me the Stick!" Terrorblade threatened.

It was quite a tough situation indeed. I didn't like Kenny McCormick all that much, but I couldn't watch him be decapitated by a complete asshole. On the other hand, as Morgan Freeman said, the Stick already gives power, but if Terrorblade gets it refueled at Sovngarde, who knows what kind of power he'll have and what he'll do with it, and given his track record, it's not looking good. But I didn't want to see innocent people die.

"Should we give the Stick?" Ray asked.

"We can't because then Terrorblade will control everything!" Isaac replied.

"I can't watch my friends die," Stan said depressingly, "I can't see them murdered."

"But we have a job to do though," I reasoned.

"If we keep the Stick," Wendy said, "Terrorblade will kill our friends, kill us, and get the Stick anyways. If we give it to him right now, he'll run, but at least we have time to track him down. And save our friends." Wendy with her unflawed logic, like usual.

"I'm - I'm with Wendy," Stan stammered, "I can't see Kenny and Kyle die!"

"It's up to you, really," I said to Ray.

Ray nodded. "I'm liking Wendy's idea. Alright, Stan, give it to him."

I hope we haven't made a huge mistake. As Stan slowly crept forward with the Stick in his right hand, Terrorblade swiftly snatched it with his right hand. "Ow!" Stan said.

Terrorblade then dropped Kenny on the ground. "If I ever see you kids again, I'll spread your entrails all over South Park to see. Consider this your last warning, Dovahkiin." He then ran off west into the darkness.

Stan and Wendy immediately ran over to Kenny and Kyle. "Oh my gosh, are you two alright?" Stan waved me over. "Cole! Come here and heal them!"

I nodded as I ran over and placed my hands on Kenny's and Kyle's backs, glowing with nature's power. "Alright, don't move too much, you'll both be up and running in no time."

"Shoulda let me die to be honest," Kenny said, "at least then I can come back."

"Kenny, don't be stupid," Wendy retorted.

"I - I thought I was a goner," Kyle said sadly. "I mean we went through lots struggles together Stan, but this...this is something else completely."

"I know, man, I couldn't watch you two die," Stan said.

"Cole, this is what you had to tell us?" Kyle asked. "Terrorblade? Cole, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have doubted you. Look I've been an asshole, and I hope you can forgive me."

I'm honestly not the type of person to straight up say "sorry" or "I forgive you", I'm not sure what's wrong with me. "Well, I mean there were lots of miscommunication thrown around here and there, and it's kinda my fault as well, but well...yeah, we're - we're in - we're in quite the shitpickle, yes."

Kyle and Kenny both stood up. "Alright, well Kenny and I can't come with, we gotta stay here and fight back the zombies. Where are you all headed anyways?"

"North Park," Ray replied.

"That's a long way from here," Kyle said.

"Cole will think of something," Isaac said, "he's always have!"

I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Oh come on Isaac, you put too much faith in me."

"Well we can't start the journey now," Wendy said, "it's the middle of night and I'm pretty tired. My feet are killing me."

"Well we can't stay here, for obvious reasons," Ray retorted, "so where do we go?"

"We have camping supplies, right?" Stan said. "I know of one place. I think it will bring back memories to you, Wendy."

* * *

 **Unfortunately, no action right now. Not really much more to say. Anyways, hopefully you enjoyed the chapter. Until next time.**


	11. Chapter 11: Campfire Tales

**I left out Season 19 material on purpose. Since I'm writing this while the new South Park season is going on, I'm trying to incorporate elements of this current season. But I'm going to wait until the season ends first.**

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

We ran southwest through thickets of pinewood trees, and at around 11:10 pm, we reached a open field of ice. In the middle of the field was a small lake beautifully illuminated by moonlight as the clouds parted from the midnight sky. The moon and stars lit the world, leaving a faint glow on the snow. I then immediately realized where we were. It was Stark's Pond, the pond where kids my age would go to afterschool and play around, like throwing snowball fights and stuff.

"Wow, what is this place?" Ray asked. "It's beautiful."

"It's Stark's Pond," Stan replied, "I took us here for our first date, remember Wendy?"

"Actually, I was the one who asked you out," Wendy corrected.

"Eugh, dating," Ray shuddered, "don't girls have cooties or something?"

I could tell Wendy was about to say something when she opened her mouth, but Stan cut her off. "Don't worry Wendy, Ray he didn't mean anything. He's like Butters, he doesn't know better."

Ray narrowed his eyes. "I do too!"

I felt a small shake on my left shoulder and Isaac's voice rang into my ears. "Hey, let's get wood for a campfire. I might freeze my ass off out here."

"Good idea," I nodded.

"Eugh, I'm gonna freeze my ass off out here," Isaac complained again.

I went off towards the right side of the pond. I can still hear the conversation fairly well, geez, do Stan, Wendy, and Ray have to talk so loudly? I held out my right hand and it glowed green. I did this so I can illuminate the area and see better. I went towards the trees.

I found a few twigs underneath some trees. Good for starting the fire, but doesn't sustain for long. As I gathered them, I could hear Wendy talk. "Well as I was saying, I had to ask you out because you threw up all the time." Wendy giggled to herself. Absolutely disgusting. Word on the street is that whenever Stan and Wendy try to kiss, Stan throws up all over Wendy. Who the hell does that?

This was bad. I could find nothing but only twigs. I had a pile of them in my hands, and due to the load I was carrying, the light of nature was no longer lit in my hands and everything went dark on me. I'm in complete darkness. I wasn't even paying any mind to where I was going. Very nice, Cole. I got myself lost, didn't even pay any attention. I couldn't hear anything. Then I heard footsteps. Then something poked me in the back.

I jumped. "AHHH!" I fell onto the ground, twigs all over me. "Help!"

"Holy shit!" It was Isaac's voice. I wasn't very thrilled. "Did I actually scare you? Hahahahahahaha!"

Isaac was laughing now, and I wasn't very happy. All I could do was mumble and grumble underneath my breath as I stood up and picked up the twigs. There was fire on Isaac's right hand, and Isaac held thick logs with his left arm to his body. "I hate you so very much right now Isaac."

"Cole, what were you even doing there?" Isaac asked.

"...just found a few twigs," I replied.

"You're gonna light a fire...with that?" Isaac had his eyebrow raised.

"I don't know, but I'm scared now," I admitted. I didn't like the dark very much. "Let's just go."

The two of us went back to the rest of our party where they sat right by the pond. Stan, Wendy, and Ray had shocked expressions when they saw me. "What were those screams?" Ray asked. "What happened to you two?"

I rolled my eyes. "Some stupid, sick joke from Isaac. Nothing more."

"I gotchu good, didn't I?" Isaac smirked.

"Shadup," I grumbled. I dropped the twigs on a pile right in front of Ray. "I got some wood."

"I don't see what you can do with a bunch of little sticks, honestly." Isaac dumped the small logs next to my pile of twigs.

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck you Isaac."

"Actually," Stan said, "you want to start the fire with the small twigs, that way, they will catch on fire first, and then the logs will later. If you start with the logs first, you'll have to put alot more work and effort into the fire."

"Oh, nice," I said, "how do you know this?"

Stan went over to the sticks, and began to arrange the twigs in a tripod shape. "I was in cub scouts, and they taught us how to camp out. Some basic survival skills here and there."

"You were in cub scouts?" Wendy asked. "How was it?"

"It's alright, I mean the people aren't as weird or nerdy as stereotypes make them out to be, but I'm not in it anymore." Stan then arranged the logs in a tripod in a way where the twig tripod was inside the log structure.

"Why not?" Ray asked.

"It's some stupid Pinewood Derby incident." Stan looked up. "Ray or Isaac, one of you two light the fire." Isaac caused sparks of flame on the wood, igniting it on fire. Flame, smoke, and heat came out from the wood. "Fire needs fuel, oxygen, and heat to sustain itself," Stan said, "without it, a fire cannot start. Now back to what I was saying, long story short: my dad thought it was a good idea to cheat in a Pinewood Derby contest, he somehow cheated physics, then some aliens came, learned about this, and got mad, and well...I decided it was best never to go to cub scouts again after that."

"Wow," Wendy replied. "Stan I'm really sorry." Well here we go. This is the part where the fluff comes down. "Your dad seems like a mess."

"He really is." I heard Stan sigh as I turned my vision to to fire and sat down on the snow. "I mean comeon, first he's obsessed with baseball fights! Then he went off to play Warcraft! Then he had to be a celebrity chef!"

"That was the fucking worst, your dad being celebrity chef," I commented. I went through twelve hours without food when Stan's dad was a cafeteria chef. Never again, please.

"And then there was that time your dad was Lorde." Wendy giggled. "That was pretty funny I'll admit."

"I nearly fainted when I learned how my dad pulled off being Lorde," Stan grumbled.

I then heard a whisper in my right ear. "They both should just screw and get it over with." It was Isaac's and what he just told me was very perverted. I didn't even want to think about that sort of thing.

"Haha, fuck off," I fiercely whispered back. I looked at Ray and he cringed. He probably heard what Isaac just said. "It's - it's nothing, Ray." A grin so obviously fake crept up my mouth.

Ray narrowed his eyes at me. "Ok, Cole."

"So let me get this straight, Cole," Isaac whispered, "and I should have mentioned this back in Jimbo's store, but you teamed up with two of the biggest douchebags? They were mean to us! Weren't you complaining about them earlier today?"

I made a hissing sound under my breath as I just realized Stan and Wendy were already silent. "Shut up, idiot! They can hear us!"

"Oh come on, they can't..." Isaac rolled his eyes and he too realized that Stan and Wendy must've heard us. And boy were they angry.

Predictably, Wendy was the one to blow up. "Do you two have something you want to share?!"

I peered to Isaac, whose eyes were wide open with fear. I then turned to Stan, who wasn't showing as much emotion as Wendy, but he too is likely to be pissed deep inside. I turned back to Wendy. "I...uh, actually don't...no..." I simply muttered. We were in for it now.

"'We both should just screw and get it over with'? What the fuck is wrong with you, Isaac?" Wendy was seething in anger now.

"W-Wendy, it's just a joke!" Isaac tried.

"No, what the fuck is wrong with you, Isaac? That's not socially acceptable!" Wendy stood up in front of us, and Stan's look on his face was more concerning than mad now. Ray's expression was blank. "You're a creep, you know that? You call me and Stan douchebags, but literally no one likes you!"

I think Wendy is going a bit overboard to be honest here, despite Isaac's poor joke. "Wendy, lay off."

"Oh, so now you rush in to defend your idiot brother, huh?" Wendy yelled.

"What?" I said. "I-I'm not defending him! I'm just saying that I think he already enough of what he deserved, that's all!"

"Wendy, comeon." At least Stan has my back.

"Oh comeon, Cole, that is bullshit!" Wendy screamed. "I know deep down you're just jealous of Stan, that's why you're trying to white knight your own brother!"

I made out a scoffing sound. "Ugh, what? That doesn't even make sense! And also, why would I be jealous of someone dating a girl who shot a teacher into the sun while he himself framed another kid for arson?" As soon as that came out of my mouth, I immediately covered my mouth with both of my hands. Shit. I said exactly what I should have not said. I made it clear I knew something I should not have known. If it wasn't clear beforehand that I was eavesdropping on their "date", it is clear now. There was silence for several moments where no one said anything. Stan stood up now, and both were right above me. I stood up too. Both of them glared deep into my eyes. Ray and Isaac still sat down in the snow next to the fire. "...sorry."

"Get...out...now..." was all Stan could muster.

It was probably for the better of me. I went away from them and walked over to the very edge of the lake, then say down, curling myself into a ball. I could still hear them shouting. "I'm guessing he heard things you didn't want him to hear," Ray said.

"That Cole kid is a fucking asshole!" Stan yelled. "He totally eavesdropped on my date with Wendy!"

"Well to be fair, I was the one who told him you had the Stick," Ray said.

"So this was your idea?" Wendy yelled.

"What? No! All I told Cole was to steal the stick from you, I swear!" Ray's voice was getting nervous. "I honestly had no idea you were revealing to each other your...dark secrets, I'm assuming those were what they are, yes. And it seems to me you and Stan have hated the twins."

"How can you not hate them?" Stan said. "They're even more annoying than Butters! You know who that is, right?!"

"I know who Butters is," Ray replied, "and yeah. He's pretty annoying. I know what you're saying. But we still have to stick with each other, right? We're on a mission, right?"

"Cole bashed my face in, spied on us, then tells you and Isaac my darkest secrets, and you expect me to live on and forget about it?" Wendy said. "I swear he's an even bigger asshole than Cartman, in fact, I wouldn't mind if he just killed himself right now!"

That hit me in the heart. I guess that's how they really feel about me. I know they didn't like me very much but I didn't think that they'd want to see me over Cartman dead, and that hurt alot. I just buried my face in between my legs and began to cry softly, tears staining my robes.

I could still hear them. "Wendy, that's enough," Stan said.

"Stan, Cole spread really horrible things about us!" Wendy yelled.

"I think we went too far," Stan defended. Huh, now Stan wants to defend me? Funny, he's really wishy-washy, "I mean really, he must've heard you tell him to kill himself. Wendy, please, that's just...wrong."

Wendy sighed. "Well someone needs to set him straight. He's mean, angry, cocky, volatile, I mean what's to like about him?"

"He's not like that at all," Isaac said. "He's a great brother. He smacks me when I do something wrong, but he'll always be there for me."

"Isaac, what do you know?" Wendy retorted, "You're like Butters-"

"Cole's the first friend I made in this town," Ray interrupted, "and honestly I'm not fond of many people. Every here is a two-faced bitch. I mean no one else is as wholesome as Cole, even though you're right, Cole is pretty volatile. Well, actually, there's Kenny. He's alright, but him being a Japanese princes is really, really weird."

It was pretty kind to hear Isaac and Ray stick up for me, even if Ray didn't know me very well. I'm glad they had my back. As I began to cease crying, I looked up into the sky and noticed a bright green light near the moon. That's weird, I'm not sure what would cause that green starlight to form, it is larger than the other stars in the sky, it certainly can't be the planet Venus, and I've never noticed it before until today.

"When I came to South Park, I wasn't interested in making friends," Ray sighed, "I just wanted to be left alone to my iPhone, but my Dad enjoys living his life through me. He wanted me to go out there and make lots of friends, he wants me to be popular because it makes him feel good. He's kind of a dick." That really sucks. It doesn't sound like Ray likes his parents, or actually his Dad. He hasn't talked about his mom.

"What about your Mom?" Stan said.

"She's alot nicer than my Dad," Ray replied, "I like her more, honestly."

"That doesn't answer the question about Cole," Wendy said, "I mean I don't like him but we can't leave him back in South Park. And what about Isaac?"

"Wendy, can we please just lay off them?" Stan asked. "You're actually getting on my nerves now."

"How can you possibly defend them, Stan?" Wendy growled. "Isaac just now told Cole we should have sex!"

"Because we need them!" Stan said. "They need to be with us just because-"

"Can I please say something?!" Isaac sounded rather frazzled and frustrated. His tone and speed of his speech made him sound like he was very impatient, like he really wanted to give his piece. There was silence, then Isaac continued. "Cole isn't what you think he is. He's actually an introvert, like I. He just wants to be left alone. But...there's more." Isaac let out a harsh exhale and sighed. "We were both happy, both carefree. But ever since...ever since Mom died when we were young...we began to change alot. Cole became the big brother to me...because someone had to be strong. But luck wasn't on Cole's side. Elementary school...the fourth grade classes feels like two different societies...where one is kinda normal, carefree - that was the one I dealt with...the other was more petty and superficial - Cole had to deal with that." There was more silence, then Isaac began to escalate. "That being said, you both are dicks!" Isaac yelled. "You're dicks to Cole, you're dicks to me, you're dicks to each other, and you're dicks to your own friends! Ray's right, you both are nothing but two-faced bitches! Cole tells me everything, whatever shit that goes down in Mr. Garrison's class...from the shit with Wikileaks...the two weeks fiasco with PC Principal, and thank fuck he's gone now...or the Kim Kardashian stuff, the High School musical fad, or you know, the cutest boys list."

"Oh yeah, I always wondered what was on the real cutest boys list," Stan said.

"As far as I remember," Wendy replied, "Cartman was on the very bottom." As she said this, Ray, Isaac, and Stan chuckled a little.

"The point is, Cole's naturally an introvert, but all this drama forces him to toughen up, but in reality he's no tougher than I am. He became irrational because he's not comfortable with his classroom environment, he says that it's too dramatic and uptight, and he doesn't like it no more than I do." Isaac is right. I don't know what I am, overtime I've morphed into something that I wasn't supposed to be, I became who I really wasn't, and now I'm lost. I guess it's one of those side perks for having a twin, no less an identical one. We know each other like the backs of our hands. I had to act strong for Mom because my dad and my brother were both very fragile at the time. But all my experiences with fourth grade made me rash.

"...wow," was all Stan could say.

Isaac began to freak out. "Wow? That's really how you feel? Such sarcasm, you know what, fuck you Stan. I'm going to bed, goodnight." I don't agree with Isaac's assessment, to be honest, I think he misinterpreted Stan's reaction. But whatever, I'm too tired to stop Isaac. I heard movement, and I'm assuming Isaac got up and left the campfire.

"Oh nice going, Stan," Wendy retorted.

"Me?" Stan growled. "You're the one who told Cole to kill himself! I'm just trying to defend Cole!"

"So you're trying to throw me under the bus again, huh?" Wendy said. "Don't act for me Stan, you defending Cole, you were trying to make yourself look good, as usual, I should have realized this sooner. You don't like them anymore than I do."

"Why don't you trust me?" Stan cried. "You always make it seem like I'm a liar or I'm deceitful!"

"Because you always avoid me all the time!" Wendy countered. "You always make up some shitty excuse to avoid me. 'Oh, I need to play superheroes.' 'Oh, I need to smoke cigarettes and burn the school down.' 'Oh, I need to jack it in San Diego.' You wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend with me, but I wish you actually put forth the effort! In fact, Kyle went out of his way to help us deal with Heidi Turner spreading malicious rumors about Allie Nelson going to the abortion clinic while you wouldn't have done such a thing! You never want to talk, but you pull off stupid stunts like doing a high school musical, or ask me to photoshop myself! It's like I'm nothing but a trophy to you!"

There was silence. Then Stan must have got up when I heard him say, "...you're right. I guess I don't deserve you. I am...sorry." He must have walked off with Isaac afterwards.

For about three minutes or so no words were exchanged between Ray and Wendy. Neither made a sound. Then Ray must have gotten up when he said. "I'm...gonna go talk to Cole."

Moments later, I heard footsteps and heard someone sit next to me to the right. When I turned my head, I saw a faint pink outline of the person's hair, and immediately I knew it was Ray's. I didn't hear anymore footsteps, I'm assuming Wendy didn't actually go to bed yet. "The nights are beautiful here," Ray said in awe.

I appreciate Ray's attempt at making small talk, but it wasn't making me feel better. But I bit anyways. "The green star is something."

"Wait what?" A moment of silence came before Ray spoke again. "Yeah, I haven't seen that before. Don't know what that is."

"I know why you're really here," I grumbled. "Just say it."

"Well I wanted to come and apologize." Before I could ask Ray what he could possibly apologize for, he went on. "I could have backed you up...or at least diffused the situation before it got out of hand." He let out a sigh. "There's something else you should know about me, and honestly, that was pretty self-centered of me."

"The rivalry has been around for months," I retorted, "I mean I appreciate you care, but you wouldn't have made the difference."

"True, hehe," Ray said, "I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not a nice guy. I just don't have a need to shove my problems down everyone's throats like what people here seem to be doing."

"Yeah," I said, "but I feel like crap. I mean I don't understand why they've hated me so much, I don't understand why the entire class turned against me. It's not fair." I could feel tears from my eyes again. "And now I feel even shittier. I feel like I ruined Stan's and Wendy's relationship, I feel like I dragged everyone into the mess, I just wish I were living life normally, I just wish I could have never been in Garrison's class. And the worst part was, I was jealous of kids like them because they had everything. But at the same time, I feel shitty of myself, I feel like I have ruined everything. I ruined the evening." I cried louder now. I was confused. I wasn't sure what to think. They were everything, but at the same time they were nothing, which doesn't actually make sense.

"How did this all happen?" Ray asked.

"Well I'm not sure, I don't remember." I really don't. "But I think it started with Craig and Clyde, then everyone joined in. It was fourth grade. I didn't fit in with the 'cool kids'. And as Wendy said, I guess I really don't matter to them."

"You have people who care about you, I'm sure." Ray let out a cough. "From what I'm seen, Isaac really looks up to you as a big brother. You have friends at this school right?"

"I do, yeah, but I never get to see them except recess," I replied. "It's pure torture. I could be having fun with them, but noooooooo, I have to deal with stupid drama that shouldn't belong anywhere except for a cliche high school soap opera. I hate being compared to my classmates. I feel like shit inside."

I heard more footsteps, but it wasn't Ray's. It was probably Wendy's, she probably heard everything, but I was too tired to care. "Comeon, let's go to bed." Ray stood up. "Oh and Cole, thank you for being the first great friend I made today. You really matter to me, Wendy and Stan are dicks, and your brother is kinda of an idiot to pull off that poorly-timed sex joke. Disgusting, if you ask me."

I rolled my eyes. "Haha, I know, right?"

"You really straightforward and honest, and that's something only you seem to value, which I like."

"Well, I'm not honest all the time," I admitted.

"But you're definitely more genuine in your words and actions, I can see it." I could hear Ray's footsteps. "Well, we should get some rest. We've a big day tomorrow."

"Agreed."

I stood up and went over with Ray to lay out our sleeping bags with the other three, who were already asleep. I set my sleeping bag down between Wendy and Isaac, and I shoved myself in. I took my twig crown off and set it aside. Then I heard Wendy's voice whisper into my ears. "Hey Cole, that was mean of me, what I said earlier. I'm really sorry for that and I hope you can forgive me." I didn't say anything. I didn't want to say anything nor did I know what to say. "I - I understand. I guess you just want to be left alone for now. Good night."

My dry eyes drifted at the sky and towards the green star underneath the moon. For whatever reason, I imagined the green light getting larger, brighter, and closer...

* * *

 **Maybe Stan and Wendy came off as too big of jerks.**

 **Random Trivia of the day:**

 **I first posted this fanfic about a year ago (the old Stick of Truth fanfic doesn't exist anymore so don't go looking for it), and there were some key differences between the predecessor and this one. The first was that Isaac did not exist (thus Cole was an only child), and there were remnants in the first chapter that showed that. The second was that the Stendy was not intended, and thus the only two important characters would have been Cole and Douchebag (Ray). However, as I went through further with the story, I realized that it wouldn't be a very "South-Park-like" story to not have any canon characters. I was originally going to have Butters and Kenny in place of Stan and Wendy, but I decided I liked the pairing Stendy too much. I also planned a Five Nights At Freddy's sequence, but I cut that out. Cole was originally going to be of the Paladin class (not healer) and Ray was originally going to be a Priest (likely the most equivalent to the Jew in game). Then when I introduced the Stendy, I was going to make Wendy the healer and Stan and tank (thus reinforcing the cliche that the girl is the healer). I then introduced Isaac later on, who ended up becoming sorta like a foil to the rest of the party and changed Cole from a Paladin DPS to a Druid healer. Cole was originally supposed to inherit Isaac's personality, but that would be fairly cliche for main OC to be shy.**

 **Why did I choose Stan and Wendy specifically? Because I genuinely like the pairing. I think it's pretty great, yes.**

 **Ray most shares my personal feelings (since he's supposed to be Douchebag in the game) about other characters. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think M &T wrote the characters really well in their show, but if I met them as if I were Douchebag himself, I'd stay far away from them.**


	12. Chapter 12: The Harbinger Comes

**I might have made Stan and Wendy come off too harsh last chapter. The "they should screw and get it over with" joke came from Ass Burgers about Wendy and Kyle from two creepy boys. Also, yeah, Trey Parker did once say that Wendy and Stan had sex, but he also said he was joking. I didn't bother looking for it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

There was darkness within me. Darkness all around me. Darkness blinding me out. I could feel myself, I could feel my own heartbeats, but I couldn't see anything. I had no vision, no feeling except for the clothing on my back. Then all of a sudden, a surreal environment came into the folds of my mind, blotting out the darkness. I saw nothing but green grass around me, and in front of me was a crystal blue lake. Curious on what the surface of the lake would reflect back, I peered in. I saw myself - but a younger version of me. I was no more than about three years old. My hair, body, everything about me was the same, but I was just as small as a three year old.

A serene female voice called out to me. It was a voice I swear I could almost recognize from years ago. "Cole, honey, don't fall into the water."

I immediately turned around. There was a man, a woman, and a kid about my age on a picnic blanket underneath a tree. The picnic blanket was colored in a red and white checker pattern. All of the people shared my Caucasian skin tone. The woman had black hair that went down a little past the back of her neck. She had bright blue eyes, and she was no older than twenty-five. She was beautiful, with a well-toned body, lush cheeks, and a beautiful smile. The man is about the same age, and he too was well toned for an adult male. He had eyes as blue as the woman's and my own, short blond hair no longer than an inch or so, and a heartwarming smile. Around his neck was a yellow scarf. He reminded me alot like my bad. The kid was virtually a younger Isaac, with the same hairstyle, same clothing, same everything, except he was missing his yellow scarf, and he was also three years old. Then it hit me - it was like a memory from past. The woman with black hair was my mother.

"Mom..." was all that I could muster. I couldn't believe it. She's here. This can't be real. This has to be a dream. I sound three years old, although in reality I'm nearing ten now.

"Come here sweetie." She had her arms out. With instinct, I came running to her. She took me in her arms as I wrapped my own around her. "Aww, you're really cute."

"Mom!" I said. I held my mom tighter in my arms, almost squeezing her sides.

"It's ok, honey." I felt a kiss on my right cheek. "I'm always there for you."

But then I felt nothing. I wasn't in my mom's lap anymore. I fell to the ground. I looked up, and she wasn't there. I looked around. Only my dad and Isaac remained, staring at me. "Mom!" I looked around in panic. "Mom!"

"We'll all be together again soon Cole, stay strong," Dad smiled. He began to fade away into nothing as well. I ran to Dad to reach out and grab his hand, but my hands slipped through him.

"Dad! No!" I cried.

I looked to my brother Isaac. He waved at me and smiled. "We'll be together again as one happy family." He too faded away soon after.

"Isaac!" I tried to grab him too, but of to no avail as he faded into nothingness.

I looked at the lake again, which was now completely drained. Only rocks and dirt remained in its place. There was no explanation - logical or symbolic - I could find for this. I wasn't sure. I must be having some horrible nightmare. My entire family disappearing from my eyes. Then I felt a quake and I jumped - quite literally...

* * *

I don't know what hit the ground just now, because I was shell shocked by the shockwave that jumped me out of my sleeping bag. I must have landed on my back because the cold snow sent a freezing sting into my spine. My brain lurched in pain due to the manner of which I was awoken from my nightmare. As I opened my eyes, I saw the moon, but at a different position than when I first fell asleep. More notably, the green light was no longer in the sky, but at the bottom edge of my eyes I could see a green aura being given off. I raised my head to see a familiar figure that I might have seen before in a video game. The figure took the form of a sickly green gryphon-chimera fusion, with a demonic-shaped head and a demon-twisted expression, its mouth jagged and green light coming out of its eyes and throat, the same tone as the star I saw earlier this night. The figure was made of black obsidian stone with stone wings, a brown gryphon-like waist, and green aurora lines all over its body pulsating with green lights. It had two arms and four legs shaped like a bird's legs, and in the gryphon's right hand was a large staff also made of obsidian with a green power crystal on the tip.

"No way..." I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew exactly where this character came from. "Not you too..."

"Ugh..." I heard Stan get up from me to my left. "...what the fuck is going on..."

"...what is that?" Wendy's gasp was rather nervous.

The stone gryphon spoke with a rough voice. "I could hear you all caterwauling from clear out on the rim. And so I'm here to teach you all a lesson - of teamwork." He raised his staff, and swung it downwards, and a bright arcane orb was launched - towards me! I tried to get up and run, but the orb was too quick, and it exploded on my face. I flipped backwards and grabbed my face, the magic blast burning and stinging me.

I grabbed my seared face in pain "Ow! What the fuck!"

"Don't give it a thought," the gryphon simply mocked.

"Get him!" I heard Wendy yell.

I opened my eyes. Stan, Wendy and Isaac drew out their weapons and tried to charge the gryphon, but it simply flew up. "I seems I've overestimated your intelligence." The gryphon let out another haughty laugh again. "You really think you can hit a flying target with swords and axes?"

A frostbolt and an ice lance came into contact with the obsidian gryphon's face. Both projectiles exploded onto his face. The gryphon turn his glare to my left - onto Ray. As I stood up, the gryphon spoke again. "Damn mages. Here, I'll give you a little pause." Ray was suddenly lifted up from the ground, and moments later, he disappeared and was encased in a bright blue bubble of light. "Your sanity, eclipsed."

"Ray!" I yelled. I tried to reach out for him, unfortunately, I just realized that he was banished from the physical plane.

I tried to heal my face again, but I was smacked by another magic blast, this time from my right side. I rolled over again but stood up quickly. "Morons, I thought the number one rule of any fight is to protect your healer."

I heard roars from Stan, Wendy, and Isaac, but it didn't sound like their weapons connected with any object. Those idiots really think they can swing their sword at a flying target? Suddenly, I heard a sound of a door closing, and Ray came back from the bubble. He had his mouth open and his eyes were unfocused. "Cole?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I feel...stupider."

I cringed. I suddenly remembered what the gryphon was capable of - he could literally steal people's intelligence temporarily and turn it against them. Then when I peered to my right, and that's when I saw Stan, Wendy, and Isaac up next close to me with their weapons out, as if acting like my bodyguards. "Well, you can't kill Cole now!" Stan shouted. "He's with us!"

I let out a small groan. Oh no, my friends don't realize the gryphon's power. "Guys, we need to spread out. Now!"

But it was likely too late, as the gryphon began to rise and the air and lift his staff to the sky. "I'll snuff out your sanity."

All of a sudden, I was consumed by an arcane blast that ripped apart the snow around us. A burning rush of winds seeped into my mind, tearing my brain apart. "Ah!" All five of us screamed. I grabbed my head and I felt like it was completely fried out. It's like the feeling whenever Mr. Garrison gives us a quiz about pop culture.

"Ah what the fuck?" Stan cried. "Fuck! My head hurts so much!"

"What is this guy?" Wendy added.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the gryphon in front of us down on the ground again. "Hahahaha. I go by many names. Obsidian Destroyer, Outworld Destroyer, Outworld Demolisher, Outworld Devourer, and, funnily enough, even Outhouse Decorator." He let out another harsh chuckle. "But you can all call me 'Harbinger'. Like the Harbinger of the End Times."

"Are you gonna kill us?" Isaac asked. "Please don't kill me!"

"No," the gryphon replied.

"Then why attack us?" Wendy asked. "You nearly fried my brain out!"

"It was a test of friendship, and you failed." The gryphon took flight again. "I thought Dovahkiin here was capable of bringing the power of friendship and the Voice to restore the stick. But from I observed of you all a few hours ago I guess he's incapable of doing so." The gryphon faced Ray. "But unfortunately, I can't take over your job. It's not my fate."

"What do you even know about friendship?" Stan said. "What are you anyways?"

"The exercise was to see how long you can last against me." Harbinger twirled his staff around while his wings beat with the rhythms of eternity. "You kids didin't even last one minute. You don't work like a team, you all move as if you're disconnected from each other. How are you going to take down Terrorblade should he reach his full power?"

I gasped. "You know about the Stick?"

"Of course I know about the Stick of Truth!" Harbinger curtly replied. "'He who controls the Stick controls the universe.' It's not some stupid fairy tale. And how would I know anything about friendship? Are you guys familiar with the game of Dota 2?"

That came back to me. Of course he too was from Dota 2, how could I be so stupid? When no one else said anything, I stepped forward. "I play Dota 2 sometimes."

"Then you are familiar with team-based gaming, yes?" Harbinger asked. "The objective to kill the enemy ancient?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Good, that will save us some time." Harbinger landed on the ground, and snow erupted from his landing point as his landing shook the ground again. "Did you know that the game was actually based on events that happened in the universe decades, if not centuries, ago?"

"Wait, you're telling me that Valve the company coincidentally ended up creating a game based on real events?" I could hear Ray walk back and forth.

"Pretty big coincidence there, huh Dovahkiin?" Harbinger cleared his throat. "I aligned myself with four other people - a pyromancer, a paladin, a magnetic warrior, and a dark ghost with a blade. Our job was to bring down Terrorblade and his allies." Harbinger closed his eyes. "We didn't get along very well. We made many mistakes - myself included. We blamed each other when things when awry. We refused to listen to each other, we thought our own way was the right way. We called each other insults and names - idiot, noob, loser, faggot. That was the reason Terrorblade is allowed to be around now." Harbinger covered his face. "We're all different. But everyone needs friends to get places. Did you know that humans are naturally in need of love and positive social experiences?"

Only Isaac said "no." The rest of us kept silent.

"When we failed our jobs, we never saw each other again. We weren't on speaking terms. And I say this because I don't want to see you all destroy yourselves like how my ex-friends did. I'm no fluffy person, but yes, you all are different. You have different experiences with different ideals and, as such, naturally you will clash every so often." I saw Wendy raise her hand to try to say something, but Harbinger stuck out his hand as if to halt her. "Hush now, you're no holy grail. But those same differences can be used to cover your own weaknesses, thus making you stronger." Harbinger let out another yawn. "You're young kids - you're carefree, you just want to play games and have fun and not be burdened with having to take back a sacred artifact, but realize this - good friends who work together can destroy any problem. I know it sounds cheesy, but...it's something I should have told my allies a long time ago."

That felt literally like every single solo game I've played of Dota 2, where someone freaks out and rages whenever things don't go our way. Or every WoW dungeon run where someone makes a mistake and the rage begins. I was amazed how someone could connect video games to actual friendship. But alas, it works, and I should give credit to Harbinger for doing so. I guess he really is intelligent after all.

"There's something else I want to say," Harbinger continued. "They say Dovahkiin's real power comes from his collective friendships. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean he should make as many friends as possible on Facebook. Think about it." Maybe Harbinger really means that you just need a few very good friends to tackle any problem. "I predict that if Terrorblade does not die by the end of this Friday, he'll become an unstoppable force." Makes sense, given how fast Terrorblade is. "Oh and one more thing: the American government is going to be hunting for your asses."

"Why?" Stan asked.

"This disaster has happened before - concerning the same Dovahkiin here." Harbinger pointed at Ray. "They want to cover things up. Word on the street is that the spaceship crash is being disguised as a new Taco Bell."

"I don't remember anything." Ray just shook his head. "My parents keep insisting nothing happened."

"You'll remember soon enough." Harbinger let out another yawn. "You know where to go right?"

"North of North Park to the Sol Lighthouse?" Wendy replied.

"I'm surprised you already knew," Harbinger replied, "I'm assuming you all read the book. Where is it?"

"I have it." Stan took the book out from his belt and showed it to him.

"Keep it," Harbinger replied. "Wait, where did you find it?"

"I found it in my school library," I replied.

Harbinger only held a confused look on his face. "Huh. I wrote that thing back in 1930 should the Stick ever show up. I didn't think it would show up in the elementary school of a humble mountain town in midwest America."

Stan chuckled under his breath. "South Park isn't that humble."

"I'll see you all at the Sol Lighthouse, but it's time for me to get going. I have to help purge the Nazi Zombie outbreak as well." Harbinger groaned. "Ugh, this isn't the first time this happened either. Those damn fucking visitors can't contain their bacteria nor do they know how to properly pilot a spaceship." With that, Harbinger flew away towards the direction of South Park.

"I wonder if I should have told Harbinger I killed the pilots on the spaceship..." Ray rubbed his chin.

"You caused the crash?" Isaac took Ray's shoulders. "What's wrong with you?"

"They fucking probed me! I had to find a way out!" Ray turned to Stan and suddenly a smirk crept up his face. "By the way, Stan, your dad and Craig Tucker also got probed."

"What?" Stan's eyes enlarged themselves. He was probably in shock and awe when he heard that.

I checked my phone. It read 5:20 am. "Huh. 5:20. Guess we're not going back to sleep at this rate. Should we get going now?"

"What's wrong, Wendy?" Stan asked.

I turned to face Wendy, and she only stared at her own feet. "It's about what Harbinger said about friendship..." She gave out a long sigh. "I've said some mean things to you all last night. I was being a bitch, and the worst part was that I meant it all too, well...I just want to apologize for giving you all trouble."

"I shouldn't have made the sex jokes," Isaac apologized, "nor should I have called you all douchebags."

"Wendy," Stan said. "I guess we have issues trusting each other. I mean that's what couples are supposed to do, right? Trust each other?" He sighed and put his hands out. "I'm a shit boyfriend. I haven't put forth effort, and I've been treating you like some sort of prize or something, or well, I don't know how to explain it...I really don't."

Wendy nodded. "It's alright, Stan, I gave you a hard time as well, and well there is one way to make it all up. For each other, of course."

"How?" Stan asked.

Wendy wasted zero time leaning over to Stan to kiss him in the lips. I guess she didn't want to give Stan time to throw up on her, haha. I peered to Ray who had covered his eyes. "Ew!" I chuckled underneath my breath. Ray will understand love later, if not now. I mean, besides, it's not like every fourth grader in the world has a boyfriend or girlfriend.

When Wendy and Stan separated, she immediately juked to Stan's right to avoid being hit by the barrage of vomit sprays that came forth from Stan. The vomit hit Isaac's legs, unfortunately. "Ew!" Isaac complained.

As Ray wasted no time summoning up a water elemental to have it spray the vomit off of Isaac, Wendy fluttered her eyes and smirked. "Sorry. Stan just gets really nervous and queasy around me. All boys get nervous around their girlfriends, trust me."

I just stood there, not sure what to make of it. I really don't. From an outsider's point of view, someone would think that Wendy smelled really bad. But she doesn't, in fact she often wears perfume on her. I could still faintly smell it on her, despite our predicament. I kinda wanted to get back on track to be honest. "So what do we do about North Park? How do we get to Sovngarde before the end of Friday? We need a car."

"Well there is a way to get a car..." Stan shrugged. "Um...I hope you're all comfortable with breaking huge laws, because you're not gonna like this..."

Wendy rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, Stan, it can't be that bad..."

* * *

 **I'm only introducing one more Dota character, and none of them are going to show up for a while. From here, the journey to North Park and north of that begins. As for laws being broken, I'll leave it up to the reader's imagination.**

 **Writing this chapter...felt weird. If anything, I wasn't exactly comfortable introducing another Dota character because I was afraid of pushing this story into the threshold of becoming a crossover, even though I only placed two out of a hundred characters into the South Park universe. Then again, Matt and Trey did place characters from other media into South Park (such as Mickey Mouse for example), so I guess that could slide(?).  
**

 **That being said, if you played Dota, you should immediately understand OD's message.**


	13. Chapter 13: Grand Theft Auto

**Terrorblade and OD were two of my favorite Dota 2 heroes. Most of the Dota 2 hero backstories are fairly generic, but those two I found interesting, and if interpreted in certain ways, I could easily incorporate them into my fanfic. Also, Dota games also flow similarly to this - you rage and blame team until you win, then you're all friends (unless you lose the game that is). Also, as for the WoW powers, Morgan Freeman explained back in Chapter 10, "The stick projects great power to begin with beyond one's imagination, but whoever controlled the Stick controlled power one can possibly imagine."**

 **Also because it's South Park, and if M &T drag other literature and media into their own show, that means I could do the same :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

At 5:35 am, we found ourselves at the parking lot of the South Park Police station hidden behind a bush that stretched from one corner of the parking lot to the other.. We already packed our stuff back into our backpacks. I was particularly uncomfortable kneeling down because of how cold the ground was, and I swear I could freeze my knees off. It was probably no more than 60 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and I could see the sky slowly light up, but the circumference of the sun did not pass the horizon yet. As I twirled the twig crown in my hands, I saw two policemen smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee outside.

"I heard the Nazi Zombies are receding here," one police officer said, "but it's spreading to Middle Park." Hm, shit. That's something I did not account for. If the plague already reached Middle Park, then it's only a matter of time until it reaches North Park. That could potentially pose a problem for us in the long run.

The second officer blew smoke from his lungs. "Hey, at least we don't have to deal with it, no more, thanks to those little kids playing Dungeons and Dragons." As the words left his mouth, the two officers laughed. What assholes - they basically implied that they had the children use their WoW powers to clean up the mess while they sat on their asses telling racist jokes. Then again, the police in this town wasn't exactly the most competent ever. That being said, I do hope the kids are alright, but the kids here are well known for surviving disasters like these and staying out of trouble. This also implies that they police have no idea that Harbinger existed, and due to a lack of zombies, I could conclude that Harbinger did clean up the mess in South Park.

"What do you think the new Taco Bell is going to serve?" the first policeman asked.

"I really hope the bring back the Doritos Locos Tacos, man I enjoyed those," the second replied. Those are pretty good, yes, but it's pretty clear the police officers didn't know an actual UFO crashed. Or maybe they just didn't pay any attention.

"It's been a long damn time since I had some Mexican food," the first said.

"Authentic Mexican food, yes," the second added. Then both of them started laughing. Taco Bell...authentic my ass.

The shrill whisper of Wendy came into my ears. "Stan, this is a retarded idea. They're cops for Christ's sake." Sometimes, I enjoy the lovely banter of our "loveliest" forth grade couple, and this is one of those times. "I expect the stupidity from Cartman, or maybe even Bebe, but you? Comeon!"

"We'll be fine," Stan whispered back, "I drove my dad once to a church so that he could see a holy Miracle with a statue of Mary. If I could drive my dad to a church, I can make us to North Park. Eeeeeaaaassssyyyy." That word "easy" left his mouth cockily. I mean, I agree with Wendy, this idea is dumb, and I'm fairly skeptical of Stan's driving ability to be honest, but then again, there really wasn't a better option. "It's all about the disciprine."

"Disci...prine?" Wendy raised an eyebrow at Stan.

"Yes, discipRRine." Stan put extra emphasis on the "R" sound in the word "disciprine." I know he really meant "discipline" but for some reason he decided to sound like a jackass mocking a stereotypical Chinese accent today.

"Stan, you haven't even taken any driving lessons," Wendy continued, "and how the fuck are we going to break into a police car anyways? If we break a window, the alarm will sound off, and we don't have a key." That's right, we are planning to steal a police car. There certainly could be nothing that could possibly go wrong, right?

"I thought we were supposed to trust each other," Stan countered, "that's what Harbinger said." Shots fired.

"He meant we're supposed to trust each other in our emotions and feelings like a proper boyfriend-girlfriend-couple, not condone doing dumb shit like stealing police cars," Wendy shot back.

"Well if you have any better ideas to get to North Park quickly, do tell me, because I'm not walking," Stan replied.

I guess it's time for me to remind the gang about the situation in Middle Park, according to what the police officers said. "Also, they said zombies have been spotted in Middle Park...so..."

Wendy groaned. "Alright, alright, fine, I concede. But it's still a bad idea. And we don't have keys."

"Ray, your water elemental is bugging me," Isaac complained. "Stop it."

When Isaac said that an idea immediately came to me. "Wait, Ray could use the water elemental to spray water into the keyhole, then freeze the water to form a duplicate key made of ice, then unlock the car."

Everyone else was silent for a moment. Then Stan spoke first. "That's...wow, I didn't even think of that. Holy crap."

When I peaked out of the bush, I saw the policemen turn back into the Police Station to go inside. "Alright, them cops are gone. Let's go."

I heard Isaac snicker. "You're becoming more redneck each day, Cole." He was probably referring to me saying "them cops" rather than "the cops". A mistake, really.

"Shut up, Isaac," I retorted.

The five of us enough immediately hauled ourselves to the sidewalk and went into the parking lot. There was only one police car parked at the moment. I looked around. Luckily no one was outside within our line of site. Then again, it's not even 6 am yet, so I'm not really surprised no one is outside. It is serene. Peaceful. Quiet. Although buildings and cars were destroyed, there were no more screams in the horizon. Then Ray's voice broke the silence. "Uh, the keyhole is closed, and we need a key to open it." Oh right, I forgot most keyholes had a "door" in car doors so that rainwater doesn't get in.

Then that gave me an idea. I snapped a little twig off of my branch-made crown. I went over to the car door and modestly shoved the sharpest point of the twig into the keyhole such that the small "keyhole door" was open. "Alright Ray. You know what to do."

Ray pointed at his water elemental, then at the keyhole, and so a stream of water splashed forth, hitting the door, the keyhole, and my face. As I wiped my face off with my left sleeve, Ray kneel down next to me facing the keyhole. He held his hands out, as if taking a mock snapshot with his fingers. Permafrost glowed in his hands, and all of a sudden, as he whirled around his hands a frost ring stuck out about three inches in radius, the surface area of the ring facing perpendicular to the ground. "This is how you do it." Ray grabbed the ring and twisted the ring in a clockwise direction, and all of a sudden, the door opened.

"Wow, that's cool!" Isaac exclaimed. "I wish I were a mage!"

I saw Stan roll his eyes. "Shamans can do this it too, dude. They have control over water and ice, I thought you knew this. Don't you play World of Warcraft?"

"I do!" Isaac replied. "I just find it hard applying Shaman powers into real life."

"Alright, elemental, go away." As the words left Ray's mouth, the elemental dissipated into mists, and its bracers faded away. Ray unlocked the door. "Alright, guess Stan's driving." Ugh. I didn't agree having Stan drive, but unfortunately, the rest of us don't have any experience driving a real car.

Wendy took the passenger seat. Isaac sat in the middle and Ray sat on the left side. When it was my turn to take my seat, I went over to the very right seat in the back only to see a package. Well, it wasn't really a package, it was more like a small black box with a 0-9 keypad, like the one used for phones. Then I looked closer. On the very top it said "C4". There was wiring all over the device. I gasped. "What the fuck? A bomb?"

"What?" Isaac immediately jumped. "Oh god!" Everyone else in the car jumped.

But then I looked closer. It wasn't even ticking nor flashing. It's not even armed. "Ok, don't panic, it's not armed."

"I'll take it." Wendy took the bomb from Isaac and placed it into her backpack.

"...why are you keeping that thing around?" Stan asked, "and why was there even a bomb in here in the first place? Ray, I need your frost key to start the car by the way."

As I took my seat and shut the door, and as Ray handed Stan the "car key", Wendy smirked. "Trust. It's what friends and couples do, right?" That's exactly what Stan said earlier, so I know Wendy said that just to mock us. Now I don't know what Wendy wants with the bomb or how she could possibly operate a C4 explosive, but I have a feeling it's going to be very important later.

"I don't condone doing dumb shit like keeping around a deadly bomb," Stan muttered. Like déjà vu right there.

Wendy's next few words were sweet and seductive. "That makes two of us, honey." Wendy kissed Stan in the right cheek and immediately he peered his head out the still-open driver doorway to vomit. And I'm not exactly sure what he vomited, given we haven't had breakfast yet - like seriously, what can you possibly vomit if you have neither eaten anything nor consumed any sort of liquid for the past eight hours? I don't want to know regardless. Not to mention, the stomach acid burns your throat. I don't know how Stan's throat isn't completely burned away from all that vomiting he's done over the past two years. Nevertheless, the smell of vomit came up to my nose and almost made me myself puke. Nice.

"Ew!" Ray and Isaac exclaimed.

"What are you planning to do with that bomb anyways?" I raised an eyebrow at Wendy.

"We might need it later, it never hurts to be prepared." Wow. Can't argue with Wendy's logic there.

Stan closed the door. As soon as he turned the key to start the car, the car made a loud rumble - possibly loud enough to attract attention of the cops. I peered to the Police Station to see several police officers gazing out the window - towards us! "Stan, we have to move. Now." I quickly buckled up my seatbelt to prepare for the ride.

"Hold on, let me get this thing right..." I felt a sudden jolt, my face falling forward into Wendy's seat. The force of me hitting the seat stung my face pretty nicely, but I still looked behind me. The car backed up and drove towards the police building.

"Stan!" Wendy shrieked. "Don't drive us in there!"

All of the sudden, the car stopped moving and I was thrown from Wendy's seat to my own again, my back slamming down on my own chair again, my head hitting the headrest. As I shook my own head, I heard Ray scream, "Oh my God, they got their guns out! Drive! Drive! Drive!"

"What?" I turned around to see about six police officers with their pistols out aimed down right at us. They were with their backs against the wall of the police station. "Oh shit it's the cops!"

All of a sudden, gunshots rang through the air. I heard a few bullets contacting the metal surface of the car. I bent down and covered my head to avoid getting shot. Holy shit, cops actually try to shoot you down just for stealing a car? "Stan! Drive!"

All of a sudden, the car revved up, and I was thrown back into my seat. We made it out of the parking lot and began to head past the police station east along the road. The car radio made static at first, but then a male voice came into sound. "We have five delinquent kids who just stole a police car and are now just past the police station heading east on 2nd street. Four male, one female, all about ages eight-to-eleven."

Wendy grumbled under her breath. "Ugh, kill the radio." She raised her left hand, curled it into a fist, and was ready to punch it out. However, that would mean we would lose communication with the police department - but then I remembered that we would lose contact anyways should we head out of South Park. Holy light enveloped in her left fist and as her fist made contact with the stereo, a burst of light demolished the stereo completely.

"What was that for?" Stan made a hard left at the very first intersection to which the police station was located on.

"There's a camera there, and I don't want us being video taped." Ah, so that explains why she punched out the radio control. Good thinking.

I heard more sirens behind me. As I looked behind me, I saw three cop cars following us closely. They were no more than a few yards behind us. "PULL OVER THE CAR NOW YOU DAMN KIDS!"

"Oh no you don't!" Stan did the opposite - he stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could. I jolted back once again and let the car take me along for the ride.

"Can't this car go any faster?" Isaac panicked.

"I'm making a hard left!" As the words left Stan's mouth, I could feel the car slow down a little. All of a sudden, I got thrown to the right car door, and I could feel Isaac's crushing weight forcing me further into the door. "Sorry!"

I heard a few cars crash. When I looked out the car from whence we came, apparently two of the police cars crashed into the Tower of Peace, which is some Asian-cultural tower constructed by the local Mongolians a few days ago. They say Mr. Kim, the owner of City Wok, likes to spit on the local Mongolian kids as he takes his evening walks around South Park. That being said, I'm sure he'll be real happy when he sees the police cars catching fire on the Tower. Fireworks flew outward, and a few plummeted into the third police car, blowing it up. "Holy shit!" Oh god. I might be a dick, but I'm no murderer. I didn't intend those officers to die. "No, I'm not a murderer! Oh god no!" My dad can tolerate many things...but I doubt any responsible parent will tolerate their kid murdering cops (albeit unintentionally).

"This is like Grand Theft Auto!" Ray was doing some dance in his seat.

"SHUT UP, RAY!" the rest of us told him.

As we head west into 1st street, four more cop cars came after us. Oh man, we're in big trouble now. This is probably the most terrifying experience I ever had, probably even more terrifying than the Nazi Zombies that temporarily attacked this town. My life is on the line and in the hands of Stan Marsh. When we passed the final buildings, the road dipped downward a few yards then curved right and North. More gunshots rang through the air, and one penetrated the back window, landing into the punched-out radio.

"Ah!" Isaac put his arms on his head while cowering in fear in his seat. "I almost got shot!"

"What are we going to do?" Wendy asked.

Stan swerved the road to avoid many bullets as possible, and this continued on for about ten more minutes as the sun slowly peaked into the sky. Everytime a bullet came through, it would nearly hit someone. Somehow, none of us were hit.

"Oh my God, Stan, this is even crazier than I thought!" I could see Wendy clinging onto her seatbelt praying for dear life.

"Sorry, but this is the quickest way I know," Stan replied.

Wendy gulped. "I can't imagine it, 'Wendy Testaburger, the straight A student who is also an accomplice to carjacking, destruction of property, and second-degree murder'. I never thought I'd be an actual criminal."

"Well Harbinger said the American government is coming for us anyways, right, simply because Ray exists," Stan retorted, "not trying to blame you for anything, Ray."

"...oh yeah, I forgot about that. Huh." I expected some sort of argument out of Wendy, not this response.

I looked ahead and we reached Middle Park. The whole town was crumbling with chaos, with Nazi Zombies running amok everywhere, massacring the townsfolk. "Oh no." Cars were littered on the streets. The townsfolk were panicking while the children had swords and bows out dressed in chainmail. I observed their movements and fighting, despite the chaotic manner Stan drove this police car. The kids didn't look like they had WoW powers, then when I took a closer look, one male kid our age was particularly dressed similarly to Gandalf the Grey, with a grey robe, a grey wizard hat and a wooden staff. A ball of light illuminated from the tip of his staff, and holy ethereal horses came from his staff, trampling down the zombies. The kids in Middle Park must _actually be playing_ Lord of the Rings.

"Will you look at that," Ray saw in awe. "They're actually playing Lord of the Rings for real."

"Why do we have WoW powers while they get Lord of the Rings?" Isaac asked.

"I guess every town is different, I don't know?" Ray replied.

Wendy's panic interrupted my thoughts. "Stan! Look out!"

I looked and in front of us swarms of Nazi Zombies charged headon into our car. But Stan must have given no mind, for he only sped up. When we made contact, some zombies rolled over us while others were rolled on and were crushed by the sheer mass of this car. I could feel myself jump everytime we ran over a zombie. The car wobbled on its tailside and for a second, I was worried for a tail spinout, but Stan's great reaction with the steering wheel managed to stabilize this car - just in time for the broken bridge up ahead.

"Please tell me we're not going to try to drive that," Isaac groaned.

But Stan was showing no signs of slowing down. I could tell he really wanted to make the gap, and to be honest, I didn't want to be stuck in a Nazi-Zombie-infested Middle Park. I looked behind me and the cops were no longer following us. They must have gotten lost in the chaos that is the Nazi Zombies. In the sky I could see Harbinger himself taking down zombies from the rooftops before they could close the distance on the innocent townsfolk. It was rather heartwarming seeing him reach out to the other towns to help them out with the zombie infestation. "Stan, we're not going to make it!" Wendy exclaimed.

But we couldn't stay here. I'm not about to get trapped in a zombie-town. "Step on it!" I yelled.

Stan did exactly as I told him. He took the police car into full power, and the speed grew at an exponential rate until it hit the speed of about one-hundred sixty miles per hour. And thus, we drove the jump. I could feel nothing but freefall for these moments as all of us screamed at the tops of our lungs. I closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew, the car crashed onto the ground. I slowly opened them...only to see the car on the road again, with wide-open snowfields in our view. "Holy shit! We made it! Haha!"

"See, I told you all this is like Grand Theft Auto!" Ray smirked.

"We made it..." Isaac passed out from there. And so did I.

* * *

I woke up to the feel of the car slowly coming to a stop. I yawned, and so did Isaac. In front of me were lots of buildings and to the right of the road was the sign "Welcome to North Park, Colorado." I looked outside. There was nothing around us. Nothing that would have caused us to stop. I looked ahead. There wasn't anything that seemed wrong with South Park. The traffic was at the bare minimum, and in fact, no cars were around us. We were parked off to the side of the road right below the "Welcome to North Park, Colorado" sign. Why did we stop? I looked at my phone. 6:57 am. The sun was already halfway over the horizon due east, so it shone brightly on my right cheek.

"Stan, why aren't we moving," Wendy asked.

"Uh.." Stan tried twisting the frost-key but it didn't work. Then he looked closer at the meters. "Oh godamnit. This car is out of gas."

"You're telling me the police forgot to fill up gas?" Ray asked. "Why didn't we stop by a gas station earlier?"

"Because if we stop to get gas," Wendy asked, "people will notice five kids coming out of a police car with no police officer. They'll ask questions, and we don't want that kind of unwanted attention."

"Basically what Wendy said," Stan added.

"Oh..." Ray rubbed his chin. "I haven't thought of it that way."

I pointed at the buildings, which only seemed like at worst a ten-minute walk. "Town's just up ahead."

As the four of us piled out of the car, Harbinger the obsidian gryphon landed next to a "Speed Limit: 65" sign. When he saw the vehicle that we all piled out from, he laughed harshly. "I didn't expect you kids to make a risky play like that and have it pay off. Stealing a law enforcement car and driving all the way here with the cops on your tail."

"I saw you take down the zombies in Middle Park," I said.

"I might steal people's intelligence," Harbinger answered, "but I'm no thief. I give it back as well." Yeah, in the form of a large psychic blast haha. "There's something I forgot to mention last evening. There are two people need to see, who come from a land far north of here and are visiting North Park today. They are the master monks of sorcery - the way of the Voice. Dovahkiin will need to complete his training before you all head into Sovngarde. Trust me on this one."

"Master monks?" Ray asked.

"There should be enough clues all over town," Harbinger replied, "they are skilled in their farts like you. You kids will understand. And you'll want to hurry, the zombies I think are swarming to North Park as well."

"That's not good," Stan groaned.

Harbinger clutched his staff in his hands. "I'll buy as much time as I can. Get to the monks and hurry." He then took off into the skies again.

All of a sudden my stomach rumbled. I grabbed it. Oh boy, I'm hungry, and I haven't had breakfast yet. "Lets get some food. I'm hungry."

"Yeah," Isaac added, "I'm starving too!"

As the five of us began to make our way into town, Wendy stopped in front of us. "Stan."

"Sup?" Stan asked as he handed Ray the frost key and Ray disintegrating it in his hands. Wendy punched Stan in the right shoulder with her right fist, and Stan jumped back, gripping it in pain. "Ow! What was that for?"

"That's for scaring the shit out of me earlier this morning with your driving skills. No offense Stan, but remind me never to be in the same car as you." Wendy then leaned in to hug and kiss Stan in the lips for five whole seconds. Stan, once again, threw up, and Wendy dodged it. The vomit once again landed on Isaac's legs. It was mostly body fluid, and if I counted correctly, he would have been vomiting body fluids three times within the past two hours all due to Wendy's kissing. Holy crap. That doesn't seem healthy at all.

"Ugh, not again! Stop vomiting on me!" Isaac complained as he washed the vomit off with elemental water of his own.

"...and that, Wendy?" Stan was obviously dazzled and starstruck by Wendy's charm.

"For getting us here...um, 'safely'." Wendy scratched her pink beret. "If you can even call it that. I'm confused, actually."

"It was pretty efficient," I remarked.

"At least that part's true," Wendy replied.

* * *

 **Wonderful, wholesome chapter, yes. Hopefully you enjoyed the action. I will be busy this weekend so I don't know when the new chapter is going to be posted.  
**


	14. Chapter 14: Discerning the Transmundane

**I should probably work on proofreading for spelling and grammar errors.**

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

For the first half hour, we couldn't really decide where to eat. The problem wasn't isolated to any one person either, every minute, one of us would change our minds on where to eat. For instance, I first agreed to go eat breakfast at McDonald's, and so we began to go there, but then Isaac told us that he didn't want McDonald's for breakfast after all because he said it tasted like shit - right before we could open the front door. It was similar problems with other restaurants we all had and all of us have done our fair share of whining for that half-hour (myself included). Then at the end of that half hour, Ray (who was unanimously put in charge of the group for being Dovahkiin) grew impatient with us, told us we were "more indecisive than a high school slut in denial," and made it his final decision that we will eat at Denny's for breakfast, no matter what we thought. Some banter and hilarity between Ray, Stan, and Wendy ensued (as per usual), but in the end, it was probably for the better that Ray started taking charge. He is the Dovahkiin, after all.

I believe we were the youngest group of kids that ate at Denny's this morning. We came up to the front desk and a young woman no older than twenty smiled at us. "Hello, welcome to Denny's."

Stan came forward and faced the woman. "Table for five, please."

"Alright, well we have plenty of tables open." The woman then narrowed her eyes at us. She had an expression of suspicion - as if she knew something dark about us. "Skipping school today?"

My eyes opened wide at that statement. Oh shit, I completely forgot about school. I forgot it was Thursday today, and, like most Thursdays, there's supposed to be school today. How the hell did that even slip my mind? "S-s-s-s-schoo-school?" The words escape me so awfully like a stutter from a shy, nervous boy, I almost didn't even register me saying them. I quickly looked to my phone, but it looked like Dad never attempted to contact me. Something wasn't right here. My Dad, like any responsible parent, would be worried sick if I were gone overnight, especially when there was a zombie rampage last night. But my Dad hasn't said anything. He hasn't attempted to contact me. There had to be some kind of meaning here, there had to be some foreshadowing here.

"We had a disaster in my hometown, so school's closed today." Phew, good thing Wendy knew the right words. That was another thing, zombies did attack the town last night, so starting school today would be out of the question. Guess it made sense in the end, after all.

The woman stared into Wendy for a bit. "Your charm might work on the boys you're with, but not on me. From the way you're dressed, you're probably playing that stupid Harry Potter game with the other children. Move along." So basically that means North Park has children with powers from Harry Potter. Didn't think the Harry Potter fanclub would be so rampant in North Park, someone tried to start that back in South Park Elementary but they were made fun of.

The five of us sat in a booth meant for six people in the front-left corner of the restaurant. One one side, I sat closest to the window with Isaac in the middle and Ray on the outer edge. On the other Wendy took the seat closest to the window, followed by Stan. We put our weapons and shields below the table. On the table the menus were already laid out. None of us said anything before the waiter came in to take our orders. After that though, that's when it began. It started with Wendy, who was referring back to my nervous stutter. "Cole, how good are you at those types of confrontations - like what that woman said?"

"I completely forgot about school," I admitted.

Stan shrugged. "Well, it would make no sense to start school when the town was attacked by zombies." True.

Wendy continued on. "We thought for a second you were going to get nervous or something and we were worried-"

I immediately cut Wendy off - were they implying I couldn't take care of myself? I fucked up with my wording one time, big deal. "I'm not three years old, stop treating my like I'm your child, Wendy. Stan. I can take care of myself just fine." I immediately turned my vision away from them. I've always have, and I've taken care of Isaac too. Don't they realize that? I began to stare out the window of people and cars passing by, and my stance would persist for the remainder of our conversation. I could feel my stomach rumble from lack of food, and it only made me feel more like crap. Despite their apology from earlier today, I still wasn't comfortable being near them, I still feel threatened around them, and unfortunately for me, both are very socially perceptive, and if they haven't already figured that out, my tone would have made that clear now.

Thankfully for me, neither of them continued on this path and went onto a different topic altogether. "So what's the plan here?" Isaac asked. Thank you, a topic that isn't going to make anyone awkward.

"Well, we just eat for a bit, then we go look for these clues about these 'master monks of sorcery'," Ray replied, "Harbinger said there's clues all over town...but I have no idea what these clues even look like." Ray gave off an exasperated sigh. "I hate how everyone suddenly expects me to face down a powerful demon and become a grand hero. I thought I could move to South Park - like a normal live, you know."

Stan gave a light chuckle. "Yeah, uh, Ray, I don't know how to break this to you, but if you're looking for a quiet town, South Park is...far from that."

"How so?" Ray asked. "I mean apart from the Nazi Zombie stuff, but don't count that."

Wendy cleared her throat. "Well, for instance, South Park had a history of...interesting mishaps. I swear it all started when Cartman got an anal probe."

"Anal probe?" I heard Ray scratch something. "Like the one I got from the aliens?"

"Yeah..." Stan paused for a moment before continuing on. "It did all start when Cartman got an anal probe, huh?"

"What all started?" Ray asked.

"All the problems with the town...you know," Stan replied, "well for instance, the town was destroyed at least ten times now, I think."

"...what?" Ray clearly sounded shocked, and as an outsider who has never been to South Park before, that's to be expected. Disasters always happen in South Park, whether natural, man-made, metaphysical, or even otherworldly.

"Town fucks up, many people die, rinse and repeat." Pretty blunt way how Isaac worded it, but fairly accurate, yes.

Wendy chuckled. "Isaac more-or-less nailed it on the head."

"The adults in South Park are..." Stan let out a yawn.

Then Ray finished the sentence for Stan. "Shitty."

"Yeah," Stan said, "how did you know?"

I began to tune out the rest of the world as I stared outside. I gazed at the children my age who passed us by through the window. They all wore black robes and had small wooden wands, as if they are truly playing Harry Potter. But aside from their costumes, I could see their true nature. They were walking, laughing, playing, and talking together. It reminded me of how every kid should be. From across the street, two large boys were throwing a backpack back and forth between each other while a much smaller kid kept trying to jump up and get the backpack - such game we called it "Monkey in the Middle". The boys were being obnoxious towards the younger kid, and I felt what the younger kid is going through, it's as if I'm in a game of that right now trying to juggle between four other people. But other than that, the kids didn't' really seem to have much responsibility other than not failing school and doing their chores. I didn't realize it at the time, but now that I embarked on this quest with four other children from South Park, I felt like I lost alot of my freedom. But back then, I felt I wasn't free either when I never had powers.

There was one thing I could conclude about my thoughts, and I did not come to realize that I'd be saying these next words aloud since it was meant more for myself. "I really miss home. I said many times I hated school and the fourth graders I had to deal with, but it's way easier than this. Back then was shitty because all of the assholes I had to deal with in my classroom, but at least when I woke up everyday I had a general idea of what was coming. Now, I just don't know what's going to happen - anything can happen to me now. I fought ginger kids, the popular girls, Nazi Zombies, a demon feared by other demons, an angry space gryphon, the police, and more zombies. Back then was shit, now is a different kind of shit, and this is pretty unnerving."

"Are you talking to yourself?" Stan's comment made me jump from my seat. I did not even realize I said that outloud. I turned my gaze nervously towards the rest of the group, my eyes bulging. Ray, Isaac, and Wendy were also looking at me, as if I might have said something creepy or taboo.

"It's just nothing." I stuck my hands out like a stop sign and shook them. My arms were jittery. "I swear, it's-"

"Cole, you don't have to hide your thoughts." Wendy's voice was sweet and soft, but that didn't make me feel any better about the situation.

I cleared my throat. "It's nothing much. Really." The rest of the four were still gazing at me. I hesitated on explaining my piece, and thankfully, the waiter came just in time to interrupt the conversation. I was starving too, so that's a plus as well. We all ordered as much pancakes and orange juiceas we could. Isaac has a deep pancake craving right now, and we all agreed to get as much as we could. I dished myself up two pancakes and put a modest amount of syrup, no more than a tablespoon. The pancakes were about six inches in radius - fairly large. I could smell the buttery smell of them too, and it almost made me drool. The entire meal was $50.

While I paid no mind what Stan, Wendy, or Isaac had to say, I did notice the fliers each of us received. It was an advertisement to Terrance and Phillip's next live performance, which is supposed to happen in Bayroyal Hall in North Park at 3:00 pm. Terrance and Phillip were known for being Canadian and being the masters of farting, and I didn't notice this at the time, but when I began to hear what Ray was muttering, I was having a revelation of how to unlock the "sorcery". I could hear Ray's voice getting louder and louder. "I remember...I swear I've seen this before..." Eventually, Stan, Wendy, and Isaac fell silent as they all began to listen to what Ray had to say. "I know I've seen this...I know I've forgotten something...I feel like I've visited them before..."

"Do you remember now?" I took a sip of orange juice from my cup. I had a feeling Terrance and Phillip somehow were triggers to Ray's lost memories.

Ray nodded as he patted his light-pink hair. "Yeah, I knew I've seen them before. They're the Canadians who fart on television right?" When we all nodded yes, Ray sighed. "I know I've bet them before. And the pictures of them farting triggered something in my brain, I swear..." We were all silent for the next minute or so, then Ray broke the silence with an unexpected reaction. "What the FUCK!" Whatever epiphany Ray just had probably made him angry, and we were ready to listen. "My parents are lying fucking assholes!"

"Wait what?" Isaac gasped.

Wendy had her hands out, as if to stop Ray. "Woah, woah, woah, calm down."

"They're dicks! They're lying dicks! I can't believe it! I'm really not a normal kid, but I can't believe my parents hid this secret from me the whole time! I knew I met Terrance and Phillip before, I knew I gained magical powers before, and I knew about the Nazi Zombie plague in Nebraska four years ago!" Ray put his hands on his head and gritted his teeth.

"Wait, this happened before?" Stan asked.

"In Nebraska, yeah," Isaac replied, "my 4th grade teacher taught me about that."

I faced Isaac. "Mr. Gibbons, right?"

"Yeah," Isaac nodded.

Stan narrowed his eyes at Ray. "Mr. Garrison never talked about that with us."

"That's because Mr. Garrison is a fucktard." Wendy put her hand on Stan's back.

Ray continued on his angry rant. "I knew my bastard parents kept secrets from me, I knew they would do this to me, everytime I tried to talk to them why we moved to South Park they would repeatedly dodge the question, sometimes even threatening to ground me! It makes sense now!"

"Hey, speaking of parents." Stan took out his phone to take a quick look at it. A worried expression overcame his face as he looked up at us. "My parents never tried to contact me."

"Hey, mine didn't either." Wendy was looking at her phone now.

Ray cross his arms and grumbled underneath his breath. "Who needs parents anyways? Mine just tried to fib a big lie and tried to make me an amnesiac, those assholes. It's their fault after all I'm stuck in this magical mess - again."

Ray's words were disheartening to hear, and I feel like I had to speak up about it. "You don't know how much you'll miss your parents until they're taken away from you."

Ray rolled his eyes. "Well the difference is - and I'm not trying to be an asshole here either - you and Isaac seemed to be really close to your mom. And you both are still close to your dad, despite hard times you both are in." Ray took a sip of orange juice before continuing on. "Ah. Well mine, mine try to live their lives through me. I should have realized why they were so obsessed with me having lots of friends - that's what the Dovahkiin's power is fueled by, right? But if that's so, and if they didn't want me to remember my past, why would they lean me towards my powers but refuse to say anything? They tell me 'go outside and be a normal kid', well, I've already gone over what I thought about most of the kids here in South Park."

Wendy shot a glare at Ray. "We're not all bitches and assholes. We can be perfectly kind people as well. I mean, sure we have our faults and problems, but in the end, the entire 4th grade class is one big family."

"Right, yeah." Ray nodded sarcastically. "That must explain why all the pretty people are together and all the ugly ones are together. Right Cole?"

I crossed my arms and looked out the window again, my voice low and angry. "Don't drag me into this one."

"Cole, you know it's true." Isaac's high-pitched voice made him sound innocent. But it wasn't going to fool me.

I simply shook my head again. "My lips are sealed." The reason why was that I was worried I'd say something that would trigger Stan or Wendy again, and I'm still sure I wasn't on very good terms with either of them.

"Ray, our school isn't that bad or pretentious," Stan said, "you gotta at least give it a chance." Out of the corner of my eye I could see Stan put hiss left arm around Wendy.

"Normal boys and girls our age don't play dating simulator. And that's another thing, how are you two dating?" For some reason, it sounded like Ray was annoyed by that thought. Maybe one reason is that Ray has a secret crush on Wendy? I'm not sure, but I do know one thing: no one can deny that Wendy is probably the hottest girl in 4th grade. I hope this isn't going to turn out to be some shitty love triangle, that sounds so cliché.

"Dating is natural man, it's - it's - uh...Wendy you explain it." Stan's voice sounded nervous all of a sudden. I don't reckon Stan enjoys talking about love. Then again, most boys don't either, so I can't blame him.

"Boys will do anything for a pretty girl's approval, it happens." Still looking out the window, I could see Wendy whipped her hair. "It has something to do with their-"

Wendy was going down a certain path, and at this point I had to jump in. "Well Ray told me the boys and girls just made fun of each other's...uh...'cooties'. You know...like the...some sort of 'love sickness'. I think. I'm not sure."

"That's right," Ray agreed.

"Oh, so you're still in the 'girls are weird' phase. Gotcha." I could see Wendy turn towards me and Isaac. "What about you, Isaac? Cole?" She leaned in closer. She had a smirk on her face, one that told me she was ready to listen to some juicy gossip, and that didn't exactly fly with me. "Any girl out there you two like?"

"No," I immediately said.

"No way Cole, there's gotta be some girl out there." Wendy's smile was wider, and my eyes closed a little as a result.

"I'm not into anyone," I said again. I'm not really _into_ into anyone at the moment to be honest. This is very uncomfortable for me, and the fact she's this pretty only made it more awkward for me. I'm not sure why all boys become so awkward around such pretty girls.

Stan shifted his left arm so that his hand was on Wendy's right shoulder. "Wendy, Cole doesn't want to talk, dude."

Wendy rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine." She turned to Isaac. "What about you?"

"Well, there's-" Oh no. Isaac, please. Wendy is the last person you want to confide your dark secrets to, she'll probably gossip to her entire "Pleases and Sparkles Club", whatever the fuck that really is anyways.

A gruff, older voice came from my left. "Alright, you kids, the fun ends here." I immediately turned my head to see two North Park police officers. Oh shit. "Aren't you kids supposed to be in school?"

"Uh, we're not from here," Stan answered.

The first police officer rolled his eyes. "Ha, as if I believe that, what next? The sky is on fire? You're going to school now, or do you kids want to be charged for truancy?"

Stan looked at us, then turned back to the police. Shit. "Alright fine. Whatever. Take us to school." Well crap. I thought I could dodge school, but now I have to face the evil AND I have to go to school? This is going to be a shitty day. But hey, elementary school at North Park couldn't be that bad...right?

* * *

There are times in my life where I wished I could rather just fade away into nothingness. For example, my birthday is on April 3rd, which was just a little more than a month ago. On the day of my tenth birthday (this year), I got in trouble for passing notes during class. I could remember the very full detail too.

 _"Cole Dimmons, if you want to so rudely interrupt my class with your stupid note passing, you will read to me what Kenny McCormick passed to you! End of discussion!" Mr. Garrison slammed his fist down on his desk._

 _That's so fucking stupid. I didn't even write the note, some asshole probably did it and pass it off as a joke just to get me in trouble, since I recieved it from Kenny - I bet it was Kenny, or maybe Eric Cartman. Or Clyde Donovan. But whatever. It can't be that bad, right? As I gritted my teeth and went to the front of the class. I faced the class. Thirty-seven pairs of hateful eyes stared me down, their threatening gazes penetrating my soul. My anger and fire quickly drained from me and what was left of me now is shyness and nervousness. Nevertheless, I didn't want to make Mr. Garrison more pissed off than he already is, so with a large and loud gulp, I mustered up whatever courage I could find as I slowly unfolded the note to read it aloud.  
_

 _"'Dear Tweek: I love Wendy Testaburger. I could care less if she's dating that asshole Stan again." Wait what? Stan and Wendy are dating again? When did this happen? "She is the most beautiful girl in the school. She is my muse, and I can't wait to slip her the Hot Cosby.'" From what I remember, the words "Hot Cosby" in our school is the code-word for rape. Wait...what? I quickly skimmed the note, and I was disgusted - what vile person would even write about his lusts for Wendy and frame me for it? "I - I didn't even write this, what?"  
_

 _"Keep reading!" Mr. Garrison yelled._

 _"Alright!" I let out another gulp as I continued where I left off. "'My birthday is today and I can't wait to steal her away from Stan, I can't wait to wow her with Slow Cosby and end with a Hot one. I can't wait to sniff her sweet hair and taste those sweet lips. After all, Stan is an asshole, and I know Wendy deserves better. Sincerely, Cole.'" As I quickly read the note again, terror came from me. I couldn't even look at anyone from class, no less Wendy herself. The only person I looked to was Mr. Garrison, who had a blank expression on his face. "I didn't write this, I swear. I got framed!"  
_

 _"I won't give you a referral because that note was pretty hot," Mr. Garrison said. That didn't make me feel much better._

 _Immediately, the recess bell rung. I speedwalked quickly out of the classroom and headed to the restooms. However, I must have not been fast enough, since someone grabbed my right wrist. Then the next thing I knew, I felt my face being slammed into someone's locker. Pain shot up into my nose, and I was turned around. I could feel blood coming out my nose, and I saw Stan Marsh in front of me, along with his friends and Wendy as well. Most of them had a look of disgust, except for Clyde, who had his hands over his mouth snickering. That asshole! He must have been the one who wrote that note!  
_

 _"What's the big idea trying to fuck my girlfriend?" Stan asked. "Do you realize how Wendy felt when you read that out loud? What the fuck is wrong with you?"  
_

 _"I didn't write it!" I cried. "It was Clyde! He was the one who wrote it!"_

 _"Oh so now you're trying to frame Clyde? Fuck you, you creep!" Stan took the first punch at me while the rest followed suit._

Stan's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Hey at least I wasn't framed for making lust stories about Wendy and got beat up on my birthday for it, haha."

I immediately turned to Stan. It was a terrible memory I wished everyone forgotten, and seeing Stan and Wendy everyday since reminded me of that, a part of the reason why I'm still scared of the two. But my face ran red due to Stan reminding me of that terrible day. "SHUT THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE OR I'LL BEAT YOUR FACE IN!"

Of course, though, that didn't sit well with everyone else in North Park Elementary. That's right, we're in North Park right now, and literally everyone there was dressed as some form of a student out of Hogwarts. They talked like they were from London, their mannerisms and language made it feel like they were from London. I swear, some of them were actually from London. Despite North Park being in the middle of Colorado, I swear, culturally, this town feels more like London than it does like a typical redneck town. Maybe the kids here are really good at Live-Action-Roleplaying, but as I observed them more, that might not be the case. The kids don't seem too keen into dating, unlike my elementary school, and lots of talk about school and little talk about social circles, from what I've heard. The language was far less vulgar, you didn't have people shouting off words like "fuck", "cunt", and "retarded". That being said, when I lashed out at Stan, all the nearby kids stared at me giving me the look like I was some kind of lunatic. This lasted for a few seconds before they went about their business again.

"Alright calm down," Wendy said, "we already established it wasn't your fault, Cole, Clyde did it. That birthday note drama is over now." She turned to Stan. "Stan, why the fuck did you have to remind him of that?"

"I was...I was just kidding." Stan rolled his eyes. "Alright, sorry man, sheesh. But seriously Cole, you blow up faster than a pair of terrorists laying down a botched IED."

I let out a harsh exhale. "Good jokes mate, real funny, see you at fuck you."

"So this is the class?" I turned to Isaac, who was looking at the door. The door said "4th grade" like Mr. Garrison's door did.

"Looks like it," Ray replied. "Let's go."

When the five of us piled inside, the classroom completely fell silent. The kids were all dressed as Hogwarts students, and I swear the kids sitting in the front actually look like they came directly out of the Harry Potter movie. One kid was skinny and had glasses, like Harry Potter, only he lacked a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. Another kid was a ginger kid, like Ron. The girl had light brown hair like Hermione. This is very weird. The teacher was some old woman with her hair tied in a bun on the back. She had glasses and she stared into us. "Ah, I received the phonecall about you five. You will stay here until after lunch in which I will send you over to Principal Dumbledore." Dumbledore? You're kidding me, right?

"And you are..." Isaac started.

"Mrs. McGonagall. Take your seats, children." This is really weird. Is everyone in this town somehow named after a character straight out of Harry Potter?

The five of us sat directly in the middle of the entire 4th grade class. I could literally feel the stares coming down on me, like vultures on a dead lion. Stan's voice rang through my ears as the teacher continued her lecture about formatting paragraphs. "Ugh, I remember encountering kids playing Harry Potter. They're all weirdos. But these guys - holy shit, these kids actually cosplay."

"Uh, Stan, I don't think they're cosplaying." I followed Wendy's voice and gaze onto the paper of the kid that looked like Hermione. On the top right corner it read "Hermione Granger". My heart thumped at the realization that given these kids are like the Harry Potter characters, they might have magical powers as well - ones that pertain to the Harry Potter universe. Now I don't really read the books, but I do know one thing: their magic can be pretty wacky. "Her name is quite literally-"

"Ahem!" Mrs. McGonagall glared at Stan and Wendy. "Is there something you two lovebirds want to share?"

"Um, no," Stan and Wendy both said in unison.

"Then I suggest you both pay attention. You five have already done enough. Ditching your own town pretending to play World of Warcraft, that's ridiculous. Shouldn't have expected any less from a kid from South Park." As those words left the teacher, I could feel glass and daggers from the eyes of the other students who glared at us as the boys snickered and the girls giggled. It felt exactly like South Park, only now people here are British, far less high-school-dramatic, and far more refined in their language. But the essence of the nastiness is still the same, and at that moment I realized that it didn't matter how the kids are, it didn't matter how akin to high school the elementary school is - in all elementary schools there will be the popular kids who are bullies.

Mrs. McGonagall droned on for about fifteen more minutes before the lunch bell rang.

* * *

Stan, Wendy, Isaac, Ray, and I sat at a rectangular table by ourselves in the middle of the cafeteria. For lunch we had tacos, so the place wasn't too British, not that I have anything against British people. The other kids would periodically look up at us, then continue on with their close whispers. The sight was fairly unnerving for me, it's like no matter what school I go to, I will always get trashtalked and excluded no matter what, and it made me feel like crap, made me feel no one wanted me. It was that odd, familiar feeling, and I felt akin to that time I was framed for making the birthday note about Wendy.

"Hey don't worry too much about it, Cole," Isaac reassured. I always underestimated how good he can make some feel - verbally. "They're just assholes."

"Thanks," I smiled.

Wendy was looking around curiously. "Wow, this is what being uncool feels like?" She shook her head. "I kinda see a new perspective here..."

"Yeah," Stan replied, "I didn't think so many people here would hate us. But we haven't done anything to them. They hate us for no reason." Gee, doesn't that remind Stan of someone?

"It's probably because we're from South Park," Wendy reasoned, "but I don't know why they hate people from South Park."

I noticed Ray smirking but staying silent. He must have been having the same thoughts I have. Just then, two boys and a girl approached from my left. It was the kids that looked like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Oh look, it's the white trash from South Park." Harry flashed his wand and blue light glowed from the tip. "Ever wonder what I can do?"

"So you know magic." Stan rolled his eyes.

"Precisely," Harry replied. I know the only reason why they're acting like assholes is because they have all the power - socially and magically. But I expected Harry, Ron, and Hermione to be kind because in the books if I recall correctly, those characters were the good guys. But here, they're complete jerks. I also noticed that the entire cafeteria began to fall silent.

Wendy narrowed her eyes at Harry. "Leave us alone, asswipe!"

But Harry did exactly the opposite. "'Oh hey, I'm from South Park! We don't take kindly to respecting human beings!'" Kids began laughing at us. "'Please open your shotguns and slap your wives!'"

"Hey, shut the fuck up, ok nerd?" Stan's tone was threatening. I could see and feel that all of my friends' faces are beginning to redden with anger, even Isaac was beginning to vent as much steam as I could.

"Ugh, swearing." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Look at how the one with the hat is up against the girl, they're only like ten! Are all the boys from South Park always this brutish?"

"Hey, wait Harry, let me try," Ron said, "'I live in South Park and my IQ's so low I've got to dig for it. Hey, did someone say 'rape'? That's the word for 'clapper' here in South Park'." The entire cafeteria was laughing harder.

I swear we were all so angry we were going to blow up, but something stopped us from doing so. "Hey!" A voice came from my right now and I turned my head towards its source. It was three more students, all of them male. The center one was skinny with wavy blonde hair, the second was short and fat with a brown-haired buzz-cut, and the third was taller and more muscular with the same hairstyle as the former. The skinny blonde one met Harry in the eye. "Back off them, Potter. They've done nothing wrong."

"Oh great, here's Malfoy again, trying to preach anti-bullying awareness." Harry rolled his eyes as he too caught the blonde kid's gaze. "This isn't your fight, you annoying dimwit, so why don't you back off?"

"And what if I don't, Potter?" The blonde kid put both his hands on the table.

Harry then aimed his wand from Wendy to the blonde kid. "You really want to find out?"

"Wands out?" The blonde kid along with his two friends also whipped out their wands, glowing with green light. "Two can play at that game." Ron and Hermione took out their wands in response.

The tension was so great no one in the cafeteria made a single sound as all eyes were onto the eleven of us. Two groups of three wands aimed down at each other across our own table. I clenched my fists and Stan scooted closer to Wendy. This felt exactly like a Mexican standoff. People were pointing ranged weapons at each other, but no one wanted to make the first move for fear of being punished as the aggressor. And then the lunch recess bell rang.

"You're lucky the white knights came to your aid just in time, you trashy rednecks." Harry then turned his glare onto the blonde kid. "As for you, Malfoy, expect a duel sometime this afternoon, you annoying maggot."

"It will be my pleasure, Potter, when I finally get to teach you some respect," the blonde kid sneered.

As Harry, Ron, and Hermione filed out of the cafeteria with the rest of the students, the blond kid put his wand away. "I'm sorry you five were treated so poorly on your first day here. The kids from the Gryffindor classroom are the worst."

I raised an eyebrow. Surely, that's one of the houses in Hogwarts in the books. "Gryffindor?"

"The classroom taught by Mrs. McGonagall, yes." The blonde kid stuck out his right hand. "My name is-"

"Draco Malfoy," Wendy finished.

"So you've read the Harry Potter books?" Draco asked.

"Yeah," Stan replied, "but why is everyone here named after Harry Potter characters and look like Harry Potter characters?"

The fat kid spoke next. "It's just a stupid coincidence. I'm serious, like none of this was intended. Harry Potter and his friends can get away with it because the books and movies glorify him and made him super popular in school. I'm Vincent Crabbe, by the way."

"Gregory Goyle, but you all can call me Greg," the muscular guy replied.

"Oh, I'm Stan Marsh." Stan then began to point at us. "That's Cole Dimmons, that's Cole's twin Isaac, that's Ray Irvington, and this is Wendy Testaburger."

"Stan's my boyfriend," Wendy added.

"Oh so that's why Stan has his arms around you." Draco nodded, as if he had learned something today. "I never understood why the children in South Park date so young. Anyways, what are you guys doing here?"

"Um, we're actually not supposed to be staying here," Ray said. "We're supposed to be on a...quest."

Draco tilted his head sideways with a puzzled look on his face. "A...quest?"

Ray nodded. "Yeah, we're supposed to head north."

"By yourselves, are you mad?" Vincent had a puzzled look on his face as well. "Where are you going?"

"Sol Lighthouse," Isaac replied.

When those words left my mouth, the three boys stepped back from us and looked at each other. They shot worried looks at us. "You're going...there?" Greg looked at his two friends then back at us. "This is mental! No one has ever survived the Sol Lighthouse!"

I smirked. "Oh comeon, we've done crazier before. I mean, we've stolen a police car to get here."

"What?" All three of them said.

"That's right," Isaac said.

After a few words like "wow" and "cool", Draco spoke again. "So another thing that made you stand out is that you're not wizards. Everyone in North Park is a wizard."

"Well I'm a mage," Ray said, "but I usually use ice spells."

"Well I'm a warrior," Stan said, "all I need is my sword in order to kick ass. Wendy here is a paladin and she uses a shield, sword, and holy light. Isaac is a shaman who can wield the elements of earth, fire, wind, and water, and Cole is a druid who can use the power of nature and plants to heal and he can also turn into animals."

"That's pretty cool," Vincent said.

"Alright, I'm about to be late for the anti-bullying meeting," Draco said, "I don't think I'll see you five again today, so I wish you luck on your endeavors." After the three waved goodbye, they went out of the cafeteria.

"Wow," Stan said, "I never thought the characters who resemble the assholes in the books and movies would be the ones to help us when we really needed it."

"Life is funny that way," Isaac added.

* * *

The schedule in this school was exactly the same as the schedule in our school. After lunch recess, we had class for the remainder, but we were called into the principal's office early. None of us were sure why, we haven't done anything wrong today, we didn't taunt anyone, cause any trouble for the teacher, nothing happened at all. But it didn't matter anyways. The five of us stormed into the principal's office, and there sat an old man with a beard. He wore a black suit and tie. He was slightly on the heavy side, but for an old man he was still alright. The nameplate on his desk showed "Albus Dumbledore".

"Sit," Principal Dumbledore said. There were five chairs facing Dumbledoor. This office was exactly like Principal Victoria's in which the right wall had a window. We all sat down, me sitting between Wendy and Isaac. "So the police have told me the story of how you got here. Stealing police cars, hiding a plastic, composite explosive in your backpack, Wendy - that's not what I'd typically expect from kids your age, especially innocent and modest looking ones."

"Uh oh," Stan said.

"You're not in trouble." Principal Dumbledore twirled around a pencil in his hand. "I was given another side of the story. I suppose it aligns itself up with the news of Nazi Zombies hitting South Park. If the rumors are true, that means the Nazi Zombies should arrive here soon."

"Who-who told you that?" Wendy asked.

"Hm, I'm not sure, actually." Principal Dumbledoor stroked his long, white beard. "It looked like some angry, demonic space grpyhon made of stone. He called himself the 'Harbinger of the End Times', kinda like Alduin from Skyrim." That must have been the work of Harbinger, yes.

"I know that guy," Ray said, "but keep going."

"Um, Wendy, that C4 explosive isn't armed, is it?" Principal Dumbledore asked.

I took a look in Wendy's backpack. No lights were flashing, nothing was ticking, and I could hear nothing. "No," she replied, "how did you know?"

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger ratted you out," Dumbledore continued, "I was considering sending you all to the proper authorities, but I know the world is at stake here. I know about the Stick of Truth. I know this happened before in Nebraska. And the last time this mess happened, the U.S. Government tried to disguise it all, that is which why I have reported nothing." Principal Dumbledore took a look outside his window to see nothing but an empty street. "I knew this day would come again. And I'm sorry those three gave you trouble."

"So what is this," I said, "should I also add 'Harry Potter' to the list of fantasy literature that somehow got mixed into this mess?"

"Well, I've been around long before J.K. Rowling ever wrote her books," Dumbledore said. "They say it's a game; this is a sick joke of a game, I can tell you. Did you know I'm a fan of anime? I enjoy dropping by anime conventions periodically. I suppose you could call me a 'weaboo', but that's more of a derogatory term. Of course, the only difference is, I'm never comfortable with cosplaying. There are certain things old men like myself should never do. That being said, my favorite anime is Death Note. Did you guys know that?"

"No," Isaac replied.

"That's a secret we all can keep," Principal Dumbledore smiled. "You five are the first people I told you. And why did I tell you this?"

"Why?" Ray asked.

"Well, to put this brief, secrets don't make friends," Principal Dumbledore said.

"But friends make secrets," Wendy shot back.

"Also true," Dumbledore said. "So Raymond here is Dovahkiin, correct?" When Ray nodded yes, Dumbledore continued. "Harbinger told me about the master monks. If you haven't figured out already, it's Terrance and Phillip performing live at 3 pm at Bayroyal Hall. And trust me, you'll don't want to miss their 'sorcery'."

"I guess I could always learn dragonshouts from them," Ray said, "but I'm confused about why I need to know this. I'd like to focus on the main objective - Terrorblade."

Dumbledore nodded. "And perhaps learning true 'sorcery' from Terrance and Phillip will be worth it in the end. Sometimes, to know the answer to Terrorblade is to understand the barriers of the physical world and peer into the depths of society and its values. Sometimes, you simply have to discern the transmundane." We were all silent. I wasn't even sure what that meant. "Well, it's time for you all to get going. I hope you five enjoy the Terrance and Phillip show. I have to make preparations. Take care, children, and I wish you luck on your journey."

The five of us stood up and bowed down. "Thank you, Principal Dumbledore," we all said.

"And one more thing." Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Hopefully when you meet Terrance and Phillip you remember the Gentlemen's Code." Oh no, not that shit again. This better not be what Kenny told me back when I fought those ginger kids.

Isaac was the only person who looked remotely puzzled. "What gentlemen's code?"

"Never ever fart on a man's balls," Dumbledore said. "The Gentlemen's Code is the universal code of honor. To fart on a man's balls is a symbolic offense to the male genitalia, and is dishonorable."

We all nodded, and we all stormed out of the office. "Well, that went well," Stan said with Wendy in his arms.

But seriously, fuck, that code is annoying. But in the end, Dumbledore may be right. The code might be "discerning" to whatever "transmundane" might happen, haha.

* * *

 **Holy crap, I didn't realize how long this chapter would become. This chapter was originally supposed to be much shorter, but the entire North Park Elementary sequence was a last minute addition, and I thought it would be shorter. I was wrong. It became so long I had to delay some parts that were supposed to be in this chapter and shove it into next chapter.**

 **Why did I add Harry Potter? Because magic. Also, I know Harry Potter is supposed to be a nice guy in the books and Draco Malfoy is supposed to be a jerk until the very end - well that's not the way it's gonna roll in my fanfic. Expect to see them for about three more chapters at most.  
**


	15. Chapter 15: Terrance and Phillip

**I've always been wondering if I've been doing a good job. Maybe I introduced too many characters from other universes or something? Maybe it's too confusing? I hope I'm doing my best since I'm trying to go under the assumption that the reader hasn't played WoW (or any other video game). Honestly, even if I don't get reviews, I hope this story is enjoyable regardless, and I hope I'm doing my best to make it clear and understandable.**

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

Bayroyal Hall is a large concert hall that is often used for the post prestigious bands and orchestras. Rumor has it that it can easily fit over ten thousand people, some arguing even more. That being said, this was the Terrance and Phillip performance, and every kid my age and around that, give or take, is a fan of the Canadian fart-duo. Why does everyone find them so funny? Children like myself (and myself included) see such farting actions as funny. Some conspiracy theorists have claimed that the Terrance and Phillip Show is Canada's way to impose their culture onto the U.S. to ruin the very fabric of what makes a true American. Mr. Garrison is one of those people who supports those theories.

That being said, we were standing outside Bayroyal Music Hall in a long line to get tickets at the ticket booth. It was a cool 74 degrees Fahrenheit, so I didn't mind standing around. I just am hoping tickets won't run out, which could very well be a real possibility. We would have to wait for another ten minutes in line. "I really hope we can get the tickets."

"Don't worry, we'll make it," Isaac reassured.

"So Stan." I turned to see who spoke, and it was Ray. "Just out of curiosity, what's the story about you guys pretending to play WoW in real life? Like the whole humans versus elves thing?"

"Oh that," Stan said, "uh, the conflict is pretty meta."

"...meta?" Ray tilted his head to the side. "What does that mean?"

"He's referring to personal issues," Wendy replied.

"Oh," Ray nodded.

"I'm not sure if you know this, Ray, but Cartman and Kyle hate each other." Stan let out a yawn. Oh nice, I can see where this conversation is going.

"Kyle's the one with the green hat, right?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah," Stan replied, "he and Cartman always fight, and I'm pretty sick of it. But it's mostly Cartman's fault, who has to rip on Kyle for being Jewish or having red hair, or Kenny for being poor, or, well everyone really."

"He's a giant asshole, Stan, and I'm not sure why you haven't quit hanging out with him," Wendy added, "he's a complete cancer."

Stan shrugged. "Well I feel bad for him to be honest, but you're right. He's an asshole."

Yeah, I know Cartman is a racist and sexist asshole who could also be a dangerous psychopath (one time, he killed Scott Tenorman's parents, turned them into chili, and fed the "chilli" to Scott). If I recall correctly, Cartman was probably the one who came up with the idea to frame Trent Boyette for arson back in preschool. He quite literally tries to invoke the Nazi spirit wherever he goes, and makes it his quest to trashtalk Jews whenever possible. But let's be honest here, Cartman not knowing his father and kids my age continually taunting him for his heavy weight did not make matters better. I too was one of the kids who used "fatass" or something similar to Eric Cartman as an insult, and let me tell you, he was so sensitive he'll do something that will make you want to regret it. I'm pretty sure Stan, Kyle, and their friends would taunt Cartman for his weight, and that's kinda what made him insane now. But alas, I don't want to say anything because I will gain nothing from arguing with Wendy and Stan about this. Plus, I don't think Cartman is going to be very fond of me after having getting the Stick taken away from him.

"So what's the two teams?" Ray asked. "You roleplayed as the Drow Elves, right Stan?"

"Well Kyle's the leader," Stan said, "and it's me, him, Jimmy, who is the kid on the crutches, and until now, Wendy and her friends are on the elf team. How did you get into Cartman's team anyways?"

"Well me and Cole ran into Butters getting beat up by an elf, and so I punched him in the face, then Butters thanked me and took me to Cartman's house." This was all true, according to Ray, since I was there as well.

"How did Cole wasn't sided with Cartman?" Stan asked.

"Cartman called me an asshole before pushing me away," I grumbled.

Wendy laughed. "Ha, Cartman, of all people, calling you an asshole."

I put my arms down with my palms out as I turned to Wendy. "I know, right? Talk about hypocrisy right there! I mean, clearly beating him up yesterday didn't change anything about him."

"Wendy, I liked the part where you mashed his face in yesterday," Isaac added.

Ray shook his head. "Wait, wait, what are you guys talking about? Who mashed who's face in?"

"Wendy beat up Cartman," Stan said.

Immediately, Ray began to laugh so hard he began to shed tears. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT A LOSER! WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, FATASS GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL?"

Wendy gave off a heroic smirk. "Believe it. What a loser he is."

That thought struck me in my heart again, like how this exact thought first came to my mind during school right before the fight of Wendy vs. Cartman, and I shuddered and closed my eyes a bit; it (again) kinda sickens me how sexist my generation can be. I could remember the many times that I was called a fag as Clyde and his friends beat me up. Not that I was homosexual myself, but they call me that because I'm not that strong, you know? Hell, Wendy can probably beat me up. "Yeah..." I clamped my mouth shut. Damnit Cole, you have got to learn to keep your mouth shut! I sounded like I gave off a hint of snarkiness and sarcasm and I didn't want to give off the wrong tone. But I have to change the subject quickly before they catch on. "You know who's a hypocrite? Butters." Nice.

"How so?" Stan asked.

I know I had my reasons for disliking Butters, I just have to remember what they were. "Um...uh...he's like a wolf in sheep's clothing!" Stan and Wendy raised an eyebrow, giving me that inquiring look. I sighed and closed my eyes. I felt dirty talking behind someone's back like this, gossiping to someone about bad things pertaining to one of their friends. "He tries to act all innocent and stuff, but he's kind of an ass as well. Like that one time, Stan, you made that bulllying video and Butters went off to beat up some show host."

"That was Dr. Oz," Stan corrected, "and I'd like to not remember that time, thanks."

Huh, how could I forget that? I nodded in response. "Right, but well you know what I'm saying, right?"

Wendy rolled her eyes. I might have fooled the other three, but I couldn't fool Wendy. She was just too socially perceptive. "Cole, you're not exactly the nicest person on the block either."

My stomach churned. Yeah, I know I'm not the nicest person, but is she trying to pick a fight with me right now? I figuratively felt like I was punched in the gut. I wanted to say something, but I feared both her and Stan would beat me up. I bit my tongue to avoid myself making any snide remark. I exhaled. "Well at least I, uh, don't start fights, you know?"

"Hey, it's our turn now!" I turned to see Isaac point to the booth. There was no one in front of us, so the five of us walked forward.

When we got to the booth there was a teenage kid with red hair and freckles, who was no older than sixteen. "Sorry, but we just ran out of tickets."

Immediately, every kid behind us in line yelled, "OH COME ON!" Various profanities were then yelled afterward and kids began to push and shove each other. I couldn't believe it. We were so close, and yet so far. It feels awful when you're so close to a prize but then something happens and you get denied.

"Oh Goddamnit!" Stan stomped the ground with rage. "Now what are we gonna do?!"

"I'll tell you what we're not gonna do!" Ray crossed his arms. "I'm going to get to Terrance and Phillip one way or another! Even if we have to sneak in!"

"Maybe if we ask the other kids nicely..." Isaac asked.

"Ask nicely?" Wendy was at Isaac's face. "You really think kids our age are going to throw away their tickets?"

"What if we gave money?" Isaac asked.

"They will overprice us for sure!" Wendy retorted. "And mind you, the money we have wasn't ours to begin with-" Wendy then glared at Stan. "-Stan!"

"Hey, two thousand dollars isn't going to fix the Nazi Zombie plague!" Stan redirected.

"This is great, wow!" I turned to see Harry Potter laughing. "Too bad I have the last tickets! I'm just waiting for my four friends. Enjoy your nothing, you stupid rednecks." He held out five tickets in his hand like a poker hand. "Hahahahahaha! I have the ti-ckets! And you do no-ot!" He then spat and the spit landed in front of my feet.

I was red with rage as I watched Harry turn his back to me to walk towards the entrance to Bayroyal Hall. Not only did he take the last five tickets, but he also spat in front of me. And this was the asshole who bullied us at lunch. I could feel my face and heart flare up. If I knew fire magic, I would be on fire right now, literally. "I have had enough of bullies and assholes like him! I have had enough of bullies like him walking all over me and my friends! I'm gonna teach that kid a lesson!"

I began to walk to Harry, but someone grabbed my right shoulder. Wendy's voice came to me. "Cole comeon, this isn't worth it."

"Go away, Wendy!" I couldn't believe I was hearing that out of Wendy as I pushed her arm away from me. I then narrowed my eyes at Harry's back and speedwalked towards him. At ten yards away, I shouted, "HEY FUCKFACE!"

Harry turned around to face me. "What?"

"EAT SHIT, FAGGOT!" I raised both of my arms and hands into the sky, and suddenly a beam of moonlight shone down on Harry, exploding on him and searing him with lunar energy. This technique is called "Moonfire".

"AH!" Harry crouched a little and grabbed his head in pain. "WHAT THE FUCK!" Periodically, the lunar residuals will fry his body for about twenty seconds or so. "YOU FUCKING ASSWIPE!" Harry whipped out his wand and did a little wave. "EAT THIS! EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

An ethereal ghost-like stag shot out of Harry's wand, traveling towards me. I jumped to the right to avoid being trampled by the ghost stag. As the stag traveled to the left of me, I watched where it went. It went to my friends, but they jumped out of the way as well. I turned back to Harry. I immediately shapeshifted into a cat and lept straight for Harry. "RAH!"

"AH!" Harry tried to run but it was no use.

I immediately raked Harry with a sideways sweep to the left to bleed him. I then maimed him with two of my paws to stun him out. Then I grabbed his head with my right paw and slammed him down on the ground. I smacked his head on the ground, lifted it up, and smacked it again on the ground, doing so repeatedly. Each time I smacked his head on the ground, I said a word. "FUCK! YOU! AND! RON! AND! HERMIONE! YOU! JACKASS!"

My friends then circled around me. "Alright! Holy shit!" Stan then took my right paw. "We don't need to kill him!" Isaac also came to help Stan.

I shapeshifted back into my human form, and Stan and Isaac let go of my right hand. "I've had enough of people like Harry Potter!" I then knelt down to take the five Terrance and Phillip tickets out of Harry's left hand and handed each to my friends.

"Cole, seriously, you were out of control there," Wendy argued.

"Cole, this isn't you," Isaac reasoned.

I sighed. "I - I just had enough of being pushed around from assholes like Harry!"

"You're being Butters," Stan said, "stop it."

Stan was right. I was being Butters. I was being the hypocrite I've abhorred. In fact, I could be compared his to Cartman. After all, I did almost strew Harry's entrails about the sidewalk. But I digress. I did lose myself there, and I certainly hope he's still alive. I sighed. I'm an asshole. I didn't think I'd go this far to almost murdering someone. I guess I was so sick of being pushed around I kinda...snapped. Like what Butters did to Dr. Oz, or how Cartman turned Scott Tenorman's parents into chili and fed them to his parents. Or how Wendy shot a substitute teacher into the sun because of her clinginess and jealousy for Stan.

"He's still alive." I turned to Ray, who took his right fingers off Harry's neck. Harry just lied on the floor on his right side, his face bruised and his glasses broken. "I felt a pulse."

"You know what," I said, "I think we should just leave...and go watch the show."

"...good idea," Isaac replied. No one said anything, but I don't think anyone else wanted to. After all, I did freak out and almost gored someone to death. Then again, no one can deny I was effective in getting Ray into the door to go see Terrance and Phillip. Which is just what we did.

* * *

Like what the stories say, Bayroyal Hall is huge for a supposedly modest concert hall. For some reason, either the kids here weren't too bright or they just didn't care; as a result, the five of us got front row seats directly in the middle of the row. From the left to right facing our backs, it was Ray, then Stan, then Wendy, then me, then Isaac. Around us were all the North Park children, who were dressed as they came from Hogwarts - they all have black robes with ties andThe curtains took no time to rise and out came Terrance and Phillip.

Phillip wore a white lab coat, as if he was dressed up as a doctor. "Hello, Terrance. I am Doctor Phillip. Let me check inside you asshole." He took out a small black flashlight and as he bent down to check Terrance's butt, Terrance farted in his face.

"AHAHAHAHA!" They both laughed, and so did every kid in the theater.

It would continue on like this for this for the next half hour - both would roleplay various situations and then it would end in one of them farting on the other. There were some notable farting tricks that they have done. In one act, Terrance was sitting down at a table with chicken salad on front of him. On the far side of the theater Phillip had his right hand behind his butt. As Terrance attempted to take the first bite out of his salad, Phillip farted into his right hand, curled his hand into a fist, then made a motion towards Terrance while uncurling his hand. Then, I saw a cloud of fart travel from Phillip's hand onto Terrance's salad, which it then exploded, the salad spilling everywhere.

"Ah, the fuck!" Terrance said.

"AHAHAHAHA!" Phillip laughed, and so did the rest of us. "That is the Cup-A-Spell!"

In a later act, Phillip was dressed as a security guard with a flashlight on, searching around. Terrance was hiding behind a large rock. Terrance farted into his hands, then let off another fart cloud towards the ceiling. It was small and brownish-green. Terrance blew into the air while looking at the small cloud while swirling around his hands and fingers. Somehow, the cloud slowed down and it changed the direction of it's velocity such that the cloud now began to accelerate downwards towards Phillip. The cloud narrowly missed Phillip and while Phillip shown his flashlight towards the rock which Terrance is hiding behind, the cloud exploded behind Phillip.

Immediately, Phillip jumped and turned around, shining his flashlight on the spot where the fart cloud exploded. "What the fuck?" His voice was startled and nervous.

Immediately after, Terrance quickly lept out of rock, sprinted towards Phillip, jumped up, turned around, and when Phillip turned towards the rock again, he was met with Terrance's ass, then a fart after. "Ack!"

"AHAHAHAHA!" Terrance laughed, and so did the rest of us. "You got the Sneaky Squeaker!"

When the show ended, it was about 4:20 pm. As the kids began to file out, Stan's voice made something occur to me. "Hey, we should go backstage to talk to them."

"How are we going to go backstage when we don't have backstage passes?" Wendy asked.

"I save their lives and careers before," Stan said. "I reunited them during that Earth Day fair, and then I banished the Canadian Devil?"

"Canadian...Devil?" Wendy asked. "Oh, I remember watching on the news. Yeah, you were possessed by Satan, I remember now."

"This show was super cool!" Isaac exclaimed.

"The fart tricks were pretty great," I admitted. They were pretty awesome. They were something I've never seen before. Being able to fart someone from a range, or direct it at a certain spot took skill.

To the right of the stage was a door that said "Backstage" and there was a security guard. As we walked up to the guard, he looked at us. "Where's your backstage passes? Show me your tickets." We all showed him our tickets. "Oh. Ok. Second door on the right." He opened the door for us and we went through.

"...I didn't even realize Harry Potter had tickets that granted access to the backstage," Ray said.

"I did not realize that until now, I swear." I really didn't know that when I beat up Harry Potter.

There was a short hallway that turned left and there were three doors. Like what the Security Guard said, we went to the second door, which was already open. There stood Terrance and Phillip. with a couch on the left side, a table in the middle, and a window towards the back. "Oh hello, you must be the children," Terrance spoke, "How is your day?"

"Uh good," Stan replied, "we just have a request: I heard you are the master monks of the sorcery of the Dragonshouts."

Terrance and Phillip narrowed their eyes at us. "What do you know about the Dragonshouts?"

"I've seen you before," Ray said, "and your techniques reminded me of lost memories."

"What makes you think you're guys worthy of our training?" Phillip asked.

"Because I saved your asses at least twice," Stan replied.

Terrance and Philliip looked at each other than at Stan. "Wait, I do remember this kid," Terrance said. "Remember? At one point we had a disagreement but then we went to their Earth Day fair in South Park."

"Yeah..." Phillip nodded. "And then there was the Canadian Devil who made that freemium game and almost took over Canada and sent us both into eternal damnation, but this kid fused himself with Satan to save us. Your name is Stan Marsh, right?"

"Yes," Stan replied.

"Alright, Stan, we will train whoever we need to...uh wait, who needs to be trained?" Terrance looked at all of us.

Ray stepped forward. "Me."

"Oh good," Phillip said. "We will train this pink-haired kid, but only because Stan saved our asses in dire occasions. Now do you know the simple Dragonshout? Don't demonstrate it at me, do it on one of your friends."

"...what?" Stan, Wendy, Isaac, and I said in unison.

Ray walked up to me, turned his back to me, crouched down a little, then farted. "Ew!" I said.

"Fantastic," Phillip clapped. "But I bet you can't do a fart from range."

"Um..." Ray rubbed his chin. I don't think Ray saw the connection. I don't mean to brag, but I'm good at making connections like these.

"You remember the Cup-A-Spell?" I thought back for a minute, then I remembered Terrance eating the salad and Phillip doing the fart from a long range. "Terrance eating the salad?"

"Oh!" Ray immediately put his right hand behind his butt, farted into it, then released a cloud of gas from his hand onto Isaac's face, which exploded after.

"Yuck!" Isaac whiffed the smell away from himself with his right hand.

"Well done indeed." Terrance nodded. "But I bet you can't manipulate the vector of the fart such that it explodes from behind someone while that someone is looking at you."

"The security guard act," I reminded.

Ray nodded. "Wendy, your attention please." Wendy turned to Ray. Ray put his right hand behind his hand and farted into it. He then released it towards the ceiling, but through a combination of exhaling and waving his fingers and hands around, I observed that the ball of fart began to curve downward, land behind Wendy while she was looking at Ray, then exploding behind Wendy.

"Ew!" Wendy immediately jumped and turned around.

"Hey, Ray, if you're gonna fart, don't do it to my girlfriend next time," Stan warned.

"Yeah, Ray, comeon," Isaac added. Huh, I don't remember Isaac caring for Wendy, odd.

"Sorry," Ray apologized.

"Well done," Phillip said. "You are a fast learner. Now, before we go into the last fart, a short speech, no more than five minutes." I saw Isaac take out his phone. He, for whatever reason, started a stopwatch on his phone. "This next lesson is about changing the anus muscles such that you change the frequency. Some objects are too large to be obliterated by the regular magical Dragonshout. It is directly related to the entropy of the system of the Dragonshout, or how disorderly it can cause things."

"In thermodynamics, entropy is a measure of disorder, or the number of ways something can be arranged," Terrance added. "Entropy is an extensive system, and pertains to the randomness of the system. This can be applied to all states of matter - solids, liquids, gases, and even plasma."

"Naturally, gas has a larger entropy because its molecules motions are pretty random - they are free to move around more, the spacing between molecules in the gas phase is much larger than the spacing between molecules in the solid phase," Phillip said. "Farts are gases that come from your anus, thus will naturally have a higher entropy."

"Why you need to know this," Terrance replied, "is because for the next lesson, you will have to manipulate your anus muscles and the entropy of the path of the fart in order to take down various large objects you will encounter. When you are ready to begin, speak with us again. You will be put into a dreamlike state and for the rest of you kids-" Terrance turned to us. "We will required concentration and spiritual communing so it'd be best if you didn't disturb us once we begin."

Wow, I have no idea what the fuck Terrance and Phillip were talking about, but it sounded like it was related to chemistry or physics. They are both pretty smart, actually, but they talked about shit I don't even understand. But whatever, they could have been whatever they wanted and still would have succeeded, and that was good enough for me.

Ray looked at us. "So this is it." He turned back to Terrance and Phillip. "I'm ready."

"Alright." Phillip motioned to Ray. "Come closer to us."

Ray came over to the back of the room next to the window near Terrance and Phillip. They both jump up and fart on Ray, who then passed out. "What?" My jaw dropped in shock.

"It's to put him in a dream-like state to teach him the final fart," Terrance said. "We will need full concentration now." With Ray lying with his back on the ground passed out, both Terrance and Phillip knelt beside Ray, both their right hands glowing and placed on Ray's forehead. Terrance and Phillip's eyes are both closed.

"I honestly have no idea what the fuck they just said," Stan admitted.

"Me neither," Wendy replied.

"Their speech lasted 2:36," Isaac mentioned.

Wendy curiously raised her eyebrow at Isaac. "Why did you time their speech?"

"Don't you hate it when people say they'll take five minutes but really take ten?" Isaac chuckled. "Or even fifteen?"

Stan laughed. "No, Isaac, what's worst is when people say long story short. You know why, right?"

"Because it's never a long story short?" Wendy smiled.

"Yeah." Stan laughed again. It was pretty heartwarming to see Isaac being able to get along with Wendy and Stan, even if I couldn't. I swear there's something wrong with me. "I remember taking my friends to go ziplining."

"Why didn't you take me along with you, Stan?" Wendy replied.

"Wendy, in retrospect, it was awful." Stan shook his head. "There were old people who kept asking a bunch of stupid questions and it delayed the trip so long. I swear I could die of boredom there. Sorry, Wendy, for not hanging out with you recently."

"Well, I'd rather fight zombies and monsters with you any day of the week," Wendy replied, "I mean this is fun even though I...kinda...feel...like...a...nerd..."

"It wasn't my idea," Stan chuckled, "the roleplaying, I mean." The two hugged.

Ray then reawakened as Stan and Wendy let go of each other. "You did it! Now go out and use your anus for the good of mankind." Terrance gave us all a thumbs up.

"And don't ever, ever fart on a man's balls," Phillip added.

"You must never use this fart for evil. Or on balls." Terrance nodded.

That was getting really annoying. Farting on a man's balls? Fuck this "Gentlemen's Code." "Why not?" I asked.

Terrance and Phillip both lifted their index fingers up. "The Gentlemen's Code is the universal code of honor. To fart on a man's balls is a symbolic offense to the male genitalia, and is dishonorable."

My jaw dropped. This is exactly what Kenny McCormick and Principal Dumbledore told me. What's even going on? Is this real life? "Fuck that!"

"Alright," Stan said, "YOU get farted in the balls. YOU tell me how that feels. Ray, wanna give a demonstration?"

I immediately shook my hands and head. "No! I mean, don't far on my balls." Immediately, everyone in the room laughed in response. Thus, I proceeded to tell everyone what I told Kenny back at South Park Elementary. "I hate you all. That is all."

"We should go," Wendy said. We all nodded.

"Take care, Stan and friends!" Terrance and Phillip waved goodbye as we left the room.

About seven kids dressed as Hogwarts students met us. "How were they? Can we come in now?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied. "It was alright." The kids smiled then piled into the room and closed the door. "Ok, this is really weird, let's just get out of here."

We walked back into the main theater being met by the same security guard from before. "Terrance and Phillip are kind and smart people. You kids take care now."

"Thank you," we all replied.

As we all began to walk out of the theater, Wendy struck up another conversation. "Cole, you were kind of a downer there."

I cringed. Nice, Wendy wants to start another argument with me. "Wendy, I wasn't being a downer, I was just being realistic."

"Sometimes, it's just better to be positive," Wendy replied, "like that photoshop situation."

I rolled my eyes as we got towards the front door, opened it, and went outside Bayroyal Hall. "Wendy, that photoshop situation was _special_ , and you know it, and photoshop has nothing to do with us right now, I mean, when is the last time..." I gazed outside and saw several kids our age with their wands out directed at us. I look a closer look a them and I realized they were all the kids from Mrs. McGonagall 4th grade class. In the middle stood Harry Potter, whose face was bruised and scarred and whose glasses were absent.

"I hope you enjoyed your show," was all Harry Potter could muster as he too drew his wand out. Everyone's wands were glowing blue. He glared directly at me, probably because I kicked his ass earlier today.

I've done quite a few things I regret. I've made quite a few people mad in my life. I've made my enemies, I've had my conflicts, I ended up into fights. But this...this is what I did not need right now. We're on a quest right now, Nazi Zombies are going to arrive in North Park soon, and now Harry Potter is probably out for revenge on us.

We're in quite the shitpickle.

* * *

 **Bayroyal Hall is named after Benaroya Hall in Seattle, Washington.**

 **The beginning portion was pretty clowny, especially the interaction with Cole against Harry Potter himself. Maybe I made Harry Potter seem like too much of someone who talks shit but can't back up what he talks, which is quite opposite from the Harry Potter in the books. But whatever, my goal wasn't to be realistic to the core, remember that South Park is basically a parody of things. The idea of introducing Harry Potter came from S6E13 "The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers" where the kids reach the town of Bailey, see a group of kids playing Harry Potter, then Eric Cartman calls them fags (or something similar). Also, I hope my chemistry lesson is alright :)  
**

 **What happens next? Find out...next time.  
**


	16. Chapter 16: Familiar Foe

**I dropped the F-bomb 32 times in this chapter, alot more than any other, lol. I think the runner up had like 14 or something.**

 **Also, I went off to rename a few chapters since I think it would sound better.**

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

There really wasn't any way we could fight back, we were completely outnumbered. Five of us against like thirty-or-so wizards? I mean I honestly didn't expect them to let us go, after I completely eviscerated Harry Potter outside Bayroyal Hall earlier. Of course, though, I didn't expect the five of us to be dragged back to Harry Potter's home, locked in his basement, then tied up to chairs facing the doorway. The basement was completely empty and barren. At least he was kind enough to leave the lights on - it would have been awful if I couldn't see anything. Then again, I did deserve this for mutilating Harry earlier. But there is still the Nazi Zombie problem, and Terrorblade is still out there getting to Sovngarde. I can't remain down here forever, not when the world is at stake. Our weapons and backpacks were gone, and none of us had any clue where they went. Nevertheless, like always, whenever something goes wrong, an argument has to ensue.

And, like always, Wendy has to be the first one to state her opinions. "I really hope they didn't take the C4 from my backpack. Seriously though, nice going Cole."

I rolled my eyes. I tried to twist and turn, but my hands and feet were bound tightly to the chair, my hands tied behind my back. "Oh my God, not now..."

"You know, you have serious temper issues!" Wendy tried to pull herself out as well but of to no avail. "This is what I mean last night! You're always angry, cocky, volatile..."

"Hey!" I tried to pull myself out again, but it was worthless. I was only straining hurting my wrists and ankles. "I got us into the Terrance and Phillip show! I was the reason Ray learned his sorcerous Dragonshouts! What the fuck would you have done, Wendy? You can just sit there and sputter!"

"You know," Stan said, "when someone is an asshole to you, that doesn't mean you should have to back down. But you don't lash out, abuse your powers, and try to murder them!"

"So when you beat me up at school," I reminded, "you expect me to just back down. Isn't that what you told me back then?"

"You were easy to pick on back then because you backed down like Butters," Stan argued. "Now you're just fucking insane." I can't believe that little prick. He, like his friends, picked on me because I was a coward. Now he's treating me like I'm the bad guy?

"Yeah, except Harry Potter isn't exactly the nicest person, and neither is Butters!" I rolled my eyes. "Why do you both always automatically assume I'm the bad guy whenever bad shit happens to me or for me?!"

"Because you never control your anger in a healthy manner!" Wendy yelled. "You're vicious too, and you use bullying as an excuse for your behavior! You are the product of anger that has boiled deep inside you and you never got the chance to express the anger in a healthy manner. This is borderline insanity."

I rolled my eyes. "Wow, straight out of a fucking bullying manual. Nice psychoanalysis, how much do you charge for the full hour?" I swear I wanted to leap out of my chair and punch her, or Stan. Perhaps both. "No, seriously, fuck you! What the fuck do you know about bullying? You have never been bullied, Wendy! You nor Stan! Your lives are as perfect as can be! And Stan, your bullying video was fake as fuck anyways!"

"You don't know me or Wendy, dumbass!" I could hear Stan crack his jaw. "You're so concerned with yourself you forgot even someone 'oh-so-perfect' like me or Wendy have our problems as well! We both struggled with our relationship!"

"Are you fucking with me right now, Stan?" I can't believe this idiot has to bring up his relationship problems, because it's only making him sound more like an ass. "No seriously, are you fucking with me? You have to bring up your relationship? You do realize you're one of the few people in this school with a steady relationship that's lasted totally about...what...fifteen months, give-or-take? And you have the audacity to shove your relationship problems down my throat? Fuck you! If you think that's a real problem, you don't know what real problems are you jackass!" I haven't been used to talking this much shit to someone's face at all, but I have had about enough of both of them.

"All relationships have their ups and downs you retard!" Stan called back. "There's chances of conflict, there's chances of breakup! You think kissing each other is just fun and games? Everyone has to make sacrifices in a relationship!"

"At least you and Wendy can get back anytime you want!" I scoffed. "You think I can bring back my dead mom, asswipe?!"

"You don't know what dating is like because no girl wants to go out with a jerk like you!" Wendy yelled. Wow. Low blow. I should have seen that one coming. I remember Wendy earlier this morning at Denny's telling us that boys are always in need of a pretty girl's approval. She is right though, no girl really does like me, as in likes likes me. I felt my heart shatter at the reminding thought that no one at school does care for me. I mean I guess I have people like Garet, Jenna, and some others, but I never get to see them and I kinda grew distant overtime. I was dumbstruck, and I couldn't figure out to say. It's a thought that I've always tried to push away since the beginning of 4th grade, but overtime it just always comes back to haunt me, and that's because most of the boys in my class had a girlfriend at one point or another, but I haven't, and all the boys are compared to each other based on how well they can score girls. When someone tells you no one loves you, especially when you never had a girlfriend, you could feel the insult sting. Of course, she went on. "What? Did I strike a nerve?"

Part of me wanted to fight back, but the other part of me that took over wanted to make peace with them. "I-I-um..." But that thought didn't go away. I was defeated. I began to sniffle as tears began to stain my eyes.

"Are you kidding me?" Stan yelled. "You think we're gonna feel sorry just because you're gonna cry?"

I just let the tears flow as I cried louder. "You're right! No one loves me!" I really am and asshole. I don't deserve a girl, no, I don't actually deserve the few friends I have.

"Well..." Ray said, "you did get us stuck here, Cole, not gonna lie."

"So what do we do now?" Isaac asked.

"Isaac, you ask that all the time, you are the epitome of the dame in distress," Wendy said. "'What can we do?' 'Guys, I need help!' Why don't you actually find a solution for once instead of standing there on the sidelines like a creep all the time like Kenny? Seriously, you are boring and uninteresting and I don't know why you're here right now."

"Fuck you, Wendy!" Isaac yelled. "At least I don't jump to conclusions! At least I'm not a jealous bitch!" Wow. What has gotten into Isaac recently? I could have sworn he's the nice, kind, sensitive guy like he was until two days ago. I began to slowly cease crying.

"Shut up, Isaac, no girl likes you either," Stan said, "and Wendy, did you have to bring up Kenny like that? I mean I know you don't really like him, but come on."

"You know why I don't like him." Yeah, I know why Wendy doesn't like Kenny. It's no secret that Kenny is a pervert who enjoys looking at porn, and it's no secret Wendy is a feminist who finds porn degrading to women, so naturally, Kenny and Wendy wouldn't get along very well.

In front of me I saw the light bend itself to reveal Harry Potter taking off a shroud. That made me jump. How did that happen? Was Harry wearing some invisibility shroud? "Ahahahahahaha, this is great. The trashy rednecks making each other cry." Oh my God, fuck this guy. This guy just appears whenever he wants. Not only is this guy a bully, but he is also a stalker and tormentor. He's like the devil who follows you around always doubting you. "Seriously, fuck you Cole for breaking my glasses and almost killing me."

"Fuck you, you deserved it totally!" Ray blew a raspberry at Harry. "Untie me and fight me like a real man!"

"Fuck you, Ray, you faggot, like seriously, what kind of 'real man' dyes his hair pink?" Harry suddenly raised his eyebrows and cringed. "Oh no, don't tell me you're a weaboo. I fucking hate weaboos almost as much as I hate my school principal. If I could I would fuck them all to death." I guess it's a good thing Harry doesn't know that Prinicpal Dumbledore is a fan of anime.

"Fuck you, that's disgusting! What is wrong with you?!" Wendy yelled.

"Yeah, fuck you," Stan yelled. "There's nothing wrong with anime even though...um...I don't really watch any anime. But whatever!"

"Oh nononono!" Harry got up into Stan's face now. "Do not fuck me, Stan, I already fucked you, we will only be fucking each other!"

"Why is everyone saying 'fuck you' all of a sudden?" Isaac asked. Yeah, that is really weird. This is turning into a contest of who can say the last "Fuck you".

"Fuck you, Isaac, you stupid mouthbreather!" Harry had an angry look on his face to try to scare Isaac. Of course, Isaac was sensitive to those things, so Isaac edged back a little on his seat. "Now enough of this 'fuck you' nonsense. The reason I'm really here is because-" Harry pointed straight at me. "-you're a psychopathic douchebag for smashing my face on the sidewalk, Cole, and your 'friends' are in the right to bitch out on that. That being said-" Harry pointed at Ray first "-you are a faggot-" Harry then pointed at Isaac "-you are a mongloid-" Harry then turned his glare onto both Stan and Wendy "-and you two, Stan and Wendy, are spoiled brats who are too young to be dating, I mean, come on, you're like nine or ten. We're not in a fanfiction here, we're not in some sick perverted television show! Act like you're actually children and not brainwashed teens, damnit!"

"Oh come on, and you aren't a spoiled brat yourself?" Stan rolled his eyes and grumbled underneath his breath. "So you're only here to shittalk us because you know we can't kick your ass with ourselves tied down in our chairs." Seriously, it's one thing to...you know, kidnap us. It's another to kidnap us then stand around just taunting us to death. It's like we're in a Batman movie where Batman himself gets kidnapped by the bad guy and is forced to listen to monologues of stupid shit. Then again, it could always be worse.

Harry scoffed. "What? Of course not!"

"Then why are you here?" Wendy yelled.

"Because fuck you, that's why!" Harry stuck his middle fingers out at us.

"Where's our stuff?" Stan asked.

"In the sewers beneath the town." Nice, Harry is going to be that cliché idiot bad guy who just dangles every piece of information just because. "But you're stuck here. Hahahahahaha! I have...wait...wasn't there a bomb in one of your backpacks?"

"Yes," Wendy replied.

"Shit!" Harry stomped on the ground with his face red with anger. "Fuck! I forgot completely about that! Fuck! Fuck! Fuckity fuck!"

"So where's your friends?" Ray asked.

"Oh Ron and Hermione? They're upstairs." Harry said.

"Just tell us why you hate us, you pussy." Stan impatiently rolled his eyes. Seriously, why does Harry Potter hate us so much? I wanna figure out too.

"Because your town has no respect for human beings. You are the most fundamentally backwards people I have ever known." Harry rubbed his bruised eyes before moving on. "So many problems originate from you. But I'll never forget the day all the little boys and men of North Park had to fight the war against Canada - the time I nearly lost my parents." He started to sniffle a little, as if it was his turn to cry now. Man, alot of us are criers here. "Us kids in North Park love Terrance and Phillip just as much as you guys seem to. Asses of Fire was the greatest movie ever. But you guys got careless...tried to replicate the tricks...then the parents in South Park understandably panicked, freaked out...but then one parent took it too far, made it her duty to wage war on Canada over some movie! You South Parkers ruin everything for the rest of us. You take it too far! Because of you, so many fads get ruined. You fight with each other, you're jerks to each other and others as well, and us North Parkers have to be dragged to fight with you because of how stupid you guys are." He let out a deep sigh. Well I suppose he had a point. I remember the war against Canada. It was disgusting and awful - war over a single movie.

"...that was one mom, and there's more to South Park than just drama," Stan said, "like we're all great friends with each other."

"You forget that even though disasters do happen," Wendy added, "we all make it through, and when we face down challenges, we grow stronger as a person. You don't know what we're like, you make all these assumptions based on rumors spread about us, and it's easy for you to talk shit about us because you haven't dealt with what we had to."

"Yeah, you think it's easy for kids our age to act like the responsible adults, Harry," Stan continued, "you seem like the type of person who doesn't know what goes on because you seem like you live a perfect, sheltered life, and nothing bad ever happens to you. And then when you see something you can't explain, you think it's bad." I guess Stan and Wendy do have a point. They've experienced more of the everyday conflict than I have ever had to face. They both had to face popularity issues, political movement, demons, supernatural entities, and in the end, they both live on with their lives like a regular couple. And as much as I didn't like them, I have to admit that the fact that they didn't falter by now - those two are strong not just in the body, but also the mind and spirit.

Ray then began to groan and moan. "RHHHHHH!"

All of a sudden, I felt myself shrink to a particle. My body felt like nothing. I couldn't see what was going on. I felt like my soul was in freefall. The next thing I knew, my friends and I were suddenly standing at the doorway to the basement, with Harry looking at us in shock. I'm in shock as well. I don't know what just happened or how it happened, but I teleported here somehow.

"What the fuck?" Harry's jaw dropped in awe.

Ray laughed. "It's the anal probe." He lowered his pants to moon Harry, and suddenly a small, steel satellite dish with a radius no more than four inches stuck out of his ass. "I was trying to get myself out to kick your ass. I guess I didn't realize I could also teleport my friends as well. There's an alien sensor stuck on the ceiling if you haven't noticed." I followed Ray's finger to see some kind of metallic "alien eye" sticking out of the ceiling. Woah. The satellite dish retracted back into Ray's ass and he pulled his pants back up again.

"...this does not bode well." Harry let out a sigh.

All of a sudden, an explosion came from behind us. The six of us turn our gazes outward. "What was that?" Harry asked.

As the six of us got outside the house, we saw Ron and Hermione already outside on the street facing to the right, which is South. Both of them were pale. We followed their gazes to see figures running towards us roaring and screaming. "Harry..." Ron pointed a nervous finger down at the individuals.

"ZOMBIES!" A little girl no older than six was running towards us. "RUN!"

The girl had to say no more, since the eight of us began running north. But more zombies came from the east to try to cut us off. I looked around. My four friends are here, but Harry and his friends were no longer with us. Whatever. I'm sure they'll be alright, they seem to know hiding spots better than we do. The five of us blew past the zombies and towards a "AT&T" office building that was about ten stories tall. Cars were littered in the street as the evening sun shone down. Zombies were jumping all over the adults and ravaging them. Kids dressed up as wizards had their wands out holding back the zombies with as much efforts as possible. Cops and civillians had their handguns out shooting zombies as well. And up in the skies was Harbinger raining down arcane orbs on the zombies. He didn't pay any mind to us since he was busy dealing with the zombie attack here.

"There's a tunnel to the sewers! We can hide there!" Wendy pointed at the trapdoor to the sewers located inside the AT&T parking lot.

As the five of us crossed the street to jump the bush, eight zombies jumped out to greet us. "Oh crap! Zombies!" Stan looked around frantically. "We gotta get rid of them!"

"We don't have any weapons!" Isaac looked at both of his hands. "We can't even kill them! What are we gonna do?" Unfortunately, weapons also boost magic capabilities, and since I lack my staff, my magical attacks and shapeshifted attacks are going to be very weak.

"We can still control them!" Ray twirled his hands and a ring of frost was placed on the ground, encircling around us.

"Ahh, Frischfleisch!" Three zombies charged forward, but when they stepped on the circumference of the ring they were immediately encased in ice.

Wendy's hands glowed with light and a fourth zombie was incapacitated and put to sleep - this spell was called Repentance. A fifth tried to charge at Wendy, but immediately, Wendy stuck her hand out at it, and the zombie began running away in fear - this one being Turn Evil. "Das Mädchen Licht! Es brennt! Renn weg!"

Isaac placed down a cross just like how he did back at my home last evening, only this cross glowed with electricity. Three more zombies came for us. Stan immediately made a heroic leap forward fifteen yards into the middle of the three zombies. When he landed on the ground, the blacktop beneath him quaked and shattered, staggering the zombies. "Alright, come and get some!"

"Stan!" Wendy's tone was full of fear and worry. "Be careful!" The rest of the four of us began running towards Stan to try to help out.

When the zombies tried to claw at Stan, he immediately let out an ear-piercing scream. "AHHHH!" The zombie directly in front of Stan cowered in fear while the other two began to run away from him. This technique is Intimidating Shout. I looked back and the three zombies that were previously frozen were no longer so, but when they tried to run at us, the air totem Isaac laid down exploded, stunning them out. We got to the sewer lid. Stan lifted it up without much trouble. "Everyone in!"

As Stan said that, one more zombie came out of the AT&T building. I cycloned the zombie, but not before he threw out a bolt of shadow energy that hit Isaac's face as he climbed down into the sewers. "Ahh!" Isaac's voice faded.

After Wendy and Ray went into the sewers, I went in as well, then Stan was last. Stan closed the opening above us with the lid and we all slid down into the sewers. About every few yards was a lightbulb so the sewers were lighted up throughout. I sighed. "Phew. Glad that's over."

Suddenly, I felt a push on my back. I staggered and almost fell, but luckily I placed my feet in the right positions to not do so as Isaac's voice rang into my ears. "Cole! What the hell! I was cursed! Why were you just standing there?"

I blinked my eyes. Oh crap, Isaac was hit by that shadow bolt. I jumped to face him. "Wait, oh crap!"

"Well it's too late, but you need to pay more attention, Ray cured the curse off me!" Isaac grabbed my shoulders and shook them. "Seriously, wake up!"

I was stunned. Now Isaac is being a dick to me too. Why is he acting like this? I dusted off my robes as the other four went forward without saying another word on the right side of the sewer tunnel. We were all silent. I felt like crap, like the time the girls made that List. I might have put everyone in a bad mood today, and now it will probably get worse as we have to crawl around dirty, nasty sewers to escape the zombies and North Park.

But hey, Harry Potter did say our stuff is in the sewers, so at least now we'll get it back, right?

* * *

 **Some more German translations:**

 **"Ahh, Frischfleisch!" = "Ah, fresh meat!"**

 **"Das Mädchen Licht! Es brennt! Renn weg!" = "The girl's light! It burns! Run away!"**

 **You know, when I first thought of this fanfiction, I was thinking that if the Stick of Truth Game had some elements of Skyrim (Dovahkiin, dragonshouting), why not add Sovngarde to the mix? I also thought of making my own OCs. The second thought is what if Cole took the Stick instead of Jimmy? Then the thought kinda snowballed from there, which is why if you read closely you'd see remnants of events that actually happened in the Stick of Truth game in my fanfic (such as Ray the Dovahkiin getting anal probed).**

 **Anyways, stay tuned.**


	17. Chapter 17: Chasing Echoes

**Chapter 17**

It was a rather tense environment I was in socially. No one said a word or anything. They were probably still mad at me. I followed my allies from a distance. I didn't want to get too close to them for fear someone would lash out at me again. They made me nervous. I couldn't take their insults anymore. I don't think I've ever felt this emotionally fragile in a long time.

Throughout the events of the last two days, I've learned a little bit more of myself. One, I'm a tilt god. I tend to go full tilt when people take things personally on me. I guess it became a side-product of me looking out for Isaac for the past few years. Like back at school yesterday when Craig and his cronies were going to beat up Isaac. Or when Cartman refused to let me play the game with him when he would let Ray do so. Maybe Wendy and Stan were right. Maybe I am letting my negative experiences turn me bitter and get the best of me. I don't know how those two do it, I'm not sure how they can still stay strong, because I couldn't. I guess I'm not as strong as I originally thought. Then again, they do have alot of friends to fall back on during class while I don't. I guess that might be it.

Another thing is that they say the grass is greener on the other side. Well I kinda realized there's some merit of truth to that. For the longest time, I thought that I could find better kids like me in another town and that South Park was the worst town to grow up as. Now that I've been to North Park, I realized that kids will always be mean to each other no matter where I go. I'm not sure why, but maybe one theory is that at a young age kids want to be able to dominate other kids - according to what Mr. Garrison said. The kids in North Park are about as mean as the kids in South Park, the only difference is that South Park kids act way older than they should; they are like teenagers, more-or-less, while the kids in North Park act their age, but British. Not that I have anything against British people themselves, but it's like North Park is straight outta London or something. That's what I mean when the grass is greener on the other side, because North Park - or anywhere else for that matter - really is no better.

"I swear, we've been at this entrance for the third time now." Stan dragged his feet as he exhaled a tired breath. "This is where we came into the sewers to get away from the zombies. We're going around in circles."

"Well, we're lost." Ray stretched his arms and let out a yawn. "And it smells down here."

"I'm hungry," Isaac whined.

Wendy scoffed. "Well you can thank your idiot brother for having all our stuff taken away." Another insult from Wendy that stung me. I didn't know how to respond. I felt useless and worthless again. I ruin everything.

"Yeah, his attitude is awful." Stan is nodding his head agreeing with Wendy, like usual. It seems more and more as if Stan always takes Wendy's words as Gospel, at least 90% of the time. "He gets pissed off quick and now he's just sulking."

"Yeah, he needs to grow up," Wendy added.

Should I just apologize to my friends and ask them to take me back? Tell then that I was being a selfish jerk? Should I admit I was wrong? Ask for everyone's forgiveness? But what if they don't believe me, what if they think I'm trying to feign regret to try to gain their sympathy? Then that means I should be a jerk to Wendy and Stan, right? But that won't get me anywhere, that will only make things worse for us.

But Ray, being in the front of the pack, stopped walking suddenly, causing Isaac to bump into Ray. But Ray paid no mind to Isaac. "Hey wait a minute, there's probably room for everyone's attitudes to improve here. Not just Cole's. I mean seriously, guys. Maybe if the rest of you were more-"

But Wendy put her index fingers inside her ears. "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, it was his fault." She glared back and pointed straight at me. I stopped making eye contact with Wendy and looked down at my feet.

"No," Ray rebutted, "guys, we have to make some changes around here about our atmosphere. Right now it's just too toxic. You guys have all played 5-man dungeons in WoW, right?"

The rest of us nodded our heads. "Yeah."

"And as you all know there are challenges along the way and we'll have to work as a team and perform our roles decently to overcome them, right?" Ray continued. "Look, no one can concentrate if there's so much negativity. We just gotta...um, you know, improve ourselves." Ray let out a sigh. "I finally see what's going on here. The two cool kids look down on the two loser kids while the two loser kids are jealous of the two cool kids. And now that you four are trapped in a group like a cliché live sitcom drama, you all can't seem to get along well. This was literally no different than my old elementary school." Ray struck me as the quiet guy when I first met him, but damn. This was probably the most insightful thing Ray has said thus far. The walkway we were on stopped abruptly at a ledge, so Ray pulled down his pants and the alien satellite dish stuck out of his ass again. "I'm an idiot for not realizing this earlier. I can't fix your problems. I shouldn't." Then we were teleported over the large gap to continue on the walkway.

"Ray, I'm trying my best," Stan replied. "it's just...I don't want to blame a single person here...it's complicated. You know?"

"Well do what the pro players do," Ray said.

"Ray, you make it sound like we're actually playing WoW right now!" Stan shot back. "This isn't a game anymore, this is real!"

"I know this isn't a game, Goddamnit Stan!" Ray huffed and puffed heavily as the alien satellite dish retracted into his anus again.

However, we all fell silent as our gazes fell upon the green lights we could see up ahead in the sewer tunnel. "Oh crap, who's that?" Wendy whispered.

"Shh!" Stan held his finger over Wendy's lips. "We don't know if they're with us or against us."

"Well if they're against us, we're screwed." Isaac clenched his fists.

As the lights got closer, I held my fists clenched. I wasn't sure if they would be friend or foe. Of course, as they got near us, I could see it was three familiar looking boys that I have seen before. Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, and Greg Goyle, to be exact. "What was all that yelling about?" Draco looked around. "Are you ok? Didn't think I'd see you guys again."

"We're fine." Wendy nodded her head quickly. "Yeah, we're doing well. What are you guys doing down here?"

"I could ask the same about you guys." Vincent looked around as well. "We're here to hide from the zombies, and get help."

Stan pointed at himself. "Hey, that's us too! What kind of help are you trying to get?"

"Crab People," Greg replied.

Stan, Wendy, and Isaac looked at each other with confused expressions, then turned back to the other three North Park kids. "Crab People?" If I recall correctly, Crab People tried to take over the world by imposing the metrosexual fad via the Television show _Queer Eye for the Straight Guy_. The men in South Park, predictably, bought into the metrosexual fad. The theory was that if all the men were made into "pussies", the Crab People could take over without any opposition. Of course, it was the women who fought back, and it seems they secluded themselves here in the sewers.

Draco held out his hands to try to explain. "Now guys, I know they tried to enforce the metrosexual fad to turn all the men into wimps, and they shouldn't have tried to take over the world, but they really feel bad about it, and I'm sure that if you guys behaved in a civil manner, you'll realize they aren't such bad people after all."

"Are they the reason why you all act like you're straight outta London?" Stan asked.

Draco shrugged. "Yes. But British culture isn't so bad. And British people are not wimps, despite the implications."

"Well, our stuff got taken by Harry Potter and we were told they'd be here in the sewers," Wendy sighed.

"Oh, ew, that jerk." Greg shook his head. "He's always being a little whippersnapper. Fortunately, I think the Crab People must have taken it by now, they're the only ones who are consistently down here in these sewers. If you ask nicely, I'm sure they'll give your stuff back." Asking nicely, hah. As if that ever worked. Well then again, I did cause this so I might as well not say anything. "Comeon, let's keep going." The eight of us went across a small bridge over the sewer water and continued walking. "How did you get your stuff stolen?"

"It's Harry, you know." I said my piece quickly, I did not want Stan, Wendy, or Isaac to tell them the truth. I did not want to hear the truth again. "I'm sure he does stuff like that to you too."

Vincent rolled his eyes. "Ugh, tell me about it. I mean he stole my phone one time and lied about it, so I had to fight him for my phone."

"Hey, that's exactly what happened with my phone!" Stan exclaimed. "My sister stole my phone because she was a bitch so Wendy and I kicked her ass yesterday."

Wendy shook her head. "Stan, your sister is a total bitch, I don't know how you can live with her. No offense, but she looks pretty ugly and she has to wear that awful headgear, and people like her usually end up bitter because they're jealous of others' good looks." Well she's spot on, as per usual. Why am I so sensitive to everything Wendy says?

"Yeah, you're right." Stan nodded at Wendy. "That might be why she's always so mean to me. She calls me 'turd', she beats me up and takes my stuff."

"Do you ever tell your parents?" Wendy asked.

"I do, but they don't listen," Stan replied, "they're just so stupid. She gets away with everything, and Cartman calls me a pussy for getting beat up by a girl - my sister, I mean."

"I'm sorry Stan." Wendy put her left arm around Stan. "Ignore that fatass, he's always stupid. If there's anything I could do, just tell me. Besides beating up Shelly again. That was tough." I suppose Stan's not the only one with struggles around here. Which is weird, when yesterday did those two fight Stan's sister? I'm gonna have to be assuming this was before I came. "And that was a close call with your parents."

"Yeah, I'm glad we got away with it that time and that they drove Shelly out of the house to the hospital so we could get some...alone...time..." I could see Stan turn to face me for a moment, then back to Wendy.

"Fuckers," I grumbled underneath my breath softly enough so no one could hear. Yeah, I admit I ruined their little date night last evening. No need to dwell on it, sheesh. But that would explain why Stan and Wendy were both left at home last evening while the rest of his family went somewhere. I mean normally parents would not leave dating kids at home, due to implications. Then again, that train of thought could be reinforced due to certain previous events.

At one point early on in the 4th grade the school thought it would be a good idea to teach sexual education in elementary school, which in of itself was pretty fucked up for school standards - I mean seriously, teaching kindergartners what sex is? What made matters worse was that the way they taught it was through fearmongering; the girls were taught that all boys had diseases, and vice versa, and it soon devolved into an all-out gender war. Another time, Bebe Stevens developed breasts so all of the boys in my class (myself included) got really attracted to her to the point we were all literally fighting amongst ourselves. Then there was the time when most of the girls wanted to copy Paris Hilton's lifestyle - being a stupid spoiled whore. Every boy in my class (even me, except for Eric Cartman) got invited to Bebe Steven's "whore party" (Isaac wasn't invited because he's not in Mr. Garrison's class). We tried to spurn their advances on us, but they kept trying to make out with us, and other things as well. Luckily, Mr. Slave stepped in to crash the party and save the day.

As the eight of us traversed the sewers, the sewer pipe eventually led into a rocky cavern. Blocking the path was a large boulder. "Huh. I wonder what happened here." Draco rubbed his chin.

Ray walked up to the boulder. He put his right hand on the boulder and nodded. "I think I know what to do." He turned his back to the boulder and bent down. "RRRHHHH!" Suddenly, the ground, walls, and ceiling around us shook and shuddered, sounding as if an earthquake is happening right now. The next think I knew, a loud fart was made and the boulder collapsed into dust and rubble.

All of our mouths were open. Holy shit, that was impressive. Apparently, Ray's farts can cause an epicenter now. "Woah!" Isaac exclaimed. "Terrance and Phillip taught you that?"

Ray smirked. "Yep."

"You're - you know Magic!" Vincent pointed a shaking finger at Ray.

"That's right." Ray flashed a cocky smile.

As the eight of us continued on, I could hear faint voices I couldn't make out. As we got closer, they began sounding more ominous and malevolent. "Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People!"

The narrow tunnel diverged into a large clearing. The path dipped into a circular room made of stone whose radius is about at least ninety yards long. All around the circumference were at least eighty of these weird mutant crab-like creatures who stood on its legs and were clamping its claws in the air. "Crab People! Crab People! Crab People! Crab People!"

"I know you guys from South Park aren't fond of Crab People," Draco said, "and I know they've done bad things, but please be kind." Well I gotta admit, I agree. Can't be making too many enemies, right?

Neatly lined in the middle of the room was all our supplies and weapons. My staff was on top of my backpack, and my friends' weapons were on their respective backpacks as well. Behind our stuff was a single Crab Person with a purple cloak, a golden crown, and a golden staff. "Hello, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle! Who are your dearest friends?" I'm assuming the crab who's dressed like a king right now is the leader.

Draco gestured his left hand towards my friends and me. "Oh these five? They're from South Park."

"Ah, I remember that town!" The Crab Leader walked back and forth between our stuff, using its staff like a walking stick. "The females of the town did not take too kindly to our presence! Why would you bring them here, Malfoy?"

"Uh, that's our stuff." Stan pointed to our supplies. "And we would like that back, please."

"Ah this?" The Crab Leader stopped in front of Wendy's weapons. "Interesting, Harry Potter gave these to me, telling me they're from 'terrorists who plan to rid the fabric of the British culture'! European culture is far superior to Midwest American culture, mind you!"

"We just want our stuff back," Isaac said in the kindest, most innocent tone possible. Usual of him.

"And what are you going to do?" The Crab Leader glared at us. "Get rid of us once and for all?"

"We don't want to fight you," Wendy tried to reason. "We don't care how British you make North Park. We just want our stuff back so we can move on."

"Interesting, you five seem so adamant! You're clearly hiding something, and I am going to get to the bottom of this!" The Crab Leader knelt down and put its claws on Wendy's backpack to open it. "I was informed you five were terrorists! Prove me wrong: let's see what have we here, shall we?"

Wendy stepped forward and put her hand out. "You don't want to open that!"

But the Crab Leader partially opened Wendy's backpack and took a peek. A second later, it screamed and jumped back. "What the fuck? Was that a bomb? C4?" As the five of us ran to our supplies to equip our backpacks and weapons, the Crab Leader narrowed its eyes at us. "So you ARE terrorists planning to ruin the fabric of British culture!"

"No, we are not terrorists!" Stan yelled. "Please listen! There's a mean demon out there we need to stop, and we might need a bomb to get to him! Just let us go!"

I turned to Draco, and in a hush, but fierce tone, I whispered, "Draco, help us out here!"

"I will not have terrorists upon my doorstep! Seize them!" All of the Crab People rallied behind the Leader's words and slowly inched towards us.

"Guys, please, stop!" Draco yelled. "These kids from South Park - they mean no harm! I swear!" I don't understand why the Crab People keep on insisting we were terrorists. We're only ten years old, and there's only like five of us against like hundreds of them. Why are they so suspicious of us? Like I get their plans were foiled before by us, but can't they try to see things differently?

"How can you be so sure to trust them, Malfoy?" The Crab Leader gripped its scepter with both his claws. "Unless you're trying to snuff me out? I should have saw this coming!" However, the entire cave shuddered again, and I could hear an explosion being set off above us. Everyone in the room, including myself, looked around the room in panic, wondering what the explosion is. "What the hell was that?"

"I probably should have mentioned this," Ray said, "but that's probably because Nazi Zombies are attacking North Park right now."

"Nazi Zombies?" The Crab Leader's grip on its staff loosened, thus letting it drop to the ground. The Leader then put its claws over its face. "Oh no, not this again!"

"Yeah, well Zombies are here, and they might need your help," Stan said.

"I know." The Crab Leader shook its head. "It means the Stick is back. It means Dovahkiin has returned. I knew this day would come."

"Why would you incessantly try to push your way of life onto others?" Wendy asked. "I mean you guys tried to brainwash the men with _Queer Eye for the Straight Guy_ and now there's the Harry Potter fad."

The Crab Leader walked back and forth again. "I wanted us to live under one culture. I wanted to take over the world."

"Maybe," Stan rubbed his chin, "why don't you try to fit in? Diversity is a good thing too, it allows us to see things from different perspectives."

"The humans would hate us Crab People like they would most other races." The Crab Leader shook its head. "They wouldn't have it. Humans and Crab People both want to dominate the world, so naturally our races would be at odds. Obviously, Humans won, and we don't have the numbers, we can only win them over by influence. That is why we try to spread our culture. It's like what the Catholics did to Rome."

Another explosion shuddered the cavern, making everyone jump. Stan looked around then faced the Crab Leader again. "Look, there's a mean demon out there who has the Stick of Truth and will stop at nothing to spread terror. The five of us were trying to get back the Stick before he makes it through Sovngarde and reforges the stick."

"North Park is in trouble and they need your help," Wendy added. "You don't want to see your town zombiefied, would you?"

"Please help your town and let us continue North," Ray concluded.

The Crab Leader looked around the room at its people. It then turned back to us, its eyes half-closed. "All of this has happened before, and there are some few things I want to point out before we move on with what we need to do." As the Crab Leader cleared its throat, the eight of us kids stepped closer to listen intently. "The last time this happened, many rules were broken. There are codes of honor upheld by men to show respect because humans naturally are primal creatures. Of course though, not all codes of honor are created equal. There are some codes of honor are meant to be broken."

"So you're saying we have to break the rules to kill the bad guy?" Isaac asked.

"Sometimes, even the most benevolent of codes must be broken if evil were to be vanquished." The Crab Leader stretched its claws before continuing on. "Evil people never play by the rules, and sometimes fighting dirty is the only option." That took me aback. What codes of honor are there? I can't think of any, and I can't remember any from the top of my head. What kind of rule do we have to break in order to save our planet? "I suppose this is it. The Crab Leader stepped to the right side to reveal another sewer tunnel stretching forward.

"Um, thank you." Ray bowed down, and the rest of us followed suit. Ray and I turned back to Draco, Vincent, and Greg. "I guess this is it. We head north from here while you're back to fighting zombies."

Draco bowed down. "It's been really great to meet you all. I'm glad people from South Park are kind. I'll send you all Facebook requests." As Draco, Vincent, and Greg began to walk back to where we came from, the three looked back at us one more time and waved. "Good luck on your endeavors, friends!" I smiled. At least we made three friend today. At least not everyone we met ended up hating us.

"You five are heading North, you say?" I turned back to the Crab Leader who was standing off to the side of the new sewer tunnel. "It's through here."

"Yep," Stan nodded.

"Ah very well." The Crab Leader put the end of its staff on the ground and leaned on it. "Before I let you go, do you guys want to hear free gossip of the day?"

Wendy piped up. "Yeah, sure!"

The Crab Leader nodded. "Rumor has it that the members of PETA are cannibals. I'm not sure myself if that's true, but the theory is that because the refuse to eat animals for their source of protein, they turned their advances towards human flesh. Well...maybe you'll see for yourself one day."

Wendy blinked. "That...was not the gossip I expected." Me neither. I thought the Crab Leader was going to bring up a celebrity, not PETA.

"Bye!" We all waved goodbye.

As the five of us went through the last sewer tunnel, the last thing we've heard was, "Alright, you heard about the zombies! The humans up on the surface need our help! Let's move out!" Massive roars and footsteps happened, but got softer until they were no more.

At the end of the tunnel was light. There were rusty bars that ran vertically to block our paths. Stan made a single leftwards slash at the bars. They broke easily since they were probably rusted, and the five of us walked out and jumped down from the sewer pipe. We all landed in a snowy clearing with grass around us. The smell of sewage no longer consumed by nose, being replaced by fresh air and snow. I checked my phone, and it's about 7:10 pm. A beautiful sunset blazed the spring sky. Finally, at least that's over now.

"Good thing Crab People came to their senses," Ray said.

"Which way's north?" Isaac asked.

Stan took out his phone and pointed forward. "That way."

"My parents still didn't try to call me or text me." Wendy was looking at her phone.

"Yeah, me neither," Stan added.

Yeah, what the hell is with that? Why have our parents been ignoring us for the entire day? There's something wrong with this, but hopefully we'll find out soon. "Should we stop here for the night?" Isaac asked.

"Nah, we can keep going," Ray replied, and Stan and Wendy both nodded as the three began to walk north.

Isaac rolled his eyes and groaned. "Fine." He then followed, and I followed as well.

* * *

 **For those that got the "joke" with Crab People, it was an awful joke, I know. I didn't mean to offend people, I just wanted to bring some humor in with stereotypes.**


	18. Chapter 18: Surrender to Reason

**So as a heads up, this chapter is about PETA. This is not to imply that I have something against PETA (apologies if I do offend someone), but this is a mere depiction of what Trey & Matt might have done (although that probably isn't true either because my depiction is probably much darker than theirs). So yeah, apologies in advance.**

 **That being said, blood and gore in this chapter. Be ready.**

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

We ended up on the main road that ran north out of North Park by 7:30 pm. When I looked back at North Park, I could no longer see nor hear the explosions and destruction that I would have predicted to see, only I could hear dead silence. We didn't have any sort of transportation so we just walked north along the road. We ate dinner while the five of us hiked, and dinner itself wasn't very spectacular. It more-or-less equated to two Cliff bars, two small bags of trail mix that consisted of peanuts, cashews, raisins, and M&M's, and some water. It was oddly fulfilling, but it wasn't fancy, it was barely enough for us to last until next morning. Apparently, Stan and Wendy found food in Jimbo's Guns last evening that wouldn't perish, and while the food I ate wasn't all that great, it was the best given our situation, so props to those two, I guess. The air around us stayed at a constant sixty degrees, and the snow was slushy due to it melting away from the cool May winds.

After about five minutes of walking, we reached a billboard on the right side of the road. On the billboard were five sheets of paper lined up next to each other. I wouldn't have bothered, but Stan walked up to them. "Hey guys, come look, check it out."

We walked over to the billboard. On the sheets of paper were pictures of the each of us. Stanley Marsh, Wendy Testaburger, Raymond Irvington, Cole Dimmons, and Isaac Dimmons were the people mentioned. "Wanted dead or alive?" Isaac's voice was nervous and full of fear. "Why? Oh God!"

"Wendy Testaburger wanted Dead or Alive for treason, insurrection, terrorism, and conspiracy against the U.S. Government?" Wendy leaned in closer to the paper that mentioned her, her voice leaning towards full-blown panic. "No! That can't be right! I'm not a criminal! What did I ever do?" I read the paper with my name and it had those exact same crimes labeled underneath. I can't believe it. Wanted Dead or Alive? I mean I know we did some bad stuff today, but I didn't think the U.S. Government wants us dead. Five little kids wanted dead by the government, and what for? Is it because of Ray? Maybe the death-bounty and the fact our parents are missing could be possibly connected to each other. And why are they so concerned with snuffing us out when there's zombies in our wake?

"That's also what mine says!" Stan's voice was also leaning towards panic.

"Mine says all of those, but also I myself am a dangerous weapon of mass destruction." Ray's gaze at us was full of of bewilderment. "It doesn't say that on you guy's."

"Maybe it's your farts," Isaac suggested.

"Or maybe it's the power of friendship," Stan added. As silly as Stan's comment sounded, he could very well be right. Terrorblade and Harbinger both did mention that the power of Dovahkiin belies in the power of friendship. While it seems that one way to get a high friendship power is through making as many friends on facebook as possible (according to Terrorblade), another way could be through strengthening of a few friendships to make then more meaningful in the long-run (as what Harbinger suggested). Apparently, the "friendship power" seems to be additive, like a sum. Similar to adding volumes of liquids together.

But how am I going to make a meaningful friendship with this group? I mean I feel like I'm slowly drifting apart from Ray, I've already drifted apart from Isaac, and don't even get me started on Stan and Wendy. Which then leads me to the questions I asked myself earlier today. Should I just apologize to my friends and ask them to take me back? Tell them that I was being a selfish jerk? Should I admit I was wrong? Ask for everyone's forgiveness? But what if they don't believe me, what if they think I'm trying to feign regret to try to gain their sympathy? Then that means I should be a jerk to Wendy and Stan, right? But that won't get me anywhere, that will only make things worse for us.

"I can't even look at this any more." I agree with Isaac, neither can I. I turned away. All of this made me want to vomit. The U.S. Government contemplating on removing five regular 4th graders from existence? What is wrong with them?

"How can they label us as terrorists when we haven't done anything?" Wendy's tone was full of confusion and fear. She snuggled close to Stan, and Stan wrapped his left arm around her.

"We'll be fine, Wendy, I promise." Stan gulped as he looked back at the billboard in terror. "We protested the government before, maybe they'll listen this time. I hope."

For the next half hour or so, the five of us walked in silence. As we walked north along the road, the open ice fiends soon traversed into a dark, overgrown, snowed-out forest with crooked pine trees. The temperature stayed the same, but the darkness of night encroached in the sky, and the moon was coming out again, this time fuller than ever. The silver moonlight bled through the trees and onto the snow, giving off beautiful outlines and reflections of light that illuminated the road for us, making it unnecessary to light any lantern or flashlight. The five of us could slip through the shadows and no one would see us coming.

Eventually what caught our eyes were florescent lights that came from the left of the main road connected by an ice road no longer than two-hundred yards that made a small fork joining the road. "What is that?" Stan asked. The five of us slowly crept closer to the lights and I could make out a wall of scrap metal. The icy road we went on led into a garage door adjacent to two towers which were held up by the scrap metal walls. There were two sentry posts with spotlights on the towers. Above the garage door was a sign that said "PETA". Interesting. As far as I know, PETA stand for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. As far as I'm concerned, they one time tried to get our elementary school to change the mascot from Cows to another non-animal. "Oh no. Fuck no. Not them."

"What about them?" Wendy turned to face Stan with an inquiring look in her eyes.

"They're all freaks!" Stan shuddered and cringed. "Those people are so into animals they have sex with them. They cross-breed with animals. It's gross and disgusting. They care about the ethical treatment of animals, but not humans, and it's wrong, and I know this because I was a member of PETA. Wendy, remember that time where we had to choose whether we wanted a Douche or Turd for the school mascot, and I refused to vote so I got kicked out of town?"

"Oh my gosh." Wendy held her hands to her mouth as she began to giggle. "It was so cute seeing you refuse to vote all the time between the two."

"Wendy!" Stan was shocked at Wendy's statement, and it only caused her to giggle more. "This is serious!"

"So do we go in?" Ray looked back at us with a confused look. He rubbed his hands together, probably to warm them up.

"Fuck that!" Stan made a disapproving motion with his right hand. "Nuh uh! I want nothing to do with those freaks!"

"Didn't the Crab Leader-" Isaac started to say.

I've enough of this. It's not like PETA are cannibals or something. I'm sick of Stan judging something, and even though he might have experienced PETA, he probably doesn't understand. I also don't trust his experiences, he's probably biased in some way or another. I exhaled, preparing to say my part. "I, quite frankly, am sick of walking around in the dark like this. I'm cold, I'm tired, and I just want to rest. I'm going in."

"Cole, trust me, you don't want to go in there." Stan held his hand out as if signalling me to stop.

"I think I trust Stan's judgement on this one." Wendy blew out fog out of her breath. "Besides, the rest of us hasn't had any experience with PETA."

"I doubt so," I remarked. "I'm not going to stay here and argue. I doubt you really know, you'd probably just make one judgement and turn them down, like what you'd always do."

"But the Crab Leader-" Isaac tried to say again.

"Cole, why are you always have to try to attack me?" Stan glared at me with angry blue eyes. "What have I ever done to you?"

Is Stan serious right now? Did he really ask that question when he should have known full well what he said to me back in Harry Potter's basement? I narrowed my eyes at Stan as I got into his face. "'What have I ever done to you?' Is this a joke? You've been talking shit to me all day, Stan! What do you mean you haven't done anything to me?"

"There's a reason for this, and I don't need to remind you," Wendy interjected.

I am so sick of all this arguing. I've done non-stop arguing with my "friends" for the entire day, and I couldn't take it anymore. I think I'm going crazy, hell, I might actually be crazy. Maybe Stan is right, but I'm sick of wandering around in darkness, I'm sick of all the hitchhiking, stealing, and other crap we had to do today. And I was especially sick of those damn Harry Potter kids. "I'm going to see what's inside. Don't try to stop me."

"Fine!" Stan threw out his arms in emotional rage. "Get yourself killed! See if I care?!"

I promptly flipped Stan the bird and turned around to walk towards the scrap-metal fortress. Whatever, I'll show him. Making sure my staff and backpack were still on my person, I wearily walked forward. The spotlights haven't spotted me out yet, and as I looked closer at the sentry towers, it seems that no one was even manning them. On the walls were fully-armed machinegun turrets. Odd. Why would an organization dedicated to saving animals have automatic weaponry on them? "Wow, good job guys, we lost our healer." Ray's snarky voice echoed from the distance behind myself.

"Ray you just stood there," Wendy remarked.

"But the Crab Leader-" that was the last I could hear from Isaac, and the rest of the gang for that matter.

As I crept closer to the garage door, I noticed an alien antennae signal sticking out from the PETA sign. Well that sucks, I don't have an anal probe. If I did, I could teleport up and sneak in. Well, I guess the only way in is through the front door. What was Isaac even trying to say anyways? It sucks that Stan and Wendy keep cutting him off because Isaac seemed panicked back there. But there's no turning back now. I walked up to the garage door and exhaled heavily as I knocked three times.

No response.

I knocked three more times, this time less of a delay between each knock. No more than ten seconds later did the garage door open - slowly. The opening door revealed the area withing the walls to be fully illuminated by the florescent lights that caught my eye earlier. Multiple men and women wore regular pants, such as jeans, and white shirts with the word "PETA" in black letters within a cyan bubble. Off to the sides were other smaller buildings also made out of scrap metal, with various animals. There were animal feces littered everywhere. Everyone's attention was turned towards me.

One woman with blonde hair stood directly in front of me, eyeing me down. "Hello little boy. Have you come to join the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals?"

What can I say? I obviously can't join PETA right now, I don't have the time. "Um, no. I'm looking for help...supplies...a place to stay, I guess." The rest of the PETA people started to furiously whispered with each other. Weird, why is it that me asking for help would suddenly elicit such a poignant response from everyone?

"And are those other four kids with you?" The woman pointed in my direction, and I followed her gaze onto Ray, Isaac, Stan, and Wendy. They all had their mouths open, eyeing me in silent terror. That hit my heart. What could those four have possibly seen that I haven't? But whatever. I'm not going to let that let me down.

"Nah, fuck them," I responded.

The woman shrugged. Then an older man nearing sixty-years-old came up to the woman. "Don't worry. I'll handle it from here. Close the gate." As the woman did as told, the older man motioned me to follow. "Come."

I scanned my surroundings. Off to the sides the people were snuggling up with the animals in various ways besides regular petting. As I took a closer look, some of the animals seem to be horribly disfigured and mutated. There was a baby duck-human hybrid inside a baby carriage that tried to reach out to me. It shouted, "Kill me," in a raspy voice. Maybe Stan is right. Maybe PETA is full of freaks, but they can't be all that bad, right? Maybe I'm being too judgmental.

"So kid, what's your name, and how did you end up all the way out here?" The old man asked.

"I'm Cole, and I was just heading north." I tried to be as polite as possible, but it's hard when people are living in a dump like this. Maybe I'm being petty.

The old man raised an eyebrow at me. "Alone? What about those other kids you were with?"

"Oh them, I was friends with them..." Thinking about the people I traveled with didn't make me feel right. "Well, not anymore."

The old man shrugged. "Oh, that's a shame. We could have really used them." Those were _very_ interesting choice of words. Considering I originally only wanted PETA's help, not to join PETA themselves, what would prompt the old man to say such a thing?

"Why are you guys armed to the teeth?" I asked.

"When the Nazi Zombie plague came, we had to ready ourselves," the old man replied, "we have to put the animals first, make sure they survive the outbreak."

"Oh, right, that makes sense."

Avoiding to step on the feces littered all over the place, the old man I was following stopped in front of a big green tent that was off to the back left. "You will wait inside this tent while we make preparations." What? Preparations? What is he talking about?

"Preparations for what?" This is intruding. I know the Crab People said something about PETA earlier, I just can't remember what. Now I wish I paid closer attention.

"This place will be your home." Those were the last words the old man told me before he shoved me through the tent flaps inside. To most people, those words would be of comfort and welcoming. But in this context and in his tone, he made those words sound like nothing more than a thinly veiled threat, thrown out loudly from a devilish smile that spread across his face - the last thing I saw from the old man before the tent flaps closed on me.

I looked around. It was dark inside the tent. I couldn't see a thing, and I didn't want them to know about my powers. I swung my backpack to my front and held it there. I reached into the small pocket of my backpack to see if Stan or Wendy packed a flashlight or something. Then I felt it. A metal rod with a rubber button. I took out the small flashlight and zipped up my backpack and wore it on me again. With my flashlight in my hand, I turned it on and shone it down the direction I faced when I was shoved into the tent.

What was then revealed to me next is what scared the living shit out of me. I jumped. I almost screamed. I was horrified at the sight. There tied to a wooden post was the body of a single girl no older than I was. Her skin was torn up and mutilated. Her wizardry robes were tattered and stained with blood and tears, signifying that she probably came from North Park. Her body was severely battered with many broken bones, especially the extremities. Her light-brown hair was chewed up, and there was a large open wound in her stomach that continually spilled blood and revealed part of her kidneys.

Her next movement made me jump again. Her head rose and her deathly gaze met my own, her green eyes almost lifeless and zombie-like. For a second, I thought she would be a Nazi Zombie until she spoke her words to me. "What...are you doing here?"

My eyes immediately opened. There's no way she can still be living through all that damage that seemed to incur on her. "You're...alive!" Those words left my mouth in awe. I couldn't believe it. It was horrifying, but at the same time surreal.

"You-you...have to...leave here...this place...it's a trap." The girl struggled to make out her sentences.

"Wait, tell me what's going on," I said.

"PETA is cannibals...they'll eat anyone who won't join their cause...but they will save animals...an elderly man...and his three-year-old grandson...were here...when I got here...they were the PETA member's afternoon snacks..." Oh my God. The girl's words definitely reminded me of what the Crab Leader told me earlier today. I thought those were stupid rumors. But those rumors hold merit. And Stan didn't even warn me that PETA were cannibals, but that was likely because Stan didn't know it at the time...or maybe Stan joined PETA temporarily. "I tried to fight them with wizardly magic...there were too many...they disarmed me...snapped my wand in half."

"How did you end up here?" I asked.

"Me and some other people...when the...Nazi Zombies...when they came to North...North Park...we ran...here." The girl coughed up and spat out blood, which landed in front of my feet. I inched back slightly. "They wanted to go further, but...I didn't like the people I was with..." Something tells me that the next words the girl is going to say will be an important life lesson for me, so I stood straight and listened intently. "We hated each other...when they offered to help me...I told them to fuck off...I came all the way here...I thought PETA would shelter me...from the Nazi Zombie chaos...but I'm wrong."

"So you refused to get along with your peers and that's how you ended up here?" I asked.

"Yes," the girl replied. I was dumbfounded, but I couldn't say anything since she went on. "I know it sounds stupid...but had I gotten along...with my group...I wouldn't have been in this mess."

It sounded exactly like the shitpickle I'm in. And thus, I said my thoughts out loud. "I'm sorry. I mean, I kinda got here the same way you did. I didn't get along with my group of...friends. I was being stubborn, I should have seen the signs. And well...I regret every mean word I've said about and against them." I shook my head. "If I ever make it out of this somehow...I'll change my ways. I won't be an asshole to my friends, I'll listen to them, I'll treat my group with kindness and respect." I exhaled again.

"Have you ever been ostracized by your peers?" the girl asked. When I nodded yes, she continued. "I was...I held a grudge against many of my peers...have you?" When I nodded again, so did she. "It's not easy...it's not easy to be cheerful and bright...when there is so much darkness that happens to you...but stay strong."

"I think you might be right," I replied. "I feel the same way."

"You're not from here," the girl remarked. "You're...you don't look like wizard."

"I'm from South Park," I replied.

"Oh...that place..." the girl coughed out blood again. "It's a petite town. Humble...and quiet."

Her statement made me chuckle. "South Park isn't that quiet."

"Compared to North Park? You'd...you'd be surprised." The girl looked up at me again. "What is your name?"

"Cole Dimmons," I replied.

"I'm Natasha Emerson," the girl replied. The girl groaned loudly. "My time...is up...get out of here while you can...Cole."

"No." I shook my head. I can heal her. "I can heal you." My left hand, the one not holding the flashlight, began to glow green. I placed my hand on her stomach to try to heal her, but of to no avail. The damage was too much. She was mortally wounded and even a magical healer like myself can't fix this.

"It's too late for me." As she gazed at me, tears flowed down her eyes as she muttered her next words weakly. "Bless me...for I have sinned." Then her face went pale and all life and emotion flowed out of her. Tears ceased to drip from her eyes. Her eyes then closed and her head limped downward with lifelessness. The open wound in her stomach no longer bled.

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She never smiled the entire time, and I couldn't have it. "No. You can't - you can't die. Not like this." I shifted my flashlight to my left hand and reached out with my right hand to the right of her neck to try to feel a pulse. Nothing. No blood was pumping through her veins. "No!" I let Natasha go, stepped back and began crying and sobbing. I couldn't believe it. An innocent kid torn apart like this to an organization that is supposed to be for the ethical treatment of animals.

Animals, not humans. It seems like they didn't give any regard for humans. _"Those people are so into animals they have sex with them. They cross-breed with animals. It's gross and disgusting. They care about the ethical treatment of animals, but not humans, and it's wrong, and I know this because I was a member of PETA."_ I should have listened to Stan. I should have gotten over my grudge with him and Wendy, but I didn't. I'm a fool. And now my execution sentence awaits because of it. A sense of fear, dread, regret, and sadness was instilled in my heart. Yeah, I know friends don't always get along all the time, but I did treat them like shit.

The sound of a tent flap opening immediately caused me to cease crying and turn around. While doing so, I quickly turned off my flashlight and shoved it inside my trenchcoat. There stood in the doorway was the old man armed with two machetes - one in each hand, each dripping with blood and blood clots. "You and the girl will make a nice dinner feast." The old man's voice was in it's worst form - a demonic, satanic voice that pierced the musty air like an arrow.

The man made his first move. Charging and screaming, he tried to thrust his right knife into me, but I wouldn't have it. The attack missed since I jumped to the right. I immediately popped into bear form and swiped with my left paw at the man's left side to mangle him. "Get away from me!"

"A druid, eh?" The man wiped the dust off himself as his left side began to bleed from the claw marks I made. "Such mockery of nature. I'll make sure nature teaches you respect." The man raised both his knives and tried to make a downwards slash.

Only I dropped back to human form and jumped to my left. The man lost balance and staggered, almost falling. I unsheathed my staff to make an uppercut, smacking him in the face. "You disgusting jackass." I kicked the man with my right foot out the tent, causing him to drop his machetes in the process. I ignored his weapons and proceeded to try to leave as well.

Only problem is that my actions seemed to surprised no one - and that was bad for me. Every PETA member was there, waiting for me, gazing at me with satanic eyes. Melee weapons such as knives, machetes, axes, and hammers were held by the PETA members. The animals still did their own thing - stand there (that's all they're ever useful for). The old man slowly stood up. "Now you see the truth about PETA."

"Why?" I cried. "Why do you eat people?"

"Because animals deserve the same respect humans do," the old man replied. "Do you know how it feels like to be eaten? Because that's what all animals have to contend with. And so will you."

Everyone clutched their weapons as they slowly edged towards me. I could see my life flash before my eyes. I would be the celebration roast, the feast beneath the stars. All of a sudden, gunshots rang through the night air, and I could see machinegun sparks from the wall that I'm facing. I immediately ran inside the tent to avoid taking fire. I could hear shouting, but it was inaudible due to the loudness given off by the machinegun turrets. The firefight lasted for two whole minutes, and during that time, no one else came inside the tent. After about two whole minutes of dead silence afterwards, I slowly walked outside. All of the PETA members and animals were gunned down, their bodies riddled with bullets and bleeding all over the ground. Then I saw an alien eye attached to the wall straight outward to where I'm facing suddenly light up blue. A wave of blue light came from the wall onto the ground, and then in front of me appeared Isaac, Wendy, Stan, and Ray, whose anal probe was retracting back in his ass.

My next words came out with awe and in disbelief. "You...you saved me. You saved my life. I can't believe it."

"I couldn't leave you with PETA, they're lame." Stan shook his head. "Well, not after what Isaac told us."

"How did you four get on the wall from the outside?" I asked. "Didn't anyone try to stop you?"

"There was an alien conduit attached above the entryway which you came in," Ray replied. "Then we manned the machinegun turrets and...you know the rest."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," I said. That's right, there was an alien antennae where I came in, embedded into the PETA sign.

"Yeah, Isaac reminded us about the Crab Leader telling us PETA was full of cannibals." Wendy shrugged and her eyes were full of confusion. "But I didn't think it'd be true. We were beginning to wonder what took you so long too. Your brother's a great person."

"Yeah." Isaac stepped forward and scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry for being mean to you earlier today, but I had to do it. Because good siblings know when to smack each other to set each other straight."

I tilted my head to my right as I smiled at Isaac. "I'm surprised you remember what I told you weeks ago."

"Same could be said to you," Isaac reflected. Ha, as close brothers should be.

"Alright, well we can talk later, but there's some things we gotta do first." I went back inside the tent to untie Natasha's body from the wooden post. I slung her body over my shoulders and walked outside the tent.

"Who's that?" Wendy asked.

"This is Natasha Emerson from North Park," I replied. "Well she was going to be PETA's dinner. I'm sure you're wondering why I have this body."

* * *

Ray and Isaac used their fire magic to burn down the PETA compound to contain whatever bacteria might still belie inside, and so that Nazi Zombies do not get into the compound and resurrect the dead PETA members and animals. Then Ray and Isaac doused off the fire with water magic so that the fire did not spread uncontrollably. After that, we went out the opposite side from where we came in, leading out with another icy road. The road joined with the main road, in which we continued on north again.

Stan and Wendy both helped me carry Natasha's body. Isaac checked his phone sparingly, as we were probably being tracked by the government. Ray led the way, shining a flashlight through the dark woods.

The road then led out of the forest and into another icy-field clearing. We walked in silence for another half hour or so. To the right was a plateau that wasn't too high off the ground-level of the road, only about five feet at most. It was 10:30pm by that time. The five of us went off to the right side of the road behind the plateau. Someone left a shovel on the ground, so I took it and dug a hole. Stan and Wendy placed Natasha's body inside the hole face-up. I crossed Natasha's arms around her chest, then I filled the hole with dirt again. Isaac placed a rock above Natasha's grave.

Apparently, Stan kept a notebook in his backpack, so he tore off a piece of paper and handed me a pen. And so I began to write.

 _Here lies Natasha Emerson of North Park, age 10. Although she was brutally murdered by Eco-terrorists, her spirit will continue to serve as the candle that lights the darkness with courage and love to others. May she rest in peace in Heaven. Amen._ I taped the paper to the rock Isaac placed. Then I handed the pen back to Stan.

Most of North Park's citizens are Catholic, like South Park. Usually, a proper funeral consists of burying the dead person's body. What gave off the idea that she is Catholic were the last words she spoke to me. _"Bless me...for I have sinned."_ That being said, I know that she died a horrific death, but it felt good knowing that she taught me a valuable lesson about life and people in general before she passed away. It felt great that despite the bad shit the five of us did today like stealing cop cars, trying to ditch school, mugging someone, carrying around a highly lethal bomb, and mass-murdering a bunch of PETA members (although in our defense they did kidnap and cannibalize innocent people), we at least did one kind thing today, even if it was as small as giving someone a proper funeral - a ghetto one at that, I mean comeon, we don't have tens of thousands of dollars. That said, we're ten years old, we don't really know how to act like real heroes, but it's the effort that counts. Effort, like how Stan's and Wendy's relationship managed to survive so long. It's like what Wendy had told Stan the night before. _"You wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend with me, but I wish you actually put forth the effort!"_ Well, to be honest, I'm not seeking a relationship, but I think what Wendy said to Stan could also be applied to most friendships in general. And I'm not a hero yet, but at least I'm a hero to Natasha.

"Natasha taught me an important lesson today." I turned back to the rest of the group. "I...I want to apologize...for being a real pain in the ass recently." I looked down at my feet. I couldn't face them. I didn't want to face them. "I let my grudge get the best of me...eavesdrop on your date...reveal your dark secrets...beat up Harry Potter real bad...almost got myself killed by PETA...and could have screwed you all over as well...it was stupid and stubborn of me." I exhaled.

I did not expect Stan's or Wendy's reaction. They both ran up and hugged me, and I almost fell backwards. They held me for a whole ten seconds then let me go. "Hey, it was our fault too, we were too hard on you, man," Stan said. "I'm sorry too."

"I know why you feel this way," Wendy added. "It made sense why you treated us this way. But I want you to know that you can trust both of us. And besides, Harry Potter was an asshole anyways. In retrospect, it was good you taught him a lesson."

"I do want to trust you both," I said. "This is all happening too fast."

"We'll ease you in," Wendy reassured.

"Yeah, and I'll try to get my friends to be nice to you," Stan replied. "Well...maybe not Cartman, since he's always a manipulative asshole anyways."

I chuckled. "I think everyone knows that part about Cartman, yeah."

"I stand in the sidelines too much," Ray added. "I'm not that involved in your guy's affairs and I wish I was more. I don't think I'm an effective leader, I don't talk too much."

"Ray, that's nonsense," Wendy replied. "A good leader always listens to his teammates."

"Yeah," Stan added. "You gotta make sure everyone can agree is on the same page. But we can owe it all to Isaac for reminding us to save you." Although Isaac didn't say anything, he beamed with delight at Stan's compliment.

Ray nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right. That being said, I'm glad we all worked things out." Ray then let out a yawn. "I'm tired, like I just want to die right now. I'm too lazy to make a campfire, I just wanna sleep."

"Yeah, man." Isaac blinked several times. "That's what I was tryna tell you, ya numb nuts."

Ray smiled and laughed. "Quit complaining, Isaac, this hardship is good for your soul."

As the four of them climbed up the plateau, I looked back at Natasha's grave one last time. I knelt down and prayed for her. Hopefully she finds peace in Heaven. Then I stood up and followed my friends. At the other end of the plateau was an overlook of a small lake that beautifully reflected the full moon's light off the surface. The five of us sat with our legs hanging off the plateau with our gazes towards the lake.

Wendy was the first to break the silence. "This is like our first date back at Stark's Pond in 3rd grade."

"What I remember most is Cartman getting taken away by the alien spaceship," Stan replied.

"Yeah," Wendy nodded. "He was pretty selfish, but he was actually a decent person."

"Yeah, Cartman was actually not that bad," Stan replied. "I don't know what made him snap to be honest. Maybe we called him a fatass too much."

"He is still sensitive about his weight," Wendy said.

Stan wrapped his right arm around Wendy as she snuggled closer to him. "Yeah. It's - it's been too long since the two of us are like this. Just resting."

"The way the moon reflects off the lake, it's beautiful," Wendy replied. There was silence for ten seconds then Wendy piped up again. "You know what, I don't care what all the other girls think, and you can consider this as me forgiving you for your mistakes, but taking me on this journey with you has been fun."

"You - you actually enjoy this?" Stan's tone gave off a feeling that he was confused. "You're like - like my girlfriend, dude, and I thought girlfriends aren't supposed to enjoy adventuring and doing bad things like this?"

"Well this trip wasn't perfect, we had some upsets, we did bad shit, but I loved spending time with you doing this," Wendy said, "you know, I was really jealous of how you and Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman would always go on amazing adventures like this one. But I see the struggles."

"Hey, that's what makes us stronger right?" Stan replied. "Um, at least that's what Harbinger would say right now if he were here."

"Speaking of which, what happened to that guy?" I shrugged at Wendy's question, and no one else said anything. "Whatever, he's probably off somewhere, he'll show up again."

"Well there's that, and I also wanted to impress you, or, well do something nice for you for once." Stan sighed. "I don't know, I feel really bad about recently. I think the whole Cock Magic thing let me down. Let us down."

Still facing Wendy, I saw her grab both her cheeks and force him to make eye-contact with her. "We both made mistakes, but don't be too hard on yourself. You did way more today than what's necessary to make it up for me. Even if it might have been unintentional." She then turned Stan's head to face outward. "Don't throw up on me."

"I - I wasn't going to, promise." Stan's voice was nervous this time.

"Haha, liar." Wendy lightly slapped Stan's thigh and giggled.

"I'm not lying, Wendyl." Did Stan seriously call Wendy "Wendyl"? I remember that one time when Eric Cartman announced himself as a transgender so he can get his own bathroom. Then Wendy came to school identifying as a boy to use that same bathroom. Hilarity ensued, as predicted.

"Wendyl? Did you seriously just call me Wendyl?" Wendy began to laugh out loud. "You know I pretended to be a boy just to fuck with Cartman, right?"

"Wait what?" Stan was surprised now. "I called you that by accident. Those few days you were Wendyl, I thought you were actually transgender."

"No, I was just trying to fuck with Cartman," Wendy replied. "Before the Cissy restroom was built, he only used the girl's bathroom because he wanted a stall for himself, and gets really pissy when he didn't get what he wanted. So...I dressed as a guy...and yeah. That happened."

"Wow, you really do hate his guts, don't you?" Stan asked.

"Whatever, he won't get a girlfriend - speaking of which..." Wendy then turned to Isaac. "Isaac, you never told me who you like."

"...why do you want to know?" Isaac asked.

"You don't have to tell me," Wendy replied, "I just want to know." Nice. It's like saying you don't want someone's lunch money, but you want someone's lunch money. "I won't tell anyone, I promise. It will just be between us."

"Well...I kinda sorta have a crush on Jenna," Isaac replied. "Just don't over-exaggerate it or make fun of me or anything."

"Jenna Stoley? Kevin Stoley's and Esther Stoley's sibling? How cute!" Wendy's response made Isaac blush through the moonlight that shone down on us.

"Wendy!" Isaac's voice was in shock and awe.

"Hey, I'm not making fun of you, right?" Wendy then held her hands out. "Alright, alright I'll stop." Wendy then turned her gaze to me. "Cole. How about you?"

"Um..." I could feel my heartbeat thump faster. This is odd and awkward. "I'm not really...into...anyone...yeah." My voice was soft and shy. This is super awkward for me.

"Hey, just pick someone. Who's the hottest girl in school - besides me?" Wendy fluttered her eyes, and Stan had a smirk on his face. This is super weird.

"Well...there is Heidi Turner." I can't lie, Heidi does look pretty good.

Stan and Wendy looked at each other then both of them cringed. What? "Hedi? Eugh..." Wendy's tone was full of disgust.

"What?" I was confused by Wendy. "She's not that bad looking, is she?"

"No, it's not that, I mean she's pretty hot, it's just uh..." Wendy looked at Stan for guidance, but Stan was in shock. "She's kind of a...two-faced bitch, if you know what I mean."

"Oh," I replied. "Did she do anything in particular?"

"Well, she spread rumors of Allie Nelson being at the abortion clinic, trying to make her look like a whore slut," Stan replied.

"Hey, if she means that much to you, I can play matchmaker and hook you up," Wendy added.

I shook my head. "Well I honestly don't know if I could do that. I don't think it'd be right. Why? Well you two really seem to be devoted in each other and I figured out why. You both were attracted by looks, which is kinda obvious, right?" Both of them nodded. "But you both grew to each other. Trusted each other. I just don't think...you can't shove two people together and immediately make them love each other. You shouldn't, it doesn't feel right." It was kinda like what I learned about friendship today. It took me a long time to warm up to Stan and Wendy, and it wouldn't feel right shoving me into a relationship. "I don't really believe in the matchmaker stuff, ya know?"

"What about a boyfriend?" Ray threw a mischievous smirk at me.

"Haha, shut up Ray." I smirked back.

"Well I mean all guys need a girl for them," Wendy replied. "I don't know, I don't want you to feel lonely."

"I know." It still bugs me that I've never had a girlfriend when most of the boys in my class have. Maybe the competition for girls have gone too vicious. I don't think I can handle the pressure.

"When we get back to South Park, first chance I get, I'll set up a date with you and Heidi." Wendy nodded.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I didn't want to offend Wendy or Stan. I made a thumbs up with my left hand. "Um, looking forward to it."

"Yeah, I know you're thinking we're being dumb, Cole," Stan said, "but I think having a girlfriend will be good for you. It will definitely teach you the disciprine." There Stan is again, saying "discipline" in a Chinese accent.

I raised an eyebrow. "Disciprine?"

"Yes, disciprine." Stan then started laughing, and so did the rest of us. Stan checked his phone. "Hey look, Draco Malfoy said on facebook that North Park is free of Nazi Zombies."

"Really?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, it seems that with the help of Harbinger and the Crab People, they were able to completely purge the zombies out of North Park." At least it was refreshing to hear that Draco, Vincent, and Greg would be alright in the end. Those three are good people, they deserve to be free of conflict.

I have to admit, as far as things went, this became pretty lighthearted real fast. I looked up at the moon, and there was that green light again, in the distance. Harbinger would be watching over us, guiding us while we would complete the journey. And it will be difficult, there will probably be more challenges waiting in store for us. But you know what? As long as we've got each other, we'll never have any trouble, 'cause that's what bein' friends is about.

* * *

 **As dark and cruel as this chapter got, don't take it too seriously. I know that some may disagree with PETA in real life, but they're not cannibals as far as I know. So yeah, once again, I didn't mean to offend anyone, it's an over-exaggeration of negative traits, something Trey and Matt like to do often (and effectively) for humor. The sequence was heavily inspired by Douche and Turd. And no, I am not making up the part where Stan said the PETA members have sex with animals, that actually is implied to happen in the show.**

 **Natasha is a made-up character of mine; as far as I know, she isn't in Harry Potter. I was kinda getting tired of them argue all the time. Like I know Stan and Wendy can be assholes, but I kinda had to end it here, for my sake and for the readers as well.**

 **Also, the very last sentence came from a certain episode.**

* * *

 **For those who decided to skip every chapter 'till now, here's a rough summary of every chapter thus far. Keep in mind this is missing important details:**

 **1\. (Beginning of Wednesday) Emulation of Breast Cancer Show Ever (S12E09) from a 3rd person perspective.**

 **2\. Cole and Isaac get in trouble over a fight at school.**

 **3\. Cole meets Ray (Dovahkiin) and Ray is invited to play the Stick of Truth with Cartman. Cole steals the Stick.**

 **4\. Cole, Ray, and Kenny go back into school to fight ginger kids to free Craig and Isaac from detention.**

 **5\. Cole, Ray, Isaac, and Kenny go to the school library to find the truth of the Stick of Truth.**

 **6\. The Humans and Drow Elves both find Cole with the Stick in the Library. Cole loses the stick to Kyle in the end.**

 **7\. Cole and Isaac go home to rethink about plans. Ray tells Cole that Stan has the stick.**

 **8\. Cole crashes Stan's date with Wendy to take back the Stick. A spaceship crashes in the South Park Mall.**

 **9\. Cole goes home to escort Isaac through a zombie infested South Park and meets up with Stan, Wendy, and Ray at Jimbo's guns.**

 **10\. The gang meets Terrorblade, who takes the stick from them.**

 **11\. The gang go to Stark's Pond to rest for the night. Drama ensues.**

 **12\. (Beginning of Thursday) The Harbinger comes to teach the gang the power of friendship.**

 **13\. The gang steals a police car and heads north to North Park.**

 **14\. The gang stops at North Park to rest, but are sent to North Park Elementary over threats of truancy.**

 **15\. The gang go to see Terrance and Phillip perform live at Bayroyal Hall in North Park.**

 **16\. The gang gets kidnapped by Harry Potter. Zombies reach North Park.**

 **17\. The gang traverses through the North Park sewers to escape North Park.**

 **18\. The gang infiltrates a PETA compound.**


	19. Chapter 19: Getting Gay with Kids Again

**Warning: this chapter is rated T for Twilight.**

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

We woke up at 7:00am this morning and immediately started packing up. For breakfast we had some pop tarts, cliff bars, trail mix, and water. Like "dinner" last evening, our breakfast wasn't very spectacular. But unfortunately, none of us know how to cook. By 7:30am, we were back on the road heading north. No cars passed by, and our parents still haven't attempted to contact us. The air was a cool 52 degrees Fahrenheit with slow winds, and the sky was overcast with white clouds. The road began to lead uphill into a valley between two mountains, and halfway up the left mountain we could see a golden tower. That might be the Sol Lighthouse.

"Do you think it's going to rain today?" Wendy asked.

"Hopefully not." Stan had Wendy in his right arm again.

We're not very fast hikers, but that's only because we're kids, and we have to carry stuff with us. The road led into another dark forest filled with gnarled and dead trees. The snowy environment lacked any life, and the wind blew an ominous music through the air.

I shuddered, the cold wind blowing through my robes. "Ooh. It's chilly."

"Assuming we don't get sidetracked, we should be able to reach the lighthouse by 9am, according to the GPS on my phone." Ha, good joke Ray. Don't get sidetracked - I have a feeling we're gonna get sidetracked somehow.

"Ray, put that phone away," Stan warned.

"Why?" Ray asked.

"The government is looking for us, remember?" Stan shook his head "They can track us through our phones, remember?"

Ray scratched his pink hair. "Oh...yeah, I forgot. Sorry." He then put his phone away.

We continued walking for about ten more minutes through the dead woods before something unnatural caused my hears to perk up. It sounded like a little girl crying. "Shh, guys, hear that?" Isaac asked. The rest of us nodded silently. "Do you think it's up ahead?"

Stan unsheathed his sword and held it with both of his hands. "I think so, from what it seems. Let's be careful." The rest of us drew out our weapons as well and we creep slowly up the road.

The road made a small jump a few yards ahead, and as we ascended to the highest point of the road relative to where we are, we could slowly see who was crying over the horizon. There sat a blonde girl who was no older than we are next to the back of a school bus that was parked on the left side of the road. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and she wore a blue jacket with a dark green collar and black pants. She was crying into her bare hands. On the opposite side of the road directly across from the school bus was a narrow road that led itself up on a left cliffside.

"Is she bad?" Isaac whispered.

"Doesn't look like it," Ray replied.

"She looks hurt, is she going to be alright?" Wendy asked. "Maybe we should help her."

"She looks familiar, as if I met her from somewhere before." Wendy glanced at Stan when the words came out of his mouth. "I don't remember though."

"Implying?" Wendy's eyebrow was raised.

"I'm not sure, but let's check it out." Stan took the lead as he began to walk towards the girl. I immediately followed after, and I could hear the rest of my friends follow me from behind. When we approached the girl, she looked up at us, reached behind her back to grab a bottle no larger than my rib cage full of purple smoke plugged in with a cork, and tried to hide herself behind it as if cowering in fear. "Hey, what happened? Are you alright?"

"Please don't hurt me!" The girl was sobbing some more. "You're not one of _them_ , are you?" What were "them"? What does the girl even mean?

Stan turned back at us and shrugged. "Um, I don't know what you're saying."

"You're - you're not a vampire, are you?" Vampires? The girl has a grudge on vampires? I didn't even know vampires actually existed out here. Maybe it's the product of the Stick of Truth existing.

"Wait, wait, slow down." Wendy put her hands on the girl's right shoulder as she knelt down. In her softest and sweetest voice, she said, "We're not vampires, and we're not here to hurt you. Tell us what happened."

"I - I was t-t-traveling with my choir tour a-a-and we stopped f-f-for a bathroom break, b-b-but then before we could get back on the r-r-road again, vampires a-t-t-tacked us here. T-t-they took Miss Stevens and the o-o-others." It was difficult to understand her message through all the sobbing, but it sounded like vampires attacked the bus and kidnapped everyone while she hid.

"Alright, calm down, where did they take them?" Ray asked.

"Ray, don't be an ass." Wendy tone seemed to express disapproval about Ray's question. I guess I can agree, Ray was being a bit too harsh.

"Wait, when did the vampires attack?" Stan asked.

"L-l-like about half-an-hour ago," the blonde girl replied.

"Wait a minute, if they're vampires, wouldn't they be burned by the sunlight?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah, the dead trees above us don't block out all the sunlight, and we can always find some garlic or silver around I think," Stan added.

"But there's an overcast right now," Ray replied.

"Sunlight still goes through clouds," Isaac retorted. That is true; if sunlight didn't go through clouds, we'd be in complete darkness right now, which we aren't.

"T-t-that didn't stop them," the girl replied.

"Wait, you're saying they're immune to the sun?" Stan asked.

"You mean like in Twilight?" Wendy asked.

"Um...what?" Stan's tone seemed surprised and we all turned to Wendy for answers.

"Twilight is really lame and stupid," Wendy said, "but I watched the movies out of obligation for my friends - and when I say friends, I really mean two of them."

"Who would subject you to that shit?" Stan made his comment seem like a question but he continued on. "Wait, let me guess - Bebe and Red."

"Yep." Wendy nodded. "The rest of the girls had to watch just to show our support, haha. Like Isaac said, conventional ways of killing a vampire involves sunlight, holy water, silver, garlic, and a stake. Thing is, the vampires that attacked this bus didn't seem to mind daytime at all which means...we might have Twilight vampires on our hands."

I raised a finger to try to say something, but the words lost me. I'm very confused. "I'm a confused little boy."

"Ugh, Twilight?" Stan's voice was whiny. "That's so lame!"

Wendy chuckled. "I think it's lame too, and I think it's the Stick that caused these vampires to appear. Ever since the Stick was rediscovered and someone possesses it again, the world's getting fucked up."

"Well, it might not be the stick to be honest," Stan argued, "supernatural things have always happened, even before we ever played with the stick."

Wendy nodded. "True. And to make matters worse, they are very agile and fast."

"How fast are we talking about?" Stan asked.

"They can run at a constant speed faster than Usain Bolt," Wendy replied. "And they are stronger than any regular human. And yeah, I know we have WoW powers, but the five of us are as mortal as any regular kid."

"So basically these vampires are demigods, more-or-less," Ray said. "How are we gonna stop them? There's gotta be some kind of weakness."

"There is." Wendy then began to scratch her pink beret and head. "Um...I don't remember what the weakness to Twilight vampires was." She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. "Now I wish I paid more attention to the movies."

Stan laughed. "Can't blame you. Doesn't Twilight suck?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started on the terribly-written relationships." Wendy rolled her eyes.

I looked at the girl who was still cowering and crying. It didn't look like our arrival did her any justice. "We'll get as many survivors as we can," I said.

The girl slowly stopped crying. "You will?"

I looked back at my friends and they nodded. "Yeah, we'll do it," Ray said, "we'll be back soon. Just stay hidden in the bus. Do you know where they are?"

The girl pointed up the narrow road that led to the cliff wall. "They went somewhere up that road." The girl gave Ray the purple smoke bottle she was holding. "Here, take this."

"What is this?" Ray eyed the bottle curiously as he rotated it in his hands.

"I'm not sure to be honest...one of the vampires dropped it when they kidnapped the rest of my choir tour." Before we could move on, the girl said something. "You with the blue hat." She must have been referring to Stan, so I faced him. "You look really familiar."

"Yeah, so do you," Stan replied.

"Do you know a 'Kenny McCormick' by any chance?" the girl asked.

"He's one of my closest friends, why?" Stan tilted his head to the side and Wendy glanced at him.

"He was my long distance boyfriend...wait a minute..." the girl took a closer look at Stan. "You're Stan Marsh. You, Kenny, Kyle and whoever that fat kid was was on the choir tour with me!"

"Kelly Nelson!" Stan's eyes opened wide with realization. "You tried to get us to join the choir, wanted us to save the rainforest!"

"Wait what?" Wendy tilted her head.

"Wendy, you don't remember?" Stan yawned. "They tried to get us to join, but we were being immature and disruptive."

"Uh, guys?" Ray waved both his hands at us. "I don't wanna ruin the little date, but we're kinda short on time. If we're gonna rescue the choir tour, we gotta go now."

Stan nodded at Ray then turned back to Kelly. "Alright, Kelly, just stay hidden. Don't attract any of the vampires. We'll be back soon."

"Please save them! Don't let them be turned into vampires themselves!" Kelly then climbed back inside the bus.

* * *

The five of us followed the narrow east. Luckily, the road was only about three-hundred or so yards. It led into a house made of wooden boards, probably to trap in heat from the snowy environment. There was one car parked outside facing out of the driveway - a silver Prius. It was a two-story house with a garage that can fit three cars. The five up crept up to the Prius and then darted to the sides.

"Alright, so do we go through the front door?" Isaac asked.

"Isaac, did you seriously just ask that question?" Wendy rolled her eyes.

I crept closer and cupped my hands over my ears like a bat to try to hear something. I could hear nothing inside the house from here. "Cole, do you hear anyone?" Stan asked. I shook my head no. "Well, I don't hear anyone either. We can always unlock the door."

"But we don't have the key to the door, how are we going to get in?" Wendy asked. "And going through the front door? Seriously, guys?"

"Who said anything about needing the real key-" Stan turned his gaze from Wendy to Ray, "-Ray?"

"Oh, so now I'm demoted to key guy?" Ray's expression was neutral.

I couldn't tell if Ray was being serious or joking, so I responded in the way any respectful and empathetic individual should. "Ray, stop being a little bitch."

Ray had his mouth open. I definitely surprised him with my response. He then exhaled. "Aaaaaaaalllllllrrriiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttttt. Fine." Ray then summoned up his water elemental, then pointed at the front doorknob. The water elemental sprayed water into the keyhole, then Ray walked up, twirled around his frost-coated hands, and then a frost key formed out of the doorknob. Twisting the key, Ray opened the door slowly. We saw no one in the doorway. Ray then took the key out and tossed away. "There's no one here. Let's go." Ray motioned us to come in, and so the five of us and Ray's elemental quietly piled into the house.

The house was really nice actually. The interior walls were of oiled oakwood. The statues and pictures of natural environments looked quite antique and dated, but there was no dust settling in, so it was quite clear that people are still inside the house. To be honest, I feel quite dirty breaking and entering into someone's house. It feels quite dirty, but at the same time, Kelly did imply that the vampires would reside here.

The room we're currently in was a living room with a couch in the middle facing the wall to our left that had a mounted HDTV above a small fireplace underneath the head of a bear that was mounted on the wall. On the wall opposite of the entryway that which we came in, there was a head of a mountain lion mounted above a small bookshelf. These hunters definitely had money. In the back right corner was an opening that forked right into a dining room and left into some other room. We took the left fork and we appeared into an entertainment room. The west side had a staircase, in the middle was a pool table, and on the north side was another TV with a Playstation 4 and an Xbox One both connected to the TV. Then something bizarre caught my eye - the back wall had a giant hole that led to the forest behind, and broken wood and glass was spilled everywhere on the ground, the pool table, and outside on the snow.

"Do you think they went out that way?" Isaac asked.

"Why would they break down their own wall?" Wendy added.

I walked forward and picked up one of the pieces of wood to examine it. It wasn't rotted, it was fresh. "This must have happened recently."

I handed the wood to Stan and he too looked at it. "You're right." Stan tossed away the piece of wood. "You know, this stuff reminds me: one time, my friends and I wanted to play detectives. Then the police department thought we were serious and took us in. We eventually ended up taking down a meth lab an a strip club without any weapons."

Wendy raised an incredulous eyebrow at Stan. "What? How?"

"In both instances, the bad guys shot each other." Stan shook his head. "That's the last time we played detectives."

Wendy blinked her eyes several times. "That just sounds...you - you know what? It's South Park, I'm just gonna have to accept this and move on."

I took a closer look at the snow and I could see little dips that created a small path eastward. Then it hit me. Those were many footprints that must lead somewhere. I began to follow the trail. "Cole, where are you going?" Isaac asked. I didn't answer. Looking up, the footprint trail seemed to follow between two treelines down a certain path, and I went.

"I think Cole's onto something, comeon." Ray's voice came closer to me as I could hear the rest follow me.

I shapeshifted into Cat Form to try to track down the scent. I could smell children, and something awfully dead. The aroma was definitely coming from up the footprint trail. As I sniffed the trail, Wendy called out to me. "Um, Cole?"

"Hm?" I turned back to the rest of the gang.

"If there's one thing I remember about Twilight vampires, uh, they don't like shapeshifters, they're natural enemies of each other and vampires can smell shapeshifters." Wendy shot me a worrying look. "You're a druid. Druids can shapeshift. Therefore you're going to attract alot of vampires. That and there's a black tattoo icon of a moon on each side of your ass that would give you away of your powers, so no you can't blend in like a real mountain lion."

"What?" I twirled myself around like a dog chasing its tail in both directions, and I could clearly see two black tattoos with the shape of a crescent with a dot in the middle on each side of my ass. "Oh, yeah, I forgot druids have that tattoo when they're in animal form, I never really pay attention to it that often."

"Wendy, I thought you said you didn't pay attention to the movies," Isaac stated.

"Obviously not well enough for her to remember vampires' weaknesses," Ray retorted.

Wendy put out the palms of her hands. "The point is that Cole might be a liability here. I don't wanna sound like a total bitch, Cole." That kinda hurt my heart to be honest. So what if I'm bait? I'm still the guy responsible for keeping us alive, has she forgotten that?

"Wendy, comeon, we're not leaving Cole behind." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Remember what happened last night?"

"Yeah, I know." Wendy tapped her foot a little, then scratched the back of her neck. "Let's keep going. But to be safe, Cole, you should probably avoid shapeshifting when you can. You don't want to...trigger them." Said as if it were straight out of some Tumblr joke. "Don't feel bad, you're still my cute kitty-cat." Wendy patted my head. Nice joke, bitch.

I shapeshifted back into my human form and narrowed my eyes at Wendy. I said the exact same thing I told Kenny back at school and my friends back at Bayroyal Hall. "I hate you all. That is all."

We followed the trail for many more yards until we reached a clearing with many forks in the road. Directly straight from where we came was a large metal cage behind a bush. We could see many people stuck inside, but none of them were screaming. They were clearly moving, so they must be alive, but if they're not making a sound, that would mean that there are bad guys nearby.

"Alright." I turned to Ray who was reading a label on the purple bottle of smoke he carried. "Smoke of Deceit. Used to move an entire squadron invisibly behind enemy lines. The invisibility fades off the affected person if someone who is not affected by the same smoke of deceit is within thirty yards. Last three minutes or until it breaks from proximity."

"So it's basically used for scouting from a distance." Stan nodded. "Useful."

And of course, I had to say something certain I said to Kenny and Ray back when we fought the ginger kids. "Wow, somehow there's always convenient stupidity for us 'heroes' to take advantage of, just like a video game."

"I'm not sure why vampires have this, but whatever." Ray yawned and made a leftwards sweeping motion with his right arm as if saying hooray. "Alright. Step 1: Pull cork from bottle." Ray pulled the cork from the bottle, and immediately a hissing sound came out of the bottle as purple smoke began to leave the bottle. "Ok. Step 2: Stay near the bottle and wait for the invisibility to kick in. Dispose bottle properly." Ray dropped the bottle on the ground. "Ok, well let's assume we can't see each other soon. Everyone hold hands." We all lined up and I grabbed Wendy's right hand with my left hand and Isaac's left hand with my right hand. We waited. For ten seconds. Then thirty.

"When is this thing going to trigger?" Stan's tone seemed impatient as he glared down at the bottle while holding Ray's right hand and Wendy's left hand.

As the words left Stan's mouth, there was a sudden popping sound and no more hissing could be heard. We all disappeared from sight, but I could still feel myself holding Wendy's and Isaac's hands. The bottle stayed visible on the ground, only empty now, and the purple smoke must have completely dispersed into the air. "Oh cool." Ray seemed impressed by the results. "Alright, let's do it!"

I was slowly being dragged by Wendy towards the cage as I felt myself dragging Isaac. It was the weirdest sensation being able to touch my friends without actually seeing them, and I could see the sunlight bend around the shape of Wendy's body. Of course though, my friends have a hard time keeping their mouths shut. "Wow, being invisible is like the weirdest sensation," Wendy said.

"Anyone see anything?" Stan asked.

"I'm hungry," Isaac complained.

"Shut up! They can hear us!" Ray's voice was a bit louder and harsher. Hypocrite.

"Nothing," Stan said. "Let's keep going and see what's up."

"Good idea," Ray agreed. "This way."

I was led on by Wendy and as we approached I could see a man and a woman in front of the cage. There were about ten-or-so kids and one woman who was probably in her early thirties. She was fit with brown hair and was wearing a yellow hat. All of the kids wore a yellow T-shirt over their jackets that said "G.G.W.K." and two pink eight-notes connected to each other was layered behind the letters on the shirts. The man had short brown hair and the woman had brown hair that went below her neckline. Both of their skins were paled out, and they wore black leather jackets and black jeans. "Wait, look," Ray whispered.

"It's the vampires." Stan's voice showed fear and horror.

"Beth, I think there's another girl hiding in the bus we just pillaged," the male vampire said.

"Well what are you waiting for, Ethan? Get her and bring her here. She's gonna be first for the blood ritual." As the words left the female vampire's mouth impatiently, the male vampire sprinted around the bush, towards us, then past us at about the speed of Usain Bolt. The female then sniffed the air and clutched her fists. "I smell a shapeshifter. A dirty fucking shapeshifter." Oh fuck. They can smell me while I'm a regular human?

"Oh no, Kelly!" Stan whispered in horror.

"Nevermind that, Cole might have gave us away." I could feel Wendy let go of my hand. "Alright, here's what's goin' down. I'm gonna run in at the speed of light and fist her real hard."

Isaac snickered. "Yeah Wendy, you're gonna give her a real good fisting alright." Isaac, you disgusting pervert.

"Oh, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that!" Wendy sounded rather annoyed by Isaac's comment.

"Yeah, Isaac, don't say perverted shit like that about my girlfriend," Stan warned. Yeah, seriously Isaac. There's certain things decent people don't do, and making perverted jokes about your friend's date isn't one of them.

"Jokes aside, here I go!" As the words left Wendy's mouth, I saw a trail of holy light speed into the bush that separated the female vampire and the cage and us. "Oh fuck! There's spiders in here! Nasty! I hate spiders! Ew!"

"Wendy!" Ray called out. "Where are you?"

"Wendy?" Isaac said.

"Wendy, what happened?" Stan asked.

"Wendy's what's going on?" I asked. I was looking around frantically, but all I could see was the bush rustling.

I looked at my hands. A second later, they reappeared. Oh shit! The smoke must have ran out on us! We're visible now! Then I saw Wendy run back to us with spiderwebs and twig branches stuck on her armor and in her hair and beret. "There. Glad that's over with."

Ray was very annoyed, and was fuming at Wendy. "Congratulations. We've successfully managed to waste an entire duration of the Smoke of Deceit." Ray was beginning to redden with rage as he glared angrily at Wendy. It doesn't look like Stan was going to defend Wendy - after all, Wendy kinda did fuck us over.

Wendy gave off a nervous smile and laugh as she pulled a twig from her hair. "Yeah, we're not very good at this 'heroes' business, are we?"

Ray gritted his teeth as his voice and anger escalated at Wendy. "We?!" Oh hell no, Wendy, don't shift the blame on us now.

Of course though, the vampire Beth suddenly appeared in front of the bush in which Wendy previously crashed into. "Grr! Eavesdroppers!" Beth gritted her fanged teeth with rage as she narrowed her eyes at us, the iris color glowing an unnatural orange-red tone. Fire ignited in her hands.

Ray had his mouth open. "I'm out!" Ray immediately teleported a short distance away somewhere, a skill mages like him had.

"Me too!" As the words left my mouth, I looked behind us towards the direction we came, and I saw Ray standing there near a bush about twenty yards away. I crouched down a little with my right foot on back and as I looked to my right, I could see myself sprout brownish-blackish bird wings on my back. Then, with the help of my wings, I made a giant leap to Ray, and then the wings disappeared momentarily.

"Hey, wait for me guys!" Isaac, in his ghost wolf form, sped towards Ray and me. Ray's water elemental also followed Isaac closely.

The vampire was standing directly in front of Stan and Wendy. Wendy made a downwards "slapping" motion with her left hand like a high school girl telling someone else to shut up. "Pssh! Well if they're leaving, then I'm leaving!" Wendy then stuck her left arm out flipping the vampire off with her middle finger. "Eat shit!" Moments later, a burst of light erupted on the vampires forehead and the vampire stood there losing consciousness momentarily. Wendy then began running towards us.

"Wendy!" Stan looked back at us. "Where are you going?!"

"I'm sure you know how to handle this, Stan!" Wendy, however, was not paying any attention to where she was going. And...she ran into and tangled herself in another bush again, this one being the one Ray was standing next to. "Ow! Oh, not this again! Spiders...fuck everything!" Apparently, it seems Wendy has severe tunnel-vision.

As Ray and Isaac (now back to being a human) reached to help Wendy, I began walking towards Stan to watch what was happening. Stan tried to swing his sword, but the vampire kicked him down on the ground towards my direction. As Stan began to stand up, the vampire was waving her hands as the flames in her hands grew more intense. "You little shits! You're going to pay for interrupting my blood ritual!"

"Stan! Run!" I shouted.

The vampire let loose a large fireball that was bigger than the size of the largest bowling ball that could be found at a bowling alley. Stan just stood there holding his sword like a baseball bat. What the hell is Stan doing? Is he retarded? Then he did something I forgot warriors could do: when the swung his sword like a baseball bat at the fireball, the fireball bounced back at a 180 degree angle and homed onto the vampire. When the fireball made contact with the vampire, there was a large explosion of heat and flame. "YOU DAMN KIDS!" The next thing I saw was an ash pile in place of where the vampire stood as well as some flame on the snow.

"Wow, I almost forgot I could reflect spells," Stan said in awe.

Wendy walked up to Stan with more twigs and cobwebs in her hair and clothes. Her face was cut up and bleeding a little due to running into two bushes within the span of three minutes. "See, I knew you'd pull something out of Stan." Stan kept silent. He was probably not very thrilled due to us abandoning him back there. "Um, it's trust, you know, that's what makes boyfriends and girlfriends good couples. I trusted you to kick the vampire's ass and...um..." Stan shook his head, and Wendy sighed. "Alright. I shouldn't have left you back there, and I fucked us up even more than Cole. I didn't fight back because these stupid cobwebs and twigs."

Stan chuckled and grabbed Wendy's shoulders. "I can't stay mad at you. Just don't do it again, alright?" Stan then hugged Wendy. It was weird to see Stan so very forgiving of Wendy, after Wendy almost getting us killed. Maybe what Wendy said back at Denny's was true. _"Boys will do anything for a pretty girl's approval, it happens."_ It feels unsettling knowing that when I grow older I'm going to fall under the charms of a beautiful woman. Whatever, now's not the time to worry about that though.

"Wait, Stan, that fire spell you reflected back at the vampire," Wendy mentioned.

"What?" Stan asked.

"That's it!" Wendy's expression brightened, as if she had finally found the meaning to something complex. "These vampires are weak to fire! Fire will kill them quickly!"

The rest of us guys looked at each other, then turned back to Wendy. Ray was the first to speak. "That's fucking stupid."

"What?" Wendy asked.

"Normal humans will also die quickly to fire," Ray argued.

"Yeah," Stan agreed, "You can't say vampires are weak to fire when literally most living animals on this planet will also die from a fire."

"Yeah, your right..." Wendy rubbed her chin. "Now that you mention it, Twilight vampires are not very well written at all."

"Uh, guys? A little help over here?" I turned to see who was calling to us, and surely enough it was the woman from inside the cage, along with her many children. The cage had a metal bar between two hatches so that it could not be pushed inward to open.

"Ray, Isaac, Stan, you guys get them." Wendy pointed to the cage. "Cole, can you heal the cuts and bruises on my face? Please?" Wendy's saying this in her sweetest voice possible.

"Ugh." I groaned. It's one thing to have to heal someone who truly got hurt in a fight, or was picked on. But Wendy's injuries were out of pure negligence and tunnel-vision, and honestly I'm less empathetic about that. Nevertheless, she still is a part of us. I rolled my eyes as I charged my right hand with natural energy. "Don't _you_ know any healing spells? You're a paladin." I held my hand out to stop her from speaking "Actually, I don't want to know your excuse. Whatever. Don't move." I placed my right hand on Wendy's face to slowly mend the damages.

"Cole, you're the more capable healer and...ooh, that feels nice." I raised my eyebrow at Wendy's comment about my healing. Slowly, her bruises began to fade and her cuts began to seal. Of course though, since the injuries are fairly minor, the whole process only took about one minute to complete.

"Thank you," Wendy nodded. We turned to see Stan, Ray, and Isaac along with the hostages. "Glad to have a healer by our side. Ugh, imaging fighting Butters."

"Yeah, seriously," Stan added. "Butters was hard to take down."

"Thank you so much for getting us out of here," the woman with the yellow hat bowed down to us, and so did the rest of the children. "Stan, I remember you from the choir tour last year. You were a great singer."

"You're Ms. Stevens!" Stan replied. "From Getting Gay with Kids!"

"Ms. Stevens?" Wendy turned to face the woman. "Are you related to Bebe Stevens?"

"Yes, and yes," Ms. Stevens replied. "I am Bebe's aunt. I'm in charge of this choir, we were on our way back from Canada when all this happened. I can't thank you five enough for getting us out of here. They were going to suck my blood out!"

"You guys have amazing powers!" One kid said, who had a buzzcut. "You're from South Park huh?"

"Yep," Stan nodded.

"How did you five kids get all the way out here?" Ms. Stevens asked. "Actually, nevermind. Don't answer that question."

The entire pack of us began to head back the direction we came from. Since we went downhill, logically to backtrack we'd have to go uphill again. Luckily, it wasn't a long walk. While walking, I could hear our captives talking to each other about regular things like celebrities, video games, what's happening in their lives, and the such. Of course though when we caught sight of the house, the two figures that came up to us from the front caused everyone to fall silent. It was the male vampire we saw earlier - Ethan, and he had his left arm around Kelly, holding her up to his chest. He held his right hand like a gun as his index finger was next to Kelly's head, his finger glowing with black shadow energy. "So you escaped the cage, buddy? I knew you'd escape the cage, guy." His speaking mannerism made it clear he is (or was) Canadian.

This threw all of us in panic. My heart lept. I can't see another innocent die. Damn vampires. "Woah woah woah!" Ms. Stevens came up. "Don't hurt her, she's done nothing! We don't want any trouble here!"

"Don't step any closer, friend!" The vampire Ethan pointed his shadowy index finger at Ms. Stevens, and Ms. Stevens, in response, immediately backed off. "Now..." the vampire put his right arm around his back and pulled out a small bottle - the exact same one that was the Smoke of Deceit we used, not empty. "Littering isn't nice, buddy. I love nature, and this is a defilement to nature, guy." The vampire threw the empty bottle at me and I caught it. I handed it off to a brown-haired girl who was part of the choir tour. "Now, pardon the hastiness, friend, but I am Ethan Stkrdknmibalz." You know, I thought Friday today would be relatively normal, but already this is getting stupid now. What the hell kind of name is "Stkrdknmibalz"? To me it sounded exactly what one would think it'd sound like.

Wendy tried to sound his name out. "Ethan Stick-Your-Dick-In-My...what?"

"Yeah, I don't think you can stick you dick in someone's balls." Stan shook his head.

"Seems Canadian," Isaac remarked.

"Well you look like Justin Bieber. You look like a faggot." Ray's not wrong, this vampire guy more-or-less looks like a faggot. Or whoever played as that main vampire guy in Twilight.

"And you have pink hair, buddy, so what does that make you?!" Ethan Stkrdknmibalz put his hand out and exhaled. "Now enough talk. All of you turn back the way you came from, and back into your cage, and this blonde girl lives. And if anyone wants to try me..." Ethan charged his right index finger once again with shadows and shoved it into Kelly. Kelly was sniffling with fear. "...I'll turn her head inside-out. Then I'll kill all of you!" Ethan then pointed his shadowy finger straight at me. "Starting with you, guy, you dirty shapeshifter."

I shot an angry glare at Ethan. What the fuck does he - or all vampires for that matter - have against shapeshifters? "Uh, I'm a druid."

"You're a dirty fucking shapeshifter, that's what you are, friend! I can smell it on you, you reek of the stench of the wolf!" Ethan angrily stomped his foot on the ground. Why does he hate me so much for no reason? "Do us vampires a favor: why don't you go eviscerate yourself with a steak knife, buddy?"

That shocked me. Not only is Ethan completely wrong with his assessment about my abilities, he is also being a complete asshole about it too. "I - I can't even turn into a wolf! What is going on?!"

"I'll tell you what's going on." Isaac's voice showed that his patience ran thin as he took two steps forward. "I've had enough of this." Green natural energy charged in Isaac's hands. "Kelly run!"

The next moment, Isaac pushed out both of his hands towards Kelly, and then I saw fog gather around Kelly. A second later, she was replaced by a frog. Interesting. Isaac decided to cast Hex on Kelly and turn into a frog - but why would he do that? Well, a second later, Ethan immediately jumped back out of disgust. "Ew! What the hell?!"

"Ribbit!" Kelly the frog then started jumping towards us.

Isaac wasted no time charging at Ethan Stkrdknmibalz the vampire while laying down another one of his "totems", this one glowing with fire. "Take this!" He shot his left hand out and a burst of fire out of nowhere erupted on Ethan. Then Isaac made a rightward swipe with his left axe that was charged with fire. "And this!"

Meanwhile, when Kelly came to us, I immediately placed a hand on her. A glow of light-blue light enveloped Kelly the frog and she was turned back into her normal human self. "Thank you," she cried.

Ethan stumbled backwards from Isaac's attacks. "You little shit! You really think a bit of fire is going to give me pause?" He held his right arm back, and swung at Isaac, clawing him in the face. Isaac flew backwards and landed in front of me. "Fuck you!" Ethan then released the shadow energy from his finger onto Kelly, the energy enveloping into a moving bolt of shadow. "And eat shit, girl!"

"No!" I could hear everyone from Getting Gay with Kids immediately shriek and scream at Kelly's upcoming death sentence. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I charged up a Cyclone spell, and right as the shadow bolt was about to hit Kelly, I released the spell, and Kelly was lifted off the ground by the cyclone, banished. The bolt reached Kelly in her cyclone prison, but the cyclone was powerful enough to disperse the shadow, effectively negating Ethan's attack.

Of course though, that wasn't the end of it. Isaac laid on the floor, revealing gash marks on his face while Ethan stomped out Isaac's totem. "Isaac!" I then placed my healing hand on Isaac's face to begin to mend him. While doing so, I looked up at my three other friends. "Kick his ass!"

Stan, Wendy, and Ray wasted no time charging in for the attack. Wendy tossed out her shield that glowed with light. "Stupid vampire!" It struck Ethan in the face, then the shield returned to her like a boomerang.

Ethan grabbed his face in pain, the bruises and bleeds beginning to reveal themselves. Stan jumped forward to strike down on Ethan, while Wendy tried to stab Ethan's gut with her sword glowing with light, but Ethan quickly dashed over to me in the blink of an eye, as if teleporting. "No healing for you, shapeshifter." Holy crap does the vampire move fast. Ethan drew his right foot back to kick me in the face, so I quickly transformed into a bear to make myself more durable. I felt my snout crack, and even though I can absorb more damage now, that still hurt like hell. Holy crap, I underestimated this guy's strength. Ethan tried to claw down on me, but at the last second he found himself frozen in place. "What the?"

"Just run, Cole!" Ray shouted as he and his elemental hurled blobs of water and spikes of ice at Ethan. I morphed back into a human, picked up Isaac, and ran towards the direction of the house. Looking back, I saw Ray stick his hands out to deep freeze the already rooted-in-place Ethan, effectively covering him in a block of ice and stunning him out. Because of that, I was given ample time to put down Isaac and begin my work on him. Of course though, my face still stung from Ethan's kick, so I was considerably slower at the job.

Stopping just before the giant hole in the wall from where we came from previously, I laid Isaac down on the ground to heal his wounds again. I watched as Ethan - who already broke out of his icy prison - tried to go for Ray, but Wendy sped in the way between the two at the last second to block Ethan's attack. Meanwhile, Stan jumped up and made a downwards strike on Ethan's spine, rending his flesh and causing blood to gush out of the wound. "Ow! You little shits! Take this!" Ethan picked up Stan by the collar and threw him over to Kelly. "And this!" Ethan raised his left foot and kicked Wendy with the bottom of his foot, whose shield was raised. Of course though, due to how powerful a Twilight vampire is, Wendy was tossed backwards, crashing into Ray and his elemental, the three of them falling down.

Ethan turned his attention towards me and Isaac. Oh shit. This isn't good. Isaac stood up with his axes. I tried to heal my own wounds now. Of course, Ethan was charging up a shadow spell as more shadows gathered into her hands. "Better run from your fears, coward." Of course, before he got his spell off, Isaac quickly conjured up another totem of his and placed it on the ground, this one glowing with green. It was an earth totem. For a split second, black clouds blotted Isaac's head as Isaac began screaming with fear, but then the clouds suddenly dispersed and Isaac's earth totem snapped in half and "died".

"Tremor totem, bitch." Isaac then charged at Ethan again to go head-to-head with him. I saw Wendy healing Ray's bruises with holy light. Hm, good thing she remembered her own abilities. My gaze then shifted to Stan, who was still injured from his toss. Ms. Stevens was helping him stand, but Stan couldn't act right now. Seeing that Stan needed my attention the most, I quickly ran over to him.

Luckily, Ethan paid me no mind as I slid over to Stan. I placed my healing hands on Stan's gut this time for about five seconds. Stan exhaled heavily. "Thank you, Cole! I'm going to kill that bastard for laying a hand on Wendy!" Picking his sword off the ground, he charged back into the fight. I saw that Isaac was swinging his axes charged with wind and flame at Ethan with a flurry of speed as winds circled around him furiously. Wendy herself was doing a good job blocking and parrying Ethan's many punches and kicks while contributing to the damage herself with holy-filled sword attacks. Ray was doing what he did best - shooting ice shards from his fingertips onto Ethan. The damage on Ethan showed, as his clothing and skin began to tear, bruise, and bleed.

"Enough of this!" Of course though, a burst of shadow blasted from Ethan, kicking back Wendy, Ray, and Isaac towards me and the G.G.W.K. choir while extinguishing Ray's water elemental. Stan, however, raised his sword to reflect the spell - which meant that Ethan himself was also blasted by the shadow, and he crouched down a little from the damage. "What the - impossible!"

"What?" Ms. Stevens was obviously in disbelief. "How did Stan block that with only a sword?"

"A true warrior can best even the best of magic users." Spoken like a real nerd, Stan put a smile to my face. Stan whirled once with his word to slice Ethan in the butt, mortally struck Ethan with a thrust into Ethan's belly and Ethan was on all fours as he drooled out blood.

"No!" Ethan screamed. "I'll - I'll fuck you all to death!"

"That's what you get for hitting my girl." Stan then went for the execute - jumping up and making a downwards slice onto Ethan's head, instantly decapitating him. Ethan's head split from his body, falling to the floor as blood gushed everywhere on the snow. Stan sat down on the snow, putting down his sword while I tended to Wendy's, Isaac's and Ray's injuries. "I'm finished!"

The G.G.W.K. children all cheered and squealed with delight, with various compliments such as "wow", "awesome", and "cool". Isaac, Wendy, and Ray stood up, and Stan ran over to Wendy to grab her shoulders. "Wendy! Are you alright? Did he hurt you too badly?" Stan's voice was slightly panicked.

Wendy smiled. "I'm fine, Stan. Thank you."

"Oh my gosh." Ms. Stevens had her mouth open the whole time. "You kids do have powers. How?"

"It's a long story," Stan said, "but it has something to do with the Stick of Truth."

Kelly tilted her head to her side as she stared at us with confusion. "The Stick of what?"

"Truth," Ray replied. "'He who controls the stick controls the universe.' We're trying to get the stick back." Ms. Stevens just shrugged and said nothing more. Ray turned back to us. "You know gang, that was the very first guy we fought and killed - as a team."

"That was a pretty clutch Deep Freeze." Isaac fistbumped with Ray.

"Your Tremor Totem was really solid," Ray complimented, "and Stan, that was a pretty good Spell Reflect you did there."

"Hey, Wendy did great work tanking all the damage." Stan wrapped his arms around Wendy.

"Well, Cole did great work keeping us alive, so props to him as well." Wendy nodded at me. "Sorry for earlier, trying to blame you when I messed up there."

"It's alright," I replied. "You guys did save my ass, yet again."

"You saved us too, you know," Stan replied.

"Um, if you kids are done verbally jerking each other off, we'd like to leave now." Ms. Stevens was getting somewhat impatient.

"Um, sorry," my friends and I said. I guess we were too busy complimenting each other, haha. Ray and Isaac burnt Ethan Stkrdknmibalz' body with flame to make sure he doesn't resurrect.

* * *

As predicted, we had to backtrack through the wall into the wooden estate to get outside. Of course though, my group and I decided to take some non-perishable food and water for the trip from the house. After all, those dead vampires won't be needing it. Once we got outside to the very front of the house, the Getting Gay With Kids choir turned back to us to bow down and say their final respects to us.

"I can't thank you kids enough for saving us from the vampires." Ms. Stevens turned back to her children. "The only gift we have is the gift of music."

Stan put his hands out. "Um, we're good. I'm not trying to be rude, but we kinda have to get going now."

Ms. Stevens laughed. "Alright. Children, say goodbye to those five. They saved our lives."

"Thank you! Bye!" Most of the kids waved goodbye and began to hike down the cliffside road, but one kid stayed behind. That kid was Kelly.

"I can't thank you enough for saving my life, guys." Kelly turned to Stan. "Stan, when you see Kenny again, tell him I said hi."

"Alright, I'll make sure," Stan nodded.

"How do you know Kenny?" Wendy asked.

"We used to have a long distance relationship, but we haven't spoke in months." Kelly sighed. "I really miss him. I want to see him again. He's a great person."

"I'm sure you'll see him again, he's out there," I reassured.

Kelly looked up to us. "Who's the rest of your friends, Stan?"

Stan introduced all of us one-by-one. "This is Ray, this is Cole, this is Cole's twin Isaac, and this is my girlfriend Wendy."

"She's your girlfriend?" Kelly cooed. "Aw, that's so cute!" Predictably, this caused Stan and Wendy to blush.

"Do you kids need a ride somewhere?" Ms. Stevens asked.

"Actually, no, we already have one." Ray pointed to the parked Prius next to us.

Ms. Stevens blinked her eyes several times. "Um, ok then."

Ms. Stevens and Kelly then began to walk down the driveway, but before they reached out of sight, they turned back ones more and waved. "Bye! Good luck, children!"

After they were out of earshot, Wendy was the first one to speak. "Kelly seems like a really sweet girl. But choosing Kenny? Really?"

"Hey, comeon," Stan sighed. "She seems to be really into Kenny."

"I know..." Wendy didn't say anything more, she probably didn't want to offend Stan.

That being said, we took the Prius in the same manner we took the police car yesterday - Ray sprayed water into the keyhole, froze the water to form a key, then use that as a substitute for Stan to drive, since he's the only one with driving experience. And without another word, Stan not-so-smoothly backed out of the parking stall, turned not-so-smoothly the car around to face down the road, and drove down. When we reached the intersection, we saw the bus of Getting Gay with Kids one last time and we exchanged our waves and goodbyes. Then the bus headed left to the south while we headed right to the north.

It was pretty great though. We did another good thing for once, and this time we did save innocents like proper heroes - even if it were somewhat by accident. And of course we killed the bad guys. And mind me, those weren't just any vampires, those were Twilight vampires, even though it resorted to Stan reflecting two powerful spells. But if we can take on vampires, we might be able to take on anything.

Nothing can stop our march.

* * *

 **I left some details on Kelly ambiguous on purpose - my goal is for this story to take place after the events of season 19. Problem is is that season 19 is going on currently as I write this story, which is why I did my best to avoid any and all mention of season 19 material. Because for whatever reason, I keep thinking Kelly is going to show up in season 19 when realistically there's probably a 0.01% chance of that ever happening.**

 **Except for Ethan having the last name "Stkrdknmibalz" - that's pretty awesome.**

 **In Twilight, vampires and shapeshifters are natural enemies. Druids can shapeshift in WoW. The reason why Ethan Stkrdknmibalz treated and reacted to Cole much more poorly than the rest of the characters is because vampires can sense shapeshifters, but he confused a druid with an actual shapeshifter from Twilight.**

 **By the way, there is no major character from Twilight.**


	20. Chapter 20: Sol Lighthouse

**I haven't died yet. Apologies for taking this long. It's a combination of a few things: 1.) Schoolwork is taking much of my time and 2.) It took me a while to figure out how to write this chapter. That being said, here it is.**

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

The road that we rode the stolen Prius on made a fork, and by going left it took us to the golden tower we had previously seen in the distance before - the Sol Lighthouse. By 10:10 am we finally reached the Lighthouse of Sol. We were fortunate that no other opposition tried to stop us. The only challenge now is that we had a limited amount of time to ascend the entire tower. There was one door at the bottom that led into the lighthouse led on by a short series of stairs. The lighthouse itself rested on a side of a cliff and from the dirt road we came from there was a clearing for us to park the car. The tower itself was about twenty stories tall, possibly even higher, so it was nothing to laugh at.

When the five of us got out of the car, the first thing we noticed was that Harbinger himself has landed near the entrance of the lighthouse facing the front door. The obsidian gryphon sat on the ground with the tip of his scepter raised straight to the sky. As the five of us approached him, he spoke before any of us could. "Guess you kids finally learned what it takes to be a hero."

"Um..." Ray rubbed his chin, but the words must have lost him since he said nothing more. I looked back to my friends, who only shot confused looks at Harbinger.

"I've watched you five all day yesterday, and today, and I have to admit: you five grow up pretty fast." Harbinger chuckled to himself, his demonic tone almost mocking our past efforts. "You five have done some morally questionable things yesterday, unsure of what being a hero is - after all, you're all just little kids, right? But it's the end that justifies the means." Harbinger let out a sigh as he looked up towards the top of the tower. "Well here we are. Like it or hate it, you five did manage to get here."

"Yeah, let's go." Stan readily drew out his sword. He seemed pretty eager to tackle the problem head on.

"Not so fast." We all took another look at Harbinger. Truly, he has something more to tell us or he'd just let us go. "This tower...you kids will have a much easier time if Dovahkiin is proficient in his dragonshouts, and as far as I've seen, he didn't get many opportunities."

"Oh come on, I'm not handicapped or anything." Ray spoke in a tone of confidence as he laid his hand out in the air.

"Well there's that, but more importantly, this tower represents a true test of your friendships." Harbinger took the sky once again as he looked down on his. What did he mean by a true test of friendship? "Dovahkiin cannot traverse this tower alone, he'll need his friends to help overcome the challenges you all will face. This is why I told you two nights ago why Dovahkiin needs to forge strong friendships - I'm not talking about regular monsters like bears and dragons, this tower is a representation of the challenges you all have faced in your lives, and a representation of what you will face. In other words, it's personal. Believe it." Harbinger then began to frantically look around. He let out a large angry growl. My friends and I began to look around. I couldn't find anything to take note of. "Do you guys feel that?"

I couldn't _feel_ anything, much less see or hear anything. "No, why?" Wendy asked.

"I sense an ill wind in my wings." What did Harbinger mean by that? "You five better hurry. Now. I'll meet you all at the top of the tower - the lighthouse aerie. Go!"

I looked back, and I still couldn't see anything. I faced the doorway to the lighthouse, and already my friends already started to pile in. "Hey, wait for me!" I ran to them, and into the doorway.

* * *

We found ourselves inside a small waiting room, like one of those waiting rooms when you would walk into a regular restaurant. Of course though, there was no second doorway - up ahead was a large circular room with a well in the middle. The interior was a bright gold and six gold statues of knights about the size of a normal human male stood around the perimeter of the room looking inwards towards the well holding their swords with both their hands with the blade resting on the ground as if they were standing guard. This lighthouse is a work of art. Everything is beautiful. There were weird letters on the walls only a master calligraphist would understand. The tan brick floor showed two stairs on the outer edge of the circular room going upward and joining each other on the very back of the room that led into a doorway.

"Wow, this is beautiful!" Wendy was in complete awe over the scenery.

"Those knights look pretty awesome." Stan gazed over at the knights that stood by the walls, taking in the extravagant detail of the statues.

Isaac and I peered into the well and inside was a glowing white light. Nothing came out of the well. I looked up and above me I could see the tower span upwards towards the sky with bridges and pathways making twists and turns over each other. "Holy shit." Isaac, too, was in complete amazement.

"Who could have built all this?" We all shrugged at Ray's question. None of us could possibly have the answers.

All of a sudden, we heard stone and metal creak. From in front of me, a knight stepped forward, hoisted up its sword, and held it readily in its hand staring at us. I looked around. The rest of the knights did the same. "What the fuck?" Stan jumped back in panic as he too drew out his sword.

"What's going on?" Wendy raised her shield as the knights crept closer. "What's happening?"

"Intruders!" One knight yelled.

"After them!" Another screamed.

"Stay where you are!" A third screeched.

Ray immediately conjured up a water elemental. Wendy slammed the ground with her sword, and lines and cracks of holy light erupted around her - the technique of Consecration. Isaac placed down a fire totem as the knights began to charge. For whatever reason, they saw Wendy as the biggest threat, so they tried to go for her. Ray, Isaac, and I jumped out of the way as Stan began to spin in circles with his word like a bladestorm, slicing away at two of the knights. As light glowed on Wendy's shield, she blocked three sword strikes at the same time with her shield while the holy cracks on the ground blasted away at the knights. Another knight went to try to go for Ray, but Ray's water elemental held the knight in place as Ray retreated upstairs near the unknown doorway and flung spikes of ice at the knight.

Meanwhile, another knight swung its sword down on Isaac, but Isaac jumped to the right to dodge the knight's attack. But then a beam of holy light shot out of the knight's head, blasting Isaac into the wall. "Augh! Damnit!"

"Isaac!" I tossed a ball of nature energy to restore Isaac's injuries - the spell of Rejuvination. As the knight approached the downed Isaac, Wendy immediately lighted up her shield with light and tossed it at the knight, smacking it in the back of its head while Isaac's fire totem was periodically shooting lava balls at the knight. The knight turned its attention back to Wendy to charge at her as Wendy's shield returned to her and stopped glowing.

Stan thrusted his sword into another knight, causing it to extinguish in holy light, disappearing from the world. Good, that was one down, five more to go. I turned to Ray who tossed an Ice Lance at another knight's face, the frost explosion killing off the knight. Now that's two down, four more to go. I turned back to Wendy who was getting wailed on by the four remaining holy knights - strike after strike, Wendy was getting worn down. I was tossing healing bolts at Wendy, but she was stuggling to hold her own, and I was struggling at keeping her up. "I need some help here!"

I cycloned one knight, banishing it from the physical plane for a bit. Cyan light glowed from Ray's hands. He tried to polymorph another knight into a sheep, but the knight resisted the spell. "Oh shit! They're elementals!" Ray then summoned up a comet storm to drown the knights in frost. Isaac exploded a knight with flame then swung his left axe sideways, lighting the other four knights with fire. Stan whirled his sword around multiple times at the knights while Isaac put his right arm out then made a downwards motion as if he were pulling a rope down, and all of a sudden, novas of flame bursted from the knights, burning each other to death. Three knights disappeared from this world. The fourth was brought back from my cyclone and tried to attack Wendy again while I was healing her, but Stan jumped up for the execute, decapitating the knight and eliminating it completely.

"Master...NOOOOO!" The knight screamed as it faded from life, dispersing in pure holy light.

Holy shit, that put me nearly out of breath. Ray and Isaac were also huffing and puffing. "Oh my God, Wendy! Are you alright?" Stan was extremely panicked, grabbing Wendy's shoulders while examining her with fear and worry.

"I'm alright, Stan." Wendy dusted herself off with her left hand, the one carrying her shield.

As Stan was checking up on Wendy, I walked over to Wendy to heal the last of her injuries. "This is exactly why I should have tanked, or not brought you along, you could be seriously hurt!"

"Stan, please, lay off." Wendy lightly pushed Stan and I away from her. "I can take care of myself. You know this. You've seen me take on people at school before."

"But this isn't Cartman we're dealing with!" Stan looked around the room then back to her. "These are evil light elementals who mean to kill us all!" True, I don't imagine Stan being very thrilled at the sight of evil light elementals beating up on his girlfriend. But I think Stan's being too possessive over her, I think Wendy's honestly doing a fine job at protecting us. Which is funny, a girl is protecting the four boys in the group from danger; Wendy is the one taking all the beatings for us guys, and even though it kinda sounds messed up, that thought almost made me chuckle. Of course, Stan wouldn't be very happy if I showed it.

"Stan, I won't let us down. I promise." Wendy sounded as sweet as possible. She didn't seem like her usual argumentative self - although that could be due to her usually treating Stan differently from most other guys.

"Let's go." Good thing Ray's here to keep us on track, like normal. He led the way while Isaac followed closely. Wendy sheathed her sword on her left hip and she held Stan's left hand with her right hand. I followed from the back.

Towards the next doorway was a narrow hall that circled to the left and went upwards and we followed the path. It led out into a bridge that spanned the diameter of the tower's cross-sectional area across and led to a doorway into another hallway that circled to the right and up.

"I noticed one of the knights blasting Isaac with a light laser," I said, "seems to me like they're light elementals." I wonder why there's evil light monsters here.

"It seems they aren't immune to holy-based spells, weirdly enough," Wendy added.

Isaac adjusted his yellow scarf a little as he began to speak. "Well this is the Sol Lighthouse right?" The rest of us nodded and Isaac continued. "Well did you guys know that the word 'Sol' is Latin for 'Sun'?"

"No," Stan replied. "Where'd you learn that?"

"I googled up this tower yesterday." Isaac stretched his arms a little as he continued on behind Ray. "This is the lighthouse of the Sun. That would explain why there's holy-light elementals to guard this place, it fits the whole light theme that is about this place."

"Doesn't light mean 'good'?" Ray asked.

"No, that's just a literary trope," Isaac replied. "These elementals will attack anyone on sight - even us."

The five of us went inside the next room. It was a square room, and we found ourselves facing up against two beings made of pure light. They had the structure of a giant horrifying mutant-lizard-abomination that stood on its hind legs with "spikes" the grew out of its back that ran down its spine. It reminded me of Deathclaws from the Fallout games, only these things were made of pure holy light energy. Unfortunately, they immediately spotted us and growled savagely, breaking down on all fours.

"There you are!" the mutant on the left yelled.

"Join us!" the other mutant roared.

Wendy quickly drew out her sword and slammed the ground again with Consecration. The light lizards charged at us. "RAAAHHH!" The light lizards screeched with agony in a high-pitched tone, like an angry baby wailing for its mother. Stan, Ray and his elemental, Isaac, and I jumped off to the sides, me joining Stan while Ray and his elemental were with Isaac. However, Wendy stood there with her shield raised, glowing with holy light. The light lizards jumped forward and converged with each other when they met Wendy. Wendy was knocked down in the process but the momentum of their jumps made them crash into each other underneath the doorway. "AHHH!" the lizards screamed again.

"Wendy!" Stan panicked again while I tossed healing bolts at Wendy to keep her well.

Wendy stood up, hoisting up her shield and sword. The light lizards got off each other and turned to us again. Wendy lighted up her shield and threw it at one lizard, bouncing to the next, then back to her. The lizards, roaring again, began to smack Wendy while Ray and his elemental began to hurl ice spikes at the lizards. "Ow!" Wendy was struggling to hold the light lizards off as I kept tossing heals at her, but she was getting further injured.

"Cole! Do something!" In reaction to Stan's nagging, I simply growled loud enough for Stan to back off. I didn't need Stan's panicking right now, I'm having trouble keeping her up. Isaac dropped a water totem that periodically drenched us in healing water to assist me as Isaac charged in with his weapons. "Oh, no, she's hurt!" Stan's groaning was distracting, I almost faltered for a second there.

"Shut up, Stan!" I yelled back. I didn't see nor react to a holy laser in time that came out of a lizard's mouth, smacking me in the face, knocking me down, falling on my back, and sending a searing sensation in my face. I felt myself burn, the impact and aftermath stinging me quite a bit. "Damnit!" I gripped my face with my hand healing myself, and the next thing I saw was Stan rapidly slicing away at the lizards. The lizards didn't take much time to be downed.

"No! No!" one yelled.

"This can't happen to me!" another wailed.

As the lizards faded away, I got up and walked up to Stan. "Stan, will you shut up for once?!"

"Look, I'm sorry, but Wendy was getting smacked around over there!" Stan responded.

"I can't concentrate with you constantly nagging me!" I rubbed the sweat off my forehead with my right hand. I paused exhaled for a moment, and in a lower tone I continued. "I know you're worried about Wendy, but I'm trying my best to keep her alive."

"But-" Stan tried to say.

"Cole's right." Wendy sheathed her shield and sword and grabbed Stan's hands. "Stan, please trust me. You have nothing to worry about. I'll be fine. Please let Cole concentrate on his job."

Stan sighed and looked down at his feet. "Alright. I'm sorry guys."

"You guys done?" Ray raised an eyebrow at us. When the rest of us nodded, he walked past me to continue upstairs. "Good. The sooner we ascend this stupid tower, the sooner we get the Stick." As harsh as Ray put it, I couldn't agree more. We're still on a time limit.

The hallway ascended upwards to the right and we crossed another bridge. While there were many doorways in the halls, there was one obvious way up, and that was the main path we strolled along. There wasn't any time to take any detours, and based on what we've experienced in this tower already, we all figured quickly that it wouldn't be prudent to take any of said detours.

I glanced at Stan, who still seemed to be in a pale, panicked state from watching Wendy getting beaten up earlier. "Hey, I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier."

"No, you were right," Stan replied. "I was being stupid earlier, I know Wendy's a strong girl." As cheesy as that sounded, I couldn't agree more. "She's smart, and I know she can take care of herself."

"Not try'na sound jealous, but you're pretty lucky to have her." As the words left my mouth, I took a quick glance at Wendy. She still faced forward, but a smile crept up her face - obviously she could hear us. "But I know what you mean. You just want to look out for her, to see the best of her, hate seeing her beat up. It's sorta like me to Isaac, almost." Stan nodded in response.

We were silent for a few moments as we walked, but then Ray piped up with another question. "Hey Stan, how do your friends fight?"

"What do you mean?" Stan replied.

"I think Ray means what classes your friends are," Isaac spoke.

"Oh, yeah." Stan rubbed his chin with his left hand. "Hm, as far as I know...Kyle is a Shaman...Cartman's a Mage, but I'm sure you figured that one out quickly. Kenny's a Hunter, Token's a Priest...um, Craig is a Rogue, I think, and Clyde's a Death Knight. Tweek is also a Warrior, Butters is a Paladin, Scott is a Hunter, Kevin is a Shaman."

"Interesting." Ray turned to Wendy. "Wendy, what about your friends?"

"Huh?" Wendy seemed startled for a second. "Oh! Yeah, um, Bebe's a Monk...um, Red is a Warlock, I'm not sure about my other friends to be honest, they haven't really fought at all yet, and they keep making alt characters."

"So they're altoholics," Stan said. Wendy nodded in response.

"Is no one in South Park a Druid?" Ray asked.

"I think Esther Stoley is, yeah," Wendy replied.

The next room was another large, square one like the last. Only this time, a lone knight with sickly bright, cyan armor stood in the center with its sickly bright, cyan sword The helmet was open at its "face" which showed nothing but blackness with two glowing white eyes. Based on the fact that this knight is cyan, it has to be an even more of a badass than the other knights, that's the best logical conclusion you can come up with in a video game when you see multicolored enemies. I saw it physically look up and stare at us, so it must have acknowledged our presence. It did not immediately rush forward to attack however. The five of us looked at each other, then back at the knight. "I am Sentinel, the greatest warrior who has ever lived. Send forth a true knight to do face-to-face battle, and only if you pass the test will you be allowed to pass." The cyan knight's voice was rugged and deep.

"Ugh, seriously? Another stupid holy knight?" Ray tossed forward a frostbolt at Sentinel.

The frostbolt exploded on Sentinel's face, but the knight made no reaction. "Really? Did you really think spells will work on me? 'Tis why I asked for a true knight. Idiot."

"That's you, Stan." Wendy turned to Stan to prod him along.

"Wait, me? What?" Fear came into Stan's voice. Sounds like Stan's gonna have to fight a holy knight on his own. And since this knight has a cyan color rather than a gold one, this probably means that this specific knight - Sentinel - is more of a badass in some way. "Oh God."

"Stan, you can do this. I believe in you Stan." Wendy gave Stan a thumbs up and kissed him in the left cheek. Stan didn't throw up this time - probably worrying about having to fight one-on-one against Sentinel. I remember watching one other time Wendy kissed Stan on the cheek and he didn't throw up: it was when Stan was worried that Bridon Gueermo would steal Wendy away.

"Go get 'em, Stan," Ray smiled. Isaac and I nodded as well.

Stan smiled at us. "Thanks, guys."

He unsheathed his claymore from his back and as he took a few steps forward, a pink plasma wall erupted from right in front of me. "Stan!" Wendy banged on the wall, but her hands were blocked by the wall. I tried to toss a healing bolt at Stan but it shattered itself on the energy wall. Shit. We were blocked out, and Stan was gonna be on his own.

"Oh no!" Stan groaned.

"So you're the kid who will face me." As Stan turned to face Sentinel, Sentinel knelt down so it was face-to-face with Stan. "What is thy name?"

"S-S-Stan!" Stan shuddered as he gripped his sword, his body shaking with fear and nervousness.

"Well, Sir Stan." Sentinel stood up again and readied itself with its own sword. "On guard!" Without further ado, Sentinel made a sideways sweep with its own claymore, and Stan blocked the attack. "Impressive. A warrior is always ready for a fight. But we'll see how long you last." Sentinel made another downwards attack, but Stan blocked it again.

"Oof!" It already sounded like Stan's strength was beginning to drain.

"Stan!" Wendy cried.

"Tiring out already?" Sentinel raised its sword again. Gripping it tightly with both hands, Sentinel swung downwards onto Stan, and although Stan blocked the attack, the sheer force of the metal knight knocked Stan back, banging into the energy wall in front of me, then fell face down on the ground, his sword clanging to his right. "Ahahahaha! I knew you weren't strong enough. Stupid kid."

"Stan! No!" Wendy cried again.

"The guys too powerful, what can Stan do?" Isaac asked.

Stan slowly stood up while grabbing his sword "I've faced bullies and monsters before. I won't back down." Stan bent further down, almost falling. "But I can't take him head on."

Sentinel then began to charge at Stan with its sword. "Look out!" I yelled.

Stan jumped to his left, sending Sentinel to crash into the wall. Stan then thrusted his sword into Sentinel's back, but it barely cracked the surface of Sentinel's armor. "Aw crap."

"Does this guy have a weakness at all?" Ray asked. I couldn't figure the knight out. It was full of metal, it was immune to magic and spells, it was strong, and it was fast. It almost reminded me of those damn Twilight vampires we fought earlier this morning.

Sentinel stood up and charged at Stan again, swinging his sword, but Stan dodged the attack by sliding underneath Sentinel. Stan then began running around the room with Sentinel chasing closely after him. "What is Stan doing?" Wendy asked. "He's not attacking or anything!"

In the back right corner of the room, Sentinel thrusted his sword at Stan. Stan tried to thrust his own sword at Sentinel's face, but Stan had to parry Sentinel's attack with a circular swipe or else he would have been impaled. Stan tried to thrust at Sentinel's exposed dark face, but Sentinel blocked Stan's thrust. Then it hit me. Stan must have noticed Sentinel's weak spot. It was the open "face". Problem was that Stan was having trouble reaching there due to how much taller Sentinel is than the rest of us. "Damnit!" Stan grumbled.

Stan ran towards us but stopped. Suddenly, he just drops down and lies on the floor, making me open my eyes wide. What the fuck? Why is Stan trying to play dead? "Stan! What are you doing?" Ray yelled.

Sentinel stood over Stan and laughed. "Hahaha. You really think playing dead is going to work on me?" With the blade end of its sword over Stan, Sentinel shoved the sword as hard as it could into Stan, but Stan rolled over to the left at the last minute, so Sentinel shoved the sword into the ground so hard it caused its own sword to be stuck into the ground. "What? What the fuck? What the-" Stan immediately thrusted his own sword into Sentinel's "face", causing rainbows of light to discharge from Sentinel's face. "AHHHH! NOOOOOO!" Sentinel stumbled backwards, grabbing its face in pain. It then knelt down on the ground.

Stan carried his sword over to Sentinel. "Guess I win."

"Guess you're the stronger of us here. Are you gonna put me out?" Sentinel asked.

Stan rubbed his chin for a moment, but then shook his head. "No."

"What?" The other four of us looked at each other in shock.

Stan shook his head again. "I won't do it. Well first, I can't really lower the energy wall-"

"Well if you had killed me, the wall would disappear," Sentinel argued.

Stan shrugged. "Nevermind then. But also because you're confused." Sentinel looked up at Stan. It didn't show any visible facial expressions due to him likely being a dark ethereal ghost inside that cyan armor of his. "You challenged me, and you lost, but you weren't an asshole about it, and, well, you don't seem like the other monsters here. For one, you gave us the chance to back away...well to be honest, we have to keep moving, but you didn't try to kill us on sight. I like that."

Sentinel waved its hand at me, and all of a sudden, the pink energy barrier that separated the two from the rest of us disappeared. I walked forward, not feeling anything. "That was the most generous thing you could give me, Knight Stan. The gift...of life." Sentinel put its right thumb on Stan's forehead, and all of a sudden, a flash of white light appeared from Sentinel's thumb, and I was blinded out.

* * *

I was no longer at the Sol Lighthouse. I looked down at myself to see my own body physically transparent and glowing with a bright yellow aura. I looked outward. It was nothing but the blackness of the night sky and the snow reflecting the moonlight off its surface. I looked up and the full moon shone brightly in the sky. How did I get here? Why is it night time already? Am I in the past? Or is this the future?

The sound of running water caused my left ear to perk up. I looked to my left only to see Kyle Broflovski, who looked completely like his normal self unlike myself, pouring a canister of lighter fluid onto the ground. "All the cruel jokes and ridicule will finally be over! Are you happy now, God?! YOU made me look like this!"

"Kyle?" I walked towards Kyle, who seemed to pay no mind. "Why am I here? And why do you have gasoline?" I tried to pick up Kyle's lighter fluid canister, but my hands went straight through. "What the? Kyle?" Kyle didn't even acknowledge my presence.

"Kyle can't hear us." I heard Stan's voice, so I turned around and there was Ray, Isaac, Stan, and Wendy, all four in a glowing, transparent, ethereal state like I.

"What's going on?" Isaac asked.

"Oh shit, I know what this is." Wendy rolled her eyes and groaned. "This has all happened before."

"What do you mean?" I replied. "Where are we?"

"We're on the roof of our own school, dude," Stan replied. "Wait for it."

"Wait for what?" Isaac asked.

All of a sudden, a nearby door opened, and out popped another Stan and another Wendy - these two looking completely regular. What is this? Why was Past Kyle dousing the school with lighter fluid? And what were Past Stan and Past Wendy doing here? "Kyle! Kyle, don't!" Past Stan yelled, holding an orange folder.

Past Kyle threw the canister to the side. "Don't try and stop me, Stan! You don't know how it feels to be a deformed monstrosity!"

"The list was a forgery, Kyle!" Past Stan retorted. No. This can't be. These events couldn't seriously be referring to that one list the girls made about the cutest boys in the class...could it?

"Huh?" Past Kyle looked about as confused as I am right now. I have no idea why I'm being shown this.

"It didn't sparkle with all the girls," Past Stan said, "We have the real list."

From the doorway where Past Stan and Past Wendy came, another kid who appeared to be Bebe Stevens came forth with a Glock in her right hand and a red bag in her left. She cocked and aimed a Glock at Past Wendy. "That's about far enough! Give me that list, Wendy!" Haha, did Bebe really try to shoot Wendy at one point over a list? That's hilarious.

"Stan, what is going on?!" Past Kyle panicked.

"It was about shoes, Kyle," Past Stan replied, "The girls wanted shoes, so they set you up." This is even more funny to watch. Holy shit, I almost want to laugh my ass off right now, but the present Stan's and Wendy's spirits are with me right now, so that would be poor taste of me.

Past Bebe shook her head. "Kyle was simple a casualty! To move Clyde meant that Craig has to be moved to number twelve, which moved Jimmy down and moved Jason up!" Nice. More convoluted shit. If you're gonna throw Kyle under the bus, as that what they seemed to imply, why not just take Kyle's name, ignore all the reorganizing bullshit, and move him straight down to the bottom?

"So what number was I?" Past Kyle asked.

"You've compromised everything!" Past Wendy cried. "Our lists' integrity!"

"Did you see these shoes, Wendy?!" Past Bebe pulled something out of the red bag, but I couldn't see since her body was blocking me. "They're incredible!"

"It doesn't matter how incredible they are; you can't - oh my God, those are amazing." Past Wendy's expression changed as her voice shifted into a more surprising tone.

"Right?"

"Is that a lace across the top?"

"No, it's a little strap."

"Wendy!" Past Stan yelled.

Past Wendy shook her head. "Oh, but it doesn't matter. You took it too far!"

Past Bebe cocked the Glock again. "If you hadn't gone all Nancy Drew on us, this would have just gone away!"

"She's gonna kill us?" Past Kyle asked.

"It's too late, Bebe," Past Wendy said. "I've already made a full report and sent a copy to the police. People will know."

"Oh please, you're lying." As the words left Past Bebe's mouth, sirens came from my right. I walked over to the ledge to look down only to see about five police cars with their sirens on.

"Give it up, Bebe," the officer shouted into a microphone. "We know all about it. The list was compromised. Kyle Broflovski is not the ugliest boy in the class."

I looked back to the corporeal children only to see Past Wendy jump out at Past Bebe, knocking her to the ground. They rolled through me and Isaac's spirit, trying to grab the gun. But then it went off, causing Past Wendy and Past Bebe to stop immediately. I saw the bullet fly through Wendy's spirit towards the east.

"Wendy!" Past Stan cried.

Wendy and Bebe stood up, touching themselves on their jackets. They looked at their hands and blood could not be found anywhere. Then, all of a sudden, more people came to the roof, this time being four officers. "There you are!" an officer shouted.

"Wait, I, I didn't do anything wrong," Past Bebe remarked.

"You can explain all that downtown." As officers handcuffed Past Bebe and took her away off the roof, Past Wendy picked up the red bag.

"Here, Kyle." Past Stan handed the orange folder over to Past Kyle. "We've been through a lot, but, you can finally see where you really are on the list."

The world around the five of us spirits twisted and turned, and moments later, we found ourselves at the side of the school where the Goth Kids would generally hang out. In front of a teal trash can stood Past Stan, Past Wendy, and Past Kyle. Past Wendy dropped the orange folder from earlier into the trash, now lit on fire.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Kyle?" Past Stan asked.

Past Kyle nodded. "I'm sure. Abe Lincoln was right: I don't wanna find out I'm good-looking and become a total shithead when I grow up."

Past Stan tilted his head to his side. "...Abe Lincoln?"

Past Wendy turned to Past Stan. "Stan, it's been really great hanging out with you again. I feel like you've changed somehow. In a really awesome way." She smiled.

"Yeah well, I guess a lot of things... change, don't they?" Past Stan smiled as well. They both began to lean towards each other, but then all of a sudden, two waves of vomit came out of Past Stan's mouth, one after the other, spilling all over Past Wendy's face. Then light shone from the trash can and blinded me out again.

* * *

I found myself where I was previously, where Stan battled Sentinel in the Sol Lighthouse. I looked around, and my friends were with me as well. "What was that?"

"We've must've traveled into someone's memory, I guess." Ray shrugged his shoulders.

"I'll always remember that time," Wendy smiled.

"Hey Sentinel," Stan asked, "what happened? Why did we all suddenly travel back in time?"

Sentinel stood straight up as it pulled its stuck sword off the ground. "You giving me life showed true character. You forgave me. Whatever memory you just saw...I'm not sure what you saw by the way...but it is a throwback of what you are, it should show a life-changing experience." That was worded weirdly. What did that even mean?

"I...understand now." Stan smiled at Sentinel, the same smile he showed to Wendy back in that memory. "Thank you."

"The rest of your friends who aren't Dovahkiin will experience similar," Sentinel warned. "Good luck, children."

Stan nodded. "You too."

We left the room and continued forward down the obvious path to ascend up the lighthouse. What was the point of Stan's memory, and why would it relate to him? Whatever. I guess I'll figure that out soon anyhow. But it was interesting to note that these events must have been how Stan and Wendy started dating again. Maybe Sentinel showing us this is a coincidence? Or maybe this was intentional. The rest of us didn't really say much, we took sips of water as we ascended the lighthouse. Luckily, we met no other opposition along the way. But then we arrived in another square room. In the very back was another doorway that was sealed shut. It looked tightly made of silver, so Ray probably can't dragonshouw that door down. In the middle was a statue of a blindfolded female angel with wings on her back. It only showed her torso up (so there were no legs), and her hands are down at her lap as if she were going to receive or begging for a gift. One could walk into her palms.

"What is this?" Isaac asked.

"I don't know." I walked to the statue's palms and stood there. Nothing was happening. "What is this?"

"Maybe it's another one of those 'tests', like with Sentinel," Ray replied. Ray threw a frostbolt at the angel, but the frost shattered.

"I don't know, but I'm useless right now." As I got off the palms of the angel statue, Wendy took my place a few seconds later, and the statue glowed and hummed for a brief second.

"What?" Wendy looked at the statue then back at the rest of us.

"Maybe it's you, Wendy," Stan replied.

"Hm..." Wendy rubbed her chin for a moment. Then she faced the statue and knelt down. She brought the palms of her hands together as if saying a prayer at church. All of a sudden, Wendy's body and the eyes underneath the angel statue's headband began to glow with bright, holy light.

"This has to do with our powers," Ray said, "it's like instinct or something."

All of a sudden, I saw myself and my friends be lifted off the ground. Black shadows encircled us as Stan, Isaac, Ray and his elemental, and I floated above the ground. "Ah! Help!" We all shouted. I don't know what's going on. Why are we being lifted up? This can't mean anything good.

Wendy stood up and turned around. "Stan! What's happening?"

"Help us!" We all shouted. Why wasn't Wendy being lifted up?

As Wendy prepared to draw out her sword, I could hear a sweet, feminine voice boom in the room coming out of the statue. "Leave them!"

"What?" We all said. Wendy turned around to face the statue.

"Please, trust me. Leave them. Come back into my arms. Your friends will be ok."

"But my friends!" Wendy looked back at us, who were still trapped in the shadow bubble. All of a sudden, eight shadowy creatures of tentacles flowed into the room. They completely ignored Wendy and stood underneath the rest of my friends and me. The shadow bubble began to descend onto the creatures, who were gnawing away, probably waiting to eat us. "No! Damnit!"

"Trust me, they will be ok. Come back with me and complete the ritual."

Wendy returned into the statue's arms and knelt down again. After all, there wasn't much Wendy could do on her own, and the shadow fiends paid Wendy no mind. But the problem was that we were descending still. "Oh no!" Ray yelled. "Wendy!"

"We're gonna die!" Isaac cried.

"Please, Wendy, please make it work," Stan whispered. I can see what Stan meant, but I, too, hope what Wendy's doing will work.

We were only two inches away from being torn apart by the shadowy fiends when another flash of light overtook me and blinding me out again.

* * *

Inside a wooden cabin, I found myself staring out the holes of a boarded-up window. Out in the courtyard of wherever I am right now, I saw all of my classmates along with Mr. Garrison and a few adults dressed as pioneers kneeling down on the ground. In the middle of the crowd knelt my own past self in my regular clothes - a black buttonless jacket with a hood and a zipper, gray pants, and gray gloves. My past self tightly gripped Esther Stoley's left hand with his right own, both looking down at the ground and cowering in fear. Around the entire class were other adults armed with assault weapons and armored with bulletproof vests.

"You were there." Isaac's voice came from behind me. "I remember your class went to that field trip, and those terrorists attacked. I was so scared you were gonna die."

"Well I'm still here now," I replied. "But this is Wendy's memory...somehow?" I turned to Isaac's spirit and shrugged.

"That seems really awful - the terrorist attack I mean." Ray's spirit shook his head, and Stan's and Wendy's spirits were behind Ray's own. "Sorry." I shuffled over to the side to see past versions of Stan, Wendy, and Jimmy hiding underneath a table.

"Dude, they're gonna kill Kenny!" The voice of Kyle nearly startled me. I didn't even see Past Kyle there, staring out the same window I was just now.

"I can't let them do it." It must have come from the Past Stan, based on the context of his words. "I've got to make the ultimate sacrifice." Ah, I see where this is going. I remember where this is going. This was the part where Stan went out to pretend to be an employee. And I might think badly of Stan, but to be honest, if it weren't for what he did in Pioneer Village, I might not be here today. That said, Past Stan stood up and walked to my right and out the door to exit the building.

"Stan?" Past Kyle asked.

Past Wendy leaned her head out the table. "Where are you going, Stan?"

"Wendy, I have to do something. Please look away." Kneeling down on the ground, Past Stan picked up some dirt and rubbed it all over his face, creating some sort of a brown beard. And although it worked, in retrospect, there was one flaw in that strategy: Stan's hair is naturally black, so if his hat came off for whatever reason, he'll get immediately found out then shot to death. But it worked out in the end. Past Stan then walked off to the right and out of sight.

"No! Please no!" Past Wendy crawled back under the table and began to weep and cry. "He's going to die!"

"Yeah." Wendy's spirit shrugged her shoulders. "I honestly thought you were gonna die back there, I was really worried." She looked up at Stan's spirit and smiled. "But you did good."

"Thanks," Stan's spirit smiled.

Past Kyle slid back under the table. "I know you're worried about him. I am too. But I know Stan can pull it off. You have to trust him, Wendy."

"F-f-f-fellas, I think he's doing it. Stan's d-d-d-doing it!" Past Kyle and Past Wendy got up from the table to kneel next to jimmy and look out the cracks of the windows.

"...no way!" Past Wendy's voice was in shock and awe. "He's actually doing it!" As the words left her mouth, the world faded to white again.

* * *

I found myself back in the lighthouse lying on something that's not quite the floor, but something soft. Then Isaac's voice came from underneath "Cole, get off me. Oof!"

Of course I was lying on Isaac. I jumped off and immediately turned around to see Stan, Ray, and Isaac getting up from the floor. "Sorry."

Then it hit me. We were on the floor, no longer in that shadow bubble. I looked around the room and found no shadow fiends. Wendy did it. Speaking of which, she stood in front of the statue where another figure stood in front of her. It was an angel that looked similar to the statue, but she was whole. Her skin was light, her hair was a dark brown color, her hands and feet bare, and she had no blindfold. She wore a white robe that looked like a bedsheet. "I am Avengelyne. Little paladin, what is your name?"

"Wendy," Wendy replied.

"You showed true spirit and reverence," Avengelyne spoke.

"Spirit? You almost scared me to death!" Wendy looked back at the rest of us, then at the angel. "I thought my friends were gonna get torn apart by...whatever those shadow things were!"

"But they didn't," Avengelyne countered. "I'll always watch over your friends like how Jesus Christ does. Goodbye, Wendy." Avengelyne then faded into pure light.

That was it? Just a goodbye? That's a bummer. Well, I mean, assuming Ray doesn't have any experiences, we're gonna have to run into these memories at least two more times, so I guess it's their way of stretching out messages over as long of a time period as possible. Wendy rubbed her chin again. "I...think I had a revelation there like Stan did."

"That is?" Ray asked.

Wendy shrugged. 'I'm not sure. I'm not sure how to explain it." Wendy peered behind the statue. "The doorway's open. Let's go."

* * *

 **Well, there it is, Chapter 21. I don't know when I'm going to update another chapter, but I'm hoping it will be soon. My goal is to get this story finished before next summer.**


	21. Chapter 21: The Road to Nowhere

**Chapter 21**

I wasn't sure about what the meanings of the flashbacks were. Based on Stan's and Wendy's previous reactions, they must have gotten _some_ kind of message. As we ascended the tower, Ray kept pestering them why those two acted so weird to him, but neither would say anything, not even once. Along the way, we had a few snack breaks and bathroom breaks (none of us really cared about stinking up the lighthouse, after all, it's already virtually uninhabitable).

"What I don't understand is why that statue back there didn't work with me," I remarked, "like aren't we all Catholic?"

"Maybe it's a paladin thing," Ray replied. "This place sucks. I swear, we're on a road to nowhere or something."

We went through another hallway then to another bridge, but there was a beam of white light that rose up from the middle of the tower. The bridge in front of us was broken. "Oh no." Stan was quickly flipping through the book that he carried the whole time - the book that was about the Stick of Truth I got from the South Park Elementary library. "This means Terrorblade already used the stick to open the portal."

"Wait, we're too late?" Wendy grabbed the book from Stan to read it. "No. This can't be." She handed the book back to Stan and he put it away in his backpack.

"We gotta hurry...um...how do we cross the bridge?" Isaac looked at us, shrugging.

I looked to my left first, and what caught my eye is another alien antennae embedded into the wall at about our height. "Look. Over there. Ray, use the anal probe."

Ray wasted no time busting out the anal probe from his ass. "Gather around, everyone." As we huddled close to Ray, I felt myself shrink into another particle. My soul whipped in a semi-circular motion going clockwise, and moments later, I found ourselves on the other side of the broken bridge as Ray's anal probe crawled back in his ass once more. "Well, that went well."

We ascended a few more yards upward then we circled into another room the size of the previous rooms used for the Stan's and Wendy's "tests". Like the previous room, the doorway in the back was sealed. This time, however, instead of finding a statue, there was a golem made of rock and stone that faced away from us. The earth elemental had its head in its hands, and it sounded like it was sobbing. I looked over to Stan, Wendy, and Ray, and they only shot me confused and puzzled looks. "Um...I didn't know rocks had feelings." Stan's voice was as confused as his expression.

"Hm, let me try." Isaac stepped forward. "Hey...are you alright?" Isaac walked closer to the elemental. "It's alright. We just want to help."

"I think the elemental is faking it." Wendy shook her head, following Isaac. "I really don't like this, Isaac."

"I think I can handle this, thanks Wendy. This is an elemental, it seems like this is my kind of job." Isaac didn't stop for Wendy, he just kept going until he was about ten feet away from the elemental. "Please stop crying, whoever you are." My heart made a thump. Maybe Wendy is right, as far as I know, she's very perceptive about others, and honestly, I trust her judgement over Isaac's. Especially since, as Stan had said, rocks don't have feelings. Rocks shouldn't have feelings. I peered over to my right to see Ray and his elemental readying themselves for a fight. Ray's got the right idea, I don't like this at all.

The earth elemental stopped sobbing. "Oh shaman...never let your guard down when dealing with elementals." Immediately after, the elemental immediately turned around and threw a tan boulder at Isaac. Isaac was too close to see this coming so he got smacked from the front. The boulder carried him off, almost crashing into Wendy, but Wendy jumped to the right just in time, landing on the ground on her side.

Isaac crashed into the ground near the doorway we just came in, and the boulder itself rolled downstairs. Isaac slowly got up, healing himself with cleansing waters. "What the fuck was that for?"

"What's wrong? Aren't you going to stop me?" At the end of the elemental's words, Ray tossed a frostbolt at the elemental's face. "Ow! You'll pay for that!" The next thing I saw were chains of steel circling themselves around Ray, and the next thing I knew, he took out his staff and smacked his own water elemental in the face with it, instantly causing the elemental to explode in water and die immediately. Ray then tried to swing his staff downwards at me, but I dodged the attack.

"What the hell?" I shrieked. Are the chains causing Ray to attack me? Is he being mind controlled?

"Sorry, dude!" Ray tried to jab at me with his staff but I jumped back again. Ok, so now I know he's not being mind controlled, but his body is.

"Oh, this is fun, I can do this all day!" As the earth elemental snickered and laughed, I found myself being bound by the same steel chains. The only thing I can feel now is my own head. I twisted my neck to see Stan and Wendy also wrapped by steel chains as well. "Well, Shaman?"

"I won't do it, I won't fight you." Isaac shook his head. "I don't think I can do it."

"You attacked Ethan Stkrdknmibalz first earlier." Stan reminded.

"But this elemental is like a part of me, I can't explain it, and I'm not sure how to pass this test! I don't know if I should attack!" Isaac shook his head again then glared at the elemental. "I won't if I can help it."

The earth elemental laughed again. "Are you a man, or a pussy, shaman? Either way, hope you enjoy running."

All of a sudden, I found myself bringing out my staff for the first time in a while. I tried to resist grabbing a hold of my staff, but I couldn't help it, the elemental was in complete control of my body. At least it's not my mind, otherwise I'd have completely different thoughts right now. Then, I found myself be lifted off the ground, and then I began to fly at Isaac towards the entrance to the room. My staff was straight outwards, as if I were trying to impale my staff into Isaac. "Isaac, look out!"

"What the shit?" Isaac rolled over to my right. "Oh crap!"

Stan, under control of the elemental, lept into the air, making a downwards strike at Isaac. "Isaac, watch out!" Although Isaac stood up and blocked it with both his weapons, Stan's attack was with such force that he tore cuts into Isaac's hands. "Oh no! Sorry Isaac!"

"Ow! Shit!" Isaac put away his axes and grabbed his own hands. "Ow, ow, ow! Fuck, that hurts!" He tried to heal his own hands, but Stan kept on chasing Isaac with his sword. Unfortunatley, I couldn't help Isaac due to being bound. Then, all of a sudden, I found myself charging at Isaac with my staff alongside Stan.

"This rock is such a fucking asshole!" Stan complained.

Isaac ran the perimeter of the room clockwise along the walls with Stan and me closely tailing behind. We went to the left back corner, past the sealed doorway, then to the right back corner. We continued in the same direction only to see Ray with his staff out coming from the other direction trying to Isaac off. "Augh!" Ray shouted. "Damnit!"

"Oh crap!" Isaac dropped another earth totem, and immediately after, thick green roots sprouted out of the ground, holding my own legs and preventing me from moving anywhere. I turned to see Stan and Ray also rooted down. It was the totem of the Earthgrasp, which sprouts roots.

"Watch out!" I turned to my right, hearing Wendy shout those words. With her sword out, she almost thrusted it into Isaac's neck, but he bent forward and tumbled over, standing up.

The earth elemental laughed again. "Hahahahaha! I can do this all day!"

Wendy swiped her sword around a few times at Isaac, trying to get in a good hit, but Isaac dodged every blow. "Let me go, you fucking asshole!" she screamed.

Isaac sweeped his left leg towards the right, tripping Wendy and causing her to fall to the ground face first. "Sorry, Wendy!"

"It's alright!" Wendy replied.

"Yeah, don't worry about it dude!" Stan added.

"Oh hohohoho! I can still do this all day, but I'm sure you don't want to, Isaac!" When the words left the earth elemental's mouth, I suddenly jumped over to near the front left corner of the room via the elemental's control. I was forced to turn my entire body around, only to face Ray from across the room. Stan, Ray, Wendy, and I were positioned similarly to corners of a rectangle in that exact order going clockwise. "Don't hurt your friends, Isaac!" The four of us drew out our weapons and pointed them at each other. I found Isaac directly in front of the earth elemental. "But more importantly, don't let your friends hurt each other!" Stan, Wendy, Ray, and I then started flying towards each other with our weapons.

"No!" the rest of us all shouted. Of all the ways that I could possibly die, this is perhaps one of the worst. Being gored to death is already bad enough, but being gored to death by my own friends due to forced body control sounds completely wrong. I closed my eyes, feeling the rapid winds as I traveled across the room ready to meet the other three.

Of course, I felt my body come to a sudden halt. I could feel my inner organs lurch forward, wanting to burst from my front. I slowly opened by eyes to feel and see myself land on the ground on my feet, only inches away from my own friends, who were no longer binded in steel chains. "Holy crap!" Stan cried.

"Wow, that was scary!" Wendy admitted.

"Guys, look!" I followed Ray's gaze to see Isaac with his bloodied hands out as if lifting something up, but he was physically lifting nothing. The elemental itself, however, was being bound in steel chains as it got lifted towards the ceiling.

Isaac said nothing the entire time. He was in complete concentration. That's the thing about Isaac, he is usually distracted by something, often from all the pretty girls at our school, but when he can concentrate, boy does he concentrate. "Oof! Ah! Put me down!"

"Don't...touch...my...friends!" Isaac was groaning as if he were lifting a heavy weight.

The earth elemental had been lifted at least ten feet off the ground before its head banged on the ceiling."Ow! I give up! I give up! Please! Put me down!" Isaac then jumped back and put down his hands and arms and bowed down. The earth elemental dropped to the ground, making a large clanging sound. "Oof!"

Then what happened next was that Isaac bent down to his knees, grabbed his own hands, and began to cry. "Ow! This fucking hurts! Ow! Cole!"

"Yeah, I'm coming." I slid next to Isaac's right to see the back of his hands wounded by sword cuts from Stan. Can't really blame Stan, to be honest, since Stan attacked Isaac against his own will. I knelt down and put my green, glowing hands on Isaac's. "Don't cry no more, man. You'll be alright."

"I'll help, too." Wendy knelt down next to me and put her hands on Isaac's as well, her's glowing with holy light. Her sweet, soothing voice must have calmed Isaac down a little and made him stop weeping. "You're alright, Isaac."

Stan put his right hand on Isaac's left shoulder. "Hey, sorry about cutting you up back there." Ray walked over next to Stan.

"It's alright," Isaac replied, "you all were forced against your will."

From the corner of my right eye I saw the earth elemental get up. "Well, at least now I can say the shaman isn't a pussy no more."

The five of us kids turned to the earth elemental. As far as I know, I was at least one person to give the earth elemental a deathly glare. "FUCK YOU!" we all shouted at the elemental, likely red with rage. What a fucking asshole, the elemental insults us all the damn time. How can anyone stand it?

"You're an dick," Stan added. I peered to Isaac's hands to see them completely mended, thanks to Wendy's help.

Ray shook his head. "You're nothing but a bully."

"What the hell was that?" Wendy stood up. "Did you really think that was funny? Making us your slaves and trying to have us kill each other? Are you just an asshole? Is that it?" The elemental said nothing. "Well? Tell us!"

"Listen." The earth elemental seemed unphased by Wendy's angry tone. "What the shaman did to me - it took real guts. That's exactly what I wanted to see from him." Ray raised his hand to try to say something, but the earth elemental stuck out its hand to stop him. "Silence, Dovahkiin. What which I can say is that every experience is built around a core experience of Dovahkiin's friends." The elemental put its right arm on its left hip and sweeped it to the right, and a flash of light came from its torso, the same as the previous two flashes.

* * *

The next place I found myself I immediately recognized it as my own home. It was dark, and I could hear screams in the distance, the very screams I heard from two nights ago when the Nazi Zombies attacked South Park. "Home."

"Yep." Isaac's voice came from behind me, and I saw the spirits of my friends standing next to the front door.

"Your home's alright," Stan's spirit remarked.

"Is everyone's house the same structure in South Park?" Ray's spirit asked.

"Yes," Wendy's spirit replied.

Footsteps cam from a hallway and from it came Isaac's and my own past selves. The half-front door was kicked down, revealing a Nazi Zombie. "Du gehörst mir jetzt, Kinder!"

"No! Please!" Past Isaac staggered back and cowered behind Past Cole, holding both his shoulders. "Leave me and my brother alone!"

Past Cole turned around and grabbed Past Isaac's shoulders. "Isaac, you're a Shaman who's skilled in melee combat! You can kill the zombie! You have to kill the zombie!"

"But what if I die?" Past Isaac cried. "What if you die?"

Past Cole sighed for a moment before words familiar to me left his mouth, the words I would treasure to Isaac and the rest of my friends. "I'm a healer, I promise you I won't let either of us die."

"But I never won a fist fight at school before, how am I going to kill a zombie with two axes and magic I've never used?" Past Isaac cried again, and Past Cole sighed in response.

Then, the Nazi Zombie charge straight for Past Cole with his hands out. Past Cole pulled out his staff to block the charge, and the zombie grabbed it. The zombie put his entire weight on Past Cole, causing Past Cole to stumble back into the wall, holding on for dear life as he choked out his next words. "Isaac...please...do...something..."

"I - I don't know!" Past Isaac panicked.

"Please!" Past Cole tried to push the zombie back, but of to no avail. The zombie was much heavier than my past self.

Anger came onto Past Isaac as flames gathered around his left hand. Past Isaac directed it at the zombie, letting loose a bright orange spark of flame, and the zombie let go of Past Cole's staff, staggering back and screaming. Past Isaac then charged in with both his axes. "Get away from my brother!" He rushed forward with his left axe back. The axe ignited on fire, and Isaac made a sideways slash onto the zombie, a trail of flame following the motion of the axe. A burst of flame struck the zombie and the zombie staggered back again, screaming. "Die, you racist zombie!" Past Isaac lept a bit into the air, drawing his axes behind his back. He made a downward swipe with both of his axes, lightning trailing both, and dual strike of Lightning struck as the axes did, obliterating the zombie, the zombie falling back and into the TV, the screen breaking and glass spraying everywhere. "Fuck! Off!" Past Isaac was huffing.

"Didn't think you had it in you," Ray's spirit remarked.

"Yeah, neither did I," Isaac's spirit answered.

Past Cole went over to pat Past Isaac softly on the back. "It's alright. It's over for now."

"That felt...that felt great." Past Isaac sheathed his axes on his hips. "I killed a monster, and I feel like no one will stop me!"

Past Cole. "Alright, let's not get carried away. We still gotta get outta here." Then everything faded to white again.

* * *

The five of us stood in front of the elemental inside the Sol Lighthouse. The elemental folded its arms as it directed its chin at us. "So now you see. Bullies don't play by the rules. You have to stand strong, Isaac."

Isaac shook his head. "I get what you're trying to say, but you didn't have to control my friends and nearly make them kill themselves."

"Yeah, well I'm sorry you got hurt, Isaac, and I'm sorry I traumatized you all, but life isn't about sparkles, and sunshines, and rainbows. There is hardship, obstacles, and terror that will try to stop you. Fat little lumps that will try their hardest to keep you down. That I will say no more, for this memory was Isaac's journey."

Ray looked at us, then back at the elemental. "Can you tell us why you're here?"

The elemental shook its head. "That I may not say, not until you complete the final test."

"That's you, Cole," Stan said. He's right, I haven't had an experience yet. It seems that the memories have gone in order of when it occurred, so I wonder what my experience will be.

"The door is open. You are free to pass." The elemental showed us the open doorway with its right hand.

"Thank you," Isaac said. As the five of us began to leave, Isaac looked back. "By the way, what's your name?"

"You may call me 'Striker'," the elemental said. "Run along, little shaman. End Terror."

The five of us began to ascend the lighthouse once more. That kept me thinking - what would be my experience? It would have to be after the Nazi Zombies attacking the town and before us entering this lighthouse. Could it be me fighting with Stan and Wendy back at Stark's Pond? Or could it possibly be at North Park Elementary? Maybe it could be me encountering Harry Potter? I don't know, there can be quite a bit of opportunities, even if it were something I'd not expect.

"This is pretty annoying, why won't they say anything?" Ray looked at the rest of us.

"I'm not sure," Stan replied, "I really don't know."

The next room was a much smaller, rectangular room where our doorway and the opposite sealed one were the short sides of the rectangle. In front of the door laid a sleeping dark brown bear armored with bones. It snored loudly.

"Oh shit, I hate bears." Stan's voice quivered with fear.

"What are we supposed to do?" Wendy looked back at me, and I could see the nervousness flash in her eyes finally. It was one of those rare times Wendy showed fear. "Should we kill him, Cole?"

I took a good look at the bear. It was peaceful. It was serene. Nothing and no one was bothering it. It made out a little yawn before going back to sleep. I smiled, it almost reminded me of me because whenever I'm calm and no one was bothering me, I could feel almost as bliss as the bear right now. "I'm not sure."

"Well we gotta go through," Isaac said, "Let's see if the bear has a key or something."

Ray rolled his eyes, showing obvious sarcasm in his voice. "Yeah, let's go pick at the bear, good idea."

Stan shook his head. "I don't like this. I want no part of this." Stan was right on. No one was bothering this bear. Maybe this is part of my test.

"Well what can we do?" Wendy gripped Stan's hands tightly. "Oh God, I don't want to fight the bear, but I don't think we have a choice. We can't stay here, Terrorblade is probably already in Sovngarde."

"If we wake up a sleeping bear, it will kill us," Stan said.

"Well then I'll make sure I get the first jump." Wendy gulped as she took out her shield, now glowing with light. The more I looked at Wendy, the more I wanted to shout and stop her. This wasn't right, we shouldn't be bothering the bear.

"Wendy, stop!" I reached out to grab Wendy.

However, Wendy already threw her holy shield at the bear, bouncing off the bear's face, and returning back to her. The bear made out an injured groan. "RAHHHHHH!" The bear immediately charged at us, and taking Wendy to the ground and tried to thrash her with its claws. Holy crap, this bear showed zero restraint, it was trying to completely eviscerate Wendy as I quickly chained various heals at Wendy to keep her alive while she tried desperately to block with her shield.

"Oh crap!" Stan thrusted his sword into the bear's butt and pulled it out. The bear screamed in response and mauled Stan in the face with its right paw. I healed him too.

Ray summoned a water elemental which started pelting the bear with waterbolts, but the bear quickly charged and bashed Ray's skull with its left paw, knocking him down to the ground. "Ow! Damnit!" The bear then bit into the water elemental's head, killing it off.

Isaac let loose explosive flame onto the bear and tried to attack it, but in response, the bear got onto its hind legs and slammed Isaac down onto the ground, Isaac letting loose a scream. I couldn't do anything - there were too many people to try to heal, not to mention the bear was looking at me now, ready to pounce on the attack. The bear then charged at me and gashed at my ribs with its right paw, knocking me back a few feet, and I could not shapeshift in time. My ribs stung so bad, I just wanted to lay over and cry. Holy crap, this bear is fast and aggressive as fuck. Why did my test have to be the one with the bear trying to maul us all? Why did my idiot friends have to go and attack a bear? I quickly raised magical roots to entangle the bear to the ground.

My friends back themselves into the sealed doorway. All of us were cut up and bleeding in multiple places. Isaac laid down in a ball in the left corner. Ray was shivering as he spread himself out on the sealed doorway. Stan closed his eyes, holding Wendy in his bloody arms in the right corner as she softly cried in his arms. The bear broke from my roots and slowly came towards us, choking out battle lines, and making it clear that the bear was male due to his deep voice. "You kids are assholes. I just wanted to be left alone." The bear's words hit me in the heart. I finally realized what these tests were about. This bear was like me, he was like an extension of me. Like me, the bear wanted peace and to be left alone, but we pushed it down, and now it wants to lash out and kill us. Like what I did previously to Stan, Wendy, and Harry Potter previously.

The bear made his final charge at us. I stepped forward from my friends towards the bear. "No!" I stuck out my hands and closed my eyes, casting one spell at the bear in a last ditch effort to try to save us. Ten seconds passed and I didn't feel anything, and the only sound I could hear could be my soothing spell. I opened my eyes to see the bear lying down in front of me. Waves of green transferred from my hands. I did it. I soothed the bear.

"Ugh." The bear looked into my eyes. "Forgive me, druid."

"That was too much, dude!" I scolded. I was about as angry as I was most of yesterday. Getting bound in chains and force against our wills is one thing - but nearly getting mauled by a bear and now possibly bleeding to death is something else entirely. I made it a point to let that bear know I was not happy with it bleeding us. But this was exactly how I was like previously - like that bear. "I know we attacked you, and it was a dick move on our part, but you're insane!"

"Yeah, I know." The bear turned its head away. "I merely wanted to rest for the day, regain my strength for tomorrow. Druid, you must know how it feels like to be mistreated for no reason, right? I always get holy-light monsters interrupting my rest, coming to try to kill me. That is precisely why I freaked out on you - I thought you were an enemy. It was in my nature just like how it's in your own, you and I."

I opened my mouth, then looked down at my shoes, while I gripped my bloodied chest with my right hand. It still physically hurt as hell. "I-I know. I've been there before." I didn't have to remind myself of it, I know about all the times I didn't get along with certain people in my class, and in retrospect, it was about 30% my fault. My retaliations weren't very clean, and sometimes I sought out revenge.

"Well then the least I can do is heal you and your friends." I tilted my head to my side as I looked at the bear again. It can heal us? "Just lay down and rest. Let the flashback take you while I mend you all." I turned and nodded to my friends, and they all sank to the ground. I sat between Ray and Isaac and then a flash of light consumed me once more.

* * *

I found myself in a familiar tent - the one where I was in PETA for the brief period of time when they tried to eat me. A little to my left and in front of me was my past selt digging through his backpack, then putting it on and shining a flashlight towards my right, revealing a wooden post of the body of a single girl no older than I was. Her skin was torn up and mutilated. Her wizardry robes were tattered and stained with blood and tears, signifying that she probably came from North Park. Her body was severely battered with many broken bones, especially the extremities. Her light-brown hair was chewed up, and there was a large open wound in her stomach that continually spilled blood and revealed part of her kidneys. It was Natasha Emerson.

"Holy crap!" The voice of Stan's spirit from behind me sounded horrified at the sight of Past Natasha.

"Sheesh, what happened?" Ray's spirit asked.

Past Natasha rose her head to meet Past Cole's gaze. "What...are you doing here?"

Past Cole's eyes opened in amazement. "You're...alive!" Those words left his mouth in awe.

"You-you...have to...leave here...this place...it's a trap." The girl struggled to make out her sentences.

"Wait, tell me what's going on," Past Cole said.

"PETA is cannibals...they'll eat anyone who won't join their cause...but they will save animals...an elderly man...and his three-year-old grandson...were here...when I got here...they were the PETA member's afternoon snacks..." Past Natasha stated.

"Well...I honestly didn't expect PETA being cannibals," Stan's spirit said.

"I tried to fight them with wizardly magic..." Past Natasha continued, "there were too many...they disarmed me...snapped my wand in half."

"How did you end up here?" Past Cole asked.

"Me and some other people...when the...Nazi Zombies...when they came to North...North Park...we ran...here." Past Natasha coughed up and spat out blood, which landed in front of Past Cole's feet. He inched back slightly. "They wanted to go further, but...I didn't like the people I was with...we hated each other...when they offered to help me...I told them to fuck off...I came all the way here...I thought PETA would shelter me...from the Nazi Zombie chaos...but I'm wrong."

"So you refused to get along with your peers and that's how you ended up here?" Past Cole asked.

"Yes," Past Natasha replied. I was dumbfounded, but I couldn't say anything since she went on. "I know it sounds stupid...but had I gotten along...with my group...I wouldn't have been in this mess."

There was a short pause before Past Cole said his spoken piece. "I'm sorry. I mean, I kinda got here the same way you did. I didn't get along with my group of...friends. I was being stubborn, I should have seen the signs. And well...I regret every mean word I've said about and against them." Past Cole shook my head. "If I ever make it out of this somehow...I'll change my ways. I won't be an asshole to my friends, I'll listen to them, I'll treat my group with kindness and respect." Past Cole exhaled again.

"Have you ever been ostracized by your peers?" Past Natasha asked. When Past Cole nodded yes, she continued. "I was...I held a grudge against many of my peers...have you?" When Past Cole nodded again, so did she. "It's not easy...it's not easy to be cheerful and bright...when there is so much darkness that happens to you...but stay strong."

"I think you might be right," Past Cole replied. "I feel the same way."

"You're not from here," Past Natasha remarked. "You're...you don't look like wizard."

"I'm from South Park," Past Cole replied.

"Oh...that place..." Past Cole coughed out blood again. "It's a petite town. Humble...and quiet."

Her statement made my past self, my friends' spirits, and me chuckle. "South Park isn't that quiet," Past Cole countered.

"Compared to North Park? You'd...you'd be surprised." Past Natasha looked up at me again. "What is your name?"

"Cole Dimmons."

"I'm Natasha Emerson." Past Natasha groaned loudly. "My time...is up...get out of here while you can...Cole."

"No." Past Cole shook his head. "I can heal you." His left hand, the one not holding the flashlight, began to glow green. He placed his hand on her stomach to try to heal her, but of to no avail. The damage was too much. She was mortally wounded.

"It's too late for me." As Past Natasha gazed at Past Cole, tears flowed down her eyes as she muttered her next words weakly. "Bless me...for I have sinned." Then her face went pale and all life and emotion flowed out of her. Tears ceased to drip from her eyes. Her eyes then closed and her head limped downward with lifelessness. The open wound in her stomach no longer bled.

"No. You can't - you can't die. Not like this." Past Cole shifted his flashlight to his left hand and reached out with his right hand to the right of her neck to try to feel a pulse. Of course though, he couldn't have felt anything - she died. "No!" He let Past Natasha go, stepped back and began crying and sobbing.

The world faded to white again. But as I felt my soul being lifted out of the memory, the bear's voice seeped into my head. _There's darkness in this world. The world is full of mean people, people conspiring to kick you down and laugh at you. It's not easy to be cheerily bright when nothing but darkness conspires to bring pain and hurt to you. But don't you let that let you down. Nothing is forever. Even a single candle can hold back complete darkness, and friendship can light a million stars._

* * *

I immediately woke up from my slumber. The bear stood in front of me staring into my eyes. "I - I think I understand your message...um..."

"Ursoc," the bear said.

I couldn't feel any injuries, no stinging, cuts, nor bruises on myself. I turned back to see my friends, who began to awake from their slumber, completely mended. The stood up and looked at Ursoc. I looked at Ursoc. "So what's the point of all these flashbacks? Why did each of us have flashbacks? Are there anymore tests?"

"There's no more tests," Ursoc replied. "The point of these flashbacks is to show how each child here has grown throughout this year. It is to relate to the child's character and strengthen the friendship bonds between them and Dovahkiin. And all of us know who here is Dovahkiin." Ursoc gazed at Ray, then turned back to me. "We all have had rough experiences in our lives. These experiences tested the character, strength, and alacrity of each of Dovahkiin's friends. The intent is for Dovahkiin to realize how his friends got him through his struggles."

"Do you know our exact personalities shown in each flashback?" Wendy asked.

Ursoc shook his head. "That I cannot say. It's not my place to tell you. But I will say that Dovahkiin here will meet another like himself."

"Where?" Ray asked. "Is he still alive."

"Well no...he's dead," Ursoc replied. "Died some time ago from a freak accident. But don't you worry, you'll meet him in Sovngarde, in the Hall of Valor."

"Hall of Valor?" Stan asked.

Ursoc faced Stan. "The place of past heroes in Sovngarde where heroes dine and drink. It's like a branch-off of Heaven, only Sovngarde itself has more communication with the living world. Consider Sovngarde as the preliminary to Heaven."

"What about you, Ursoc?" I asked. "What will you do now?"

"Me? I shall rest here. Perhaps we may meet again...uh..." Ursoc looked at me.

"Cole. And thank you for telling us what you know," I put my right foot back and leaned back a little, pointed my index fingers at Ursoc like a 60's suave guy, and grinned, "because that's what I wanted to hear."

"Thank you for understanding, Cole the Druid. The gate to Sovngarde has already been opened. Good luck on your endeavors, children." Ursoc nodded once more. All of us waved goodbye at Ursoc before passing through the doorway outside.

The pathway outside circled around the perimeter of the tower and the clouds have parted from the sky, revealing the May midday sun. The horizon revealed beautiful twisting rivers, frozen grass, and lush mountains. And how could the view be any better when we're standing near the top of a golden lighthouse? The five of us took a quick break munching away on power bars. The time was 12:20 pm: for a bunch of 4th graders, we scaled the tower upwards pretty quickly. "Beautiful," was what came out of my mouth.

"Wow, the view is amazing." Wendy had her mouth wide open in awe. "I'm glad I could be here with you Stan."

"Yeah..." Stan didn't sound very sure of himself however.

Wendy gazed worryingly at Stan. "What's wrong?" Something tells me this isn't going to be good.

Stan closed his eyes and sighed. "That flashback I had about the list and what Sentinel told me...it made me realize something...throughout the past few days, I-I don't...I don't know..."

"Stan?" Wendy took Stan's hands and held them up as she inched closer to him. "Please tell me what's going on."

"When we broke up back in December before Christmas, I couldn't let you go, I still thought it was my fault that you left me. And now here we are, dating again." Stan sighed again. "I don't know. I feel like...I can't let go of my own mistakes. I feel like I'm nothing to you, I feel like I don't deserve you."

"Stan..." Wendy lowered Stan's hands as sadness overtook her. Tears started forming in her eyes.

"Oh, no!" Fear flashed in Stan's eyes. "Wendy, please don't cry!"

"I-I know what y-you're saying." Wendy sobbed louder. "I-I should have been m-more sensitive to you. I-I keep f-forgetting how much I hurt you when I b-broke up with you, or made y-you jealous of that Bridon k-kid, or, you know, I just wanted to t-trust you, I never meant to h-hurt you..."

Wendy wrapped her arms around Stan and cried into her shoulders. Stan hung his head as he uttered his next works. "Oh no, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm so stupid."

This was very uncomfortable for me to watch. This was like back at Stan's house. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I _can_ say. But Isaac stepped forward to the two. "Guys, it's obvious you love each other, but you both need to forgive and trust each other and not bully each other." Both Stan and Wendy calmed down and faced Isaac. "We make mistakes, but we need to learn from them. You both taught me that a relationship is like having that brother besides you-" Isaac put his hand towards me. "-who smacks you when you do something wrong, but is always willing to listen and will be there for you in the end." That was a pretty interesting way to relate that to relationships. "And by the way Cole, I told you that back at Stark's Pond two nights ago."

As Isaac continued to counsel them, Ray tugged me on my shoulder. "Hey Cole, I need to talk to you for a minute."

I turned to face Ray. "Hmm? What's up?"

"Come." I followed Ray a few feet away from the rest of my friends. "So Stan and Wendy broke up before?"

"Yeah, they did," I replied, "but that flashback about the cutest boys list - that was when they got back together."

"Then that confirms my suspicions are correct." Where is Ray going with this?

"How so?" I tilted my head to the side. Ray must have figured something out. He must have connected dots I didn't see.

"Those flashbacks. They all were about how each of you guys grew from past mistakes. Stan was hurt by Wendy when she broke up with him, but when they worked together on the cutest boys list, it all eventually devolved into Stan forgiving Wendy for breaking his heart. Just like how Stan forgave Sentinel for almost killing him. And Wendy - that hostage situation at whatever the hell fieldtrip you went on - I mean from what it seems, Wendy seems like the type of person who wants to be in control. But back in the fieldtrip, Stan had the right idea how to take care of the terrorists, but that meant he would risk his own life, and Wendy had to put her trust in Stan. Just like how she had to trust Avengelyne in making sure we're ok and not eaten by those shadow fiends earlier. And Isaac always struck me as the type of guy who gets walked over on by bullies. So he had to stand up to the Nazi Zombie because that zombie was going to murder you, and Striker was the embodiment of a bully. You know how bullies like to turn their victims' friends against them?" I nodded at Ray's question. "Think of the forced body control as if a bully turned a victim's friend against them. Like how we started thinking badly of Isaac, but Isaac stood up to Striker like how he stood up to a bully. And you." Ray pointed at me. "You're the bear. You wanted to be left alone, but people were assholes to you, so you became a jerk, but you realized the error of your ways like how the bear did his. Like in the flashback."

That was the most insightful thing I've heard out of Ray. Hell, it almost made me sob as hard as Wendy did just now. I didn't even see the symbolization - how could I? Interpreting literature was never exactly my strong point in the 4th grade, I'd just make up bullshit and pretend to know what I'm talking about while I surf the internet on my phone during "reading time". But damn, Ray saw it first, I don't think anyone else did. "Damn," was all I could form out of my mouth. It hit me. None of us were perfect. We all have our problems and faults, and I was too selfish to see it, hell, none of us saw it, but Ray.

Stan's voice came from behind me. "Ray, you're totally right." I turned around and there stood behind me was Isaac and Stan, who had Wendy in his arms, no longer crying. "Isaac, you were right too. I guess I'm just...really insecure about Wendy."

"It happens," I shrugged. "I'm not trying to downplay your problems. Sorry, I suck at this fluffy-feely stuff, but if there's one thing I do know, it's that relationships are sacred. Like you can't just push two people together and expect them to instantly get along." And this isn't me talking out of my ass either. I remember the times when my dad would always tell me to treasure my friends and family because they won't be around forever. Guess that's a product of losing mom when I was young. But I don't completely understand relationships, since I have never been in one before. I don't know the feeling, but if there's one thing I do know, I know it takes commitment.

"It's kind of what I've done with Tweek and Craig at school." Wendy sighed.

"Well to be fair, you never drew that Yaoi," I countered.

"But me showcasing all the Craig-with-Tweek art to the entire school was what caused all the problems in the first place." Well, that part is true, Wendy did fuck over Craig and Tweek, made everyone at school think they were a gay couple for a few days. All I could do is nod in response.

"That was pretty funny." Isaac let out a soft laugh, then he turned back to Stan. "But Stan, you came this far. You can't just give up on Wendy because you're uncomfortable with yourself." Stan looked down at his feet, his face full of shame.

I lightly tapped Isaac on his shoulder. He seemed a bit insensitive there, I can see the hurt in Stan. "Ok, Isaac, maybe-"

"No, Isaac is right." Wendy shook her head, then faced Stan. "I know you're uncomfortable with yourself, and I know we made mistakes, but Stan, please, you-"

Stan never let Wendy finish. He did something that blew us all away, or at least blew me away. He kissed Wendy in the lips for about five seconds, and when the kiss ended, he never threw up. "I'm the type of guy...who just...you know...needs to show everyone how cool I am."

"I know that feeling." Wendy placed her right hand on Stan's left cheek and smiled. "I've been there. But promise me that you'll be completely honest with me, and in return I won't judge you."

Stan nodded. "Thanks, Wendy."

The five of us continued forward, and the pathway went back inside the tower leading into a circular room. In the middle was a single stone circle that was colored in a sickly pastel-white color. More of those hieroglyphic characters could be found on the plate as it were on the walls. In the middle was an image of a kid farting away armies of men. "This seems like a teleporter, I can feel it," Ray said. "And I know what to do. Get on the circle, guys." We all did as told.

"Hey, wait." I turned to Ray. "Ray, I know you don't get much credit here, but I just wanted to say thank you for understanding us."

"Yeah..." Ray scratched his head. "One thing I fail to see though...how would this help us overcome our next challenges? I'm pretty sure we'll still have to fight more people." Ray doesn't talk much, he only says something when he has something snarky to say. But he's a great listener, and boy does he understand. He shrugged. "Eh, I guess we'll figure that part out soon." And so, with a huge rumble and a Nagasaki fart, the five of us teleported out of this room.


	22. Chapter 22: Hater

**Chapter 21 was the only chapter so far that I didn't write down any trivia or sidenote. Don't take it as me being mad, I wasn't mad about anything, I didn't really have any particular thoughts at that time.**

 **I didn't think I'd complete this so soon. The fight's on.**

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

The five of us were teleported to a platform on the outside of the Sol Lighthouse looking towards a town. It must be the town of North Park, seen from the distance, since my phone told me the town is to the south. Nevertheless, we were running low on time. From the platform, a bridge of hard light was constructed. It did not go north to the main tower, but rather started east, then wrapped up north, then went west connecting itself to a pathway layer on the tower. Ray cautiously put his foot on the bridge, not sure if it was stable, but his foot never went through. We walked the bridge leading to the main tower. We then took a staircase up, wrapped around so we were going clockwise. When we got to the southernmost point on our level, we were met by a wall. To the right was another staircase that led us directly to the top of the lighthouse - the aerie.

Predictably at the top, there was a beam of light that shone from the very center straight to the sky. The apex of the aerie had probably a 60-foot radius, the center hole from where the light shone being 20-feet in radius. Around the perimeter stood four statues of female angels, spread out evenly."So that beam is the portal to Sovngarde," Stan said.

But then an angry voice of an old man called out to us, from somewhere. "Betrayers, you have arrived!"

The five of us looked around furiously, but there was no sign of the person who called us out - or anyone else for that matter. "Who said that?" Wendy asked.

"Over here." We faced forward to see an old man come out from behind the closest statue to the right. The man was likely in his late seventies wearing a nice black tuxedo and a black tie. He wore a black eye-patch over his right eye. "I didn't think you delinquents would make it all the way here." None of us said anything in response. What could we say? We don't know anything about this old man. The man took a good hard look at Ray. "Raymond Irvington. So it really IS the Dragonborn, or should I say, DOVAHKIIN! Just can't stop being a thorn in our side, huh?"

Stan turned to Ray. "How does this guy know you?"

The old man never let Ray say anything. "You don't remember, do you? How we tried to find you?"

"Us fighters of Zaron need to pass through the portal to Sovngarde. We're running out of time." Wendy giggled at Stan's words, probably because Stan sounded pretty nerdy right now.

"Zaron?" Isaac scratched his head in confusion. "Wait, we're playing a game?"

"Fighters of Zaron?" The old man laughed out loud. "Kids, what's going on here is much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed to Earth. You see, in 1947 a UFO crashed in Roswell, New Mexico..."

"Oh God!" Stan groaned. I rolled my eyes as well.

"I don't want to listen to this nonsense," Wendy added.

"Crap," Isaac said.

"Hang on a sec." The old man shook his head. "A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our Agency."

"Can't we skip this?" I sighed.

"Oh, you don't want to skip this," the old man shot back.

"Yes we do," Wendy retorted.

But the old man continued on. "Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is ... until 4 years ago when we investigated a child. A child who had an unnatural power inside him. I had order from the President to secure the child, so that we could harness his powers before our enemies could. But he slipped through our hands."

"The government wants Ray for his farts?" Wendy asked.

"That's dumb," Stan remarked.

"His farts? No. His amazing ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. Before he was 5 years old he had 3.2 billion friends on Facebook alone. Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gift for your country." The old man looked back at Ray. "You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all just pawns in their game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I've ever come across."

Ray facepalmed and growled beneath his hand. "Thank you for telling us what we already know, moron. You don't think I haven't figured this out already? And mind you, having four really good friends is just as well as having 3.2 billion friends on facebook you barely even know." Ray huddled the four of us together. That thought made us smile - well at least I did.

The old man rolled his eyes and laughed again. "Aw, that's sweet. You still care about those four idiots? What about the Stick of Truth, Dovahkiin? Together we can rule the-"

I narrowed my eyes at the old man, not letting him say anything more. "What do you know about the Stick?"

"'He who controls the Stick controls the universe.' That's the tale, right? That's what you kids are going after, right?" The old man shook his head. "Nevertheless, I shan't interfere with the actions of little kids." But the old man still stood in the way of the portal beam.

"If you can't interfere, then how about getting out of the way so we can go through the portal, huh?!" Wendy yelled.

"Ooh...good one, Wendy!" Isaac cheered.

"Well by all means." The old man stepped towards the front right statue and put his palm out at the portal beam in the middle of the aerie. "But of course, what would your parents say?"

That hit me in the heart. I almost forgot - my dad never tried to contact Isaac or me. He could still be in trouble. I don't think he returned home. I gritted my teeth in anger as I glared down at the old man. "What the hell did you do with our parents?" Stan's words were full of rage and poison, he likely had the same reaction I did when I heard what I heard from the old man.

"Can't let you kids have your hands on the Stick, so I added an extra factor of deterrence." The old man brought out a small yellow patch from behind himself. He opened the pouch, and poured out purple dust into his right hand. He then threw it at the statues one-by-one, revealing people that made my heart snap. On the statue directly above himself were Stan's parents and an older girl with brown hair, probably Stan's sister. The back right statue had Wendy's parents, the back left statue had presumably Ray's parents, and the front left statue had my dad. All of our parents were strapped in steels chains hanging off the head of each statue. Chains were wrapped around their mouths so that they couldn't talk, all they could make out are muffled screams. They eyed us in terror, trying to scream out for us to help them.

"Y-you...you b-bastard!" Wendy struggled to choke out her words. "W-what have you done? Why?"

"You kids can go through the portal right now, but I don't think your parents would appreciate you leaving them there tied up on the statues." The old man then walked back and forth. "Seriously though, did you kids really think I'd let you have the Stick? I'm not letting you assholes control the universe, it belongs to me! I will make sure America makes this world a better place!"

"You're a self-serving bastard, that's what you are!" Wendy shouted.

Of course though, I had to be the one to point out the obvious. "You do know Terrorblade has the Stick...right?"

The old man gave us an evil grin. "Oh I know, why do you think I sent the Seal Team 6 into Sovngarde to stop you?" I opened my eyes. I can't believe it, this big bad government guy is working for Terrorblade.

"No..." my friends and I murmured. "Not him..."

"With Terrorblade at my side, we will spread terror to all of America's enemies!" The old man laughed. "Russia, China, the Middle East...all of that sort, they're all the same - dirty terrorists!" I mean, I'm not good with my politics, but come on, this guy probably strikes me as a jackass.

"You don't know what Terrorblade is capable of!" I said. "How can you trust him?"

"With his help, we'll vanquish America's enemies!" the old man said. "Imagine a New World Order where we make a better place!" The old man's evil sneer turned into a scowl. "I would have sent my soldiers into the lighthouse, but that damn Harbinger the Outworld Devourer killed my air troops." He shook his head. Ah, that would explain the lack of U.S. troops.

"You're a dick, you know that?" Stan pointed at the old man. "You're nothing but a power-hungry dick."

"Oh, and you're one to talk, Stanley. There's a poor boy I want you to meet. I think he deserved the pardon I gave him." The old man whistled.

Out from behind the beam circling to the left came a boy I've never seen before. His blonde hair was similar to my friend Garet Jerra's - it went straight to the sky, but a little shorter. He was beefy and muscular. He wore a black T-shirt, a gnarled red vest, and brown pants with a brown belt. The best words to describe this guy is someone who looks super tough, and despite his size, he seemed to be no older than me. "Stan Marsh," was all the kid could muster.

"Oh shit!" Stan's voice quavered as he hid behind me, using me as a meat shield. "No...that can't be him!" I could feel Stan's hands shaking both my shoulders.

"He looks scary!" Isaac gulped, but he still maintained composure.

"This can't be happening..." Wendy's echo faded into nothingness almost instantly as she hid behind me as well. Why the heck is everyone using me as a meat shield?

"Stan Marsh...you fucking cunt." The blonde kid took a step forward. "Didn't think you'd see me so soon, did you?"

"What are you here for?" Ray asked.

"Quiet, you faggot, the real adults are talking!" The tough blonde kid shouted at Ray and he almost stumbled backwards. "Now I believe I have a little payback with Stan." Stan still quivered behind me. The blonde kid's words then became taunting. "What's wrong? Can't run anywhere now? Should have thought of that sooner before framing me for arson back in preschool!"

At last, I saw the meaning of this kid, at last I realized why this kid was angry and why Stan and Wendy both reacted in such a way. It was like how I spied on Stan's and Wendy's date night two nights ago. I crossed my arms and glared at the kid. "So you're Trent Boyette."

"Yeah? And? So what? So I am. And what's it to you, you little shit? Fuck off Cole!" That took me aback. How does he know my name? I never ever met this guy before. Trent walked up to me and made a sudden movement - putting his face near mine. I stumbled backwards a little. I hate it when people do that - scare me like that with that "tough guy" motion. "Haha, what a little bitch you are. But enough about you. I came here for one thing." I myself was quivering now. Jesus Christ, this guy is scary, I probably don't want to mess with this guy. I moved to my right to join Isaac and Ray as Trent walked closer to Stan and Wendy, who were holding each other. "Aw, that's cute. I didn't know the two biggest asswipes in my preschool class are dating now. Wendy Testaburger. I remember you, you were always a know-it-all-tattletale. Dumb bitch" Trent Boyette then turned to Isaac. "And Isaac Dimmons, you were one of the two crybabies in my pre-school class? I think the other one is Butters, that prick!" He then turned to me. "And Isaac's twin brother Cole. Shame we never ever got to meet. I'd have more fun giving wet willies to you than I did to your brother." I never said anything, but I gritted my teeth a little. This little prick is an asshole, but what can I do? This guy is super tough. He then turned to Ray and gave him a look of confusion. "Who the fuck are you?"

"K-k-knock it off!" Isaac stammered. "L-leave them alone!"

"Shut the fuck up, Isaac! Go choke yourself on a tampon you fucking freak!" Trent pointed his finger at Isaac and Isaac bent downward and cowered in fear. "Now Stan...need I remind you of all those five years, almost gone because you framed me and blamed me for starting that fire in Miss Claridge's class?"

"Please," Stan spoke softly, "not near my parents-"

"No! Fuck you!" Trent faced our parents, then back at us. "They deserved to know that you told me to start the fire! You thought you could put it out! But no! You lied to the entire town! I had to sit in prison for five years! And I came back for retribution." This was all coming back to me now. I'm beginning to remember seeing him some time ago now, I witnessed this before. "Came all the way to find you with your other friends, but your fatass friend Eric Cartman tazed Miss Claridge's wheelchair, so she crashed into a building and started another fire!" Goddamnit Stan, why did you have to piss off Trent Boyette back in preschool? Why did you have to go off and play fireman? "So I got sent back to prison. Luckily the government guy here gave me a pardon, or I'd be rotting in prison!"

Stan was quivering in fear. "Trent, I-I-I'm sorry, I j-just-"

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it! Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!" Trent cracked his knuckles as he walked towards Stan and Wendy.

"Aw man, I just realized, all of this is just like that one game Golden Sun!" Isaac complained.

I tilted my head at Isaac. "Uh...what?" My thoughts completely represented my reaction.

"You know, Golden Sun? The game I kept playing in 3rd grade? In that game, you have to go light four lighthouses, but each lighthouse there's always some kind of betrayal going on," Isaac replied. "It's what inspired me to play a Shaman in WoW."

"Uh...I don't have any idea what you're taking about." I shook my head. "Never heard of that game before."

"Will you two idiots shut the fuck up?" Trent yelled, making us jump with fear.

Isaac put his hands in front of his face, cowering in fear. "Ah! Please don't hurt me!"

"Pussy." Trent then turned back to Stan and Wendy. "Now...any last words before I beat you both to a pulp?"

"Wait..." Aw shit, Ray's gonna say something stupid. He stepped forward. "...aren't you an asshole to everyone?"

Trent reddened with rage. "Rrrrrrr..." He then charged at Ray and punched Ray straight in the face with his right fist. Ray flew into the ground, banging his back on the surface of the ground, giving off a clang. The parents who were tied up still gave muffled screams. "Call me out like that again, you stupid pink-haired weaboo!" Trent screamed. Holy shit, this guy is even more ill-tempered than I am.

"Ray!" my friends and I shouted.

I knelt down next to Ray as he lied there unconscious. "No..."

I placed a hand on his forehead. I could feel a tumor coming on in my own forehead. That asshole is going to pay. I closed my eyes feeling a tear drip down from my right eye. I can't believe he had the audacity to punch Ray like that, and given Ray had never wronged Trent, I don't mind stomping this asshole down myself. As I slowly stood up, feeling the solar power of nature charge in my right hand. As I returned to a standing position, I could hear Trent walking away from me, probably towards Stan and Wendy. "Now where was I?"

"You asshole." The words came softly from me dripping venom as I turned around and chucked a Solar Wrath straight at Trent. "Take this!" The bolt of sunfire smacked Trent in the face, staggering him back a little and leaving a burn. But I gave Trent no time. "And this!" I raised my left hand to the sky, and a beam of moonlight exploded on Trent, leaving a periodic burn. "And this!" I then shapeshifted into a cat to jump towards Trent and claw at him.

Of course though, I clearly underestimated Trent. They say prison is where you are either made or broken, and in Trent's case, he was made in prison. By what I meant, as I was jumping at him, he punched me straight in my left jaw, causing me to fly to the right, causing my body to clang onto the statue where Wendy's parents were tied, then I fell to the ground. "You little bitch! That's it! I'll kill you first, Cole!"

The punch hurt like a bitch. As I shapeshifted back into a human, I could feel the blood already coming from my nose. As I began to heal myself, I saw Trent rapidly running towards me. But Isaac caused an explosion of frost, the Frost Shock, to overtake Trent, slowing him down and preventing him from getting to me. "Get away from him!" Isaac then charged his left axe with flame and went for a sweeping attack, but Trent parried the Lava Lash with his right arm, leaving a bewildered Isaac. "What? Augh!"

Trent then punched Isaac in the face with his left fist, knocking him down to the ground. "You're a fuckin' dumbass." He shook his head. "Enough of this. Time to get what I really came for." He charged at Stan and Wendy and immediately grabbed Wendy by her right arm with his right hand and pulled her away from Stan's arms. "Come here, you little bitch, time to give you a titty twister!"

As Trent grabbed Wendy's hair with his left hand, Wendy tried to kick and scream. "Let me go! Stan! Help!"

I tried to get up, but I couldn't. I was too weak. I banged the back of my head on the statue Wendy's parents were tied up on, exhausted and exasperated. I didn't think Trent would be that strong. He doesn't even have any WoW powers and he could already take on the five of us. Or maybe it's because my endurance is awful. "L-et her go," Stan nervously said.

"Or else what? Ow!" A light explosion of arcane energy struck Trent, probably due to my Moonfire from earlier. Trent then attempted to take off Wendy's shirt, probably to live up to his promise of giving Wendy the titty twister he talked about just a few seconds ago. Of course, due to Isaac's Frost Shock, he was a bit too slow.

Therefore, Stan charged at Trent with his sword, striking downwards and causing a deep rend onto Trent's right side. "Get away from Wendy!" I grinned - finally Stan does something.

As I slowly got up, I saw Trent grab Stan by the collar. "Finally! RAAAAHHH!" Boy, did Trent not hold back. He slammed Stan onto the ground and started punching him into a pulp. I could hear the parents scream from beneath the chains.

Of course, Trent got caught in a Wind Shear from Isaac - a gust of wind interrupting his attacks, momentarily, buying enough time for Wendy to come to and strike Trent with her own sword ignited with light. "Asshole!" Trent then tried to punch Wendy, but Wendy blocked the attack with her shield, mitigating some damage. Isaac came in just in time to assist Wendy as he hacked and slashed away at Trent, enhanced with furious winds around him.

"Ow!" Trent jumped away from the two as I began to turn into a cat and dash to Stan. "Take this!" Trent then grabbed Wendy's right arm with both his hands and rotated his hands around her arm in opposite directions, giving her the good ol' Indian Sunburn.

"AH!" Wendy screamed in pain. Trent then elbowed Wendy in the face with his right elbow and she fell down to the ground.

Of course, Ray got up and summoned forth a water elemental of his own. Trent tried to turn to Ray, but he was getting kited around by frostbolts slowing him in his place, while Isaac was doing his best to hack away at Trent. Trent is really resilient though, probably the product of having prison mold him into a tough cookie. Meanwhile, I retrieved Stan and Wendy and dragged them both back to the statue where my dad was tied up in - the front left one. The bruises on Stan's face was horrifying, to say the least, and it showed Trent did not hold back at all. His face was bruised and bleeding. Wendy's was the same way, but not as bad as Stan's. As I turned back into a human and began to heal them both up, I saw Trent kick Ray's water elemental off the lighthouse. He then turned around and tried to grab Isaac's throat, but Trent was caught in a Deep Freeze

"Alright!" As Ray began to summon another elemental, Trent broke out of his icy prison. "What?" Holy crap, we can't even lock Trent down either?

"I'm a boss," Trent sneered. For a second, I thought Trent was bragging about himself for how awesome he thinks he is, but he's probably an actual boss fight. Wait, what am I thinking? This isn't a game, Cole! He then lit a cigarette with a match and threw it at Ray, interrupting Ray's spell and catching him on fire.

"AH PUT IT OUT!" Ray then ran towards me screaming. I quickly threw out a bolt of nature energy at Ray, purging the flames off him. He then crashed down next to Stan, burned up. "Screw...me..."

"Ugh!" I groaned. I now had to tend with four people, including myself. This was too much work for me.

"Ha, that should keep Cole busy for a while." I looked up to see Trent addressing me. He was hit with an explosion of flame from Isaac, the Flame Shock. Trent tried to punch Isaac, but Isaac dodged the blow. Isaac then lept up into the air, charging both weapons with lightning, trying to go for the Stormstrike, but Trent dodged towards the portal, leaving Isaac to land in front of the statue where Stan's parents were, completely open. Trent then kicked at Isaac in the gut, causing him to fly into the statue, then down onto the ground.

"Ow..." Isaac cried.

Oh crap! He's gonna go for me next! Quickly, I poured all my energy into healing the last of Stan's wounds, but then I was lifted off the ground and the next thing I knew I saw Trent holding me by my collar with his left hand while pulling out a knife with his right. Oh shit, I'm gonna get stabbed. "You think I don't know what you're capable of, healer?" Of course, the only response I made was that I spat into his face.

Big mistake. The next thing I knew, he thrusted the knife straight into my gut. "Uugh!" My eyes ran bloodshot as he pulled the knife out of me. It stung me so badly it left my whole body paralyzed. He tried to stab me again, but Stan smacked Trent in the back of his head, letting me go and fall down to the ground back first. As I struggled to crawl near my friends, I rolled over to lie faceup to heal my stab wound.

Of course though, Wendy knelt down beside me to help me heal myself. "That dick is gonna pay."

"Yeah. I know." I looked to see Stan rend another wound into Trent. Isaac then got up and hacked away at Trent. Then Ray got up as well and began to fling frostbolts at Trent from a far. With the help of Wendy's healing and my own, I was able to get up and back into the action. As Wendy charged in, I sat back from afar flinging solar wraths at Trent. Of course though, because Trent was already damaged from flames, moonbeams, and open wounds, he finally gave in. It took us a while, but we finally beat out Trent.

All five of us stood around the downed Trent, who lied on the top of the large staircase from where we came. "Ugh...I'm sorry..."

"You think beating on girls is funny?" Wendy yelled. "Are you an asshole? Is that it?"

"Yeah, this is why everyone hated you in Preschool!" Isaac added. "And no, you're not tough at all!" I sat back and watched as Wendy and Isaac flung insults at the downed Trent. I could tell my friends to back off. On the other hand, I'm not very sympathetic at this point, the jerk stabbed me.

"Yeah, go get out of here, you retarded scrub, keep selling your foodstamps so you can talk to me while you burn in hell, noob," Ray said. "And by the way, no, I don't watch anime you dipshit. I just like dying my hair pink. Problem?"

"Yeah, I really just want to kill this guy," Wendy said. "This guy was an asshole to everyone in pre-school anyways."

I shrugged. "Well...eh. Why not?"

"Guys! Don't!" Stan waved around his hands to stop us. "It's not his fault he turned out like this. It's like what you guys already knew - I framed him for arson. Just...put down your weapons." He gave us a look of remorse and sorrow. Sorry, but damn, those blue eyes gave me the feels, not that I'm gay, but at that moment, I knew that Stan wanted to forgive Trent for attacking us - after all, Stan did help turn him out like this.

But my ear shot up at the sound of a pistol cocking behind me. I turned around to see the big bad government guy at the bottom of the right stairway. The thing about the stairs is that they start separated in left and right portions due to the wall, but they join as one. That said, the big bad government guy aimed a Glock, a 9mm handgun, at us while he had on some sort of blue backpack. "Yeah, no. This isn't happening. You're not gonna have some stupid happily ever after this time." On the underside of the barrel there was a laser pointer

As Trent stood up, my eyes followed the path of the laser pointer, which pointed directly at Trent's forehead. Oh shit. "You're going to kill Trent...why?" Stan asked.

"I saw everything, ok?" The government guy's hands were shaking. "He's going to betray me! But I won't let that happen!"

"No!" Trent shouted. However, I began to hear wings flap and beat. Could it be Harbinger?

But it was too late, the government guy already fired his shot. However, at that moment, Trent was lifted from the ground and suddenly trapped inside an astral bubble - the exact same bubble Ray got sucked into two nights ago when we first fought Harbinger. Thus, the bullet disintegrated when it made contact with the astral imprisonment. "Impossible!" the government guy screamed.

Harbinger the space-gryphon-mage landed in front of us on the top of the stairwell. He pointed the tip of his staff at the government guy, which charged an arcane orb. "Destroyer's shadow covers you." He then let loose a light blue arcane orb which exploded onto the government guy and knocked him off the lighthouse.

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" That was the last we heard from the government guy.

As Harbinger began to break the chains off our parents, Trent faced Stan. "Stan, uh, I didn't expect you to not kill me. I'm sorry for being mean. But you know why I did what I did, right?"

"I know," Stan replied.

Of course though, before any of us could say anything else, all of our parents came up to us, and boy were they pissed. "Stanley Marsh!" Stan's mom marched over to us. "What the hell have you been doing this whole time? Leaving home, going on your stupid adventure, and what was that I heard about you framing Trent for arson?"

"Yes, your mother is very angry with you, Stan," Stan's dad mimicked.

"Mom, Dad, we're trying to save the world," Stan said.

"Well you're not, and I knew you'd end up with Wendy, she's a very bad influence on you!" Stan's mom yelled.

Wendy's mom, however, was not very pleased at the insult. "Now wait just a minute, Sharon, it was probably your son, my daughter wasn't the one who framed Trent for arson!"

As Stan's and Wendy's parents started to throw insults and argue at each other, my dad came up to Isaac and me. "Cole. Isaac. Care to explain yourselves?" Dad was not very pleased with what we did, but I can't really blame him. We did ditch South Park to go on some grand adventure. He is about the same age as Stan's and Wendy's parents, and he too was well toned for an adult male. He had eyes as blue as my own and short blond hair no longer than an inch or so. He had on a brown coat and khakis.

"Dad, we were just...uhh..." Isaac tried to make words come out of his own mouth, but of to no avail.

I stepped forward. "Dad it's my fault. I shouldn't have-"

"No." Isaac shook his head in frustration. "Cole, don't do this again, don't take the blame for me. You know that-"

"Kids!" Dad yelled, and the two of us immediately stopped arguing. "I want to know what's going on. Now."

"I'll tell you what's going on." The laughing voice of Harbinger made everyone else fall silent. We turned to the stairwell to see Harbinger floating a few feet above. "I'm sure you already heard about what Terrorblade is doing, right?" As we all nodded, Harbinger continued. "The world is changing for the worse. There are ill omens on the horizon waiting if Terrorblade succeeds. The world as we know it is going to end. But we can still stop him. Your children are the key."

"Oh no!" Wendy's dad shot Harbinger a glare. "I am not sending my daughter off on a magical adventure around those troubled boys!"

"You parents know nothing," Harbinger snarled. "Shut. Up. Idiots. I don't like it anymore than you do, but these five children-" Harbinger pointed at Ray, Isaac, Wendy, Stan, and me "-are our only chance to save this world. You might be worried about losing your children, but if they don't succeed at this, you'll all lose more than just your children."

"Ugh, this is exactly what I was worried about, I knew Ray would know eventually!" Ray's dad groaned.

"Know about what? About the little secret of me being Dovahkiin?" Ray glared at his parents. "Mom! Dad! You lied to me! Why couldn't you just tell me upfront?"

"Because this is what would happen!" Ray's mom replied. "We just wanted you to be a normal kid, not...not..."

"What?" Ray said. But no one said anything. "But what?" He looked down at the ground, his face full of hurt.

It was an awkward silence for about an entire minute. Then Harbinger spoke. "Well? Let's get going." He turned back at our parents. "Look, I...I'm sorry for all of this. But I'm hoping this will all turn out ok."

"Keep our children safe, ok?" my dad said. Harbinger nodded in response.

As we turned to walk through the, a different female voice spoke from behind us. "Hey turd! Wait!" I turned around to see Stan's sister walk up to Stan.

"What?" As the words left his mouth, Stan's sister immediately slapped Stan on his left cheek, leaving a red mark. "Ow! What was that for?"

"That was for you and your turd girlfriend beating me up the other night." Stan's sister then hugged Stan.

"And that?" Stan asked.

"That was for making peace with Trent Boyette," Stan's sister replied, and Trent nodded. "I needed to smack you around turd, but this is good for you." It's like what Isaac said, having that sibling to smack you when you do something wrong, but will always be there for you.

"Um, thanks Shelly," Stan replied.

Watching the tears run down our parents' eyes was heartbreaking, but alas, they had to let us go. They knew we were their only chance. Facing the beam of light that shone from the middle of the lighthouse aerie - the portal to Sovngarde - I looked at my friends, and they all nodded. With the five of us hand-in-hand, and with Harbinger right be hind us, we all rode the beam of light and ascended straight into the sky.

* * *

 **You know, looking back at some TV shows, and looking back at my own childhood and what my siblings have told to me about their elementary school experiences, my point of view about elementary school kids is that they're mostly assholes. I probably should have mentioned it in the earlier chapters, but reading over the previous chapters, I realized that all of the main kids in this story are kinda jerks to each other. I think that train of thought was what influenced the outcome of this story.**

 **One thing I regret about this fic is that I think the fic built the main story too slowly; I feel like this fic started too slowly, and I think this story dragged out a bit. But maybe that's something you enjoy. I'm still not sure if having chapter 1 be about Breast Cancer Show Ever was a right decision since I didn't feel like it contributed to the plot as much as I wanted it to. My intent was to try to show you guys where Cole stood on the social ladder, but I don't think I did a good job with that, I feel like I just copied the episode instead. I don't know.**


	23. Chapter 23: Sovngarde

**Well, here it is. This is easily the longest chapter I have ever written in this fic.**

* * *

 **Chapter 23**

It was a whole 'nother world out here. A gorge we appeared in made of beautiful pine trees and green grass paved the obvious way for us. The stars in the dark blue sky shone brightly as four auroras swirled upwards in a spiral galaxy formation, giving off enough light for us to see without requiring any flashlights. The land itself is rich and vibrant, despite the permanent night, the ground full of multiple colors of flowers. Statues overlooked the cliffsides of the gorge, and they consisted of people.

This was Sovngarde.

"Wow, this is beautiful," Wendy remarked, gazing at the landscape. "I'm glad I could be here with you, Stan."

"Me too," Stan beamed.

"Keep your eyes and wits about you, children," Harbinger warned, "the Sol Lighthouse was a test of your friendship. Here in Sovngarde is going to be a test of your skill and combat prowess, from now until when you're done fighting Terrorblade."

We first walked down a flight of stone stairs starting off in a narrow rocky gorge, but the path would converge into a wider gorge. Green grass populated the landscape. However, dead bodies of knights and wizards were everywhere on the ground. The knights' armors were cracked and crumbled, and the wizards were riddled with bullets, fragmentation wounds, and third-degree burns. It was pretty clear that the monsters that were supposed to guard Sovngarde were easily overpowered. Then again, if I recall, the SEAL Team 6 was a special ops force, so this is probably nothing we've ever dealt with before. We caught sight of two men in green camouflage fatigues, black helmets, ski masks, bulletproof vests, and silenced assault rifles, so the six of us hid behind a bush to see what they were all about.

"I joined the Seal Team 6 to shoot up terrorists, not this," the soldier on the left said.

"We've got our orders," the soldier on the right replied.

The soldier on the left shook his head. "Yeah but how come we always get the shit jobs? Go clean out the barracks. Go round up civilians in their homes. Go into some magical pony land and guard against intruders. Fuckin' sucks! And shooting children? Really?"

"Hey, kiddo, these children aren't ordinary children. They're something special. They've got magical powers for Christ's sake, and one of them is Dovahkiin." Funny, we're special now? "Just do as your told, and keep your eyes and ears out for the pink haired kid, ok?"

"Sir." The left soldier saluted the right soldier.

Just then, I heard a furious whirl from right above me. I looked up and there was a scout helicopter attached with two miniguns on each side on the front. "Shit!" Harbinger took to the skies after the helicopter. "I'll meet you at the Hall of Valor!"

I watched as the two soldiers immediately raised their weapons and began to fire upon Harbinger. On a nearby tree stump was a small radio box. "Alright, this is our chance," Stan whispered softly. "Wendy, you're up."

Wendy nodded, and immediately after she sprang out from behind our bush and did the Avenger's Shield - she lighted up her shield with holy light, and threw it at the right soldier, bouncing to the left soldier, then ricocheting back to her. Stan then immediately charged at the right soldier with high speeds and made a downwards mortal strike onto the right soldier.

"Contact! Contact!" The left soldier raised his gun and begin to fire at Wendy, so Wendy raised her shield to mitigate the damage.

"Ah! Fuck!" A bullet tore through Wendy's left abdomen, so she raised her hand up in response to bless herself with a Hand of Protection, causing her to glow with purple light. The left soldier tried to shoot Wendy again, but the bullets went through her and exploded onto the ground beneath her. Then two frostbolts made contact with the side of the soldier's head. I began to toss bolts of nature at Wendy to mend her bullet wounds. Then that made me realize - if Wendy had placed a Hand of Protection on me when I fought Trent, I wouldn't have been stabbed, and this was like when Wendy forgot she could heal. Sometimes, it feels like Wendy is less-than-competent in World of Warcraft, and it shows here.

Then again, I'm sounding like a hypocrite here since not once have I used my bear form against Trent.

"Taking fire!" The left soldier pulled out a red grenade and pulled the pin, causing it to engulf in flames. "Incendiary out!" Stan saw this coming so he jumped out of the way right as Isaac joined the fight hacking away at the right soldier. Meanwhile, the left soldier threw the grenade onto Wendy, causing her to burst in flames because the Hand of Protection did not protect her from fire damage.

"Ah! Help!" Wendy panicked and ran back towards me. I immediately tossed another nature bolt at Wendy and immediately after the flames on Wendy dispersed into nothing. "Ah. Thank you. I didn't know my Hand of Protection doesn't protect from those flame grenades." Wendy was covered with mild burns and a bullet tear, so I began to mend her by putting my hands on her abdomen.

The next thing I knew, both soldiers were already downed. One soldier was covered with permafrost while the other had wounds from weapons and earth spikes. Stan, Isaac, and Ray were both gasping for air. "Jesus Christ!" Stan complained. "And I thought light elementals were hard."

"Navy SEALs are trained for operations like these," Wendy replied. "They're the best of the best America's got to offer." Well, Wendy's not wrong. This trip is awful. First, we have to fight zombies. Next we have to fight light elementals. Then, we had to fight Trent Boyette. Now we have to face spec ops soldiers. Of course, it was just two soldiers armed modestly with assault rifles and one carried an incendiary grenade - imagine having to fight multiple later. At least if we can take them on, we can take everyone on, right? Just kidding, we will still have to deal with Terrorblade.

"Ugh, this is terrible!" Isaac complained.

Suddenly, a voice came from the radio on the tree stump. "McKinley! Ramirez! What's that I just heard? Are you there? Do you copy?" That made a rock form on the bottom of my gut. What am I going to say? What can we say? If the SEALs don't hear anything, they'll think something's up. But if we respond, they'll know something's up.

Wendy quickly slid over to the soldier that was cut by weapons to examine him and check his dogtag, then dashed over to the radio. In her best imitation of an adult male voice, she cleared her throat and responded to the radio. "Uh, James Ramirez reporting, everything is fine, roger."

"Are you sure?" The radio emitted a little bit of static. "We thought you might need some assistance, so we're sending a patrol your-"

"No!" Wendy gulped and looked back at us, her eyes filled with terror. She then faced the radio. "Sorry, sir, um, it was just a bunch holy knights and wizards. You know the sort, don't waste your men because there might be a floating..." Wendy looked back at us with terror flashing in her eyes. She mouthed a few words without making a sound. Stan mouthed a few more words silently then shrugged furiously. "...floating...space gryphon..." Stan closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Come again, Ramirez? Did you just say a floating space...wait...what the hell is that?" There came some yells, screams, and gunfire from the radio. "Ramirez! McKinley! Retreat back to the castle and help us breach it! We'll hold out as long as we can!"

Another voice came out from the radio. "Suppressive fire! Suppressive fire!" Then the radio went static.

Wendy turned to glare at Stan. "Stan, what the hell was that?" she inquired in her normal voice. It was probably based off Stan's reaction.

"For a second, I thought you were giving away Harbinger...you know what, I'll just keep my mouth shut. We should hurry." Stan shook his head. Wendy gave him a look of worry, but neither said anything more. It was probably for the better that neither argued, we're running out of time after all. Wendy went over to the cut soldier's body to steal a walkie-talkie, then the five of us continued onward.

The pathway made a 90-degree left turn towards another narrow passageway between two cliff faces. The path ascended slightly, then descended with more stone stairs. Then the pathway made a perpendicular fork with a small stream that ran to the left going into some glaciers. Well, no going that way. Looking to the right was a hole small enough for water to pass through because there were remnants of an avalanche that blocked off most of the gorge, and gunfire rang from upriver, but that's where we needed to head. Wooden bridges criss-crossed the big gorge going towards the upriver direction, and the cliff walls over the gorge were at least nine stories tall, so it's a long way down. Fortunately, there was a stairway directly across the stream from us that went upwards into a frozen glacier. "Up the stairs to the glacier it is," Ray said. The water was cool, but not too cold, but now my feet are wet, so it will feel like I'm carrying extra weight on my shoes. Then we ascended the stairs.

From directly ahead of us spanned yards of a lake frozen over. Ray looked at us then shook his head. "Let's not go that way." We looked to our right to see a wooden staircase ascending into a wooden platform leading onto a wooden bridge. This must be how we can get to the criss-crossing bridges, which is probably the way we need to go. As we went onto the first platform, the mini radio that Wendy carried with her began to squeak. "McKinley! Ramirez! We request your assistance at the castle!"

Stan had the book out again. "Ok, uh, this is also a guide through Sovngarde, and it says here that we'll eventually have to go a castle. But we can't go through a castle with all those soldiers guarding it."

Wendy looked at us for a moment, then back at the mini radio. What she said next almost wanted me to smack her in the face. "Uh, negative. Um...McKinley and I both caught sight of Dovahkiin." The rest of us facepalmed. "McKinley is down, I repeat, McKinley is down!"

"Seriously Wendy?" Stan said in annoyance.

"Where is he?!" the radio ejected. "Didn't you just tell us everything is fine?!"

Wendy ignored us. "He's back at the entrance to Sovngarde. I didn't see him the first time, you know. You know where that is, right? Do you copy?"

"Copy."

I gazed across the bridge that led to another wooden platform embedded into the cliff wall of the other side of the gorge, and sure enough, I saw five SEALs rappel down to the gorge floor with ropes armed with assault rifles. I couldn't believe it. Wendy somehow managed to trick the soldiers into getting off the platforms. "Wow."

As the five of us began to cross the rickety bridge, Wendy then began to speak with annoyance. "Stan, can you just get off my back for one moment?"

"I thought for a second you were gonna give us away!" Stan panicked.

Wendy glared at Stan. "Now why would you think I'd do that?"

They might think this is another boyfriend/girlfriend issue, but this is more than just that. I do understand why Stan is panicking, and quite frankly, I'm on the same boat as Stan. What Wendy forgot is that this is a life-and-death scenario and she's in direct control of the radio, so if she says the wrong thing, we'll all be found out, and we'll be done. "Wendy, you do know how serious this is, right? You do know why Stan feels this way, right?" I too was really nervous about the situation to be honest, but I tried to compose myself the best I could.

"Cole, I have it all under control." However, from Wendy's tone I can tell she did not say this with 100% confidence. This wasn't her usual egotistical, confident self, I can tell she's beginning to doubt herself, and it made sense, I don't think any of us have been in this kind of situation before.

We reached the second platform to find another bridge spanning to a third. From there, more soldiers rappelled off the platform. Stan put his left hand on Wendy's right shoulder. "Hey, I shouldn't have doubted you. Are you alright."

"Yeah," Wendy gulped. Then she put her right hand on her forehead and sighed in frustration as we go to the third platform. "Ugh, I don't know. The problem is that I don't know how long I can keep up this crap before the SEALs eventually find out. And you know what SEALs are capable of, right?"

"How do you know all about the SEALs?" Stan asked.

"I don't know that much," Wendy replied. "I just know that they're supposed to be the best of the best the U.S. Military can offer. I also know this because politics and military stuff sometimes go hand-in-hand. But you know why I'm doing this, right?"

"Because we'll get shot," Stan replied.

Wendy nodded. "Yep. We can't charge in head on or they'll shoot us down. We have to split them up so we can get to the castle because we can't take them all on."

"I'm sure it would have been more helpful if all of you knew all of your spells and abilities," Ray mentioned. "Like honestly, there's been many times where maybe a Cyclone or perhaps a Hand of Whatever could have made life easier. I'm not trying to be an elitist here."

"Ray, we're all tired and we aren't used to fighting," Stan exhaled, "and besides, they can just shoot us down."

"Sorry," Ray closed.

I walked over to a table on the fourth platform to see five pieces of paper, each with our name on them. "Hey guys, come check this out." My friends came over to my table to read what each paper had said, so we flipped through one-by-one.

 _Wendy Testaburger - Paladin. Prefers to fight with a shield and sword. Uses her shield and holy powers to protect her friends and fight up front. Dealing with her isn't hard, keep her locked down with flashbang grenades, smoke grenades, and incendiary grenades. Avoid her taunts as she will likely want you to attack her so that her male friends can dish out the damage._

 _Stanley Marsh - Warrior. Uses a two-handed sword to fight. For a kid, he is very strong, fast, and agile, and can perform supernatural maneuvers like making grown men run in terror, reflect non-physical projectiles with his sword, and cause debilitating wounds. The best way to deal with him is to fight him head on and keep him down with a taser. A knife fight may be necessary._

 _Isaac Dimmons - Shaman. Prefers to fight up close with two axes but can also summon elemental magic against his enemies. He can easily tear you apart if he gets up close, but he can also close the distance by transforming into a ghost wolf. Can deploy totems for extra magic effects. Shoot him before he gets close and destroy his totems._

 _Cole Dimmons - Druid. Uses nature magic and can also transform into a bear or cat for better combat capabilities, but often prefers to stand back and heal his friends with nature magic. Because of his ability to mend the worst of injuries, kill him first. Flush him out of cover with incendiary grenades and take him out with a high-caliber sniper rifle._

 _Raymond Irvington - Dovahkiin/Mage. Likes to pelt people from afar with frost magic but also can use arcane and fire. Also summons a water elemental to help him. DO NOT KILL THIS CHILD. Bring a taser to knock him out, and make sure to dispatch his friends._

Man, of course they want to kill me first, of course they want to kill the healer first. Every video game - what do you do? Kill the healer. Jokes aside though, this is really disheartening to read. They really mean to send an entire spec ops force after five children that one man could easily shoot down. Also, as demonstrated on the Sol Lighthouse Aerie, even though the five of us have WoW powers, we can still die fairly easily. Wendy scanned each paper over, her voice showing that her confidence has more-or-less drained away. "M-my God. T-they've got entire military dossiers on us."

"Wow, they really take their job seriously," Stan quivered.

"Let's keep it together, they're nothing but bullies, right?" Isaac is trying to boost our morale, but it wasn't enough to detract from the gravity of the situation at hand.

Ray rolled his eyes. "Bullies who mean to shoot us down, yeah, sure."

"G-guys, let's focus," Wendy said, but with less confidence than usual.

My eyes wandered off to what's upriver. About sixty yards out the river came from a cave imbedded into another cliff wall, and on the right side of the river was a rusty elevator that went about five stories up. On the top was a single soldier who pushed a button for the elevator to go down. He wasn't on the platform though, and about ten other soldiers were on the platform that descended from the top of the cliff wall to the river floor. When the platform reached the bottom of the gorge, the soldiers immediately began to march downriver. "Guys, get down," I warned.

The five of us hid behind a wooden plank as we heard marching down the river. We waited for twenty seconds until we were sure that we could hear them no more. "Ok, now here's our chance," Stan said. He lept from the plank first and the rest of us ran after him. All five of us began to sprint towards the rusty elevator, but the soldier on the top already began to raise it. "Shit, we're gonna miss it!"

"No we aren't, hold on." Wendy pulled out her walkie-talkie and began to impersonate Ramirez again. The five of us stopped at the bottom of the elevator pulley. "Hold that elevator, soldier. This is Ramirez speaking. I'm injured, I need medical assistance now. Copy?"

A staticy voice came from the radio. "Roger."

The platform began to lower itself again, and when it reached the bottom, we all got on. No more than ten seconds later did the elevator begin to raise itself. Stan unsheathed the sword from his back and turned to us. "Hope you guys are ready to kill some bad guys." I nodded and cracked my knuckles in response. The rest of my friends readied their weapons and Ray summoned up another water elemental. The looks on my friends' faces made it clear they were as nervous as I am, nevertheless, we don't really have a choice now, but at least we got rid of a substantial amount of opposition...for now.

"Hey Wendy," Stan said.

"Yes?" Wendy replied.

"You did pretty great tricking the soldiers," Stan answered.

Wendy gave Stan a heartwarming smile, making Stan blush. "Thanks, hon." Hon? Haha, this is the part where everyone laughs because Wendy used a term of endearment to Stan.

Or, well, would normally laugh, but when the elevator we were on got to the top of the cliff wall, we were greeted immediately by the SEAL who was manning the elevator pulley on the right side. "Ramirez sir! Are...shit! You're not Ramirez! Contact! Contact!" The soldier immediately raised a submachine gun at us, but Stan and Wendy immediately charged at the soldier. A few simple sword strikes were all it took to bring down the soldier, who could not retaliate since he was caught by surprise.

"I have eyes on the enemy!" I looked to my left to see who spoke, and sure enough I saw a three SEALs on different wooden platforms embedded into the narrow waterless gorge ready their weapons. Fortunately, there were lots of rocks, tree stumps and tables to use as cover, so the five of us immediately got down as they opened fire. Isaac and I hid behind a rock

"Crap, we're trapped!" Isaac yelled.

"Incendiary out!" I peered to see who was speaking and there I saw a SEAL further down the gorge towards the left throw a ball of flame, likely another incendiary grenade. Meanwhile, Ray and his elemental were pelting that soldier with ice spikes.

"Stan, look out!" Wendy shrieked.

It seemed like the trajectory of the grenade was heading towards Stan, so Stan did what he did best - he got up from the tree stump he hid behind, brought his sword behind his back like a baseball bat, and when the grenade reached Stan, he swung his sword at the grenade, causing it to reflect back to the soldier who threw it, and when the grenade reached the soldier, who was currently covered in frost, the grenade exploded on the soldier. "AHH! HELP!" The soldier burnt to death within a matter of seconds.

"Sweet!" Stan said. I can always count on Stan to reflect spells.

The five of us ran under bridges and platforms as the remaining two soldiers tried to fire upon us. One soldier was on a left platform while the other was on a right. Isaac, Ray, and his water elemental went up a bridge to the left platform to take on that soldier while Wendy and Stan went up to the right platform. On the left platform, the soldier pulled out his knife and tried to swipe at Isaac and Ray but both jumped back. Isaac then did the Stormstrike, striking the soldier with both his axes engulfed with lightning while Ray threw two Ice Lances at the soldier's face, downing him. Wendy and Stan took turns distracting and attacking the soldier on the right platform. The soldier desperately pulled out a pistol to shoot him, but the sword attacks staggered him so he could not get off a good shot, and he laid there bleeding on the ground.

"We're all good?" My friends nodded at my question. None of them were hurt, so they jumped off the platforms and we continued up the canyon.

The path took a dip to the right, then curved to the left in the original direction forward. From there there was a clearing followed by a huge bottomless rift that led across like a river. On the other side of the rift was an old stone castle that the soldiers on the radio must have been talking about, and there was large metal bridge that connected our side to the castle side, large enough to turn the bridge into an actual road. Nonetheless, I looked across the bridge to see two soldiers standing guard in front of the castle door. Dead bodies of holy knights and wizards (presumably the guardians of Sovngarde) littered the front yard of the castle. There was some amount of lawn in the front yard. "We're too late," Ray said.

"Not too late, but we should hurry." Stan turned to me. "Oh shit, one of them has a sniper rifle. Um, Cole, go into stealth and see if you can take one of them out. Ray, you're gonna have to do that fart where you direct it to explode at a certain place." Wait what? Stan wants me to go into stealth to sneak attack someone?

"The Sneaky Squeaker?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, that one, now go." Stan nodded.

Ray cupped his right hand under his ass and farted into it. He threw the ball of fart so that it exploded on the right side of the courtyard. We then heard conversation. "What the fuck was that?" one soldier asked, who carried a shotgun.

"I don't know, sounds like a fart," the other said, carrying the sniper rifle.

"Check it out," the first said.

The other soldier with the sniper rifle nodded and began to move towards the right side. That was my cue. I immediately turned into a cat and dropped into Prowl (stealth) and crawled up to the castle gate where the staying soldier stood. The soldier, carrying the shotgun, looked at my direction when I was a few feet in front of his face. He then took a closer look. "I've got movement!" _  
_

But I gave him no time to react. I immediately pounced on his face, stunning him and bleeding him while he stood there dazed. His heart was then impaled by a frostbolt, and ice lance, and a water bolt. I then heard another shout, this one coming from the other soldier. "Need support now!" I looked to the right side of the courtyard to see the other SEAL aim a sniper rifle at me. Shit!

I immediately began to dash to the left side to reach a large rock and hide behind there, but I heard a very loud gunshot followed by me feeling a large bullet snag me in the hind left leg. "AH! FUCK!" I screamed. I stumbled behind the rock and shifted back into a human to see a large bullet wound, and I wasted no time beginning to mend it with nature power. To say "it hurts like a bitch" is an understatement; the feeling of a sniper rifle bullet tearing through my calf nearly paralyzed me in shock.

"Get him!" I heard Wendy yell. I heard another sniper rifle gunshot go off, but I didn't hear a bullet make contact with anything. Then I heard ice and steel meet flesh and a grown man scream until no more.

I healed myself, but I was _very slowly_ mending the wound. "Goddamn, this hurts...this hurts so much..." I nearly wanted to cry.

Isaac came to my aid just in time. He examined me for a second, then placed another healing hand on my left calf, his filled with elemental water. "You'll be fine, dude." Wendy also came to help out with healing my leg.

"Jesus Christ, dude!" Stan said. "How are we gonna take them all on?"

The radio on Wendy's belt then began to rumble. "So...Ramirez. I found your body with McKinley's, but someone took your dogtag. Impressive how you fooled us, Dovahkiin, how you distracted us all back to the entrance to Sovngarde only to get ambushed by guardians and the Devourer." The Devourer he was referring to is probably Harbinger. "But no matter. I know one of you have the bomb, you kids left a little loose end. South Park Police contacted us. You terrorists are going down." Then it was dead silence. It left an eerie in all of us. Us...terrorists? "Do you know who I am?"

Wendy, in her normal voice, took the radio with her right hand and spoke nervously into it. "Who is this?"

"Matt Parker, or the guy the Devourer blew me off the roof. Wanna know how I lived?" What? I thought he died. But that backpack he had on...no. It can't have have been a parachute, could it? "I parachuted down. Enjoy your day, you little brats." Then there was silence again.

"Hello?" Wendy asked into the radio. But there was no answer. "Oh no. Oh God." Wendy chucked the radio off the cliff. She then stopped healing my leg and sat down on the ground.

Normally it would have taken three minutes to heal me, but because I had three people healing me, it only took one, so I could easily walk again. "We have to hurry," I said.

"Right," Ray nodded. He walked towards the front door of the old castle and examined it while we followed him. He looked up and down for a moment before turning to us. "I think it is time I do the Nagasaki - the far I did to that boulder to get to the Crab People, remember?" Yeah, I remember, but I don't really have anything to add, and based on how silent everyone else is, no one else had anything to say. He examined it once more then faced his backside to the door. He sucked in air into his anus and all of a sudden, a loud rumbling could be heard from him, but when he released, the gate did not budge. "Crap! That didn't work."

"What do we do now?" Isaac asked. What can we do? Ray's most powerful far won't work, and I have nothing else in mind. We all looked at each other. Ray, Isaac, and Stan only carried a look of lost and confusion.

Wendy, however, had a growing smirk. "There is one thing I nearly forgot until now." She put down her sword and shield to the ground then swung her backpack to her front to open the main compartment. She took out what appeared to be a small black box with a 0-9 keypad, like the one used for phones. It was the C4 she had carried throughout the entirety of our trip from when we stole the police car back in South Park to head north. She flipped over the bomb to read the sticky note on the back. "The code is 7355608. T-45...what does that mean?"

"Maybe it explodes in forty-five seconds?" Stan asked.

Wendy nodded. "Yeah, that could be it." Wendy walked up to the front gate and knelt down to deploy the bomb. She entered the code in then set the bomb on the ground. The bomb began to beep slowly and a flashing red light was illuminated from the bomb. "Bomb has been planted."

As Wendy retrieved her shield and sword, Stan spoke up with dread while pointing across the bridge. "They're here." I followed Stan's finger to see about five Navy SEALs readying their assault rifles at us. Why only five? I thought there would be more, unless Harbinger and the guardians took care of them already. That would make sense.

"Run!" Wendy began to sprint to the rock I previously hid behind, and the rest of us followed her. As we got behind the rock, gunshots rang through the air and the soldiers began to shout commands at each other.

"Enemy spotted!"

"Let's get this done!"

"Let's move out!"

"We're Oscar Mike!"

We heard the soldiers approach our general vicinity, but they did not go to where we hid, even though they clearly know we are. No, instead, I peered to see a soldier kneeling down on the ticking bomb getting out pliers to try to defuse the bomb. The bomb began to tick more rapidly as time passed. "Oh no, they're gonna defuse the bomb," Isaac moaned.

"I can't get a good shot at them, they'll kill me!" Ray complained.

"There's one thing I can do." Stan reached behind his own back to pull out an orange Frisbee. He then chucked it at the enemies' general direction with a heroic throw. I peered out of the giant rock again to see the trajectory of the Frisbee, and sure enough, it nailed the bomb defuser in the left jaw, knocking him down.

However, I did hear a bullet tear through someone followed by Stan's scream. "AH! SHIT!"

"Stan!" Wendy cried. I looked to see Stan slamming his back next to my left side gripping his left shoulder in pain.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Of course, the voice of a SEAL distracted me "Incendiary out!" A second later, an incendiary grenade exploded a few feet in front of us, leaving a circular path of fire in its wake.

"Holy shit!" Isaac cried.

"Elemental, get the bomb defuser!" Ray commanded. The water elemental threw a waterbolt, then it was shot up and died immediately after. I peered out again to see the waterbolt hit the bomb defuser. Sweet. I really hope that's long enough to prevent any defusal attempts before the bomb detnotes.

"Cole, a little help here!" Stan's voice took me aback. I looked at him as he revealed to me a bullet wound in his right shoulder. Oh shit, I got distracted. It was like that one time with the recent "ad-epidemic" where everyone (including myself) kept getting swarmed by ads on the internet.

"Sorry!" I began to use both my hands to mend Stan's bullet wound with nature power, as per usual.

The bomb was ticking extremely rapidly as a soldier grumbled. "Shit! I can't find my pliers!"

"Just pull the strings with your hands you moron!" another yelled.

"Ugh, I can't believe I'm stuck on a team with these losers!" a third complained. Haha, this is exactly like playing Counter-Strike right now.

Wendy peered her head out and groaned. "Oh no, they're gonna defuse the bomb."

"Wendy, get down," Stan warned, and Wendy did as told.

Then five rapid beeps sounded out, then nothing else. For two entire seconds, nothing but wind could be heard, no gunshots, no frostbolts, and the flames laid out by the thrown incendiary grenade from moments ago faded away into nothing. Then, all of a sudden, an explosion shuddered the ground, making us jump. Chunks of rock and stone fell from the sky around us. After a few seconds, we popped out from behind the rock to see what happened, and surely enough, ash covered the broken gates and the SEALs were no more, completely vaporized. "Holy shit."

"Guess you could say...the terrorists win," I smirked.

"What?" Stan asked.

"It's a Counter-Strike joke," I replied.

"I'm feeling fine now, thanks dude." When Stan said that I took my hands off his shoulder. The wound was nearly completely mended.

The five of us went over to the gate, now a giant hole in the castle wall. We looked at each other as Ray summoned up another water elemental. "So...I guess this is it. You guys ready?" The rest of us nodded at Ray. "Alright. Let's do this."

* * *

There were holes in the ceiling of the old castle, so there was enough skylight to light the room without needing any flashlights - just barely though. As a whole, the interior of the castle was exactly like I expected, and exactly what would be expected of a crumbling castle exterior. The old stone walls were beginning to fall apart, there were piles of concrete on the floor, and the pillars that held up the room are broken down. The first room we were in was a rectangular room. In the back right corner was a doorway.

"Woah, what is this place?" Wendy asked.

Stan went over to a beam of light and flipped through the book _The Truth of the Stick of Truth_ , but he shook his head. "I dunno. Doesn't say." He put the book away in his backpack.

"Let's just keep going," Ray said.

We walked up to the doorway only to realize that it was being blocked by a pile of wood. I turned to the others and shrugged. "Drat. What do we do now?"

The rest of us turned to stare at Ray, and so Ray gave us an annoyed look. "What?" I wonder if Ray realizes that he should do a Dragonshout, as that thought just occurred to my head.

"Aren't you gonna fart at that pile of crap right there?" Stan pointed at the pile of wood blocking the doorway.

"What? Oh, yeah. Right." Ray walked up to the pile. He turned around, and made a lout fart, blasting away the wood. "Alright, cool."

The five of us went into a dark narrow hall. It went upstairs and twisted to the left. At the end of the hallway was another room where we could hear moaning. A lantern lit aflame hung from the ceiling, revealing two giant leeches who were sitting on top of some kind of liquid.

"Giant leeches?" Wendy softly groaned. "That's disgusting."

"What is that water they're sitting on?" I whispered.

"Yeah, I'm not touching them." Stan brought out his hands while shaking his head, telling us "no way".

"Hanging lantern...there's one thing I can try. I wonder if that is oil or gasoline or something they're sitting on." Ray cupped his hand under his ass and farted into it. He then released the cloud, causing it to fly towards the hanging lantern. When the cloud touched the lantern, it broke, causing flaming ash to fall to the ground. The flaming ash lit the liquid on fire and causing it to explode, making me realize it the liquid was gasoline, so since the leeches were on the oil, they caught fire and were burn to death within a matter of seconds.

"Oh my..." Isaac had his hands over his mouth in awe.

The flame lasted for no more than a minute. Then we crossed the room through another doorway leading into a hallway. At the end of the hall was another room, and this time there was a single giant stone golem. We watched it walk around in the room that was alit with torches. When it turned its back on us we saw cracks in the back. "So the weak spot is the back," I whispered.

"I know just what to do. Follow my lead." Ray cupped his hand underneath his ass once again then let loose as small cloud. He blew on it and twirled his hands, so the cloud floated to the other side of the room next to the doorway and exploded there. The golem made a grunt and went to check out the explosion, thus turning its back on us. "Throw a ranged attack at the back."

Simultaneously, Ray threw a frostbolt, Isaac threw a lightning bolt, I threw a solar wrath, Stan threw an orange Frisbee, and Wendy threw a burst of light. All five of our projectiles converged onto the golem's back, causing a massive explosion and the golem to groan and crumble into pieces of concrete thereafter. "Haha, that was awesome," Stan laughed.

We went into the next hallway, and as this one circled left, there were candles on the wall. The thing is, the candles began to sing, catching me by surprise. It was light-toned and innocent for now.

"Look away."

"Let me burn."

"I'm trying."

As we walked, Stan gave Wendy a puzzled look. "Wait, the candles here sing?"

"Yeah, I'm confused too," Wendy replied. We we kept walking forward, the candles sang more, this time darker-toned and more menacing.

"Wrong way."

"Turn around."

"Lost?"

"Cole, this is scary," Isaac whispered admittingly to me, his voice quavering with fear. I have to agree with Isaac honestly, but it's not like we can turn back now. We've gotten too far already.

"Walk faster guys," I urged, and my friends obeyed.

What caught me out of guard next is that that candles began to spew fire at us. "What the fuck?" Wendy yelled. The five of us immediately began to run as rain of fire came down on us. We were fast enough that the fireballs missed, then we got into the next room.

The next room was completely empty and there was no doorway on the other side; instead, the wall on the opposite side was partially crumbling and cracked, with some pieces of the wall missing. The ceiling clearly had a large hole that revealed the Sovngarde sky, so we were definitely near the top of the castle. Ray walked up and took a good look at it, then turned back to us. "I don't know if we're supposed to be in this castle."

"Well we kinda followed the path, and it took us here," Stan pointed out. He is right, we did follow the only possible path.

"Well, at least here I can do the Nagasaki." Ray turned around and sucked in air into his anus, causing the ground to shudder. Then, when Ray released the fart, it caused the crumbling wall to explode.

The broken wall revealed a balcony to the outside, and at the end of the balcony was a bridge that led across a rift to another canyon that was wider, had shorter cliff walls, and grass on the ground. The thing is, is that at the end of the balcony was a fat African American man. With his back turned towards us, he had on a red T-shirt, blue jeans, brown shoes, and a chef's hat on his head. As we walked closer to this person, he turned to us and revealed a heartwarming smile underneath his black beard. "Hello there, children!"

"CHEF?" Stan, Wendy, Isaac, and I all dropped our jaws in surprise. It was our previous cafeteria chef back in South Park Elementary, whose real name is Jerome McElroy. He left South Park to join some "Super Adventure Club", who turned him into a pedophile. When he tried to turn against the club, he was killed. Now he's here...in Sovngarde.

"Chef? He's a chef? Or is his name actually 'Chef'?" Ray was clearly puzzled since he doesn't know Chef. To be honest, I don't ever talk with Chef, and as far as I know, Stan is one of Chef's favorite children. That said, usually, in school, I would just wait in line, get my food from Chef, and leave. Isaac and I rarely every exchanged words with Chef, and if we did, we would just say "thanks". Honestly, back then, I never thought much about Chef at all, but he has done alot to help South Park, and in retrospect I regret ignoring him and not getting to know him.

"Yeah, we call him 'Chef', and he was our school chef before he died," Wendy said, "he was a great guy."

"Chef?" Stan walked up to examine Chef. "H-h-how? How'd you get here?"

"Stan, this isn't a time for sweet talk. Come closer children." The five of us walked up very close to Chef. He knelt down to our height and began to whisper in a soft tone.. "Children, listen to me very carefully. I need-"

A sultry, feminine voice came out from behind us, interrupting Chef. "Who is that, Jerome?" Catching me by surprise, I reacted by turning around. Out of the darkness whence we came walked forth a black-haired woman with a buttoned shirt and black shirt. She was probably in her early twenties and beautiful beyond belief, with lush cheeks and a cute face like my mom's. Unfortunately, since she is here in Sovngarde, she's likely dead.

"Oh no!" Chef made a scared reaction, likely eluding to the fact that she's a bad guy or something.

"Jerome, why are you...wait a minute..." The woman walked up closer to us, and I heard Wendy gulp. She faced an angry glare in my direction, but not at me. "...you!"

"Um..." I watched the confidence and blood drain away completely from Wendy's face as she stuttered, unable to make any coherent sounds. I'm sure there's a reason Wendy's acting this nervous, and given this isn't usual of her, and given the woman's reaction, I have a sneaking suspicion that the woman is out for some retribution, much like Trent Boyette earlier today.

"You! I know you!" The woman walked up closer to us as Wendy nervously raised her shield. "Wendy Testaburger! You remember me, right? I'm Ms. Ellen, or, according to you, _Maqesh Alaq Makaraqesh!_ "

Wendy began to cry. "Ms. Ellen...I'm sorry..." It made sense now. The moment Ms. Ellen revealed her name, I immediately remembered spying on Stan's and Wendy's date two nights ago when Wendy confessed to Stan that she had Ms. Ellen shot into the sun because she was jealous how Ms. Ellen stole Stan's heart. Which from an outsider's perspective can sound quite messed up depending on how Ms. Ellen really felt about Stan and reacted to him - that part, which I don't know.

"You're a stupid, insecure whore, and you're also a prick, that's what you are, Wendy! You'll slutshame any girl to further your own gain yet you yourself will act like a slut yourself to get the attention of boys!" Ms. Ellen's words were as angry as her teeth grinding. "I've watched you closely while I was dead in Hell. You had me...wait..." She then flashed a devious smile at the rest of us. "Oh, Wendy's boyfriends. Do you wanna know what really happened?"

"What, that Wendy had Arabs shoot you into the sun because she was jealous?" Stan rolled his eyes.

"Wait, she was the woman Wendy shot into the sun?" Ray scratched his head.

"No, Stan's saying Wendy paid the Arabs to do it for her," Isaac explained.

"Huh." Ray shrugged. "I guess...I kinda know what this means then..."

"Damn right you do, stupid lemurians." Lemurans? I think she meant Lemurs, and even then, that's quite an interesting insult.

"...wait, you're calling us 'moon people'?" Ray asked.

"No, Ray, that's LUNARians," Isaac corrected.

Ms. Ellen shouted at the top of her lungs while stomping her right foot down on the ground. "Will you retards shut up?" Well that got Ray and Isaac to shut up real nicely, and thus, Ms. Ellen's tone became more calm. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. And it's not because of Jerome here, I never gave a shit about him and I never will. I honestly didn't expect him to be at this exact same spot. But that doesn't matter. No, I waited here because I knew you'd be here Wendy, with your jock-asshole boyfriend Stan and...whoever the fuck those three boys are."

"But if you were in Hell...and now you're here..." Wendy pointed around the room and then gasped and opened her eyes. "No...you can't..."

"That's right. Terrorblade promised I'd get my revenge on you." Ms. Ellen began to walk back and forth.

"You're going to ally yourself with the most evil demon in the world just to get revenge on Wendy?!" Stan shrieked. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"You're but a sellout," I added.

"You think I asked to be shot into the sun, Stan?!" Ms. Ellen yelled. "Wendy took my life away from me because she was so insecure about her self image, and she still is to this very day!"

"People make mistakes and people do dumb shit," Stan replied, "but please, Wendy's not like that at all. She's improved. She's kind, intelligent, and empathetic."

"Well if that's so that's far too late for me!" Ms. Ellen retorted.

"Can't you let us go?" Isaac pleaded. "We just want to get to Terrorblade."

Ms. Ellen shook her head. "Oh that's not an option, kiddo."

Chef shook his head. "Ms. Ellen, please think about what you're doing. Do you realize what Terrorblade's going to bring to the world? Do you realize what's going to happen if he takes control of the Stick, and takes control of the universe?"

"What do you know? You were just a lowly school cafeteria chef who knows nothing but soul songs and picking up women!" Ms. Ellen spat.

Wow. I get that Ms. Ellen was pissed off for getting shot into the sun by Wendy, but insulting Chef like that was a low blow. He was a really nice guy from what I remember, even though we never really talked, and she had no reason to treat him that way. I narrowed my eyes at Ms. Ellen and intensely glared at her. "Ok, shut up idiot."

"Oh real mature of you, asshole." Ms. Ellen rolled her eyes at me. "I can see Wendy would made such wholesome friends like you while I was gone."

"Coming from someone who doesn't have friends and has to whore herself out, yeah haha, bitch and moan some more, you dumb skank." Ray laughed. "I know you're just trying to distract us with your whore moves."

Ms. Ellen went red with rage from Ray's insult. "You want me to show you a 'whore move'?! I'll show you one free of charge!" She charged forward, lifted Wendy by the collar, and tossed Wendy behind her, causing Wendy to crash into the wall. "Happy, asswipe?" Holy shit, Ms. Ellen is strong. Where did she get all that strength?

I shook my head. "Oh nice going, Ray." Ray just shrugged in bewilderment. Damnit Ray, why do you have to be a snark all the time? And damnit Wendy, why were you so jealous and insecure you had Ms. Ellen shot into the sun for no reason? I swear to God, I didn't think Stan's and Wendy's mistakes would literally be the death of us. They did some really bad shit in the past and now I'm gonna pay for it.

"Oh God, what?" Isaac was stunned from Ms. Ellen's toss. "How did you...how...what?"

Ms. Ellen laughed. "Terrorblade gave me some extra strength and endurance. I'm glad-"

"Aarugh!" With an angry roar, Stan interrupted the conversation by charging at Ms. Ellen with his sword in both his hands. "You bitch!" Stan made a deep Rend downwards through Ms. Ellen's right breast with his sword, causing her to bleed.

"Stan, wait-" Chef started. But it was no use. It's time to spring into action. Isaac set down a Searing Totem to throw fireballs at Ms. Ellen while he himself casted Flame Shock on Ms. Ellen, setting her on fire. Wendy got up to cast down a holy bolt, the spell called Judgement, and Ray began to cast frostbolts.

"Hey cuntface, come here!" Wendy shouted as she lit her sword with light to make a sweeping Crusader Strike onto Ms. Ellen.

A rather crude taunt, yes, but it indeed worked on Ms. Ellen. Can't argue with results, you know? That said, Ms. Ellen turned her attention towards Wendy. She began to rapidly throw punches at Wendy, who blocked it with her shield. I slid around the room clockwise so I had direct like of sight of Wendy, allowing me to heal her from range with healing bolts while Stan, Isaac, Ray, and his water elemental were throwing attacks at Ms. Ellen. But Ms. Ellen was very resilient. Great, another "boss fight".

Then all of a sudden, Ms. Ellen turned her attention towards me. "You. You're the healer." She then kicked Isaac down, knocking him down and stunning him. She then picked him up and threw him at his totem, killing it off. Then she charged at me. Even though I shapeshifted into a bear, she still grabbed me by the neck, clearly displaying her super strength. Then she reached down to steal Stan's sword. "Mind if I borrow that, honey?"

"Hey, give that back!" Stan tried to jump for his sword, but he was too short, and Ms. Ellen was too tall, holding up Stan's sword so he could not reach it.

"Help!" I yelled. However, she then thrusted her sword into me...but I could not feel anything. The sword went straight through me. The next thing I saw was holy light glowing from Wendy's left hand, directed at me. I looked up to see a crown over my head glowing purple. The Hand of Protection was placed on me. "Thanks Wendy!"

"What?" Ms. Ellen kicked Wendy back. "Ok again!" Ms. Ellen tried to thrust the sword into me. However, Stan Pummeled her in the vagina with his right fist, causing her to scream in pain as she fell to the floor, dropping me and Stan's sword. Stan picked up his sword, but Ms. Ellen recovered easily from the shock. Normally, people don't enjoy a punch in the groin, men and women alike, but Ms. Ellen, as stated earlier, gained supernatural stamina from Terrorblade, so she took the punch to the vagina fairly well. Therefore, she picked up Stan and threw him at Wendy as Wendy tried to get up. I tried to act, but Ms. Ellen picked me up again and tried to punch me. Man, why do they always have to try to go for the healer? However, a cloud of arcane seared Ms. Ellen's head and mind, causing her to drop me as she screamed again. Ray seemingly casted Counterspell. He and his elemental continually hurled frostbolts and ice lances. "Ok, I'll just kill you then!" She charged at Ray, but Ray froze himself in a block of ice when she tried to punch him, creating an Ice Block preventing him from taking damage. "FUCKING PESKY KIDS!"

I quickly ran to Stan and Wendy to shift to human form and heal them up as I watched Isaac heal himself up and place a healing totem. I watched as Ms. Ellen tried to kill Ray's elemental, but Isaac immediately got back in action and followed up with a Lava Lash onto Ms. Ellen, causing a burst of flame on her. "Take this, you jerk!"

"Rah!" Ms. Ellen punched Isaac in the face, knocking him back, but Stan and Wendy, partially healed, jumped back into the fray and both of them threw a holy hammer and an orange Frisbee at Ms. Ellen, following up with mortal and crusader strikes.

The Ice Block that imprisoned Ray then thawed. "Go for the kill! Do it now!"

Isaac roared vigorously, giving us a feeling of heroism. I never knew how it felt, but damn did I feel confident now, I feel I could definitely take on the whole world. It was quite refreshing, and it was the feeling I haven't felt in a long time. As I tossed out heals to my friends while they smacked Ms. Ellen around, Ray called out to me. "Gonna need you to do damage too, Cole!"

"On it." With arcane power swirling in my hands, I started out with a Moonfire, then I then let out a Starsurge - three consecutive arcane bolts onto Ms. Ellen. Because we were all faster in our attacks, our damage was enough to quickly down her, and then we stopped attacking.

"Alright!" Ms. Ellen knelt down, grasping her bleeding chest. "I give up! Please don't kill me again!"

I looked at my friends. Then Chef came up to us. "Children, that was impressive. But you have to hurry and get outta here."

"But what about Ms. Ellen?" Wendy asked. "We can't leave her here."

"I'll take good care of her, now go!" Chef commanded.

The five of us walked to the end of the balcony where the bridge to the next canyon lied. As we got on the bridge, we all turned back to Chef, who knelt down next to Ms. Ellen. "Hey Chef...thanks." Stan gave Chef a thumbs up and a smile.

"I'll see you again, children," Chef reassured.

The five of us crossed the bridge. The canyon dipped downward and towards the left, and the pathway widened considerably. Wendy stopped in her track and sighed, and the rest of us did as well after taking note of Wendy. "I feel really bad."

"What do you mean?" Isaac asked.

Wendy turned back towards the direction of the old castle. "It's what Ms. Ellen said about me back in that castle."

"I think I can see where this is going..." I said.

Wendy began to sniffle. "She's right though, Cole. I'm a bitch. I'm an insecure attention whore. I'm a hypocrite, I'm-"

Stan put his right hand on Wendy's left cheek. "Wendy, don't be like this, please." Stan's voice was full of worry.

Wendy began crying. "She's right though, I should never have killed her." Well, on one hand, she did get Ms. Ellen shot to the sun. On the other hand, I don't really know the feeling of jealousy since, as mentioned before, I never had a girlfriend, so I honestly don't have anything insightful to add to this conversation. I just stood here awkwardly.

"Wendy, please don't cry no more, it's not your fault." Stan shook his head. "I was being an insensitive dick to you when she was our sub back in 3rd grade. Wendy-"

There was a whirling in the air, causing Stan and Wendy to fall silent. We all turned towards the old castle again to see Harbinger flying towards us and a helicopter falling towards us. "Run!" I yelled. The five of us ran forward down the canyon, and no more than a few seconds later, we felt a quake on the ground, knocking us down to the ground. I got up to see a helicopter crashed down on the location the five of us previously stood.

And in front of that down helicopter stood up the old man we saw before at the Sol Lighthouse aerie - the big bad government guy Matt Parker, who is now holding a rocket launcher and completely naked, showing off his penis. He was bleeding from the fall damage, but he still stood. "So. Impressive job tricking my SEALs." Harbinger landed down on the ground next to us. "And you, Devourer. You've been a thorn in my side for too long." Matt Parker aimed the rocket launcher at Harbinger.

Harbinger floated in the air with his arms hanging loose and his head feeling dragged and tired. His obsidian skin was beginning to crumble, making it pretty clear he was injured. But he raised his staff up in the sky. "You're a lesser power." Suddenly, a giant vacuum of arcane energy blasted apart the area where Matt Parker stood. Matt's head was fried out, but he did not fall. Kneeling down, he slowly stood up and held out his rocket launcher. "What? No!"

"Haha, I'm not as much of a dumbass as you think I am." Immediately after the words left Matt Parker, he fired the rocket launcher at Harbinger. Harbinger took the explosion, and flame covered his body.

"Arrrarr!" Harbinger yelled in pain. No more than a few seconds later, glowing green smoke was ejected from his body. Harbinger slowly descended to the ground, his entire body crumbling and laying on the ground. "Back...to the oblique...world."

An evil grin overtook the naked Matt Parker. "Now the Devourer falls."

"No! Harbinger! Rahh!" Permafrost oversurged Ray as he fired ice spike after ice spike at Matt Parker while edging towards him.

"Ow!" Ice spikes lodged into Matt Parker's body caused him to scream in pain. "Dovah - what - you - doing?"

"Fuck! You! Asshole!" Ray's elemental rooted Matt Parker in place as Ray called down a comet storm to completely shatter and eviscerate Matt Parker, leaving him but a pile of frozen human guts. "AHH!" Ray then turned back to roar at us, then breathed heavily after.

The rest of us lowered our weapons and didn't say anything. I know how angry Ray is. It seemed that Harbinger really seemed to click with Ray, and now that Harbinger is gone, we don't have someone to watch after us anymore. "Ray..." Wendy put her right hand on Ray's right shoulder.

Ray shrugged Wendy off and turned back to Harbinger's body. He shook his head. "He wasn't always oblique."

* * *

 **Well here it is, longest chapter written so far. I don't need to say anything more since this chapter is already so large. See you next time.**


	24. Chapter 24: Little Talks

**This short chapter is at least half-focused on Stendy.**

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

After three minutes of hiking, we stopped along a small waterfall that poured itself into a small pond located on the left side of the trail. The five of us sat silently on a log, and after the long day of traveling, we all decided it was best that we rested for about twenty minutes or so before we continue on to the Hall of Valor, which is only about a four minute walk from here at most. Because we're in Sovngarde, there is no cell phone reception, so I don't know what the time is, and it doesn't seem like the space sky ever changes. The five of us began to eat and drink again. Looking into the water, I could see my own reflection, and the fish that swam underneath.

The swimming fish reminded me of how I hated fishing. That thought also reminded me of how I used to dislike my brother Isaac alot. I came to remember that that memory was back when I was six-years-old before first grade started.

* * *

 _My dad, Isaac, and I went out to Stark's Pond one Saturday morning to go fishing on the west side of the lake because that was the only area where fishing was allowed. We were the only family out there in the cool morning, so there wasn't anyone we could directly talk to. All we had were three buckets filled with ice-cold lake water and three fishing poles, one for the each of us._

 _After an hour of fishing, Isaac caught about seven fish while my dad caught eleven. I, on the other hand, had yet to catch any at all, and I was pissed. "Augh! I hate fishing! This place sucks!"_

 _"It's all about patience, Cole. It took me about two months to catch my first fish you know." My dad rubbed my back with a caring smile, but I saw it as a mockery._

 _"I never catch anything at all," I grumbled beneath my teeth as a gust of wind almost blew the black hood off my head. "I wait and wait, but nothing ever catches on my hook. Isaac got his first fish after a week. It's cold, and I wanna eat again."_

 _"Cole, we just had breakfast," my dad argued._

 _"Yeah, you don't want to be like that fatass Eric Cartman who always bitches all the time." Isaac snickered softly beneath his yellow scarf that covered his mouth._

 _"Isaac shut up!" I glared Isaac down, who only kept laughing. Comparing me to Eric Cartman was quite an insult. "I swear I will-"_

 _"Both of you knock it off!" my dad warned. "Cole, be nice to your brother, and Isaac, watch your language!"_

 _Without saying anything more, I turned my attention back to the fishing pole. After five minutes of not appearing to catch anything, my gaze drifted to the other side where I saw four boys. One was fat with a light blue cap, red jacket, and brown pants, and I immediately recognized him as Eric Cartman - literally everyone in school knows that fat kid. I don't know his other three friends however; one had a blue hat, a brown jacket, and blue pants. The next one had a green ushanska, orange jacket, and green pants. The last one had an orange parka and orange pants. The boys were busy laughing and kicking each other in the balls for some reason._

 _"I'll kick you in the nuts!"_

 _"No, I'll kick you in the nuts!"_

 _My dad's words drew me out of my daydream. "Cole, pay attention."_

 _"Huh?" I saw my fishing pole, mounted on a tree stump, begin to bend towards the surface of the lake. That meant I was only sure of one thing. "Yes!" I grabbed my fishing pole and tried to reel it in, but the physical tension was too strong. "Daddy! Help!"_

 _My dad came to my aid. He grabbed my hands with my rod, controlling the rod for me. He stopped reeling as the fish pulled. "Don't reel when the fish is pulling, or you'll break the line." Even with my dad's help, I could still feel the fish pulling on the fishing pole and I could still feel the tension. The fish then gave up pulling. "Now you reel it in." He then helped me rotate the lever backwards. The fish tried to pull again so we stopped reeling. "Now hold it steady." Then the fish gave up. "Now reel."_

 _After a few seconds, there jumped out of the water was what I could possibly imagine to be the biggest trout I've ever seen. "Woah!" It was pure glory. The fish then jumped into my hands._

 _After snapping the hook off, my dad and Isaac gathered around me. "That is the biggest trout we've ever caught," my dad said._

 _"That is so cool!" Isaac screamed in amazement. I couldn't believe it. My first fish was also the biggest one we've ever caught, it was huge and amazing. After that morning, we sold most of the fish to the farmer's market in town while we took home the fish I caught to be eaten._

* * *

I won't lie, I was a huge pain in the ass to my dad back when I was younger. I was really selfish back then, and looking back, I never realized the struggle my dad had to face raising the two of us alone. But I was reminded that because honestly, I don't know if I'm going to see him after today, and there's a real possibility that I might die. I don't think my dad can live with himself if Isaac and I die.

Stan and Wendy sat to my left while Isaac sat to my right side staring into the pond. Ray sat far away from the rest of us on the left. I've noticed that Isaac's recently become more talkative and started contributing more other than sex jokes, although thankfully, such jokes were few and far in between recently. I still would have almost kicked his ass two nights ago had Wendy not intervened. That said, he's still my brother, and a part of me, and as much as I did look out for him, he was the one who did remind the others of what PETA could do, and if it weren't for his good memory, I might not be here right now. Or even earlier when I was pinned down by the Nazi Zombie in our own house, and if he weren't with me, I would have been eaten and zombified. "I remember going fishing that one day where I caught the biggest trout."

"You still remember that?" Isaac asked. When I nodded, Isaac continued. "Would you ever go fishing again?"

I shook my head. "Ha, hell no. That's boring." Isaac chuckled in response.

Wendy's words then silenced us. "You know, Stan, Harbinger almost reminds me of my grandma. The one who died last year."

"How so?" Stan replied. "I don't know much about your grandma by the way."

Wendy cleared her throat. "He's fairly strict and kind of overbearing, but he looked out for us, helped us succeed." She sighed. "He also died like my grandma did. Taken away from me at the worst possible time."

"Well I get the worst time here," Stan said, "because...you know, Terrorblade. But what was the bad time for you back when your grandma died?"

"When you tried to date Ms. Ellen." Wendy's words made me cringe. Oh shit, here we go. I looked at Isaac, and he only shot me a disgusted look. Even he knows that this is gonna be awkward.

Stan suddenly went soft. "I was weak, you know how guys are, I-I..." But Stan could never find his wording.

"Stan?" Wendy put her left hand on Stan's right shoulder, but he turned away in shame.

"I just want to improve." The hurt flashed in Stan's eyes as he eyed Wendy for a second then looked down at himself. "I just hate being reminded of my past mistakes."

"Yeah, you're right, I shouldn't have brought it up, I keep making you feel like crap." Well, that ended pretty fast. "But you know, you did more than enough for me in the past few days to make everything up for me, Stan."

"Yeah." Stan blushed and nodded. "I guess I did." The two held hands and looked at the small waterfall. "You know, I wouldn't mind having you around to join me, Kyle, and Kenny more often for adventures, even though...um, you're still not that fond of Kenny, are you?"

"Eh." Wendy just shrugged. "I mean, he's a pervert, but guys will end up like that, even you Stan." Am I really going to turn out as perverted as Kenny? Are hormones really going to dictate every action I make when I become older? This is rather jarring to think about. "You know, speaking of which, I'm amazed he had a girlfriend like Kelly in the first place."

"Yeah, but I think they broke off at one point because Kenny was with Tammy Warner," Stan replied.

"Who's that?" Wendy asked.

"Some 5th grader," Stan said. "Biggest whore in the school, word on the street is that she gave some other kid a B.J. at T.G.I. Friday's." I've never heard of any Tammy Warner, so I'm not going to bother attempting to refute that. "Of course though, when Kenny found out, he...he took it quite well, yes."

Wendy rolled her eyes. "Well of course he would. So...did Kenny ever get the B.J.?"

"He did," Stan replied. "Then he was off telling me that he died and we're just all assholes for never remembering his deaths. Then after that point, I think Kenny and Tammy broke up."

"Yeah, Kenny's been telling me that he dies all the time too." Wendy shook her head. I do remember Kenny McCormick talking about that. I think it's just retarded and crazy. There's no way you can just magically resurrect yourself. "It just sounds stupid, I don't know." There was silence for a few moments. "So how did Kenny and Kelly meet?"

"It was the rainforest trip we went on that you never went on, remember?" Stan asked.

"Oh yeah, because I never got in trouble for disrupting the class, haha." Wendy laughed a little, then she fell silent. "So I'm assuming they're dating again, am I correct?"

Stan nodded. "That's what it seems like to me, at least."

Wendy shrugged. "I don't understand what Kelly sees in him to be honest."

"Well Kenny's not a bad person," Stan said. "Although they probably found each other hot or something, that my best guess."

"Just like you did for me?" Wendy's smirk at Stan caused him to blush again. "I mean, guys are weak according to you."

"A-alright, W-Wendy, u-um..." Stan stammered.

Wendy laughed. "I'm just teasing. I don't know. To be honest, yeah, I wish that I can replace Cartman in your adventures, I'd like to hang out with Kenny and Kyle. You know, speaking of which, I think Bebe would go great with Kyle."

"Is this like that one Truth and Dare thing again?" Stan shook his head.

"Yeah, good thing you didn't shove that twig up your dick." Shoving a twig up your own dick? That made me shudder, and that sounds like that would hurt alot.

Stan chuckled. "Haha, true. But is this one of those things where someone's best friend has to go out with their girlfriend's best friend? Really? Really?"

"I don't see the problem." Wendy shrugged. "I think they look really cute together."

"But it's like what Cole said, you can't just shove two people together and make them click instantly," Stan argued.

"But everyone else does that all the time, how do you think Token and Nichole first went out? Or Craig and Tweek?" Wendy asked.

Stan rubbed his chin. "Oh yeah, good point. But Craig and Tweek were never gay, you know this, right?" They were never gay, that is true.

"Yeah." Wendy laughed again. She turned to me, then back to Stan. "I'm gonna let you guys on a little secret; the Pleases and Sparkles Club is pretty much what runs the show in the 4th grade." That makes sense. Wendy is the leader, and they do political stuff.

"What exactly do you girls do other than make lists all day?" Stan asked.

"Well, in simple terms, we decide what's hot and what's not." Stan tilted his head, raising his eyebrow at Wendy in confusion. "What I really mean is that we set trends for the other 4th grade girls, from what we wear to how we act, but I'm sure you already figured this out." I nodded, because that seemed to be more-or-less true. The popular girls really do control 4th grade society, and it really doesn't take a genius to realize this. I guess it's one of those thing where guys need girls or something.

Stan nodded. "Gotcha. But back to what we are saying before, what do you see in Kyle being with Bebe? Because I don't see anything at all."

"That's honestly it, Stan, I just thought they were cute together." Wendy chuckled for a bit. "And Bebe had a crush on Kyle at one point."

"Oh, yeah, I remember reading that note out loud in 3rd grade." Stan shuddered. I don't know what that note was since I wasn't in Stan's 3rd grade class, but his reaction made it seem like it wasn't good at all.

"What about Butters? Doesn't he have a Canadian girlfriend?" Wendy asked. Yeah, somehow, Butters got a girlfriend before I did. Shocking.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if they still talk." Stan shook his head. "He never told me anything about Charlotte. That's her name, yes."

There was silence for a few moments before Wendy spoke again. "Stan, have you ever wondered what you'd want to do when you grow older?" To be honest, I don't know what I want to do when I grow older. To be honest, life sucks and we die, and we pay taxes along the way. But if I really had a choice, I'd honestly be a pro video gamer, honestly. I'd probably put videos of me playing video games for a living.

"Um...you first?" Stan raised a nervous eyebrow at Wendy.

"Alright." Wendy let out a yawn before she continued. "Me, well you know me. I'd work in a government position, it's been my area of interest since I was young. If I can't become President of the United States, I'd at least want to be working for the town government. I don't know which department exactly, but yeah, that's what I'd do. How about you, Stan?"

"To be honest..." Stan blushed and looked down at his shoes. "...I don't know...it kinda sounds stupid...but I'd just want to raise a family. That's honestly my one dream."

"Stan, that's a wonderful dream." Wendy held Stan's arms with her hands. "Just wondering why though."

Stan gave a worrying sigh. "Well..." He closed his eyes. "I just want a stable family. My mom yells at my dad all the time because my dad is a fucking idiot, my grandpa gambles too much, and my sister is still a bitch." Hearing that touched me in the heart. For quite a while I thought Stan had a perfect family. But come to think of it, everyone has struggles, everyone has secrets inside themselves, and Stan's no different from me, no different from anyone else for the matter, and it was stupid of me to think that I was the only one struggling for a long time. The world's not about me, and it shouldn't be. That said, if raising a stable family is what would make Stan happy, then who am I to judge?

"I'm really sorry Stan." Wendy shook her head. I couldn't see her reaction since the back of her head was facing towards me. The two of them drew into a hug. "But it's still a great dream to have nonetheless."

"Yeah." The sadness from Stan's face slowly faded away as they drew out of the hug. "Thanks, Wendy."

"On the plus side, we can both get married and still achieve our dreams at the same time," Wendy said.

"Woah!" Stan began to blush, his face becoming as red as Isaac's chestplate as he wrapped his sickly green cloak tighter around himself. "Are we like...way too young to think about marriage?"

"Well yeah, but you know, doesn't hurt to plan in advance," Wendy replied.

"Hello there, children!" Hearing a familiar adult male voice, I turned around to see Chef walking towards us along.

"Hey Chef!" Stan, Wendy, Isaac, and I replied.

"Where's Ms. Ellen?" Wendy asked.

"Oh she stayed behind." Chef looked back from where he came then back to us. "Say, shouldn't you children be moving on or something?"

"We're just resting," Isaac replied.

"Stan. Wendy. I'm assuming your date is going well?" Stan and Wendy both nodded to Chef's question. "Cole. Isaac. How come you two never talk to me?"

"Um..." I don't have a good answer. I looked at Isaac and he just gave me a blank stare. "...sorry?"

"Who's the kid with the pink hair?" Chef asked.

"It's Ray," Stan replied. "He's...having a bit of a rough time right now because Harbinger just died."

"Oh..." Chef just looked down at his feet. He walked over to Ray who was still sulking by himself. He's been aloof the entire time we were here, and I'm pretty sure the recent events are just bugging him up the ass.

"Chef is your name, right?" Ray asked.

"Yes." Chef sat down between Ray and Stan. "You can ask me whatever you want."

"Chef, why do bad things happen to good people?" Ray asked. "Good people don't deserve to suffer."

"Well, Ray, that's a very philosophical question, but let me put it to you this way." Chef cleared his throat. "Hardships can never be avoided, but they are how we grow as a person. The old saying is that 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. We need life experiences to grow as people and to see things in different perspectives, if we only stay in our safe spaces all the time we will never realize what we can be capable of. Does that answer your question?"

"I guess it does." Ray stood up. "Thanks Chef. I think it's made me stronger. I'm actually about ready to kick some ass. You guys with me?"

"Yeah!" Stan stood up.

"Let's do it," Wendy said as well.

The five of us and Chef continued down the canyon for two more minutes before we reached a bridge made of bone that extended across another rift towards a building made of stone. At the beginning to the bridge stood a single stone knight. It had already acknowledged our existence but it did not attack. We cautiously walked close as it kept its gaze at us. The only thing it said was, "Dovah." It then moved out of the way to let us pass.

"Um...ok." Stan turned to the rest of us. "I guess this is it. Ready?" The rest of us nodded.

* * *

 **What inspired me to put WoW powers in the first place?**

 **When I first played the game, I asked myself how could two children take on Nazi Zombie fetuses but well-trained soldiers couldn't? Does the Stick really have power, and did the Nazi Zombies ignore Craig and Clyde because Clyde had the Stick? And if that's the case, does the Stick really grant power? And how would Butters call down lightning against Dire Bears and SWAT soldiers?**

 **With these floating around my head, I have to find some game influence. Likewise, this is South Park, and crazy shit happens in South Park after all. The reason why I used WoW specifically is because the boys played WoW before and the WoW classes seemed most synonymous to the roles the kids roleplayed as in the Stick of Truth. Read Chapter 20 if you want my take of what classes the KKK and the Drow Elves would play.**


	25. Chapter 25: Hall of Valor

**A new OC is coming into this story. This is not my OC, but someone else's, and I did ask them for permission to use it. Just read on and you'll see.**

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

We crossed the bridge into the Hall of Valor, opened the door, and went inside. It was halfway what we expected, and halfway horrifying at the same time. The room itself is nice. Like the name implies, it's a very long hallway whose length runs down my left side, given that we appeared near the right wall. The decorations seemed fairly akin to vikings with horned helmets, swords, shields, bows, and heads of animals mounted on the walls. The temperature of the room was fairly warm because there were two fireplaces in the middle of the room lit at the same time. On the flip side, the tables were destroyed, condiments and food were everywhere, and random people, men and women dressed as vikings, sustained various injuries and were busy performing first aid on each other by wrapping each other up. They paid no mind to our arrival because they were currently tending to themselves.

"What happened here?" Chef asked.

"Aye, I'll tell you what happened." From our front approached a man with tan-orange skin and a deep voice. He had purple warpaint where one stripe ran down his face while four more came from corners of the head, a short brown mohawk like Butters', and pale eyes. He wore purple leather armor with black leggings and brown boots. He carried two glaives like Terrorblade's but his glowed purple and white. "'Tis the work of my brother."

"Your brother?" Ray asked.

"Terrorblade." The words out of the mohawk man's mouth doused me in surprise. If this guy really is Terrorblade's brother as if he so claims, then he must have an idea how to defeat Terrorblade.

"You're...Terrorblade's brother?" Stan asked. "But he's a demon, and you're..."

"A regular human, yes." The mohawk man nodded. "I am Magina, the Anti-Mage." Yeah, I know where this guy originated from.

"Magina? That sounds like 'vagina'." Isaac then began laughing, that pervert. Wendy shot Isaac a glare, as predicted.

"Haha, very funny." Magina rolled his eyes. "I can see someone here just hit puberty." Damn, am I gonna be a horny idiot when I grow older?

"Why do they call you the Anti-Mage?" Wendy asked.

"Well I do not like magic. At all." Haha, that's funny. It'd be a real shame if he's serious because the four of us use some kind of magic, and Stan too is probably magical himself in the way of the sword. Magina glared at all of us, then cleared his throat. "It all started on my eighth birthday. A magician was hired to come to my birthday party. He offered to show me a neat card trick. I remember him telling me to pick a card, and I pulled out a four-of-diamond. He then put it back in the deck and he shuffled it in some weird way. When he pulled out the four-of-diamonds, he asked me 'Is this your card?'"

"So then what happened?" Stan asked.

"When I answered 'yes', he dropped the card on the floor and punched me in the face, knocking me down on the floor and sending me into a month-long coma." Magina raised and gripped his glaives tighter with an expression so angry it makes him look like Wendy wanting to choke someone for wronging her. "I'm still gonna kill that fucker!"

"Uh, wow, um, ok." Wendy scratched her head, turned to us, and rolled her eyes. "So how do we kill Terrorblade?"

Magina shook his head. "You don't kill Terrorblade, but he can still be stopped. But you need to talk to the other Dovahkiin who is present in this building - the Hall of Valor."

"Wait, there's another Dovahkiin?" Ray asked. "I thought there can only be one."

"There can be more than one Dovahkiin coexisting," Magina replied. "However, you are currently the only living Dovahkiin that has been discovered as of now. Imagine it like the actual Dovahkiins from Skyrim."

"Wait, why are you here then?" Hmm, my question might have come off a bit rude there.

"Because despite how much of an asshole my brother Terrorblade is, I still care about him and his well being." Magina shook his head. "He wasn't always a demon, we were both monks at one point. But he messed around with life forces and demonic magic, made a demonic pact, and now he's like this. The Terrorblade that you know right now isn't the real him. He's corrupted, the lust for power influencing him like this."

Wendy sighed. "I'm really sorry."

"Wait, I gotta say something children." Chef then stood next to Magina. "There's something I need to share with you, and I was about to share it the first time I saw you children. You do know why you have to beat up Terrorblade, right?"

"So he doesn't spread terror," Stan replied.

Chef nodded. "Yes, but think about it children. He tried to work with the U.S. Government to start a nuclear war with China, Russia, and the Middle East. Do you know what this is going to mean?"

"Maybe," Wendy replied.

"Have you kids ever played the video game series Fallout?" We shook our heads at Chef's question. I've seen people at my school play that game, but I myself have never played it before. "Well imagine a post-apocalyptic world where the U.S. and China bomb the smithereens out of each other with nukes, leaving behind a world of mutant monsters roaming the earth and society as we know it ending, where you as the player have to survive the world." My friends were clearly scared as they cringed at the thought. "Now imagine that game becoming reality." I can't believe it. Terrorblade wanting to destroy the world by having countries nuke each other? But why?

"Oh no!" Stan choked in horror.

"Wait, that would mean that Matt Parker, or that big bad government guy, was just being used!" Wendy growled. "Terrorblade...that fat bastard!"

"Oh that's not the end of it." Magina stepped forward. "Those nuclear weapons are only a means to an end. What he really plans to do is use the nuclear weapons to weaken the human's resolve, and when they are weakened, the demons who are sided with him will rise up and strike to take over the earth."

"But I thought Satan will stop him," Stan replied.

Magina laughed. "You think Satan will stop Terrorblade? He ignored the codified rites that should have bound his behavior and broke every law in all the layers of Hell. Satan's a fucking pussy, you know this, and Jesus Christ is too concerned with rebuilding Heaven from Terrorblade's last attack, the angels in Heaven suffered as much as we are now. I can't blame Jesus though, he did what he could. Terrorblade already built an army. We're the last line of defense, as you can see here." Magina beckoned his hand to my left to show us what we saw previously - people dressed as vikings sustaining mortal injuries. "And let me show you what kids at home are dealing with." Magina whirled his hands and suddenly an ethereal mirror appeared. All of us looked into it to see what it was all about.

The first scene showed the town of South Park as a whole holding off blue demons...barely. "As you can see, the demons have already begun their assault," Magina said. "Let's see what about your friends."

The next scene showed our fourth grade class trapped within Mr. Garrison's classroom. In the corner Butters and some of the girls were crying. Craig and Clyde did their best to keep the door barred. Kyle shouted something that we could not hear as he raised his golf club as to rally the class. Craig and Clyde jumped out of the way as the door broke down, revealing a few imps. Bolts of magic and arrows flew at the demons. When they died, a few second graders rushed in to comfort our fourth grade class. "Your friends are held inside your elementary school," Magina said.

"That bastard!" Stan gritted his teeth in anger.

"Wait, there is one more." Magina revealed the final scene which showed the White House under attack from demons wielding assault rifles as the civillians screamed in terror and ran around. The U.S. Army were doing their best to keep the situation under control.

"Is anywhere else being attacked?" Wendy asked.

"No, only key spots in the U.S." Magina let out a yawn as the magic mirror disappeared. "Terrorblade's demons are trying to make it seem like the U.S. started the nuclear war so that other countries will retaliate, so they're doing their best to eliminate their biggest threats. Thing is, the human race has become very resilient and vigilant after the events of the 'ad-attacks' and the PC movement, so the demons can't fight the humans head-on. It's a cruel, manipulative move, and if we don't hurry, the world will end." Well I can see why Terrorblade would consider the children of South Park a threat - many occasions the children of South Park manage to save the town and even the country, so logically, Terrorblade would want to put an end to my classmates.

"You talked about another Dovahkiin," Ray reminded.

Magina snapped his fingers "Yes, I forgot, my apologies. he's over down the hall. Blue jacket, black glasses, brown hair. You can't miss him. Don't let me keep you. And I wish you luck, children."

"I'm going to stay here with Magina," Chef added. "Stay safe children."

We all bowed down. "Thank you."

We walked down the Hall of Valor, walking past screaming injured vikings. At the end of the hall was a door on the back-right corner on the wall (opposite of the wall we came in from) and there stood near that doorway was a kid about our age - a kid too familiar to me. I swear I've seen him somewhere in my class before. That said, that kid has messy brown hair, black round glasses, a blue jacket that revealed a yellow T-shirt, and gray pants. He was talking to another kid who had long blonde hair, a brown newsboy hat, a red jacket with a brown bowtie, and teal pants with pink socks. I immediately recognized both kids - the blue jacket kid is John Vanson and the blonde boy is Phillip Pirrup, but everyone calls him "Pip". I don't know either of them. I don't think much of them. As far as I remember, John Vanson was in my fourth grade class who was a pervert like Isaac; unlike Isaac, however, he had zero self-awareness and he wasn't "cool", so he kept trying to hang out with Stan and friends and kept trying to hit on Wendy and her friends. He and Pip both died when celebrities once tried to sue South Park then summoned up Mecha-Streisand. Mecha-Streisand stepped on John Vanson and Pip, splattering their blood around the lanes. Gruesome, really.

"Oh fuck it's this creep." Wendy's growl beneath her breath snapped me back to reality. "I can't believe he's a Dovahkiin."

"Yeah, I know, I hate him too," Stan added.

"He's a Dovahkiin?" Ray asked, confused.

"Literally who?" I like the snarkiness coming out of Isaac right now. It's a side of him I haven't witnessed in years.

"That's John Vanson, otherwise known as the biggest creep." Wendy shook her head. "I mean Isaac, you're not all bad, you just gotta keep your hormones in check, you know."

"Uh...thanks?" Isaac shot Wendy a confused expression. Yeah, I too am confused, did that just come out of Wendy's mouth?

"What's his story?" Ray asked.

Wendy rolled her eyes. "He tries to hit on me and my friends, talks about how nice our tits are and crap like that." Ah, this is coming back to me now. What Wendy is saying is more-or-less true. John Vanson thought that he was chill with the girls - truth is, the girls hate him for his perversion. Then again, the girls are pretty cruel, so I can feel some sympathy for John...if he were self-aware.

"Yeah, he also tries to follow us around and tries to hang out with us just to pick up on girls," Stan added. "He and the other kid both got stepped on by Mecha-Streisand. That's how he died."

"Is that why you hazed the crap out of him?" I could feel a smirk coming on my face right now.

"Uh, yeah, someone had to teach him a lesson," Stan replied.

I shrugged. _We shouldn't be wasting time gossiping about and trashtalking a Dovahkiin behind his own back._ We're all assholes right now. "Guys, I know you don't like him, but can't we at least pretend to be civil? This is kind of important."

Stan rolled his eyes then sighed. "Fine, I guess."

"If he lays a finger on my chest..." Wendy grumbled and shook her head.

"This will be interesting." Like usual, Ray's words have a snarky undertone in them.

As the five of us approached John and Pip, they both fell silent and turned the eyes on us, noting our approach. John stepped forward. "Stan! Wendy! Oh my God I can't believe you both are here!"

"I still hate you," Stan grumbled. Of course though, that meant nothing to John. Holy crap, John Vanson is completely oblivious to what others think of him. I feel bad for the guy to be honest. I would hate living my life only to find out it'd be one big lie...if he ever found out Stan and Wendy hate him.

Of course though, John threw his arms around Wendy for a hug, and I can't say Wendy saw that coming, for she yelped in surprise, and honestly, John Vanson is deceptively fast - although that might be a product of being dead. "John! Oh dear..." Pip put his hands over his mouth in horror.

Then I heard Ray whisper to me. "This is gonna be good, Cole." All I could do is roll my eyes in response. Good, my ass.

"Get..off...me!" Wendy tried to pull John off, but John just clung on.

Before Stan could do anything, John separated himself from Wendy. "S-s-sorry, uh..."

"Just tell us how to kill Terrorblade." Yes, thank you Isaac for asking the important question here! Holy crap, am I glad to have Isaac by my side right now. He seemed a bit impatient, but you know what, I can feel for Isaac, and if Isaac didn't interject right now, I don't think it's gonna be good.

"Yes, uh..." John blushed harder "...um, a little help Pip?" This is getting ridiculous. I'm not sure if John is here to help us or slow us down. I grumbled beneath my teeth.

Pip shook his head. "I don't know what to say, I don't know how to deal with Terrorblade."

"S-s-sorry, I just get really nervous around..." He gulped as he looked up at Wendy.

"Just tell us how to deal with Terrorblade you stupid moron!" Stan stomped his foot on the ground to emphasize his anger. "And lay off Wendy!"

Stan's threat left John unfazed. I don't know if I should be worried or impressed by John's reaction to Stan, or lack thereof. "Yes, um, who here is Dovahkiin? Is it you Wendy?"

Ray stepped forward. "No, it's me."

John's smile turned into a frown, and predictably, Ray frowned as well, not looking too happy. "Oh, well do you know why friendship is important?"

"I already talked with my friends about their trials, but I don't understand why I need to know this." Ray shook his head, calming down. "You're a Dovahkiin as well, aren't you?"

John sighed. "Yes, but I'm a failed Dovahkiin who got smashed to death by Mecha-Streisand." Gee, I wonder why. "I thought I was friends with everyone in my class, but when me and Pip went up against Mecha-Streisand, we were abandoned in our final hour, stomped out and left for dead. Obviously you have some personal quality of you making so many friends."

Ray shook his head. "Actually I don't have much friends to begin with. I mean, I didn't set out to make 3.2 billion friends on facebook, I'm assuming that's what you tried, right?" John nodded. "Well to be honest, I was thrown into this mess with these four, but we worked together to accomplish our problems."

John smiled. "At least you got somewhere. The thing about the Sol Lighthouse is that the trials are built around the abilities of Dovahkiin's friends." That makes sense, that was why all of us could take the Sol Lighthouse on. "It was really a test of teamwork, to get to know your friends."

"Thanks, I think I understand now." Ray nodded, turned to us, then turned back to John. "So how to we kill Terrorblade?"

"The thing about Terrorblade," John said, "and Magina already talked to me about this, but the thing about Terrorblade is that Terrorblade is like Breast Cancer." Fitting of John to use Breast Cancer as an example. "And you know Breast Cancer. It is a fat little lump that needs to be...destroyed." John's cheery face turned serious. "When there is a cancer, you have to 'fight' it. You can't reason with cancer, you can't wish it away. Cancer doesn't play by the rules, so neither can you."

"This..." Wendy rubbed her chin. "...this is exactly what Principal Victoria told me two days ago. Remember that fight with Cartman, guys? This is how she encouraged me to kick Cartman's ass."

"Cancer doesn't play by the rules..." those words echoed out my mouth. "If Terrorblade is like Breast Cancer, and it doesn't play by the rules, then Terrorblade has to be defeated by breaking the rules."

"Hey, didn't the Crab People tell us that some codes of honor were meant to be broken?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah, you're right," Stan said, "and Magina did tell us that Terrorblade broke every law in Hell...so how do we stop him?"

"It's exactly what I said," John replied. "Cancer doesn't play by the rules, and neither should you. Terrorblade doesn't play by the rules and neither should you. I'm sorry, but I don't know all the rules and codes. May I continue on though?" We all nodded. "You can't listen to what anybody else tells you. You have to be willing to give up everything, because Breast Cancer, and Terrorblade, will take everything. Do you understand?"

I shook my head. "I don't understand what rule we have to break." I really don't. This is confusing. We have to fight dirty against Terrorblade just like how a Breast Cancer patient would have to fight dirty against Breast Cancer. And what rules? Am I still in a game? Or is there supposed to be some Gentleman's Code that I haven't paid attention to or remembered?

John shook his head. "I'm sorry, that's all I can say." There was no point to badger him on. We're running out of time, and the nuclear war is closing in on us soon.

"Terrorblade is through this doorway down the hall." Pip pointed down a dark hallway. "You guys can leave your backpacks with us, you won't need it. But do keep your weapons though." That's actually a good idea. Without saying anything more, we dropped off our backpacks with John and Pip. "Good luck, folks."

The five of us nodded silently. "Thanks again." Ray sounded very depressed, likely not knowing what's going on.

After getting out of earshot from John and Pip, I sighed and turned to the rest of the group. "Ok, Stan, Wendy, you're right. John's a pain in the ass."

"See?" Stan replied. "I told you."

"Now you know," Wendy said.

"Yep," I replied.

The five of us walked down the hallway without saying a word until we reached the end of the hall, revealing a platform with a button pad on it. We looked up and about six stories above us was a hole revealing the Sovngarde sky. This platform is an elevator. Honestly, I'm scared now though. The world's counting on us, and this is a do or die moment, and we've seen what Terrorblade is capable of. And the Stick, he must have reforged the Stick to wield it under its full power. "Well this is it." Ray pressed the button and the five of us slowly ascended. "Before we fight Terrorblade, I just wanna tell you guys something." We all looked at him, ready to listen to Ray intently. "I've know I gave you four a hard time in the past, but I just want to know how much I appreciate you guys being with me."

"Hey what are friends for?" Stan asked.

Ray smiled. "True. Thank you all for standing with me until the very end."

As I looked up, the platform nearly ascended to the top - the outside. Well this is it. It is time for us to face the Terrorblade.

* * *

 **First off, John Vanson is not my OC, it is JVM-SP150's OC, so shoutout to him for letting me use his OC in my story.**

 **Next off, since I'm closing this story up, I'm gonna start talking about some trivia and notes on developing this fanfic. References to Video Games - Just like how South Park: The Stick of Truth was inspired by and took elements from a few video games, my story also took elements from video games and other literature, some being more obvious while others are far more vague. From order from most obvious to least:**

 **\- Kenny is a Japanese Anime princess, but I bet you already knew this.**

 **\- ALL of the children of South Park inherit and use World of Warcraft powers. No Warcraft character shows up, however.**

 **\- ALL of the children of Middle Park inherit and use Lord of the Rings powers. No Lord of the Rings character shows up, however.**

 **\- ALL of the children of North Park inherit and use Harry Potter powers.**

 **\- The name of Chapter 13 and its premise.**

 **\- The terms "Dovahkiin", "Dragonborn", "Dragonshout", and "Sovngarde" actually originated from Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Hall of Valor also came from Skyrim.**

 **\- Terrorblade, Harbinger (Outworld Devourer), and Magina (Anti-Mage) came from Dota 2.**

 **\- Chapter 19 is about vampires from the Twilight Saga.**

 **\- Sol Lighthouse is inspired by the four elemental lighthouses (Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, Mars) in Golden Sun. The main difference is that the Sol Lighthouse's intent is to create a portal to Sovngarde while the elemental lighthouses in Golden Sun are intended to do no such thing.**

 **\- "Light Lizards" in the Sol Lighthouse resemble Deathclaws, a monster from the Fallout franchise.**

 **\- Various characters' names are inspired by characters from other literature of the same name and appearance (chapters 14-17 being the best examples). However, most (if not all) of the characters' personalities are completely different than the literature from which they were taken from.**

 **\- When Wendy plants the C4 at the castle entrance in Sovngarde, and when Cole says "Terrorists win" when the bomb explodes, this is a reference to the Counter-Strike game mode Bomb Defusal, where the Terrorists have to plant a C4 bomb at one of two bombsites while the Counter-Terrorists have to defend the bombsites and/or diffuse the bomb should it be planted.**

 **I'm sure there's more out there, but those are what I can think of on the top of my head.**

* * *

 **Next, I'll talk about how I structured the timeline. Basically, it takes the South Park episodes out of order and reestablishes them into an order that would chronologically make sense in the real world. After finding out how PC Principal is staying after Season 19, this timeline will do its best to reflect that. Here is the general breakdown:**

 **\- Start of third grade. A few seeks in, Cartman Gets An Anal Probe happens.**

 **\- A few episodes here and there, then christmas episodes, then more episodes, then Summer Sucks.**

 **\- The episode 4th grade happens.**

 **\- Ms. Choksondik gets killed later in Professor Chaos (happens around early October).**

 **\- Halloween episodes, followed by thanksgiving episodes that happen in 4th grade.**

 **\- Raisins happens in December before winter break, then christmas episodes happen.**

 **\- Some more episodes happen, whatever order you will.**

 **\- Follow That Egg and The List happens mid-March.**

 **\- From there, the episodes go mostly in order (except Black Friday Episodes, Christmas episodes, and w/e which happen way earlier).**

 **\- Season 18 (last two episodes get omitted).**

 **\- Season 19/20.**

 **\- This fanfic (early-mid May).**


	26. Chapter 26: Light of Heaven

**I didn't think I'd release Chapters 25 and 26 at the same time. That being said, the long-awaited fight is here.**

* * *

 **Chapter 26**

Life. It's just like we know it. Most people wake up, they go to work or school or wherever they need to, then they come home to their families and go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. Generally people think about whether they will keep their job or how much they make. Most people don't think about getting their asses handed to by an evil demon because that's way out of the norm, people don't wake up and go, "Hey, I'm ready to get completely destroyed by a demon feared by other demons," and that is what's so unnerving about this situation because that's what is going to happen right now.

Terrorblade.

We appeared onto a floating bridge of black rock that spanned into a circular arena of black rock with four tall pillars consisting of knights raising their swords inwards towards the center. The pillars were positioned in an "X" formation such that no pillar blocked our entry path nor did any block the flaming well The arena itself is probably sixty yards in radius. At the end of the arena on the very far side was Terrorblade with his back turned towards us. He had his hands over a well with fire as white as snow. The five of us cautiously walked into the circular arena, then a sound of plasma startled me. I turned around to see a blue energy wall appear, blocking the path from where we came from. The five of us are now trapped in this circular arena. There's no turning back now. I'm nervous. This guy is strong. I know what Terrorblade is capable of, we've all seen it before. It's going to take every ounce of strength and talent to bring him down.

"So you meddling kids came all the way here from South Park. I knew you meddling kids would come all the way here from South Park." Did Terrorblade just repeat himself? Regardless, he turned around to face us. His glaives were not present, and in his right hand was none other than the Stick of Truth, glowing white with flame. "Ah, a grand design. Whoever the elf queen was that prayed to have the Stick...well, you can all thank her."

"Enough!" Stan raised his claymore, doing his best to show confidence. "Y-you're not getting away this time."

"Oh, you kids." Terrorblade laughed. "It's already too late. My master plan is already in the works. Very soon, the nuclear war will happen, and I will reign as Earth's ruler. I'm assuming that's what Magina told you, yes?" There was no point in lying, so we all nodded. "That rat of a brother."

"W-why?!" Wendy's voice was shaky; I guess you could say she too could feel the terror of Terrorblade, because I know I can. "Why are you doing this to us?! Why can't you just stop?!"

"Wendy, Wendy." Terrorblade drew a smirk on his face as his next words mocked us, mocking Wendy even more so. "Don't let your boobs control you, they're gonna kill you. Because that's what the previous Dovahkiin did, right? Compare me to Breast Cancer? Haha, that's cute! I love it!"

That made Isaac gasp. "How did you know?"

"Uh, hello morons?." Terrorblade raised the stick. "'Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe.' You kids need to dial down the ADHD." Nice, now he's making fun of kids with ADHD. "I can hear what you kids can say from a mile away. You can thank the elf princess for that one." I feel like this is a reference to what Morgan Freeman told us two nights ago. I don't remember though.

"Y-you think you're tough?" Wendy croaked, but her voice faltering a bit.

Terrorblade slid his feet, throwing up a gang sign. "Whassup?" He shifted stances and threw up another. "Whassup?"

"We'll still smack the shit out of you." Stan gritted his teeth and pointed his sword at Terrorblade.

"Yeah, you're not getting away, asshole!" Isaac added.

"Yeah, you should kill yourself," Ray said.

"Haha, this is cute, kids acting like toxic kids." Terrorblade let out another laugh. His sneer then quickly turned into a scowl as he put the Stick on his belt and waved his arms out, causing two glaives glowing light blue to materialize in his hands. "Ok, enough fucking around." In response, Stan, Wendy, and Isaac drew out their weapons while Ray and I supercharged magic in our hands, of frost and nature respectively. I put my left foot forward, preparing for the attack.

"Do your worst, kid!" Stan shouted.

Terrorblade let out a grin once more. He raised his arms with his glaives and swung them down, even though we were at one end of the arena floor while he was at the direct opposite, so obviously he could not reach us. "Reflection!" However, when the words left his mouth, a mirror image of each of us immediately spawned in front of us. The kids looked just like us, only they glowed teal and were transparent, so they were obviously fakes. They must be evil clones.

In front of me stood my own self, glowing teal. "Shut up idiot," my evil clone said.

"No, you shut up, idiot!" I shouted back.

"Take this!" My evil clone pulled out his staff and swung it down on my head, stinging my skull. "You should be nicer to people, Cole!" Holy crap that hurt. I pulled out my staff to try to whack the illusion, but it went through. What? I can't hurt my clone, but it can hurt me? But then it disappeared after a few seconds.

"Wait what?" Wendy asked.

"Oh fuck!" Stan pointed a nervous left index finger to what's up ahead.

What is up ahead was not one, not two, but _three Terrorblades_ , all showing off a sly, evil grin. "When I was in Foulfell, the Hell within Hell, they taught me an important lesson," all three Terrorblades spoke in unison. "'You are your own worst enemy.' That is what I intended to teach. Now, playtime is over, children." The three Terrorblades charged.

We had no choice but to charge ourselves. Wendy led the charge, throwing her holy Avenger's Shield, her shield glowing with light bouncing off all three Terrorblades, then returning back to her. When the Terrorblades raised their blades to strike down on Wendy, she raised her shield to block the attacks, but the damage went through her, and she let out a groan. I threw out a healing bolt to get her back up quickly, and she threw down a Consecration to radiate holy energy around herself onto Terrorblade. Meanwhile, Stan flanked from the left and Isaac flanked from the right. Stan began to spin in circles furiously with a Bladestorm while Isaac opened up with a Flame Shock onto one Terrorblade, followed with swinging his left axe with a Lava Lash, then causing fire novas to burst from the Terrorblades. Ray summoned up a water elemental and both him and the water elemental tossed ice spikes at the Terrorblades.

Two Terrorblades vanished into nothing. The third, presumably the real one, jumped backwards. "Damn. So I've underestimated you kids. No matter. Time to bring the pain." As Wendy tried to swing her sword that glowed with holy light, Terrorblade kicked her back to me. "Take this!" As I began to heal Wendy, I heard Terrorblade say some more. "And you!" When I raised my head, I saw Terrorblade immediately dash towards me in the blink of an eye. Out of instinct, I immediately shapeshifted into a bear only for him to kick me in the face. The impact hurt like hell, sounding like someone punching wood. "Healer, your hypocrisy knows no bounds."

I rose on my hind legs to attempt to smack Terrorblade, but he kicked me back towards the right away from Wendy. "Ow, crap!"

However, as Terrorblade tried to catch to catch up to me, Stan made a sweeping strike onto Terrorblade's legs with his sword, Hamstringing him. "Ow, shit!" Terrorblade couldn't walk as fast, then a burst of a Frost Shock followed by a Lightning Bolt from Isaac exploded on Terrorblade, followed by more frostbolts from Ray. "Come...back...here...asshole!" Of course he'd go for me, of course he'd go for the healer. Always go for the healer, that's like the most simple strategy in every video game, and its no different in this situation.

Wendy got up and joined Stan and Isaac to whack Terrorblade with their bladed weapons. In a desperate move, he stuck out his arms holding his glaives and spun around once, cutting Wendy, Stan, and Isaac. "Augh!" they all screamed as they were gashed from the glaives.

"Guys!" I morphed back into a human to begin to heal Stan, Isaac from a far, since Wendy healed herself to full using Lay on Hands. Why would she even do that? Anyways, the thing is that healing from a distance is not as effective because I have to toss the healing bolts from a range rather than directly touching and mending the wound.

"Grrr. You won't get away from me this time." Stepping towards me and away from the rest of my friends, he raised his arms with his glaives and swung them down. "Reflection!"

All of a sudden, another blue evil Cole was summoned in front of me in human form. "Alright, bitch, let's get this over with." He tried to smack me with his staff.

I immediately dodged the attack by jumping to the left, turned into a cat, and dashed past the flaming well towards Ray, who was on the left side of the arena. Ray was trying to fight off his own evil illusion. "You edgy coward." But when the illusion tried to smack Ray, it dissipated into nothing. I looked back, and all my friends' illusions also disappeared, as well as my own.

"Well well well." Terrorblade shook his head and went over to grab the down Stan, Wendy, and Isaac. "I wonder who I should asphyxiate first."

But Ray stuck out his left arm and pointed at Terrorblade. "Oh no you don't! Go for the freeze, elemental!" Obeying Ray's command, the water elemental froze Terrorblade's feet in place before he could ever touch the rest of my friends, while I shapeshifted back into a human and tossed healing bolts at them.

"What? No!" Terrorblade broke out of the ice instantly and began running towards us. He ran to the flaming well to dodge Ray's frostbolts.

However, I conjured up a Cyclone that lifted Terrorblade up from the air when he got to the well, banishing him from the physical plane for a bit. "When he comes back from the cyclone, nova him and deep freeze!"

Stan, Wendy, and Isaac got up as the three of them joined Ray, who ran up next to the cycloned Terrorblade. When Terrorblade droped down from the cyclone, Ray jumped up, spun around once in a clockwise motion, and when he landed on the ground, a wave of frost flew outward from Ray, causing a Frost Nova that rooted Terrorblade in place. Then Ray raised his hands in the air, causing a spike of frost to drop on Terrorblade, covering him with mind-stunning ice in a Deep Freeze. "Go for it, guys!"

Stan, Wendy, and Isaac rapidly swung their bladed weapons onto Terrorblade while I tossed out solar wraths at Terrorblade. Ray then dropped a storm of icy-comets on top of Terrorblade, and Terrorblade shattered out of his prison, falling down. "No! You..."

As I regrouped with my friends, my heart thumped. I can't help the feeling that Terrorblade is only feigning hurt and death, even though he just got ripped apart from my attack. Killing Terrorblade can't seriously be this easy, and I think he has something planned...but I don't know what. "Alright!" Wendy cheered. "Good work, everyone!"

"We got 'em!" Stan added.

Terrorblade only laughed, wiping off the smiles off of Stan's and Wendy's faces. "Hahahaha! That's what YOU think!"

"Yes it is!" Wendy shot back.

Terrorblade still lied there on the ground. "Haha, you stupid girl! This isn't even my final form! For my next trick, you will feel my terror, and you will face that final form!"

"So wait, I'm confused. What's the first trick?" Stan asked.

"This!" Terrorblade brought together his hands that were carrying his glavies. He directed the palms of his hands towards me. Uh oh. A high-pitched whine erupted in the air, and a beam of light blue life was connected between Terrorblade's hands and my heart, and the beam overtook my entire body and his. All of a sudden, I felt a sudden burn in my body, felt my chest cauterize, felt my heart almost cease beating. When the beam faded, I felt weak and frail. I felt physically powerless. My friends turned their attention towards me, and I all could do is walk backwards, and while doing so, I vomited out a fair amount of blood. When I backed into the energy wall that sealed us in this arena, my butt fell to the floor and I sat down against the energy wall feeling lethargic like a potato. I just got Sundered.

"Cole!" my friends shouted. They quickly ran back to where I was.

Wendy put a healing hand over my heart. "Oh no! How did this happen?" I swear, did Wendy really have to use the Lay on Hands on herself, because now would have been a good time for her to heal me back to full. I'm gonna kill that bitch later.

Stan turned to face Terrorblade. "What the hell did you do to Cole, asshole?"

Terrorblade slowly stood up and sneered. "Oh, we simply exchanged our life forces. Previously, I was weak and he was strong. Now, I am strong and he is weak. Consider thyself sundered."

"We swapped physical health," I coughed. "I...forgot he had that ability...I haven't seen him use it yet." I tried to lift my head from the wall, but it only backed back onto it. "I hate you all. That is all."

Honestly, I should have seen that coming, and honestly, my endurance is shit. If someone were to pit me on a mile-run race against Isaac, I'd beat him in a sprint in the first lap or two, but he'll eventually overtake me because I tire out alot faster than Isaac will. This is funny because I played midfielder on the South Park soccer team, and that is the position where you need to run the most. On a good day, I was mediocre, but most of the time, I was nothing but deadweight to my team. The coach only kept me on because no one else wanted to play midfield, because only Kyle can play goalie, you had assholes who sat defense to be lazy (Kenny, Butters, Craig), and you had assholes who played offense to score goals and be the star player (Stan, Clyde, Token), which meant that I got stuck playing the position I was weakest at. This year's soccer team consisted of Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Butters, Craig, Clyde, Token, Tweek, Kevin, Francis, and myself, which sucks because we had a much different main lineup last year (which I also played soccer, but defense) because the people I knew (and I was friends with them) got in trouble for a big stink-bomb incident in their 4th grade class this year so they weren't allowed to play soccer. I was so pissed.

Wendy, red with rage, took her hand off me and faced Terrorblade. "You fucking asshole!"

Ray shook his head. "I can't believe he did that."

"Is he really that strong?" Stan said. "Jesus Christ!"

"Hahahaha. My next trick...you will now witness my worst self. True form..." Terrorblade, standing straight, spun around once while fading out with black smoke for a second. When he came back, he was not his normal form, but a form of a demon more terrifying. His body was scaled like his normal form, but he was much taller; a demon with giant horns, bony wings that were right-side up, with teal outlines of light and eyes glowing the same color. He opened his maw and roared, teal light coming out of his mouth. His glaives completely disappeared, dissipating into light blue dust that dispersed into the air. The metamorphosis of Terrorblade is complete. "... _REVEALED!_ "

"Oh no..." Stan's words echoed.

"Um...this doesn't look good," Wendy panicked.

I reached my arm out to grab Isaac's left arm, who was to my right. "Isaac..."

Isaac turned his head to me. "Hm?"

I coughed out a little bit more blood. "You're...you're on healer duty."

Isaac put away his axes and faced Terrorblade again, nodding. "On it." He dropped a healing totem next to me to help heal me up.

The transformed Terrorblade brought its arms out, looking like he wanted a hug, but in reality, he is likely making a taunting gesture as he stood in front of the flame well. "What's wrong, kids? Not as vulgar now when you're about to get grounded, eh?" In his metamorphosed form, his voice was much deeper and a little bit slower. He made a swiping motion with his right arm and a light blue ball of energy as blue as his aura was shot out of his right hand, crashing onto the pile of bloody vomit I left, and exploding, turning the vomit into ash.

"Jesus Christ!" Stan exclaimed.

"Now that's scary!" Wendy admitted.

"Why do you think they call me 'Terrorblade', hm?" Terrorblade let out another laugh. "Now...let's end this." Terrorblade began to stomp towards us, rumbling the ground with harsh stomping sounds.

"Charge!" Ray shouted.

As Wendy, Stan, and Isaac charged into the middle of the arena, Terrorblade shook his head. "Nuh uh uh!" For a split second he disappeared. Then three metamorphosed Terrorblades appeared from thin air in front of us, causing Stan, Wendy, and Isaac to halt their charge. Aw crap, he summoned illusions of himself again. There's only one thing worse than facing Terrorblade - facing more Terrorblades.

"Oh crap!" Wendy said. "What do we do?" No one else could respond, however, as the three Terrorblades already began to toss bolts of demonic energy at Wendy as she tried to charge. But the blasts of the energy quickly weakened Wendy, going through he shield. Meanwhile, Stan, Isaac, and Ray had already jumped into the fray to try to eliminate the illusions with blade attacks and frostbolts. However, Wendy already knelt down, almost killed instantly from the blasts, so she did the one thing she could - a bubble of light appeared around her. She used the Divine Shield to render herself completely immune to Terrorblade's attacks.

"No! Die! Die! Die!" The Terrorblades desperately tried to finish off Wendy, but she was protected by the Divine Shield so the energy bolts shattered themselves on the holy bubble, therefore, Wendy began to heal herself. Luckily from Isaac's totem, I could lend a helping hand from a distance, but I was still immobile, so I healed her as well. Isaac, aware of this, jumped back and healed her as well while Stan and Ray hacked and slashed at the Terrorblade illusions. Isaac threw out a Chain Lightning - a beam of lightning that discharged from his hands onto one of the Terrorblades, then spreading to the other Terrorblades.

Terrorblade could no longer ignore Stan however, so he kicked at Stan. Stan tried to parry the attack with his sword, but the force of the kick was too much, so he flew back into the back-left pillar. "Ow, crap!" Stan said. Terrorblade jumped at Stan, but Stan ducked to his left and rolled out of the way towards the flaming well. "This is crazy!"

"I know!" Ray pointed at Terrorblade, and so his elemental rooted Terrorblade in place once more.

"Damnit!" Terrorblade roared. "Not again!"

Wendy, completely healed, got up and charged in (so I healed myself slowly in the meantime). With the strike of a Crusader, she swung her light-enhanced sword on Terrorblade several times, but Terrorblade blocked some of the attacks with his hands. Stan joined in, rending Terrorblade in the abdomen, causing him to spew blood from the wound while Isaac stood back and and began to heal Wendy, but Terrorblade began to rapidly throw energy balls at Isaac, and even though Isaac stood near his water totem, the damage was too much, and he crumpled next to me, landing on top of his own totem and destroying it. "...ow."

"Isaac..." I whispered.

"It's too much...he's too much..." Isaac breathed heavily, bloodied from Terrorblade's energy attacks. Holy crap, I didn't realize how strong Terrorblade's final form is. "I can't believe it...we're so close...and yet so far..."

Terrorblade broke out of the elemental nova and jumped out of the way of Ray's comet storm, running down Wendy with his foot when she tried to slam Terrorblade with her shield. Wendy smacked her back on the floor. "Ow!" As she tried to get up, Terrorblade quickly turned around and hurled more energy attacks at her. While Stan charged at Terrorblade to start attacking Terrorblade, but Terrorblade hurled another bolt at Wendy. Wendy, weakened, raised her shield in a last ditch effort to survive with the Ardent Defender. "Oh no you don't!" When the bolt made contact with the shield, the shield lit up, instantly absorbing the blast and healing her a little bit. I couldn't heal her, since I decided it'd be better to heal myself to be honest, I might need to jump back into the fight to actually dish out damage, and I can't do anything just sitting here.

"Grr...Reflection!" Because Ray, Stan, Wendy, and Terrorblade were all the way at the flaming well, no evil reflections of Isaac or me were created because Terrorblade was too far away from us. That said, Stan blocked Terrorblade's spell with his sword, so instead of spawning an evil Stan attacking Stan, there was an "evil" metamorphosed Terrorblade that was spawned to attack Terrorblade. Nevertheless, evil Wendy and evil Ray still spawned to attack their respective owners. "What? Damnit!"

The already weakened Wendy, however, couldn't resist the attacks of her own illusion. "You're a bitch, Wendy! A hypocritical attention slut!" Wendy's evil illusion made a downwards lash on Wendy prime before she disappeared, staggering Wendy towards me, and falling down, bleeding.

"Wendy! No!" Stan started to run to Wendy, but Terrorblade took notice and blasted him with three consecutive energy bolts, sending him flying and crashing next to Wendy.

Meanwhile, Ray ran around the circumference of the arena counterclockwise with his evil illusion on the chase. Problem is that the side effect of these illusions existing caused Ray to move slower, so Ray had to teleport himself towards us. "Guys! Are you alright?" He turned back to see neither his nor Terrorblade's illusions appear again. "Oh crap!"

I was beginning to lose strength and tire. There had to be a way to destroy Terrorblade. Luckily, Terrorblade is distracted by Ray's constant array of slows, roots, and snares, but on the flipside, his final form seems never-ending. It gave me time to think. Then I remembered what the Crab People told us. _The last time this happened, many rules were broken. There are codes of honor upheld by men to show respect because humans naturally are primal creatures. Of course though, not all codes of honor are created equal. There are some codes of honor are meant to be broken. Sometimes, even the most benevolent of codes must be broken if evil were to be vanquished. Evil people never play by the rules, and sometimes fighting dirty is the only option._

But isn't that what John Vanson said as well? _The thing about Terrorblade is that Terrorblade is like Breast Cancer. And you know Breast Cancer. It is a fat little lump that needs to be...destroyed. When there is a cancer, you have to 'fight' it. You can't reason with cancer, you can't wish it away. Cancer doesn't play by the rules, so neither can you. Terrorblade doesn't play by the rules and neither should you. You can't listen to what anybody else tells you. You have to be willing to give up everything, because Breast Cancer, and Terrorblade, will take everything._

"Wendy..." I coughed. "Why did you fight Cartman on Wednesday over Breast Cancer?"

"Principal Victoria...told me to do it," Wendy replied. "She's a Breast Cancer Survivor, did you know that? Cartman was being an ass...so I might as well break the rules...because fuck him, that's why."

Breaking the rules. Hm. What was that one code? Maybe it was a Gentlemen's code or something, because it would sound fairly general. "Stan, do you know of any 'Gentlemen's Code' by any chance?"

"Oh...the one where you shouldn't fart on someone's balls?" Stan's response triggered me. That is exactly it. I think that could be it. It's like what Kenny, Principal Dumbledore, Terrance, and Phillip told us. "The Gentlemen's Code...is the universal code of honor. To fart on a man's balls...is a symbolic offense to the male genitalia, and is dishonorable. Why do you ask?"

A smile slowly spread across my face. I have now figured out how to destroy Terrorblade. "Because that's...what I wanted to hear."

"What...are you planning?" Isaac asked.

"Just watch, guys, you'll see," I replied. "Ray!"

Ray caught Terrorblade in a frost nova as Terrorblade as Ray quickly dashed and blinked to me, rather annoyed. "What is it? I'm kinda busy here."

I finished healing myself back to near full health as I slowly stood up. "Buy me as much time as you can."

"Why?" Ray asked.

"Just do it." With that, I immediately shapeshifted into a cat and began to dash around the circumference of the arena counterclockwise towards the well.

I noticed Terrorblade noticing me. "You! Healer!" He started marching towards me, but Ray's elemental caught Terrorblade in another ice nova. "Ugh, crap! Rah!" Terrorblade threw down an energy bolt on the elemental, instantly vaporizing it. He broke the nova, trying to run to me again, but Ray kept him slowed. Terrorblade jumped to me (at the back-right pillar) but before he could land an attack, I trotted around the pillar to the inner side.

"Can't touch this!" I taunted.

"You damn pillar-humper!" Terrorblade tried to dash around the pillar, but I would dash in the same rotating direction (counterclockwise). This is exactly like ring-around-the-rosy, and it was fairly hillarious.

"What, you mad?" Ray laughed.

"Get out of the pillar and fight me you coward!" We switched directions so we both ended up going clockwise around the pillar. "Pillar-humping is for losers!" But I was getting fairly tired, and my breath was draining. Mustering every last once of strenght, I quickly dashed to the back-left pillar and dropped into Prowl. "Damnit! You stupid little sneak!" Terrorblade turned his attention to Ray. "No matter. I'll just kill YOU then, Dovahkiin!"

Unfortunately, Ray found himself in the center of the arena like a sitting duck, and without a Blink, he was easy pickings for Terrorblade, so Terrorblade hurled bolt after bolt of demonic energy at Ray. Ray was whittling down fast, but he caught himself in an Ice Block, the subsequent bolts shattering themselves on the iceberg from where Ray froze himself. "No! Die! Die! Die!" Terrorblade's temper is rising as he desperately tried to kick at the iceberg, but the ice would not shatter. Now is my time to strike.

I slowed my breathing for a bit then immediately lept forward and, with the roar of a lion, pounced Terrorblade with a downwards strike using both paws. Catching Terrorblade out of surprise, I quickly raked a back wound onto him with my left paw, shredded him a few times with my right paw for good measure, and before he could turn around, jumped up and maimed the back of his head by joining my two paws onto the sides of Terrorblade's skull. "Eat this, shitpickle!" I shouted.

"Damnit!" Terrorblade muttered as he was then stunned out. He knelt down on his right knee, put his right fist on the floor, and put his left arm on his left knee.

I quickly transformed back into a human, jumped onto Terrorblade, then threw my entire weight towards the back of my body, causing Terrorblade to lean back. I landed on the ground, causing Terrorblade's body to straighten out with his back towards the floor, leaning on me. I put my arms around Terrorblade's neck, despite his wings being obtrusive and him being fairly heavy in his metamorphose form. I struggled to hold Terrorblade steady, but I could manage. As Ray came out of his Ice Block, I called out to him. "Do the thing, Ray!"

"Do what thing?" Ray asked.

"Break the Gentlemen's Code!" I shouted, struggling to keep Terrorblade held up. Terrorblade came out of his stun, but I was holding him tight by my neck, choking him. He gagged quite alot.

"Cole, you can't possibly mean..." Ray retorted.

"Just do it, Ray! It's the only way!" Ray turned back to Stan, Wendy, and Isaac, and surprisingly, they all gave approving nods. They gave him a thumbs up, telling him to go for it. I smiled again. I'm glad they could trust me to know what to do. But the problem is that I was losing my physical grip on Terrorblade. "Please! Fart on his balls! Do it now!"

Ray turned back to me, blinked his eyes, then nodded. "Alright. Here goes nothing." Ray put his right hand next to his ass, and farted quite harshly into it. With his right hand cupped, he released the Cup-A-Spell to Terrorblade, a cloud of fart and shit. As the fart traveled to Terrorblade's "balls", I lost my grip on Terrorblade and began to fall backwards at the exact moment the fart made contact with Terrorblade's "balls" (and I'm not sure if Terrorblade even has actual balls). Nevertheless, an explosion followed by a white flash of light shone out of Terrorblade's private region, blinding me and disorienting me.

"Ow! Crap!" As far as I know, I fell on my butt. When I could see again, I could see nothing but black smoke fading into the air where Terrorblade last stood. Finally, it was over.

"So this was it," Stan said. "Terrorblade is done."

"We can all go home now," Wendy added.

"Guys! Look!" Isaac pointed in my direction. I turned around to see the white flames in the well formed a human figure. "I don't think so, look!" What was next was revealed to me a figure with a white robe. He was an angel with blue hair cropped down like mine, wore a purple toga, had white angelic wings, and had a tanned skin tone like Magina's. He wielded two spiky glaives like Terrorblade did, only they glowed yellow. Who could this be?

"Who the hell is that?" Stan asked.

"I-I don't know, Stan." Stan and Wendy held each other tight. As I joined my friends, Isaac hid behind me, and Ray stood close to me.

The five of us got up and approached the blue-haired man with caution. We met the man in the middle of the arena floor, in between all the pillars. The man looked around, then gave us nothing more than a heartwarming smile. What he then said next threw my mind out of this world. It almost made me faint. It almost made me think that I was in some sort of surreal dream right now, and perhaps I am. But no matter, the tone of the words were so graceful and beautiful it could make birds sing.

"I...am Terrorblade."

* * *

 **Some more notes, this time about my OCs.**

 **Cole was at first a blatant self-insert, as noticed in the first seven chapters or so, but as I continued this story along, I ended up turning him into a Cartman/Kyle fusion (or Kyman personification) that is somewhat more mellow - at least that's what I think. I know not many people are a fan of Cartman, but my intent on making Cole kind of an ass isn't for readers to exactly sympathize with him or see him as a role model, but it's to make him a somewhat believable character, and hopefully I'm doing at least a decent job of not making a Mary Sue (or Gary Stu, if you will).**

 **The same goes with Isaac, actually. The basic premise of creating him is imagining the paring of Bunny becoming personified. Imagine if Butters and Kenny had sex and had a child somehow - this is what I imagined Isaac to be. Basically a peaceful guy who's also a pervert, but of course I do have to throw in some traits of of him that Butters and Kenny don't have, like being rather impatient. Hopefully I did a good job with Isaac as well.**

 **For me, Ray is harder to get right because the storyline of the Stick of Truth game revolves around Dovahkiin since Dovahkiin is the chosen one, and this fic is no different. Added to the fact that it is implied that Dovahkiin in the game doesn't talk much, is snarky when he does, and whose actions mimics a typical gamer's, it can become fairly difficult. I think what ended up happening is that I shifted his personality between Cole's and Isaac's, and he felt fairly redundant outside of being Dovahkiin because Stan is Stan, Wendy is more-or-less female Kyle, Cole covers the asshole niche that Cartman would (to a lesser extent of course), and Isaac is basically the child of a Bunny pairing.**

 **Of course though, writing a good OC takes practice, and my mistake is that it was something I did not take seriously at first. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I am saying that it's easy to botch the job with the first OC (I consider Cole the first because this fic is in his POV), but it takes time and patience.**

 **I'll talk about my thoughts on Stendy in the end of the next chapter.**


	27. Chapter 27: End of Terror

**Sorry for the late update, I'm a bit busy with finals. Anyways, here is the penultimate chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter 27**

I couldn't believe his words. I couldn't believe the blue-haired man said that. He can't possibly be Terrorblade...can he? I thought we just killed Terrorblade. I thought Ray farted on Terrorblade's balls to destroy him once and for all. But this is Terrorblade? And this Terrorblade is no demon. He's human, like an angel. "No way!" Stan, Wendy, Ray, Isaac, and I were all in shock and awe.

"There is no way you're Terrorblade," Stan said.

"Yeah, did we just kill you just now?" Wendy added.

Terrorblade laughed. "But indeed I am, children. You slew my evil self. I am purified. That said, I believe this belongs to you, Dovah." Terrorblade reached behind his back and held out a wooden stick. The Stick of Truth.

"What?" Ray took the Stick out of Terrorblade's hands. "Why?"

"The Stick holds great power, but too much for me." Terrorblade then turned to Stan and Wendy. "And to answer your question, Stanley and Wendy, when Ray farted into my balls, he has slain the demon soul within me. What you killed is my corruption. My worst self - a raging, thieving demon of unimaginable power. Only by breaking the Gentlemen's Code can you purify one's soul. My soul is purified, and I owe you my life. You have done it Dovah."

"Terrorblade!" Hearing Magina's voice, I turned around to see Magina, John Vanson, Phillip Pirrup (or Pip), Chef, and Ms. Ellen. That said, since the energy wall no longer existed to block them off, Magina immediately ran to us, past us, then hugged Terrorblade. "I missed thou presence."

"Ah, Magina." Terrorblade smiled as he returned the hug. "Brothers in harmony again."

Magina let go of Terrorblade, then the two faced the rest of us. "I have to thank you all for rescuing my brother. I couldn't not have done it without you."

Stan then gasped. "Wait a minute, what about the demons left on Earth?"

"Oh that?" Terrorblade then laughed. "You don't have to worry about them no more. When Dovah broke the Gentlemen's Code and purged my demon soul, it also purged the impurities on Earth. Consider the demons and the Nazi Zombies destroyed. It is purity of will; consider thyself purified." Terrorblade let out a sigh. "There is one more thing I want to say. I want to apologize to you all for the trouble that I have caused in the last few days."

"This is just a cliche resolution of blaming your problems not on yourself, but on an illness." Hate to say it, but Wendy is right. As annoyed and threatening as she sounded, she is spot on.

"Yeah, you have to at least admit that you screwed up man." Stan shook his head in disapproval.

Terrorblade nodded without batting an eye. "You both are absolutely right. Maybe perhaps I am a raging asshole."

Magina put his right hand on Terrorblade's left shoulder. "Brother, you should trouble yourself no further. What is done is done, and there's no turning back. All you can do is forgive yourself of your past transgressions and move on." For a moment we were silent, but then Magina continued on. "The Visitors, or aliens, told me to tell you that they want to apologize for spreading the Nazi Zombie virus for the second time."

"Ah, glad that's over with." Ray then grumbled, shaking his head. "I'm still pissed off that they gave me an anal probe...although we did get past some obstacles because of it. I had to use the anal probe so there's that."

Chef, from behind us, laughed out loud when he heard Ray. "The Visitors gave YOU an anal probe too? Hahahaha!" Ray shot an angry glare at Chef. "I'm sorry, um..."

"Ray," Ray responded.

Chef then stopped laughing. "Look, you kids did a good job saving the world. I watched the five of you grow as people within the last three days, and I have to say this is the most impressive thing you have done for each other."

John nodded as he handed each of our backpacks back. "You did a great job, Ray. Better than I could have done."

"Yes you did," Pip added, "and the Dimmons twins did good work."

"Wendy, you did a really good job protecting and caring for you friends there," Ms. Ellen added. "And Stan, take good care of her."

"Thank you," Stan, Wendy, Ray, Isaac, and I nodded.

Isaac then looked around. He shot a lightning bolt up into the sky. "Uh, we still have our powers. What do we do now?"

"You have the Stick of Truth now." We turned to see Terrorblade speaking to us once again. "There are two paths you can go down. One: you can bring the Stick back to Earth and keep your powers, and so will everyone else on Earth. If you five keep your powers, then they too will keep their powers. Now I should remind you of how destructive having powers can be." Terrorblade cleared his throat. "The second option is to sacrifice the Stick in the Skyforge." Terrorblade pointed to the flaming well. "Therefore, nobody will be able to have the power."

"If I sacrifice the Stick, can I get it back?" Ray asked.

"Only a Dovahkiin can reclaim the Stick of Truth from the Skyforge," Terrorblade replied. "I'll leave it up to your discretion."

Ray nodded then turned back to the rest of us. "What do you guys think? Should we keep the Stick or give it away?"

"I wouldn't mind keeping my powers," Isaac said. "I love being able to use the elements."

"Honestly, we can do some really good things with them," Wendy added.

"Yeah, but you saw how destructive they are," Stan replied.

"Uh, yeah, um, I think we used our powers for selfishness more than actually helping people," I added. "Well at least I did." We're not good kids. We're kind of assholes. Assholes who managed to get the job done and save the world, sure, but we're all still petty assholes, myself included.

"Yeah, Cole's right," Stan replied. "We shouldn't even be having these powers. I mean we already have to deal with stupid drama at school, but add in WoW powers?" Stan shook his head. "Everyday someone's gonna be burned. Literally."

"Yeah, we're not very responsible, are we?" Isaac then turned to Wendy. "Wendy?"

Wendy shrugged. "I'd like to keep my powers to show off, to be honest. But then again, I forgot half my abilities and spells." She shook her head. "I feel like I did more harm than help anyways. Honestly, I suck at World of Warcraft, it was Bebe who got me to play."

Stan walked up to Wendy and started to rub her hair. "Nonsense, Wendy. You did great. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Wendy then hugged Stan. "You know, I wouldn't mind seeing my powers go away. I have to agree with you."

"So, uh, what do we do about the stolen money from Jimbo's Guns?" Stan asked.

Wendy giggled as she let go of Stan. "We could keep it to ourselves, buy a few stuff like-"

"Wendy!" Stan was shocked at Wendy's statement.

Wendy's giggle turned into a laugh. "I'm just kidding, Stan!"

Ray nodded and smiled. "I guess that means we give away the Stick." Ray walked over to the flaming well - the Skyforge - and without another word, dropped the Stick. From the well shot out a large column of white fire until it was no more. Like a blaze of glory, the flame made the symbol of a dragon facing upwards until it dissipated into thin. "Beautiful."

I tried to fire off a solar wrath into the sky, but nothing came out of my hands. I tried to shapeshift, but I grunted, and nothing came about it. That was it. I really lost my powers. I'm no longer a druid. I'm just a regular ten-year-old kid named Cole Dimmons who goes to an elementary school in a white trash town. I sighed. "I'll miss my powers."

"Same here," Stan replied. "But honestly it was for the better." Stan exhaled. "I'm sure this is what Kyle would have done if he were here right now."

"I'm sure he's alright, Stan," Wendy said.

Stan smiled at Wendy. "Huh. I never thought you'd say that. What happened to you worrying about everything?"

"It's like what Chef told Ray," Wendy replied. "Bad things will happen to good people, but it's how we deal with it that makes us. I'm sure you can apply this lesson in many areas in your life."

"I know what you mean." Stan then let out a loud yawn. "Ah, at least this is over now. I think that's what Harbinger would say if he were still here."

Ray nodded. "I miss that guy."

Stan then turned to the rest of the others. "So how do we get out of here?"

"There is a portal outside the Hall of Valor across the bridge you came in from," Magina answered. "Anymore questions before you take your leave?"

"What about our parents?" Wendy asked.

"Your parents have returned home in safe hands," Magina answered. "Your spirit guides helped them." If he means the spirits who we had to do the trials, then I guess that makes sense. After all, I'm ready to go home. "In case you ever want to return, just return to the lighthouse. The guardians should no longer bother you. Anymore questions?"

"No," the five of us replied.

Terrorblade, Magina, Pip, John, Chef, and Ms. Ellen then nodded, smiled, and waved goodbye. "Goodbye, children."

"Bye!"

After finishing our goodbyes, the five of us descended down the elevator and began to walk out of the Hall of Valor. In the Hall of Valor, the vikings were still injured, but they cheered us on as the five of us walked out. They called us heroes, saviors, and all of that sort. Then we exited the Hall of Valor, and when we crossed the bridge, we met the stone knight again that guarded the entrance. It said nothing, but only stood up straight with a righteous salute. It made a simple nod. A few yards up ahead was a glowing portal and when we got closer it showed an image of a storage room.

Stan pointed at the portal. "Hey, that's Jimbo's Guns. We were just there." Interesting for the portal to choose to teleport us to the storage room of Jimbo's Guns specifically, but whatever. Maybe it was just a randomly generated location.

"Yeah, maybe now we can return all that money we stole," Wendy snickered.

Ray shrugged. "We only spent like fifty bucks." That sounded about right, actually.

"Anyone wanna say a few words before we go home?" Stan asked.

I'm not sure what to say. I'm too tired to think. My brain almost died from the multiple fights earlier. I could feel my muscles constrict a little from fatigue. "It's been fun hanging out with you all," Wendy said. "I feel like you all changed somehow. In a really awesome way."

"I swear I've heard this before," Stan said. I swear it too.

"You know where, Stan." Then Stan and Wendy once again kissed for about eight seconds, and when they drew away from each other, Stan did not vomit. Interesting. But it's whatever though, it's kinda about time Stan grew out of vomiting on girls. Maybe I don't understand everything right now, maybe one day I'll understand. But if there is one thing I understand, it's that I'm tired as hell.

"You guys ready?" Isaac asked. The rest of us then nodded at Isaac. "Let's go."

We grabbed each others' hands, and from left to right it was Ray, Stan, Wendy, myself, then Isaac. Hand-in-hand, the five of us all walked through the portal to make our way home.

* * *

 **Now time to talk about Stendy.**

 **Honestly, I enjoy Stendy. By far, it's my favorite pairing, mostly because it's canon. No I don't think it this story showcased perfect Stendy, and no, this fic isn't only about Stendy, but even then, I like it because the pairing felt real and genuine. There's ups and downs like a real relationship, and even then, in this story I've alluded to the fact that Stan and Wendy are more alike than one would think.**

 **Stan is the normal guy, the golden boy, so to speak. He's solid at everything he does, and it shows. Honestly, I think Stan is fine the way he is, he's a good person at heart but is kind of selfish sometimes and petty. As for Wendy, I felt like the show put too much perfections on Wendy, so I thought an interesting twist is to make Wendy fairly incompetent at World of Warcraft (as shown through her roleplaying a paladin) since she's so good at everything else she does, and in my mind, I think that produced a humorous result (to me at least). That said, I hope I made the lovely couple believable.**

 **I can see why some people don't like Stendy. Maybe Stan and Wendy are too awful to each other. Maybe they both are way too possessive and jealous of each other (and I mean both). Maybe Wendy is more like Kyle than Stan. I hope I developed their relationship well, but also I hope I didn't overshadow too much of this fic with Stendy.**

 **As said in the above note, this isn't the last chapter. There will be one more. Stay tuned.**


	28. Chapter 28: Finisterre

**The very last chapter is here. I just want to thank you all for reading the Great Journey of the Stick of Truth.**

* * *

 **Chapter 28 - One Week Later, Friday**

"Yo, get up. We're gonna be late for school."

"Fuck off Isaac." I could feel my head spinning as Isaac, my twin brother, was shaking my entire body. "I promise you I'm gonna whoop your ass right now." I was actually about to wake up and punch him in the stomach until I saw the clock on the nightstand that read 7:30.

"I die a little every morning."

I jolted out of bed with a start to stare out the window at the morning sun. I looked out the window and it's a beautiful Friday morning. Putting on a black buttonless jacket with a hood, gray ski pants, and gray ski gloves, I went over to the restroom to comb my blonde hair. It's cropped, went down a little past my ears, and while others thought it was a bit unkempt, I didn't care less. I then went downstairs to the kitchen to see a plate of sunny-side-egg, two pieces of toast, and the one person I did not expect to see this morning.

"Dad!" The voice out of Isaac and me showed our surprise in seeing our dad. Usually, dad is gone because he works as a plumber, and plumbers make quite a bit of money because not many people desire to do that job. But today will already be different. I can feel it.

"Cole! Isaac!" My dad, Joel Dimmons knelt down and had his arms out, and the two of us both hugged him for ten seconds. Then he let us go.

"Don't you have work today, dad?" Isaac asked.

My dad shook his head. "Nope. It's my weekend off. How are you kids?"

I sat down and began eating my breakfast. "Great, actually."

"Yeah, oh my gosh, I feel like I can take on the whole world!" Isaac's cheery comment made me chuckle. I really do miss the optimistic, carefree, airhead Isaac I knew.

My dad laughed. "Glad to hear it. Do you kids want to be taken to school today?"

Isaac and I looked at each other, then both of us nodded at dad. "Sure!"

* * *

As our dad drove us to school, I stared outside the window to see the town already repair itself since all the wreckage. The zombies and demons are no more, and the South Park Mall, as well as the rest of the town, has been completely rebuilt miraculously within the span of only five days. The people of South Park were just going about their business as if all were usual, strolling about, saying hello to each other, that sort of thing.

"Good luck at school today, kids!"

With those last words, my dad drove off in his white sedan. Isaac and I nodded at each other, then turned around to face South Park Elementary. Well this was it. After one week of the elementary school being rebuilt from the aftermath of the Stick of Truth, this is the first day we came to school this week. I felt a sudden chill, perhaps its the stingy morning air, perhaps its the fear of how the children are going to react to me. This is the first time I'll be seeing them this week. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my pants and I let out a harsh exhale.

"Nervous, dude?" Isaac asked.

I gulped and nodded as I spoke softly. "A little." I don't want to know how the 4th graders will react to us.

"I don't know what will happen." Isaac also sounded as nervous as I. "But I'm sure it will be fine."

"Well, there's only one way to find out," I replied.

"After you," Isaac gestured. Of course I'm going in first.

The two of us cautiously walked to the front door of South Park Elementary School, and immediately in the main hallway were about one-hundred 4th graders who slowly turned their attention towards the two of us. My heart skipped a beat. This is very nerve-wracking, and I would have just froze there for several seconds until a certain adult came along. "Okay, move along children, these two need their safe space." Good thing PC Counselor came to the rescue. "You better respect those two or I'll break your legs, got that?"

About PC Counselor, he used to be known as PC Principal until Principal Victoria got her job back shortly after Mr. Mackey forged her termination. The three of them made up and now Mr. Mackey is back to being a school counselor while PC Principal decided his role was better served as a second school counselor. He was still heartless and a fearmongerer, but I can't deny that his method of getting everyone else to leave us alone is effective. I gazed at Isaac who shrugged at me. "Uh, thank you PC Counselor," I bowed.

"If anyone tries to mess with you and try to invade your safe space, just come talk to me and I'll take care of it, ok?" PC Counselor said.

I nodded in confusion. "Uh, thanks. I'll make sure of it." I didn't plan on getting anyone beat up today, and I didn't really care about all the crap about safe spaces, I just want to have a clean day today.

PC Counselor nodded. "Oh, and you boys did a pretty good job at destroying Terrorblade and ending his micro-agressions. Thanks to you, his privilege is now checked."

I looked around again and I could overhear kids talking about suddenly losing their WoW powers, going to show that Terrorblade was right about the Stick. As Isaac and I went through the forward door and began to walk through the hallway, there was a certain high-pitched voice that called out to us. "Hey Dimmons!" I turned around and I saw him dressed in all black with thick eyebrows and long black hair combed towards the back with fiery fingertips. "I want to talk to you."

Isaac hid behind me. "Oh no, it's that Damien kid! The son of Satan!" As far as I know, Damien Thorn is the son of Satan - this means that he has evil Satanic powers, as demonstrated from his fiery fingertips, and even though most of us lost our powers, he still has some, just because he is the son of Satan. No one ever talks to Damien and no one ever wants to mess with him, not after the rumors of him messing up Eric Cartman's ninth birthday party.

"Hush now, Isaac. I'm not here to mess with anyone." We were face to face with Damien, the school legend. "Listen, Isaac. Cole. I just want to thank you both for taking care of Terrorblade for me." Isaac stood by my left shoulder as we looked at each other in confusion, then turned back to Damien. Damien's tone was sincere and serious. "It was you both, Stan Marsh, Wendy Testaburger, and that one pink-haired new kid. The one everyone called Douchebag."

Why the hell does everyone keep referring to Ray as Douchebag? "His name is Raymond Irvington. Ray."

"So it is." Damien peered from side-to-side as he stepped closer. "Terrorblade was a real pain in the ass for my father, and you know how much of a pussy my father can be. I'm assuming you both uncovered his plot to cause a nuclear war so he could salvage the mess, right?" Isaac and I nodded silently and Damien continued on. "Just so you know, my father would never do that. No, he'd kill the world through temptation, not just outright destroying everything. It's not the way it should be, and I just want to say thank you both." Damien sighed. "Now I just gotta thank Stan and Wendy - because it's the kind thing to do. Yeah, I know 'Son of Satan' and 'kindness' going together sounds kind of silly, but it's necessary, what you did - it was legendary, honestly. But you know how difficult to catch them only with each other right? I swear to Satan I don't know why they're still together."

I can see what Damien is implying, but I'm also assuming Damien doesn't know about what went on with their relationship. "I think...they're together again." My voice was soft and cautious. I can only say what I interpreted of their relationship, but of course, I could always be wrong.

"Oh? Then perhaps it will be easy for me then." Damien then bowed down. "There is one more thing I want to say. The people you saw in Sovngarde...they might not still be in Sovngarde, just to say. Thank you again, Dimmons." He then walked away.

"Do you know what Damien means by Sovngarde?" I asked. That was very weird and somewhat random. But given this is Damien, and not some random kid, there's some foreshadowing going on.

Isaac and I looked at each other, and he shrugged. "Wow, Cole. I honestly thought...we were gonna get set aflame. And no, I don't know what he meant."

"So did I," I nod. "Uh...did let's just keep going."

"Agreed."

When the two of us rounded another corner, we both met up with our old friends Garet and Jenna. They greeted us with smiles, then Jenna leaned in to hug Isaac and me. "Oh my God, I'm so glad you two are ok!" Jenna then drew away from the hug. I then opened my locker to put my backpack in and closed it shut.

"Everyone in school knows what you two did," Garet replied. "It was amazing! You were all like 'pew pew' and Terrorblade was all like 'noooo'!"

I scratched the back of my head. "Uh, thanks. I didn't realize that this would all be told to everyone. How does everyone know?"

"You know how much of a gossip Wendy can be," Jenna said.

"Oh, right." Of course Stan and Wendy would tell everyone about how awesome our trip was. I kept it in the down-low simply because I just didn't want the attention of most of the South Park kids, and given the history of South Park, if everyone knows you, you should prepare for lots of weird shit to happen to you.

"So how were Stan and Wendy?" Jenna asked. "I never really talked to either of them, that's why I just want to know, and I know that Stan is like the perfect guy, and Wendy is like the perfect girl." Garet nodded in agreement. Of course, those were only Jenna's assumptions. After knowing the two of them, I can safely say that despite their popularity in school, they both have as much personal problems as Isaac and myself.

"They're nice people, but they both can be a bit stingy and emotional sometimes," Isaac said loudly. And I'm not? Haha.

"Keep your voice down, Isaac, they can probably hear you," Garet said.

"What?" I peered around the corner from where we came and all I could see are 2nd graders. "Uh, I don't see anything but 2nd graders."

"Rumor has it that the popular girls are using Lemmiwinks, your class gerbil, as a spy for themselves," Jenna said. "They attached a camera on him. Sort of like Eavesdropper, but not for public. And you know how sneaky Lemmiwinks can be."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course they are." How could I not see this coming? I guess this is the sort of thing the girls have.

"It's like the thought police," Isaac said.

"Um...yeah." I know what the term thought police is, but the girls wouldn't go that far...would they?

"Has any of you played WoW recently within the last week?" Garet asked.

"No, neither of us has been playing," Isaac replied. The four of us began to head upstairs to the 4th grade classrooms. After the events of last week, I don't think I want anything to do with WoW for a while, or any other video game for that matter.

And then the bell rung. "Oh shit, I'm already late. Alright, I'll be seeing you two later!" I waved to my friends.

"Bye, Cole!" The three of them waved.

* * *

I piled in Mr. Garrison's class to see all the other students fall soft to stare at me with neutral. Once again, it gave me that feeling of awkwardness, like when I first stepped in school today. I gulped so loudly I think everyone in the room can hear me. "Um...hi." I really hate all this attention.

"You're late again, Cole. Take your seat." I looked to see everyone in different desks. We must have moved seats. Mr. Garrison pointed at two empty desks next to each other. "The one next to Wendy." I peered to see that I'd be sitting in the 2nd row next to Wendy, who is next to Stan. Wonderful, this day just gets better and better, doesn't it? Without saying another word, I took my seat.

Mr. Garrison then took out a clipboard. "Ok, well unfortunately since my class database has been lost because of the stupid disaster that happened last week, I'm gonna have to call role manually, so say if you're here, and if you have a nickname you'd want to go by, please do so." Mr. Garrison then glared at Eric Cartman. "Except you, Eric, you smartass. Ok...Andrew Anderson?"

"Here."

"Karen Anderson?"

"Here." Furious whispers from most of the girls swarmed around the room when Karen Anderson's name was called out. Karen, Andrew's twin sister, glared at most of the girls, for she knew what I knew: it was clear that most of the girls are in the Pleases and Sparkles Club (Wendy being the leader) and that the girls in that club despised her; in fact, Wendy herself said that the club agreed she was the third-most hated girl. I don't know why she was so hated, but that's just the way things have seemed to roll. I don't know, I never ever talk to Karen or Andrew for that matter.

Mr. Garrison groaned and facepalmed. "Ugh, not this again. Your stupid sparkle club is full of shitheads so shut up and leave Karen alone you dumb whores. Ok, Bradley Biggle?"

"I go by Brad."

"Token Black?"

"Here."

"Kyle Broflovski?"

"Here."

"Lance Carlson?"

"Here."

"Eric Cartman?"

"Sup?"

"Melissa Daniels?"

"Here."

"Cole Dimmons?"

"Here," I replied. Everyone was silent and no one looked at me funny. Good. I like it that way.

"Clyde Donovan?"

"Here."

"Lola Evans?"

"Here."

"Nelly Hall?"

"Here."

"Jason Jones?"

"Here."

"Kal Jorgensen?"

"Here."

"Annie Knitts?"

"Here."

"Millie Larsen?"

"Here."

"Riley Lawrence?"

"Here."

"Kent Leone?"

"Here."

"Stanley Marsh?"

"I go by Stan."

"Emily Marx?"

"Here."

"Kenneth McCormick?"

"I go by Kenny."

"Jessie Mills?"

"Here."

"Allie Nelson?"

"Here."

"Tammy Nelson?"

"Here."

"Francis Oswald?"

"Here."

"Gregory Phillipe?"

"I go by Greg, your honor." Funny, Greg came all the way from Yardale a year ago. He was known to be a political activist and, according to Stan and Wendy, a huge faggot. He tried to date Wendy once because they both shared political views, but Wendy said that he can go "fuck himself right in the ear". Thus, it was no surprise that most of the boys in this class gave a grossed out or angry reaction when Greg's name came up.

"Shut up, boys. Jennifer Simon?"

"I go by Jenny."

"Bebe Stevens?"

"Here."

"Esther Stoley?"

"Here."

"Kevin Stoley?"

"Here."

"Leopold Stotch?"

"I go by Butters."

"Wendy Testaburger?"

"Here."

"Craig Tucker?"

"Here."

"Red Tucker?"

"Here."

"Heidi Turner?"

"Here."

"Sally Turner?"

"Here."

"Tweek Tweak?"

"H-h-here!"

"John Vanson?"

"Here."

"What?" our entire class said. Wait what? I thought that kid died months ago. I thought that kid was still in Sovngarde! I peered to my left to see John Vanson checking out Millie Larsen, who was right next to him to his right as Millie tried her best to scoot away, only bumping into Kyle. Everyone glared at John Vanson.

"Ugh, not this faggot again." Cartman rolled his eyes.

"ERIC CARTMAN, YOU WILL RESPECT OTHERS!" Mr. Garrison shouted.

From my right, I could hear Wendy whisper to Stan, who sat between Stan and I. "Oh no, it's that creep. He's gonna try to hit on my and my friends. Remember the beginning of 4th grade?"

"I thought we left him at Sovngarde." Stan then peered to me. "Right Wendy? Cole?" I shrugged in response. I don't know what to say. I have no idea how resurrection or the afterlife works - I've never died before, and I don't intend to experience death anytime soon.

"Um...who died?" That is all that came out of my mouth.

"Ok, quiet down children, we have two new students in this class today, even though it's really late in the year, I don't know..." Mr. Garrison looked at the door to the hallway. "...who should be here any second..." Nothing. "...any second now..." Then the door opened. Two kids our age came through the door, a girl, then a boy. My class stared like hawks at the new kids as if we are the predators and they're the prey, as per usual. New kids come into our 4th grade class sometimes, but they get scared off literally.

The girl has blonde hair that is tied in a ponytail and she wore a blue jacket with a dark green collar and black pants. I immediately recognized her to be Kelly Nelson, the girl whom we saved from the Twilight vampire attack. The boy had long pink hair and wore a green jacket and brown pants. Ray.

"Aw weak, not this betraying douchebag!" Cartman leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes. Ray shot Cartman an angry glare.

"Eric, one more word out of your mouth and you're going to the principals office!" Mr. Garrison stood up seething. He then sat back down. "My apologies you two. Go on. Introduce yourselves."

Kelly introduced herself first. "Hello. I'm Kelly Nelson and I moved to Middle Park from Ohio, and now I'm here. I'm ten years old. I'm part of the Getting Gay with Kids choir so I know some of you in this room from our previous tour last year."

Ray then took his turn. "Hi. I'm Raymond Irvington, but you can tall me Ray. My name is not Douchebag." He glared in Cartman's direction, then turned back to the rest of us. "I moved here from Nebraska. and as you all know, I'm also Dovahkiin."

"Lovely to meet such interesting and wonderful children." Mr. Garrison's tone was very sardonic and sarcastic, usually whenever a new kid comes. "Take your seats." Kelly sat next to Kenny while Ray sat next to me.

I beam a smile full of delight. "Ray."

"Cole." Ray offered out a fist, and I fistbumped him. "Apparently the other Dovahkiin is here. I think his name is John."

"Yeah, I don't know how this happened." I honestly don't.

* * *

For the next hour or so, Mr. Garrison talked about how Maury Povich and his TV show is a cancer to society, then the morning recess bell rang. I piled out with Ray and the two of us met Isaac, Garet, and Jenna outside in the playground at the merry-go-round.

"So Ray, here's Isaac, and here's Garet and Jenna." I motioned towards the rest of my friends.

"So you're the Dovahkiin everyone talking about!" Garet said cheerily.

"Pleased to meet you, Ray," Jenna smiled. "Where'd you move from?"

"I moved here from Nebraska," Ray replied. "Small town just like this one."

"Why move at all?" Garet asked. "Not tryna be mean or anything. Just wondering."

"Well apparently I had to move here to get away from the government." Ray then turned to Isaac and me. "Or should I say Matt Parker. Thank God he's dead now."

"Matt Parker?" Jenna asked.

"He's just some big bad government guy," Ray replied. "It's just some..."

The five of us fell silent as we all turned our attention to the middle of the playground. It was most of the boys in my class along with John Vanson and Pip. Funny, Pip came back too. Which means I might see Chef and Ms. Ellen today. That said, the boys were busy yelling at John and Pip.

"Go away you freaks, no one wants you here!" Funny, same could be said to Cartman himself.

"Oh, you guys are so funny." John stifled a laught.

"Oh dear, John, I think they really mean it." Pip tried to tug on John's shoulder.

"Wait, didn't they both get stomped by Mecha-Streisand a few months back?" Jenna asked. "How are they still alive?"

"Maybe...they resurrected?" Garet tried to sound stupid. Of course though, he may well be right.

"Maybe...you're right." Jenna rarely ever agrees with Garet when he says something that is (or should be) stupid. "But how?" Jenna turned to Isaac and me for answers.

"I don't know." I really don't. But no matter, we just proceeded to sit back and enjoy the fun.

"John, no one likes you because you try so hard to be cool." Kyle walked back and forth between John and Pip. "You're not being yourself. You need to stop."

"Kyle, I know you're just saying that because you're trying to be funny," John said. Damn, this kid is really oblivious.

"No, John, we're all serious! You need to go away!" Stan yelled.

"Ask Pip, he'll tell you." Clyde twirled the football in his right hand.

"Comeon, John, we should really go," Pip said.

"Alright." John turned to walk towards the girls in the jungle gym as Pip followed.

"And don't you dare go near Wendy!" Stan shouted.

Of course though, John did walk up to the popular girls. "Hey ladies. Nice tits."

"Ew!" the girls shouted. As one can see, subtlety was not John Vanson's strong point.

"What a creep!" Bebe said.

"Seriously go away, John!" Wendy yelled.

"Yeah, we're gonna get the boys to kick your ass!" Red added. The girls then turned to leave.

"Hey wait, come back!" John sauntered off after the girls with Pip on his tail. That's when I've noticed that neither Stan nor Wendy are hanging out like they promised to. But what do I know about relationships? It's whatever.

* * *

When we got back into class, I've noticed that Mr. Garrison was not here, but in his place was another woman. Ms. Ellen. "Ok class, Mr. Garrison has to leave for a bit and he won't be back until after lunch. Until then..." Ms. Ellen dug through Mr. Garrison's desk for a few minutes. "What the hell..." She then peered at the empty chalkboard then bent down. "Did Mr. Garrison leave a lesson plan anywhere? I can't seem to find one."

"No we usually talk about how Democrats should be fucked to death." Kenny more-or-less summed up Mr. Garrison's lessons nicely.

"Um...ok..." Ms. Ellen scratched her head. "Anyways..." She scribbled her name on the chalkboard. "My name is Ms. Ellen and I'll be your substitute teacher from now until lunch. Anyways we're going to do a little activity I call 'Circle Time'."

"Aw, weak dude!" Cartman groaned.

"You. I know you, Eric, so keep quiet." Ms. Ellen's voice was low and threatening. "Now, there's like forty of you, so there will be two groups of twenty. Basically, you're all just talking about yourselves."

"Ahahahah, that sounds so lame!" Cartman began to laugh as everyone else glared at him.

"Eric, you will shut up right now before I send you to the principal's office!" Ms. Ellen yelled. "Now...you can get into your groups now."

We all arranged the desks into two big circles. I initially ended up in the group with Francis, Jason, Brad, Kent, Andrew, Greg, John, Lance, Ray, Emily, Riley, Jenny, Kal, Tammy, Melissa, Karen, Nelly, Jessie, and Allie. As I turned to sit next to Ray, Cartman took my seat. "Kyle is such a fucking asshole."

"Get out of my seat." I glared at Cartman. I have no problem being an ass to Cartman because he was an ass.

"Make me, faggot." Cartman stuck his tongue out.

"Get out of my seat!" I clenched my hands. I'm about ready to kick Cartman's fat ass.

Then someone poked me on the back. I turned around to see Wendy. "It's just a seat Cole. You can join us." I peered around Wendy to see the rest of her group all staring innocently at me. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, Craig, Clyde, Token, Tweek, Kevin, Bebe, Red, Kelly, Lola, Sally, Heidi, Esther, Annie, and Millie. Unnerving really, specifically considering that last week, I wasn't really on good terms with them, sort-of-speak.

"Do I really have to?" As I said that, I immediately clamped my mouth shut. Shit. I should not have said that. I might have come off as an asshole there.

Wendy just nodded. "I know how uncomfortable you feel. We just don't want Cartman here." I guess that makes sense, but still.

"Alright." I nodded. I took at seat between Butters and Sally. It was awkward at first. We were waiting for Ms. Ellen to tell us what to do.

"Well all you need to do is just talk to each other. You know, like normal kids." Ms. Ellen began to walk around for a bit.

"Why do we need to do this?" Lola asked.

"Well I'm sure that making friends with others is way more productive than being taught how Maury Povich is a cancer to society, right?" Well Ms. Ellen does have a good point right there. "Besides, I'm sure you can spread your friendships to those you don't know." Real funny. My heartbeats are quite quick since these people honestly make me nervous.

There was silence in the group for a few moments. Then Kyle turned to speak. "Well everyone already knows everyone here so I'm not actually sure why we're doing this."

"Yeah..." Craig's voice trailed off until his eyes fell on me. Then everyone else's eyes fell on me. My gut almost bursted from the nervousness.

"Um...hi?" That's all that came out of my mouth.

"So you and your brother were the ones who were with Stan and Wendy last week when you left town," Annie said.

"Yeah," I replied. "I did."

"So how was it?" Token asked. "The trip."

"It was fine," I replied. "It was fun." I guess I'm going to be the center of attention now.

"Hey, Wendy told us about what you did," Bebe said, "and that was pretty cool of you to help her like that. By the way, have you guys seen the new kid? He's totally hot!"

"I'd slam on that!" Esther added.

While the girls chatted on about Ray, Kyle then turned to the rest of us. "Stan, I have a big problem. You know how in preschool-"

"Trent Boyette is out of jail," Stan interrupted.

"Yeah, wait, how do you know?" Kyle asked.

"Wendy and I ran into him and well we got in a fight, as you'd expect...wait, where is he now?" Stan looked around the room.

"Apparently he's living in Middle Park now," Kenny replied. "Although seriously, I'd rather him be in North Park."

"Nononononono!" Stan shook his head. "He should not step anywhere near North Park!"

"Why not Stan?" Butters asked. "He tried to beat us up remember?"

"Trust me, Middle Park is fine," Stan replied, "Not North Park though." Speaking of North Park, apparently all of the 4th graders in North Park did survive the Nazi Zombie attack, even Harry Potter.

The next hour consisted of the girls talking about how hot Ray is. And then afterwards, it was lunch time. As I headed out to see my friends, I was stopped by Stan and Wendy. "Hey, Cole, I have some bad news," Wendy said.

"Hm?" I'm not sure what to expect to be honest.

"Remember what we talked about that one night, where you admitted who was hot?" Ah, I remember now, it was back after we fought PETA. "Well, I tried to matchmake you with Heidi, but she's not interested. Sorry."

I shrugged. I almost completely forgot about her, she nearly slipped my mind. No matter. I wasn't planning on dating her anyways. "It's fine."

"You're okay with it?" Stan asked.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Alright, we'll be seeing you." Stan and Wendy waved goodbye to me as they headed off towards the cafeteria.

A different girl's voice called out from behind me. "You. I need to talk to you."

Catching my attention, I turned around just to see a girl from my class stand right in front of me as if expecting me. She had brown hair tied in a ponytail, a green jacket with a blue collar, blue gloves, and blue pants. "Karen Anderson. May I...help you?" She wasn't with her brother Andrew, who is also in my class.

"Had fun with Wendy over the past week, huh?" I could feel the venom drip from Karen's voice, I can already tell she's extremely jealous. But what qualm does she have with me? I rarely even talk to her, if ever.

I folded my arms together and gave Karen a stern glare. "I can see where this is going. Just say it."

"Cole, you know Wendy and her friends are bad news. Hell, you know they've done mean things to you, and you're still going to associate yourself with them? Walk with me to lunch." Well so much for seeing Isaac, Ray, Garet, and Jenna. The two of us began to head downstairs towards the cafeteria.

"Karen, Wendy's not a bad person, and neither is Stan. I don't see what the problem here is." I rubbed some condensation off my forehead.

"Wendy and her gang will find any chance to use boys. You know this, so why do you talk to them?" Karen asked.

It took me a while to come up with a good answer and by the time I could finally talk, we were already near the front of the line to meet the cafeteria chef. "You just gotta give them a chance. You know."

Before Karen could say anything more, we got to where they would be serving food, and surely enough it was Jerome McElroy, or Chef. "Chef!" Karen and I both exclaimed.

"Hello there children!" Chef then smiled at me. "Cole. I remember what you did." I'm sure everyone does. "How are you both this fine day?"

"We're good," Karen and I both said. Chef gave us both two slices of combination pizza. Afterwards, the two of us then sat alone at a table - a table right next to the popular girls', although Karen herself didn't know it because she was on the side of our table in which her back would be faced towards the popular girls.

"Look at how happy Stan and Wendy are together." Karen gazed past my shoulder and I turned around to see Stan and Wendy sitting alone at another table chatting away. It hit me in the heart again because now I can confirm that their relationship was more-or-less completely rekindled, and that made me happy because (and I can't believe I'm thinking this now) seeing them happy made me happy. I would not have cared about them had none of the Stick of Truth stuff ever happen.

"What about them?" I asked.

"It's just not fair. Wendy's the perfect girl dating the perfect guy, and all I ever do is get excluded and bullied by her friends." Karen reminded me of me from a week ago since she thinks their lives are perfect, but they're not.

"They're lives aren't perfect. They have as much problems as you and I. Why do you hate her so much?" I took a bite out of my pizza.

Karen took a bite out of her own pizza. "We used to be close friends in 2nd grade. But ever since 3rd grade, we kinda split apart, and then Wendy became a bitch. It kinda started when she started dating Stan." She sighed. "I don't know. I kinda wish I have a boyfriend like her's. Not that I like Stan, because I don't."

I turned away from Stan and Wendy and looked down at my food. "I know how you're feeling. I really do. I've been there before. But dwelling on those you hate isn't going to make things any better. Please believe me."

Karen sighed again. "Sometimes I try to figure out ways to break them up just because."

I blinked twice as my next words began to tremble in fear, saying my exact thoughts. "K-Karen? Why would you want to do such a thing?"

"It's revenge." Karen shook her head. "Her stupid friends write lists that fuck up everything. They gossip, they spread stupid rumors, and I'm pretty sure her, or maybe Bebe, is the head leader of them all. I'm not all good at forging evidence for Stan being a cheater, but I've made good attempts."

I looked back at Stan and Wendy. They were laughing with each other. I then turned back to Karen. "Look how happy they are. You're telling me you're going to just...just crush that just because?"

Karen sighed again. "You're right...I just hate them! I hate all her friends!" She didn't know it now, but she was beginning to attract the attention of the popular girls, and when their attentions are attracted, soon the entire cafeteria's will be.

I waved my hands downward. "Karen, you gotta quiet down-" I peered cautiously at the popular girls who were now staring at the two of us.

"No! I won't quiet down!" Karen's shouting began to silence the whole cafeteria and the dirty looks everyone else was giving us. "I hate them both. Her and her stupid bitch friends can..." She then did as I say and stopped talking, and looked the cafeteria. She then looked behind her and all she saw were the dirty glares of the popular girls. "Uh oh."

"You...hater!" Bebe yelled.

"We heard everything you guys said," Red added.

"Is that it?" I turned around to see Wendy at her table stand up angrily. "You wanted to sabotage our relationship, Karen? You're a bitch!"

"That's why we put you on our most hated girls list!" Jenny added. Holy shit, such list exists? That almost made me vomit, how horrible.

"Girl's I'm..." but nothing more could come out of Karen's mouth. Met with too many angry glares from the cafeteria, she began running out crying. I saw my own friends with Ray at a table a few yards away. Jenna, her face full of worry, mouthed something I could not understand. I shrugged.

"Cole, trust me, there's a reason we don't like her," Heidi said.

I took deep breaths for ten seconds to avoid lashing out and saying something stupid. All of this made me angry - Karen is an idiot and the popular girls are horrible. I closed my eyes for four seconds then opened them back up. "I'm gonna find Karen to see what's up." Before anyone else could stop me, I quickly got up and left.

As I stormed out of the cafeteria and began marching through the halls looking for any sign of Karen, I repeatedly called out "Karen?" When I reached the three restrooms (boys, girls, and cissy), I could hear crying from the girls' restroom. "Karen?"

"Just go away Cole." Of course though, I'm not going to do that. But I can't march into the girls' restroom...can I? Well I just hope no one sees. Checking both ends of the hallway to make sure that no one was looking, I quietly and cautiously snuck inside.

There were toilet stalls: three regular ones and one for handicapped people. That said, the source of the crying came from the back stall, or the handicapped one. I walked over to the stall door and knocked. "Karen, it's alright."

Karen sniffled quite a bit. "C-Cole. W-why are you h-here?"

"To make sure you're alright." I rested my back against the door. "Please come out."

Karen ceased crying as she unlocked the stall. I got up from the door as she opened it. "You know what happens if one of the girls see you in the girls' restroom."

"Yeah I know." I shook my head. "Listen, you made quite a scene there."

"Cole, I-" Karen started to say.

"Karen, listen to me." I sighed again. Maybe I'm being a jerk right now, but this is probably for the better. "You have to let go of this conflict. I know they've hurt you before, but please you've got to stopped getting involved with them. You're being a hypocrite and an idiot right now because I'm telling you what you told me just earlier just now."

Karen looked down at her shoes. "Would it be agreeable to you...if you met me at Stark's Pond after school, I can tell you all about this crap?"

"Why there?" I asked.

Karen looked into my eyes. "You know why we can't talk here. And I bet Lemmiwinks is spying on us."

My stomach churned. If this is true, then I might as well be screwed already. "Yeah. You're right."

* * *

After school, I quickly parted ways with my friends to tell them I'm meeting someone. They asked me who it was but I didn't say. That said, I went over to Stark's Pond to find Karen sitting alone on top of a huge boulder on the east side of the pond as tall as a one-story house. It took me about three minutes to climb the damn thing which by that time I was already exhausted and breathing heavily.

"Nice...make me have to climb this damn thing, would you?" I was huffing and puffing quite a bit.

"This is good for you. You gotta do something other than play video games, man." Karen chuckled a bit.

I rolled my eyes. "Haha. Real funny." I sat down to the right of Karen as we both gazed into the pond. "So...what's your story? You know...with Wendy?"

Karen shook her head. "As I said before, I used to be her friend. She became a bitch to me in 3rd grade, but despite that, Melissa and I got on the list-making committee in the beginning of 4th grade." Melissa Daniels is another girl from our class, and she too avoids associating herself with Wendy's gang. "Yeah, we were both on the Pleases and Sparkles Club. Did you know that?"

I shook my head, my breathing slowing from having to climb the rock. "No. I didn't. What about Melissa?"

Karen shrugged. "She left after two weeks. Said it was not for her. Also, she told me she didn't feel good gossiping and spreading shit about others. She begged me to leave as well, but I didn't listen to her. I still wanted to make up with Wendy and her friends. I wanted status." She sighed deeply. "Needless to say, I should have listened to Melissa."

"What happened next?" I asked.

"They started to trashtalk Melissa behind her back. They talk about how ugly she is and how un-cute her clothing is and how she spreads lies and bullshit about the club."

I raised my eyebrow. "She's not that bad looking."

"Yeah, but you know. Not all gossip is true." That made me chuckle. "Anyways, I couldn't take the crap anymore. I stood up and tried to stand up for Melissa." She sighed and shook her head again. "Big mistake. First rule of thumb Cole, you don't try to stand up against the popular girls. If you do, they'll come after you. Or if they're a guy, they'll seduce the guys so that they come after you. I learned that the hard way."

I shrugged "Figures...hey, I shouldn't have called you an idiot earlier today." I have got to stop doing that.

"No, you were right to do that Cole. I was being an idiot."

"Huh?" I tilted my head to my side. Is Karen really not angry at me?

"I see what you're thinking, Cole. Too many girls in our class...they're too damn sensitive about themselves, yet they themselves won't be to others." Karen then looked at me, her eyes full of sadness. "So I've heard about you ending Terrorblade. Wendy was with you. What was she like then?"

"I think..." I thought long and hard about what I was going to say, which took me about a full minute. "...I think she's definitely gotten better. I can't say the same for the rest of her friends. But that said, I've noticed she's become alot less mean and alot nicer to her boyfriend. Stan."

"Really." Karen looked back at the pond. "How does that happen?"

"I think...I think it involves going on an adventure to destroy the ultimate evil." As cheesy as that sounded, I have learned that if you want to make friends the right way, you have to accomplish challenges with each other. Not that I hate Garet or Jenna, I'm still on good terms with them.

"I see your point." Karen is actually perceptive. She can interpret what I say really well.

"That said, you know why I can't have you try to break up her relationship? Or anyone else's for that matter?"

Karen shook her head. "No. Why?"

It shows Karen has never been in, or actually witnessed a real relationship. "Relationships...they're...sacred. I mean, I can't explain it well...but they're...special, sort to speak. It's kind of like...friendship and happiness...that's my best description. Honestly."

Karen nodded. "Yeah. That wouldn't be the right thing to do. So you used to be on the soccer team?" Karen asked. "So was I."

"Oh, what position?" I asked.

"Offense. You?"

"Midfield. But I sucked this season, I think this year is gonna be the last year I play. Soccer season just ended two weeks ago." This is all true.

"I'm not that spectacular myself," Karen admitted. "I just brought it up because we both played soccer. So...you never told me. How'd you kill Terrorblade?"

"Um..." I scratched my head a little. "Ray, the new kid, farted on his balls."

"He did what?" Karen then began to laugh. "That's it? Isn't that some kind of rule or something? Farting on someone's balls?"

"'The Gentlemen's Code is the universal code of honor. To fart on a man's balls is a symbolic offense to the male genitalia, and is dishonorable.' That's the one, right?" Karen began to laugh harder and I rolled my eyes while maintaining a smile. "Yeah, laugh all you want Karen."

"I'm sorry I just...breaking some code is all you have to do to kill Terrorblade?" Karen asked.

"Uh, yeah. Apparently I didn't know that word on the street is that we should be breaking laws more often." The events of last week still felt funny in my head. It's like a fairy tale almost, or a terribly written fanfiction perhaps. "It seems as like the Crab People said, 'some codes of honor are meant to be broken.'"

"Crab People?" Karen rolled her eyes now. "Like the crabs who tried to shove Queer Eye for the Straight Guy down everyone's throats and turned all the guys into metrosexuals?"

"Yeah, they're the ones," I replied. "But yeah. The point still stands. Apparently we should break rules to save people. Funny how life works." We were silent for a few minutes, but then something popped in my mind. "Hey, Karen?" I asked.

"Hm?" Karen replied.

"Just promise me one thing: the next time you see Wendy, just try to be nice to her. I know it's a tall order and we barely even know each other, and I know she and her friends have been awful to you, but just try to make up with her. I know it won't be easy, but even if it all fails, at least I want to know you made a good effort." My voice sounded a bit nervous, but that was probably due to the surprise kiss just now.

Karen looked into my eyes and smiled. "For you, Cole."

The two of us sat on the boulder and stared into Stark's Pond as other 4th graders began to hang out around Stark's Pond. In the end, though, I did it. I helped kill the bad guy. Perhaps my life is a lie, and I was never meant to be this happy, but I never again questioned my friendships. The pain I suffered through the journey of the Stick of Truth had meaning at last. And there can be no question that the friendships I've made last week when we fought Terrorblade, that imbue me and give me strength in confidence, are real beyond any doubt.

* * *

 **What is with Karen Anderson? Where the heck did she come from? Why did the girls react poorly for no reason to a made up OC?**

 **This wasn't done for no reason, and Karen Anderson isn't exactly an OC either. In "The List" and in the actual Stick of Truth game, the Pleases and Sparkles club made a list of most hated girls and it's posted on the wall. A girl by the name of "Karen" showed up as #3, and I'm assuming they are not referring to Kenny's sister. I just attached the surname "Anderson" because I felt like it and called it my OC, even though she's only kind-of-an-OC, but not really.**

 **Well, that's a wrap, folks. I hope you enjoyed the fic as much as I do. I don't know if I'll ever write another fanfic ever again. Merry Christmas, everyone.  
**


	29. End Note

**I bet you're surprised that I updated this story, huh?**

 **First, I hate the ending. I fucking hate the ending. Honestly, I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote that because I was sick with a fever when I originally finished writing the final chapter. It doesn't make sense to pair Cole off with another OC. My intent is to show how Cole changed from the beginning to the end of this story, but the way I did it...NotLikeThis man.**

 **Second, as this story is supposed to take place after Season 20, I may retroactively go back and edit and refine all chapters to a) abide by show canon and b) fix spelling and grammar errors (there are alot). I won't tell you when it happens though (even subsequent changes to chapter 28 down in the future).  
**

 **Third, when I described the children using abilities from World of Warcraft, I was very inconsistent with the patch period of each ability (I even botched some up completely).**

 **Fourth, the changes to chapter 28 have already happened.**

 **Fifth, any change I make to this story, with the exception of the final chapter, isn't going to affect the plot in any way.**

 **Lastly, yes, I will do a Fractured But Whole fic, but that will come after I finish up SPANG and after the Fractured But Whole game comes out. Don't worry, it will be just as crazy, just as much references to other TV shows and video games, just as much Stendy, and just as sequence/story breaking as this fic is, I promise you :)  
**

 **And I suggest you check out SPANG if you're into next gen fics and/or darker fics. It's not as crazy as this story, but it canonically takes place after this story.  
**

 **~John-117sp**


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